Little Gray Dress

by Aimee Brown

  “Ohhhhh! Emi!” Hannah’s face fills the screen without me even hearing the phone ring. “Wow! What do you think?”

  “Um… I think I can barely breathe. I definitely can’t sit. I’m pretty sure it’s too small?” I ask it as a question, hoping to God I’m right and she’ll offer to whip up a new one in the next three days.

  “No, it’s not. It’s supposed to be very Marilyn Monroe vintage. I think you look gorgeous! It’s exactly how I pictured it!”

  Lily’s eyebrows rise again behind the phone and a smirk creeps up on her face. She’s probably glad Hannah can’t see her face because it would give away her disapproval. Obviously, Hannah and I have different ideas of ‘gorgeous’.

  “Um, it’s exactly as you pictured because underneath it all I’m tied in as tight as possible! Without the helpfulness of the torturous underwear I definitely would not look this… curvy,” I whine, opting for a word that is code for fat. I run my hands down my sides, enjoying the feeling of fake perfection while I can. “I can’t wear this for more than a few hours, I’ll crush my insides!”

  “Shut up. No one thinks you’re fat!” She cracked my code. “You look totally hot. And I, for one, know for a fact that even Jack will be smitten.”

  “I don’t want him to be smitten, Hannah,” I snap at her into the phone. She knows as well as I do that any conversation topic that starts with the words Jack, or My brother, are off limits. “I want him to be miserable.” He deserves at least that.

  I don’t know why I’m still worried about what he might think about me. Especially since I’ve had every chance to take him back if I’d wanted to. I couldn’t, though. Jack cheated on me, two days before our wedding. Now, I have to face him and hope that this corset doesn’t fail mid-way through the wedding to reveal just how much I’ve let myself go since I left.

  Chapter Two

  Two Years Ago

  Downtown Portland, Oregon

  The Break-Up

  “I’m doing a last-minute alteration because I lost another five pounds, Lil. Want to come with me?” I ask her before she can even say hello into the phone.

  “Sure. My classes today were canceled due to some flooding issue at the school, so if you promise to let me drink the champagne this time I’ll come.”

  “You might have a problem, ya know?” If only she could hear my eye-roll through the phone. “It’s a fitting. I don’t think they serve champagne at fittings. We’re not in Beverly Hills. They likely save champagne for the initial dress consultation when you need a little buttering up to spend thousands of dollars on a dress you’ll only wear for one day.”

  “It’s Friday, I have an unexpected day off, and if I want to drink at 9:30 in the morning I’m gonna,” she snaps into the phone. “I’ll meet you there in twenty.”

  Thirty minutes later and I’m walking into the bridal salon and see Lily already reclined on the couch waiting for me. “Sorry I’m late. I planned on being early but you know me.”

  She nods her head in agreement. “What was it this time? A pair of shoes you couldn’t leave behind? A coffee shop you hadn’t been to before?” She waves her hand in the air as if there is a never-ending list of excuses I use when I’m late.

  The list isn’t exactly never-ending, because I’m not always lying. But sometimes when I dread doing something I’m intentionally late, because at times it takes me a while to come up with a believable story for why I’m late. That is not the case this time.

  “Neither. Lara’s husband just called and she fell on her way to work this morning and shattered her ankle. She’s on her way into surgery now and he wanted to let me know that she can’t be a bridesmaid.” I sigh, trying to hold back the tears. These kinds of things are not supposed to happen two days before your wedding. “How am I gonna find someone to replace her in one day that can fit into her dress?”

  I went to college with Lara and she is quite possibly the sweetest girl I’ve ever met. She works as an editor in a small publishing company based here in Portland, and she is one of those girls who refuses to use a red pen on her clients' work because she doesn’t want to seem too harsh. Having to drop out of the wedding via a phone call from her husband is probably killing her.

  “Um… I don’t know. Sounds like you’re screwed.”

  “Emi!” Glenda (the woman who’s done all my fittings) excitedly pulls me in for a hug. “It’s almost here, are you excited?”

