"Stop saying that!" She cried even harder, pulling a T-shirt over her head before thrusting her legs through a pair of yoga pants. She could still smell him all over her body.
"What? That I love you. I do love you, Leslie. I always have. There is no shame in that. The only difference is now I love you not only as a friend but as more. Please sit down and try to breathe. You are going to hurt yourself." Warren pulled at her arm, making her stumble into his arms. He wrapped himself around her, trying to comfort her, but it felt like a prison. With all of her might, she fought against it, wanting nothing more than to get away from this. For the first time since her husband's death, she wanted to be anywhere but in her house.
Squirming more and more, Warren was forced to let her go, and when he did, she fled from the room. The condition of the house did nothing to help calm the anxiety flooding her system. Everywhere things were out of place, broken, and in disarray from the way she and Warren had fucked their way through the house. He had left no part of the house untouched, as if trying to remove any memory of the house that once belonged to Adam.
Snatching her keys, she headed for her car. It had been a while since she had actually driven her car. Most of the time she rode with Sharron or Warren to anything she had to do, and that was when she was brave enough to actually leave the house at all. Getting behind the wheel, she didn't put much thought into the fact she was frantic or that she hadn't driven much. Instead, she switched on the ignition and threw the car into reverse. With how upset she was, she lacked the ability to fully pay attention to what she was doing. Running stop signs and weaving through traffic, her mind raced with regret over what she had done. Sure, Warren was good to her, but her heart belonged to another man. A man who was dead.
Yes, a man who was dead and never would be avenged. Her anger over the lack of support from the police only caused her to drive more recklessly.
"You are so stupid! How could you? How could you betray him like that with his own brother?" she screamed out into the empty car, slamming her hand down on the steering wheel. "He was such a good husband, and you reward him like that. Fucking his brother in his bed! You are so stupid, Leslie! So fucking stupid!"
Continuing her tirade, she ran another stop sign and found herself crashing into a tree after another car sideswiped her and sent her spinning across the road. The sound of her horn blared as she wavered in and out of consciousness. Her hands still gripped the steering wheel, but she didn't move, didn't even open her eyes. All she could think of was maybe if she waited the crash would take her life too and she could join her husband. Not that he would want her after what she had done.
"Leslie! Leslie!" In the distance, someone was calling her name. Slowly she tried to move her head toward the sound of the voice, but it hurt quite a bit and made her eyes squint in pain. "What the Hell were you thinking? Leslie, are you okay? Answer me!"
The sound of sirens filled the air, and quickly everything changed. Someone was there, pulling her out of the car. EMTs began to check her over, and just behind them, she could see Warren standing there, worry and fear heavy in his eyes. He had apparently chased after her in an attempt to keep her from doing something stupid. It hadn't worked, but he had tried.
Time went by in a blur as the EMTs checked her over and put her in an ambulance to get her to the hospital, all the while, Warren standing over her. He was even there waiting for her when they reached the hospital, and deep down, