Little Gray Dress

by Aimee Brown

  “Just go,” she barks at me, clearly stressed with all that’s going on.

  “Delilah?” I walk into my room to see a large woman with a lot of hair setting out all kinds of potions and powders on a rolling cart I’ve never seen before.

  “Oh, my… Yup, that’s purple.” She points at the stool set in the middle of my bathroom. “Let’s get started.” She doesn’t waste anytime washing it multiple times, conditioning it, spraying, drying, painting goo on and sealing me up with tinfoil.

  “So… What exactly is this?”

  “You’re going blonde… I assume you’ve bleached your hair before?”

  “Nope. It’s kind of why the purple was such a shock.”

  “What kind of shampoo was it?”

  “I dunno… Something Hannah gave me, but it was purple.”

  “Well, I think you’ll look great as a blonde.”

  “It’s really going to be completely blonde?” I stare at my tinfoiled head in the mirror in front of me. Oddly enough it reminds me of the dress I’ll be putting on in a couple hours.

  “Hopefully. It looked like the washing got out most of the color, really it was just left in the bottom half of your hair, so this should strip it out.”

  Bleaching is not a fast process. I’ve flipped through every magazine I brought with me at least three times while I’ve been wearing this tinfoil hat. My scalp is starting to burn and I don’t know if this smell will ever wash away.

  “Let’s check it.” Delilah slowly starts unwrapping a section of my hair while I watch in the mirror. When she gets about six inches down her unwrapping, the foil, complete with the bottom half of my hair, comes away in her hand. “Oh… No.”

  “No… No oh-nos. What just happened? Did my hair just fall off?”

  “You’re sure you’ve not recently dyed your hair or anything?”

  “You mean besides this morning? No. Why?”

  “Cause this sometimes happens when people over-color their hair. It will essentially melt off during another color application, and bleach isn’t the easiest thing on hair anyway, so…”

  “So, what?! Get it out then!” I yell at her and watch her quickly pull all the tinfoil from my hair. About every third one pulls the bottom half of my hair right off all over my head, leaving me with big jagged shoulder-length spots throughout my hair that is normally almost to my waist.

  “Oh my God,” I breathe out as slowly as possible, trying not to have a full-on panic attack and wondering how this day could possibly get any worse. “Now, what?”

  “I’m gonna have to cut it.”

  “Cut it?! Do you have any idea how long it took me to get it this long?”

  “I know, but unless you want to look like this…” She points at one of the worst areas. “I suggest we cut it. It’ll be really cute on you.”

  “No!” I jump off the stool and down the hallway. “LILY! HANNAH!” I’m screaming looking into each room I walk past, before I see everyone gathered at the bottom of the stairs. “She melted off my hair! But only some parts, so it looks awful, and now…” I try to take a breath between seethes. “NOW she wants to cut it. But nooo. I want the other girl to do it.” Delilah stands next to me, now looking slightly irritated.

  “I can totally cut it.”

  “Like you could totally get the purple out? No. You’re on bridesmaid duty now. Send up Heidi!” I shout down the stairs, sending Hannah scrambling along the hall to summon Heidi.

  By the time I’m back in my room and sitting on the stool trying not to sob, a tiny woman whom I assume is Heidi walks in looking scared. “Hi, Emi. I’m so sorry about this. Let’s see what we can do.”

  I close my eyes as she works, worried about how my wavy hair will look shoulder-length.

  “OK,” she says, waking me up from my almost nap, causing me to slowly squint open my eyes afraid of what I’m about to see. The blonde surprises me but it’s kind of cute, it’s in layers with the longest layer being just below my shoulders and she’s curled my waves into loose curls. “Do you hate it?”

  “No. I actually like it.”

  “Unfortunately, all the purple didn’t come out, so there are still tiny streaks of lavender, but it looks intentional.”

  “You are a lifesaver!” I jump off the stool and even to my surprise I pull Heidi in for a hug. “Thank you!” I run down the stairs and into a room filled with dresses and makeup ladies. “She did it.”