  “Sure.” I try to hide the disappointment in finding out I now have one fewer bridesmaid than we have groomsmen, but there is no fooling Glenda.

  “Uh-oh… What happened? I’m sure there’s a fix.”

  “My other bridesmaid just dropped out at the last minute.” I wipe away an escaped tear rolling down my cheek. I don’t know what it is about planning weddings but they seem to bring out a woman’s emotional side, even when she didn’t know she had one.

  “She didn’t drop out,” Lily corrects me. “The girl is injured and in surgery. That’s hardly dropping out.”

  “Oh no. The tiny one?” Glenda suddenly side-eyes Lily with a forced smile. Lily glares over at us for basically just calling her the big one, even though she’s still smaller than me.

  “Yes! Who could possibly fit in that dress?”

  “Hmmm….” Glenda taps her foot on the ground. “What about that young girl that was here for your fitting? The gorgeous blonde?”

  “Hannah?” Lily scrunches up her face in disapproval. She’s never loved Hannah even though they are together a lot. Hannah seems to always be trying to pinch Lily out of her BFF title. It’ll never happen, but that doesn’t mean Hannah won’t continue to try.

  “You think?” I ask Lily, who’s already shaking her head.

  “No way. She’s the most annoying girl on the planet. Nothing is up to her standards. Plus, she’ll probably try to squeeze me out of Maid of Honor spot since now she’ll officially be family.”

  Having two best friends never works, and this is exactly why. There are too many opportunities for jealousy, talking about someone behind their back and someone feeling left out. I’ve tried to make it very clear to Hannah that she’s going to be my sister-in-law, and that is just as important as Lily being my best friend, but she’s not buying it. But sisters should be best friends, she whined to me one day while I was planning the bridal party.

  “She might be my only option. She was pretty disappointed when I told her I was only having two bridesmaids and she wasn’t one of them.”

  Jack had asked a friend from high school and a friend from college to be his groomsmen, and I figured I would do the same. I might look pathetic if I could only get a friend from high school and a future family member to stand at my side during the wedding as if I had no other friends.

  “See if she can stop by today and I’ll make any necessary last-minute alterations before you pick the dresses up tonight.” Glenda smiles sweetly at us. “Now come, let’s try on this dress and see just how much you’ve shrunk!”

  Five pounds is not as much as I hoped it was. It was only a few pins for Glenda. No wonder she said she could get it done and move up my pick-up time from tomorrow morning to tonight. The total last-minute alteration will probably take her ten minutes tops. I guess a size 8 dress is still pretty good for me, the girl who’s never worn under a size 10 in her entire teen to adult life. It’s like puberty hit and Mother Nature said goodbye to the flat figure.

  “You look beautiful,” Lily grins, as I walk out to model, her approval apparent in her face. “Jack is gonna love it.”

  “I don’t care if Jack loves it. I love it.”

  It’s the most beautiful dress I’ve ever seen. I’m not a flashy girl so there is no beading or gemstones, no glitter, or sequins. It’s just a plain white, ruched dress. It’s form-fitting from the sweetheart neckline to the knees and then it flares out wider to the ground. It shows off that I’ve recently lost twenty pounds, and I look like a bride.

  “It’ll be a gorgeous wedding.” Glenda beams at
her previous work of fitting me into a dress that was a size too big when I bought it.

  “It will. OK, I need to get going. I’m meeting Jack for lunch and we’re picking up the tuxedos and we have to meet with Megan for a quick run-through of everything to be done over the next twenty-four hours.”

  “Why does she need your help with that? Aren’t you paying her to plan the wedding? I’d think the decisions would’ve been set in stone by now.”

  “Of course they are. She just likes to make sure we know everything that’s happening so problems don’t arise. It’s why she costs so much,” I explain.

  Lily shrugs her shoulders as an ok.

  Lily didn’t have the big formal wedding. She decided to bring a few of her closest friends and family to Mexico where she eloped in a flowing dress on the beach. It was gorgeous, quick, and very Lily. No wedding planner needed.

  “What are you doing the rest of the day, Lil?” I ask through the curtain as Glenda helps me get out of the dress without poking a needle through my skin. A bloodstain is the last thing I need on a wedding dress right now.

