by Jolie Cain
“It’s not your fault, Lily. It’s your father’s shame. Not yours.”
She nodded and offered him a weak smile. “I know. Truly, I do. Here.” She pointed to her head. “But it’s not always so easy to convince myself here.” She indicated her chest. “Anyway, Lord Morley and I had been married only a few years when Papa passed. Liver disease.”
He realized that she had lost, within ten years or so, everyone she had loved or cared about. And those who were supposed to care for her had abdicated their responsibilities.
Including her jackass of a husband. Everyone important in her life had left her. No wonder she was so fearful of risking that pain again.
He moved the dishes away, packing them into the basket and giving her a moment to collect herself. When he had finished the task, he saw that she was still looking quite melancholy so he moved closer to her, putting an arm around her shoulders and pulling her against him. She stiffened at first, then relaxed and dropped her head onto his shoulder.
“I’m sorry that you had to experience so much loss, sweetheart. But you’re so strong.
So beautiful and so strong. You survived everything life threw at you, and I can’t tell you how much I admire you for that.”
She trembled against him, and he dropped a kiss on the top of her head. She turned to look up at him, and he lowered his head to take her lips in a gentle tasting, offering solace for her hurts. She sighed into his mouth, parting her lips and offering her tongue with a sweet surrender that captivated him.
He deepened the kiss slowly, savoring the sweet taste of Lily. She opened to him like the flower she was named for. Her arms came up and encircled his neck, and he pulled her closer, dropping kisses across her cheek and down the curve of her jaw. He heard her soft moan of surrender and knew that he could have her right then and there and she wouldn’t deny him. But he didn’t want to take advantage of her vulnerability. Okay, not much. He wanted her. His breeches were damned uncomfortable at the moment, proof of his growing desire.
But he didn’t want her to be able to say that she hadn’t known what she was doing.
He wasn’t after a quick tumble with Lily. He wanted her for his bride, so he knew that he needed to wait. But not much longer. He pulled back, breaking the kiss reluctantly.
“Why did you stop?” she whispered the question, her lips trembling with unsatisfied longings. “Don’t you want me?”
He shook his head. “Don’t be silly, Lily. Of course I want you. All you have to do is look at me to know the truth of that.” He indicated the noticeable bulge in his trousers, and Lily blushed as her eyes followed the direction of his hand.
“Then why…”
“Now is not the right time or the right place. I don’t want you to offer yourself to me because you’re feeling sad and alone. I want you to come to me because you desire me so much you can’t stand the thought of not being with me.”
“But I do want you like that.”
He only had a limited amount of self-control and his sense of honor would only stretch so far. “Tonight, then. I’ll come to your room tonight after dinner.”
“Tonight?”
“Yes. Will you let me in when I knock, sweet Lily?”
Her eyes gave him the answer, and he smiled.
Chapter Four
The dinner seemed interminable. Since the cat was out of the proverbial bag as far as her disguise was concerned, Lily had allowed Caroline to loan her a dress of deep emerald green that perfectly matched her eyes. Her lady’s maid had worked wonders with Lily’s willful curls, which she’d arranged on her head in a flattering style, allowing a few tendrils to curl around her face. When she’d come downstairs earlier, she’d been bombarded with comments and compliments on her changed appearance to which she’d offered little in the way of explanation except to say that she’d been feeling under the weather but was much better now, and she was always in much better looks when she was well. Since most of the company couldn’t precisely remember exactly how she had looked before, her explanations were accepted with a minimum of fuss.
Richard had said nothing, but she could see satisfaction on his face as he’d gazed at her. She really should be furious with the duke for ruining her plan, but she found that she could not. He’d lifted his glass in a silent toast, like the one he’d offered that first night, and she’d had to restrain a smile before turning back to another importuning gentleman who was attempting to gain her attention. It really was fatiguing having to fend off unwanted admirers, but she had to admit that it did give her a real ego boost.