  “Oh my God… Look how cute that is on you! You look like a whole new Emi!” Lily touches my hair with a huge smile on her face. “I seriously love it.”

  “Me too!” Hannah nods her head in approval. “Now you can relax for a few until we have a spot for you to have your makeup done.”

  “Nope, I’ll be doing my own makeup thank you. After that nonsense, I’m just not comfortable having someone else fix my face.” I laugh, but am all too serious.

  “Are you sure?

  “Yes. Very, very.” I head upstairs and load up YouTube to get some quick tips so I don’t look washed-out with my new blonde hair. Thank God for technology. I don’t know how I started teenhood without it.

  About half way through my third video is when I realize it’s not the makeup making me look streaky but the spray tan that is now starting to darken. When I say ‘darken,’ I mean, I look like I’ve just spent a week in the sun. It’s not exactly turning me orange, but I’m definitely not milky-white anymore.

  “Hey, Lil…” I nonchalantly yell down the stairs hoping not to send Hannah into a full-on panic.

  “What?” she yells back, obviously not quite reading my mind.

  “Can you come up here?”

  “Is something wrong?” she yells back, leading me to the balcony overlooking the living room.

  “Just get up here!” I hiss down to her and watch her jump off the couch and run towards the stairs.

  “What is it?” She walks in and stops in her tracks looking me up and down. “Oh no… the tan?”

  “Yeah… the tan. What the fuck? How bad does it look?”

  She bites her lip and looks me up and down. “It’s not terrible, yet but it keeps getting darker for up to eight hours. So… with the wedding just a few hours away…”

  “Oh, my God… oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. What do I do?” I sit down on the bed and drop my head down between my knees hoping to avoid the panic setting in quickly.

  “I dunno… Give me a second.” She’s frantically typing into her phone probably Googling how to remove a spray tan. “This says, to slather on a layer of baby oil, let it sit for fifteen minutes and then scrub with lemon juice and baking soda.”

  “What about my hair?”

  “We’ll have to refix it. I have some oil.” She disappears from my room, returning within the same minute with a tiny bottle of baby oil. “Get to slathering, I’ll go down and make the scrub, I’m sure Hannah has everything.”

  Baby oil is not a fun product. Once I had my top half covered in it the bottle was hard to manage to cover my legs. But somehow, I managed and now I can’t even sit because it’s so thick I’d just slide off anything I sat on.

  “Here.” Lily comes in with a stiff loofah sponge and a container full of yellowish gloop. “It’s probably been about ten minutes, so get in there, steaming hot and scrub till your skin bleeds.”

  “That’s a little drastic, isn’t it?” I take the concoction from her and walk into the shower. Right when I was happy with how my hair turned out, I have to mess it all up and hope that the outcome is the same.

  “Either have pink skin from over-scrubbing, or look like you tried to change race?”

  “Fine, I’ll scrub till it hurts.” I did, I scrubbed every area until I couldn’t take it and then I moved onto the next and then, in the end, I had to rewash with a regular loofah just to get the oil completely off my skin.

  “Better?” I walk out still in a towel to see Lily sitting on my bed watching TV.

  “Oh… Yes. I’d say you’re half as dark now. Still
a little darker than I’d choose, but it looks almost normal.”

  “Really?” I glance in the mirror right as Hannah walks in.

  “Time to get—” She stops and stares at me. “What happened to your hair?”

  “The spray tan went wrong and we had to scrub it off.”

  “What?”

  “I looked like I sat in the sun for hours.”

  “And this is the after-scrub?” She’s got her jaw clenched through her forced smile.

  “Yeah… Is it still terrible?”

  “A little dark, but definitely not terrible. But… now you need to refix your hair, do your makeup and get dressed.”

  “Got it, Lily will help me, right Lil?”

  “Absolutely.”

  After today I’m not sure I want a girls’ day ever again. The makeup, hair, and girly stuff has gone so wrong and taken so long, and now, an hour before the wedding, when I look into the mirror I barely see me, but a tanned blonde that I hardly recognize.