  “I’ll probably go home and watch talk shows all day.”

  “Perfect,” I say sarcastically, knowing Lily lives for talk shows. Not that they are anything like they were when we were in high school. Sally Jesse Raphael, Jenny Jones, and Montel were all the rage back then. Nothing like a little night-time news murder coverage to go with a storyline you saw on the daytime talk shows. Now it’s so boring, you have The View, The Talk and not as much family drama makes it to the shows. It’s all about celebrities and politics. I’d rather have a day job than watch today’s daytime TV.

  I give Glenda Hannah’s number and hop on the Max train to Jack’s office downtown. His office makes me wish I’d become a lawyer. I guess all those years of student loans make for a great office space. Granted it’s only on the third-floor level of a building right downtown, but he got a corner office facing a busy street and it’s great for peoplewatching. The best part, though, is that I helped him decorate it Mad Men style, so it’s got a retro cool feel to it.

  “Hey Andy,” I greet the head of the firm as I walk past his office and he waves me in. Andy Morgan is top dog at Morgan, Steller & Cabot. He’s been in the business longer than I’ve been alive and according to Jack he’s the best of the best. He’s won cases that nobody thought possible, and he’s taken Jack in like the son he’s never had. He may be a little creepy at times but I think it’s mostly because he’s been married four times and just can’t seem to keep his hands to himself when it comes to the women.

  “So, you’re stealing our boy away for three weeks after today, huh?”

  “That’s right, and if I need to I’ll throw his phone into the ocean too.”

  We both laugh, even though I know it might actually happen. I swear I never knew lawyers were on the clock 24/7 until I got involved with one. He seems to always be needed to answer a question or update someone on a case they are looking into.

  “I suppose that’ll be OK. Hey, I wanted to give you this before the wedding.” He grabs an envelope off his desk and walks over to me, dropping it into my opened hand. “I truly hope this wedding will be the only marriage you’ll ever need.” He winks at me before walking back to his desk and getting comfortable in his chair. “Go on, open it.”

  I hate opening gifts in front of people. What if what they gave you is embarrassing or horrible? How do you keep your face from going with your feelings as opposed to the thank you coming out of your mouth? Normally that’s what gives me away. Despite my best efforts, my face doesn’t always match my words.

  When I open the card a check glides to the floor, landing at my feet. I grab it and stare, stunned for a moment over the amount it’s made out for.

  “Five – Thousand – Dollars? What? Andy…we can’t—”

  “Yes, you can,” he demands from his desk with a stern look on his face. “Now, I never had kids and you two are special to me. I want to make sure you get the best start.”

  “Wow, well… Thank you.” What do you say to a five-thousand-dollar check from your almost-husband’s boss? Thank you seems nowhere near enough, but it’s all I know to do.

  “Now go, find that fiancé of yours.”

  “Thank you, again, Andy.” I back out of his office safely shoving the card and check into my purse before heading down the hall towards Jack’s office.

  “Hey Mad—” I start to say hello to Jack’s assistant Madison when I realize she’s not sitting at her desk. She was hired about a month ago, so I don’t know her well, but she always seems like the sweetest girl whenever I’m here. She’s just out of school as a legal assistant and she really has helped Jack with organizing his cases and information.

  “Are you ready?” I open Jack’s office door and hear a startled squeal to my left. When I turn to look, I feel like I’m suddenly having an out-of-body experience.

  Madison is straddling Jack, face to face, on the couch. She’s almost completely naked, with a haughty look on her face as she tries to nonchalantly grab a piece of clothing from the couch arm.

  “Emi!” Jack pushes her aside and jumps up while trying to straighten his rumpled shirt. “It’s not what you think.”

  For a moment, I can’t say anything. The whole room is spinning and my feet are suddenly giant cement blocks attached to the floor. If it’s not what I think it is, then what the hell is it?

  “Ems,” Jack is grabbing my purse off the floor and picking up the things that have rolled across the ground. “I was not having sex with her. I know it looked bad but that’s not what happened.”