She’d never really gone much into society, as she was married before she’d had a season and her husband had not enjoyed town life. Her social activities had generally been limited to the neighboring gentility and her occasional trips to see her friend Caroline, and it was somewhat satisfying to enjoy such social success, even in a small gathering.
She’d carried off the entire thing with aplomb, she thought, but the effort had been exhausting. She’d been relieved when they’d moved to the dining room. Lily was seated down the table and on the opposite side from the duke, but she could still feel his gaze on her throughout the meal. She refused to look his way, convinced that he would be able to see the combination of trepidation and excitement that surely must be reflected on her face. Ever since she had agreed to begin an affair with him, she had felt as though she was about to step off a precipice, and she had no idea whether or not the landing would be a disaster. She couldn’t believe that she was actually going to go through with it. For so long she had sworn to never again put herself into such a vulnerable position with a man. Yet here she was. About to do just that. Because he had awakened something in her that she had never expected. Lust.
When she had left him that first night in the garden, she had been stunned at her own body’s reaction. In all the years of her marriage, she had never felt even an inkling of desire for her husband or, indeed, any man. She’d thought that she was incapable of such feelings. And in one brief encounter, the duke had complete shattered any idea that she was a cold, unfeeling woman. She wanted more. Oh, she still had no desire for marriage.
Her reasons there were still quite sound. Men wanted to control their wives in a way that she knew she would never be able to accept again. But the other…that was a different story. Caro was right. She would take a lover. And who better than the man who had awakened her body to passion? This was the perfect opportunity to explore these new feelings with no worry for the consequences. Of course, there was the danger of pregnancy, but she thought it was a negligible one. After all, as she had told Caroline, after six years of marriage without a child, it was improbable that she would conceive now.
At last Caroline rose from her seat and led the ladies from the room to allow the gentlemen their after-dinner port and cigars while the women adjourned to the drawing room. As soon as she had sat down on a nearby settee, Caroline scurried over to join her.
Her nosy friend had had no opportunity to interrogate Lily after she’d returned from her ride that morning, and Lily knew that she was probably bursting with curiosity. She was proven correct by the first words out of Caroline’s mouth.
“So, how did you enjoy your ride this morning with the duke?”
“And good evening to you, too.” She couldn’t resist a little prodding at her friend’s lack of manners.
“Yes, yes. Good evening. Hope you’re enjoying yourself. La-di-da. So how was it?”
Lily laughed, deciding to give in gracefully and satisfy Caroline’s curiosity before she exploded. “It was quite nice.”
“Nice? Ha! You went for a ride with one of the wealthiest, most handsome, most sought after peers of the realm, and all you say is that he was nice. Forshame, Lady Morley. Come. Give me details. What did you do?”
Lily laughed and decided to have mercy on her friend, at least a little. “We rode for a while and then picnicked by a charming lake the duke knew of.”
“I think I know just the s
pot. It’s beautiful there.” She sighed. “A perfectly romantic setting for a picnic. What else?”
“We talked for a bit, and then came back.”
Caroline looked disappointed. “He didn’t even steal a kiss?” Lily knew her guilty blush gave her away when Caroline crowed, “He did. Oh, how marvelous!” Lily just remained silent. “Well… was it? Marvelous, I mean?”
“Really, Caro, don’t you think that’s a bit personal?”
“Of course it is.” She paused. “So…is he a good kisser or not? I’ve often imagined he was. He’s known in London for his successes with the fairer sex. They say he’s well-versed in all wicked manners of pleasuring a woman. So I’m sure he must be an amazing kisser.”
Chuckling, Lily said, “You know I don’t have much to compare it with but…”
“Yes, yes. Out with it.”
“Then I would have to say he’s a divine kisser.”
“I knew it.” Caroline practically squealed. “Oh, I was so pleased when Stephen told me the duke had been asking about you the other day. I was a bit surprised at first, you know. It would never have occurred to me to put the two of you together. But now I think on it, you two are absolutely perfect for one another.”