  “You look amazing!” Lily stands back and admires all the hard work we’ve done in the last hour. “Seriously, I think all this makes even the hideous dress looks better.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes, you are just, wow.”

  “Aw, thank you!” I squeeze her by the neck, causing her to giggle while struggling to get free. “After a rough few hours you totally just made my day. I was so afraid I was going to be the laughing stock of the wedding.”

  “There’s no way for that to be possible now. In fact, I think you’ll end up with all eyes on you.” She grabs her purse and hands me my shoes. “I think you might even have a couple of men to choose from after tonight.”

  “No, remember, the Liam thing is just a favor. A business deal really.” No way am I going to mention that this deal is favor for favor. I’m not sure what kind of favor I might be getting myself into at some point in the future, and I’m sure Lily’s thoughts will go right to the worst possible idea.

  “A favor… Right.” She stares at me, eyebrows raised in disbelief.

  “Will you stop?”

  “Fine, but don’t come crying to me when they’ve both fallen for you and you can’t decide between the two of them.”

  “I promise that won’t happen. Now let’s go before Hannah has a stroke worrying about us.” We are running late and we promised Hannah we would be there in plenty of time for the wedding. Liam agreed to pick us up the moment I texted him and that was done five minutes ago.

  “Hello?” I hear him in the foyer looking for us. I told him to let himself in if we weren’t already out front when he got here.

  “Be right down!” I yell through the doorway before slipping on my stripper heels. “Let’s go.”

  When I reach the top of the stairs Liam’s face lights up with a look that is half confused, half intrigued. “Wow! You are just…” He smiles and runs a hand through his hair. “You are gorgeous. I love the hair.”

  “You do?”

  “Yeah. Seriously, I haven’t been speechless in a while.” He holds the door open as Lily and I walk out to his SUV. “I’m sure Jack will fall head over heels for you.” His face drops a bit when he says it, and my heart hurts momentarily when I see the disappointment in his own statement.

  “Doubtful, but thank you.”

  “I’m just glad to be the date of the prettiest girl in the room for the night.” He helps push all the feathers safely into his truck before running around to his seat.

  I can’t believe it but we might actually make this wedding on time, and looking better than I did last night.

  Chapter Twelve

  Four and a Half Years Ago

  Northwest Portland, Oregon

  The Funeral

  “She’s gone,” I say through a cry, looking over at Evan and Jack.

  “I’m so sorry, babe.” Jack walks around to where I’m standing and pulls me in for a giant hug to mask my sobbing from my brother.

  “I’m sure she’s happy to be with Dad again.” Evan attempts to make me feel better, but it hasn’t worked so far today so I’m not sure why he keeps trying.

  “Yeah…” I snort-sob it out into Jack’s chest.

  “You can stay as long as you like.” A nurse tries to smile through a frown. I know the nurses were not looking forward to this day either, as my mom has become the mom of the ward for the last few months she’s been here.

  I’m not sure you can die of a broken heart, but it sure appears that way. One day she was fine, and a few months after Dad died she got weaker and weaker. When we finally convinced her to go to the doctor they discovered that her heart was failing. She refused most options they gave her and only lasted a few more months living on her own before they admitted her to the hospital.

  If she could have had a suite with a kitchen to cook for the staff when she felt up to it, she’d have loved it. But they don’t really do that in hospitals, so she settled for games on the iPad Evan brought her, and old movies from her childhood on DVD.

  I’ve been here for the last week, knowing her passing was getting close. Stop being sad for me Emi, I’ve had a good life. You just make the most of yours as I did mine. She said it practically every hour, which would only send me into more fits of crying.

  “I’ve already taken care of everything, Em. All you have to do is show up to the funeral.” Evan takes over when I finally release Jack from my grip so I sob into Evan’s shoulder.

  “But it’s not fair, Ev. We’re only twenty-five years old. We haven’t had any of the big moments in life: no weddings, no babies, nothing.” When I snort back a runny nose is when he directs me back to Jack.

  “I know. We will, though, and when we do we have plenty of friends to share the moment with us. We still have each other.” Evan is too good a brother, especially since we lost Dad. He’s basically become a father figure to me, and now he’s taking over as the parent in my life.