  “Why are you even in here?” I yell at Madison, who is slowly walking the room picking up her stray pieces of clothing.

  “What does it look like I was doing?” She smirks at me before disappearing into Jack’s private bathroom.

  “Let me explain,” Jack begs again, his face pale as a ghost and his dark hair disheveled and unruly.

  “What. The. Fuck. Jack? How could you do this to me?”

  “I didn’t. I… uh… I…” He stumbles over his words, fidgets with his tie and kicks Madison's shoes out of his way to get to me.

  “Give me that!” I grab my purse from his hands and turn to the hallway to make my escape.

  “Emi, stop.” He grabs my arm and pulls me back in his office and shuts the door. “Let me explain.”

  “Fuck you, Jack! There is nothing to explain. I saw what I saw.” I jerk the door open, slamming it against the bookcase behind it and speed-walk down the hall but stop momentarily just in front of Andy’s office when I hear Jack running behind me. Maybe it’s not what I think; he was wearing a lot more clothes than Madison. Yet somehow, she ended up nearly naked. That’s not nothing.

  “Please, Ems.”

  I turn to face him when Andy gets to his doorway to see what is happening. No, I can’t pretend like what I just saw was right on any level.

  “You know what, Jack? She can have you.” I pull the 3-carat diamond ring off my finger and for a moment I just stare at it. I am supposed to be getting married in two days. I can feel my heart sinking in my chest as Jack starts to walk towards me with his eyes glistening with tears. “Don’t follow me.” I pitch the ring at his head and watch him duck before scrambling to grab it off the floor.

  I run to the stairwell and when the heavy door booms shut behind me I run down three flights of stairs and the three blocks to a parking garage, where I disappear in between cars just in case he’s following me.

  “Are you OK?” I hear a voice behind me and realize I’m leaning on this man's car, sobbing. “Can I get you some help?”

  I shake my head and wander to the Max train platform to catch a ride anywhere but here. Where do I go? I pull out my phone and scroll through the contacts. Lily.

  “Can I come over?” I sob into the phone, startling Lily out of her daytime TV trance.

  “Of course, are you crying? What happened?”

  “Crying? Yeah. It’s a
long story. I’ll be there in a few.”

  How do I explain over the phone that I just caught my fiancé, the man I fell in love with at first sight, underneath his nearly-nude receptionist, two days before our wedding? Or whatever it is he was doing. How could this happen? How could I not have seen this coming? I thought there were always signs to a cheating boyfriend, but I sure didn’t see any. He can’t possibly be that good a liar, can he? How do I explain this to the three hundred people who are expecting to watch us get married this weekend?

  “What happened?” Lily ushers me into her apartment, wearing a look of worry I haven’t seen since my mother died.

  “He’s cheating.” I cry it through the sobs and throw myself face first on to her couch. “I caught him with Madison in his office.”

  “You what? No way, Ems, Jack would never—”

  “He did.” I jerk up off the couch and yell it at her like poison. “I saw it. I’m not just imagining things. She was on him. ON him.” I exaggerate the words so she understands how serious this is.

  “But it doesn’t make sense? Jack adores you.”

  “Apparently not enough to keep his hands off his receptionist.” I lie back on the couch and cover my face with a blanket draped over the back.

  I’m not sure what happened; one minute I’m sobbing to Lily about Jack, and the next I hear a door shutting and Lily is walking in with a pizza, her husband Josh behind her carrying two bottles of wine.

  “What’s going on?” I ask.

  “Um, you stopped making sense about ten minutes into your story so I may or may not have slipped you a Xanax.” Lily attempts to smile at me through clenched teeth. “After that you cried yourself to sleep, and I have been fighting off Jack all afternoon.”

  “And I heard about all the crying and thought some booze was in order,” Josh says, not wasting any time filling his plate with a pile of pizza and shoving my legs off the couch so he can sit in his usual spot in front of the TV.

  “He came here?” I pull the blanket off and make my way to the wine.

  “Yeah, he actually sat in the hallway for about two hours before I finally agreed I’d try and convince you to go talk to him later.”