“Mayhap.” Lily was determined not to reveal too much of her dealings with the duke.
“Do you think he’s courting you? I’d heard rumors that he had decided to look for a wife. He’s thirty-five you know. And he needs an heir. Have you decided to reconsider marriage after all?”
She just shook her head. “Not marriage, no. But…”
“An affair? Oh, how deliciously scandalous of you. Still, I think you would make an outrageously divine duchess.”
“Oh, Caro, you know I have no plans to marry again. I’ve told you why. I have very sound reasons.” She forced herself to ignore the slight twinge of jealousy she felt at the thought of the duke marrying some beautiful debutante and fathering a brood of children with her. Theirs would be a temporary arrangement. Of course he would eventually move on. And naturally he would need to marry to assure the succession of his lineage. She pushed aside the ache she felt at the knowledge that she herself would have no children.
She had put those dreams away with the death of her husband.
“I know, but still…you also said you’d not have an affair either.” She reminded Lily, interrupting her thoughts with the gentle reminder.
Lily shrugged. “There’s a huge difference between an affair and a marriage. Just because I’ve decided that I might enjoy a physical relationship with a man, does not mean I’m ready to turn my life over to one again.” She ignored the faint flutter of happiness she felt at the thought of marrying Richard. He didn’t want her for his wife any more than she wanted him for a husband. And even if Caro was correct and he was planning to marry soon, he would definitely not pick someone like her. He would have his choice among all the wealthiest and most well connected debs of the ton. It would be best that she remember that salient fact.
“Oh, well. If you insist. I’m just so pleased that you’ve gotten rid of that hideous costume and are once more looking like the delightful Lily I know and love. And that you have opened yourself up to at least a temporary connection with a gentleman. Who knows where that might lead?”
Lily just smiled, knowing it would be a waste of breath to continue arguing with Caroline. When her friend made up her mind, she was as difficult to budge as a stone statue. Just then the gentlemen rejoined the ladies.
“Oh, dear. I must go and rescue Stephen. I see Mrs. Rothschild headed straight for him. She will do nothing but drone on and one about her latest illnesses. Last night, she kept Mr. Albertson trapped for over thirty minutes telling him about her fainting spell at the Devenly’s rout. We must talk more on this later, though, Lily. All right?”
“Yes, of course, love. You go on and save your husband. I’ll be fine.”
As soon as Caroline left her side, Richard crossed to stand before her.
“Lady Morely. Every time I see you, I am amazed again at how lovely you look.”
She blushed. “Why thank you, kind sir.”
His voice lowered. “I can’t wait to have you all to myself, my dear.”
She quivered at the unabashed need in his tone. “I, too, am quite…eager…Your Grace.”
“How much longer before we can make our escapes without notice, do you think?”
“I believe Caro has arranged for us to be entertained by some musical performances from some of the guests. I would think it should be easy enough to slip away then.”
“I take it you do not plan to perform, then?”
“I would not torture Caroline and Richard’s guests so. Alas, I fear I am completely lacking in any musical talent.”
“Ah, excellent.”
She held back a grin. “You do not enjoy music, Your Grace?”
He smiled down at her, realizing how his remark could be interpreted. “I enjoy music quite a bit, but there are other…pursuits which I enjoy more, my lady.”
“Indeed. I am not a bit surprised.” She was enjoying their banter. No wonder the duke was so successful with the ladies. It was not just for his skills in the bedchamber, though she was eager to experience more of those. He also had a way of making the lady he was with feel as if he were focused completely on her. The fact that he was also entertaining and obviously intelligent surely didn’t hurt.
About fifteen minutes later, Lily’s prediction proved correct when Caroline drew everyone’s attention and announced that they would be adjourning to the music room.
The duke bent to whisper in her ear. “You go on up, Lily. I’ll give you about ten minutes before I follow. That way no one can remark upon our leaving together. I wouldn’t have you the subject of malicious gossip.”