  “OK,” I sniffle, and glance back at my mother lying so peacefully, eyes closed, almost with a smile on her face.

  “Emi, dear.” My aunt Maggie engulfs me in a giant hug. “She was such a marvelous woman. She’s happier now, though.”

  I nod my head and fight back the tears. Every time someone hugs me more tears roll down my cheeks and it takes everything I have to not just sob until I can’t sob anymore. “You know anytime you need me I’m just a few miles away, right?” She holds me at arm’s length with a serious look on her face. “You haven’t lost everyone. You still have me, Evan, and Uncle Melvin. We’ll be right here for years to come.”

  “But…what…about…when…I…get…married…or…or…or…” I try not to sob it out but it just happens.

  “Or what dear?”

  “Or get pregnant? Who will be there then?”

  “Well, I will! Your mother was a good twelve years older than me so I’ll gladly take her place in all those events. Anytime you need anything a girl would go to her mother for you, come to me.” She says it sternly, as if I can’t hear over the sobbing.

  “Emi…” Evan walks up to us. “It’s been a week, I understand you're sad, I am too, but you’re still crying… maybe you need a drink?”

  “No. I will not get drunk on the day of my mother’s funeral.” I’m determined to not have another story where Emi had too much to drink when her emotions couldn’t handle things.

  “Then how about you just get some food, coffee, and try and relax?” He nods towards Jack who comes to my rescue. He and Aunt Maggie are busy filling plates of food a caterer brought hours ago.

  I sit at my mom’s dining table, a plate piled high full of food that will exceed any calorie counting I’ve been doing. Mac and cheese, scalloped potatoes, ham, everything but anything green.

  “Here ya go, sugar. I got you a coffee, just the way you like it.”

  “You put booze in it?” I frown, remembering the promise I made myself of not drinking today. Even though this is quite possibly the second worse day of my life, for some reason I feel like it’s a
memory I want to keep forever. I had one mother give me up before I had any memories of her, and now the one who volunteered to love me like she gave birth to me is gone.

  “No, I didn’t put booze in it.” Jack laughs a little before sitting next to me with a plate of food.

  “Emi! You poor sweet girl.” Behind me, Amelia’s heels are clicking across the tiled floor quickly towards me. Before I can stand up she’s got me pinned to my chair in a hug. “Anything you need, you let me know. You’ve been a part of my family for so long that you’re already like another daughter. Do you understand that?” I nod as she pulls away, trying desperately to keep the tears back. “My lord, girl, you look terrible. You can come and stay with me for a while.”

  “But I—”

  “Nope, there will be no buts. You will move into Jack’s old room and I will make sure you get through this.”

  I guess staying with Amelia and Robert for a few days wouldn’t kill me. Walking around this house I once shared with my mother is doing nothing but making this whole thing harder. Every time a memory pops up I lose it, and I’ve been eating peanut butter and jelly for far too many months now.

  “All right.” I force a smile and nod my head. As I eat, I watch all the people I know and love share stories, laughs, and hugs about my mother. I’m just not there yet, though. I can’t seem to talk about her as if she’s in the past.

  “I’m nervous. Are you nervous?” I ask Evan as we sit in Jack’s partner Andy’s office.

  “Not really.”

  “But what if there is more than we expected? Or less?”

  “Either way, it’s more than the five hundred dollars in my account right now.” Evan smiles at me.

  “How are you always broke?” I ask him, wondering how Mom and Dad always considered him the more responsible of the two of us. “You’re single, you live in a crap apartment and you work all the time.”

  “I know how to have fun. You should try it sometime.”

  “What? I’m fun! Ask Jack!”

  “No thanks.” He scrunches his face up like I’m talking about a private kind of fun.

  “OK, kids.” Andy walks in behind us holding a file full of papers. “First thing I need to say is how sorry I am about your mother. The few times I spoke with her she seemed like a great lady.” He drops the file on to his desk and sits down in his chair. “As you know, your parents were quite well off.”