She nodded. “My room is…”
“No need to tell me, my dear,” he interrupted. “I’ve known since the first day where your room was located. Oh, and dismiss your lady’s maid. I’ll be glad to help you…prepare for bed tonight.”
She blushed again and, in the movement of people toward the music room, managed to slip out the door unobserved.
* * * *
Lily nervously paced back and forth in the confines of her bed chamber, her mind a jumbled whirl of anxiety and anticipation. Could she really go through with this? What if he didn’t come? He might have changed his mind, though she didn’t really think so. Or if he did, what if it turned into a disaster? If the other night was a fluke. Mayhap she would find that she could not respond to Richard any more than she had responded to her husband. It was quite possible that she just wasn’t like other women…those women who enjoyed their passions. Maybe she should call this off now before she suffered utter humiliation.
Oh, but that was ridiculous. She was made like other women, wasn’t she? She was being silly. There was no doubt of the pleasure she had found with the duke two nights ago. It hadn’t take him long to draw from her the response he wanted. Obviously he was a man experienced in exciting the woman he was with. And wasn’t it better to know…to find out now the truth than to wonder for the rest of her life if she could react as other women to the marital embrace? Surely if Richard could not satisfy her, no one could.
When the knock came, she whirled around just as the door opened and the object of her thoughts walked through. He closed the door behind him and carefully turned the lock, leaning back against it without saying a word. Lily had to swallow past a sudden dryness in her throat. It took all her nerve to stay still as Richard stood there looking at her.
“I thought this moment would never arrive,” he spoke softly, but his eyes blazed into hers. “You don’t know how many times I’ve remembered our delicious tryst in the garden and longed to repeat it. And so much more.”
She licked her lips, and his eyes tracked the movement hungrily.
“You’ve kept me waiting too long, Lily.” He finally walked forward until he stood before her. She couldn’t meet his gaze, focusing i
nstead on the buttons of his waistcoat and waiting.
“Turn around.” His voice a deep command.
She did as he said and felt his hands unfastening the buttons which ran down the back of her gown. As the bodice loosened and gaped forward, she reached up to hold the fabric in place. She felt his warm breath on the back of her neck and couldn’t hold back a sudden shiver of need that chased through her. Closing her eyes, she tried to still the tumult of her heartbeat that pounded like a wild thing in her chest. He completed his task and told her to turn back around. Hesitantly she turned, at last raising her gaze to his face.
He smiled, but it was not reassuring. Rather it contained a wicked glint and the promise of something that had her trembling deep inside. He reached out and placed his hands on her shoulders. “Release the gown, Lily. I want to see you.”
She gulped, hesitated a moment, and then did as he asked. With a quick tug, he had the bodice down around her waist. She wore nothing beneath the gown except for her corset, petticoats, and silk stockings. Her breasts were uncovered, and the chill air combined with the attention of the duke had her peaks tightening into hard points. Her chest rose and fell rapidly with each shaky breath she took. She stared into the duke’s face and watched as a small nerve began to jump next to his mouth. She sensed the struggle in him to keep control of his desires, and wasn’t sure if she wanted him to succeed or not. Her emotions were in turmoil, and a frightening sense of anticipation rolled through her. She took a deep breath to calm herself.
“Damn, Lily.” Her hands rose to cover her nudity, but he stopped her. “No. Don’t. It should be a crime to cover such beauty.”
She bit her lip, but inside, she felt a sweet glow at his admiration. She stilled. He reached out to cup her left breast, and she marveled at the warmth which radiated from his skin to hers. He used his thumb to rub across the nipple, circling around and around.
Then he pinched it between his thumb and forefinger, and she gasped.
When he bent and took the nipple between his lips, she thought she would die with the pleasure of it all. He worked the tip with his tongue and teeth before turning his attention to her other breast. His hand continued to fondle her. But finally he drew back.
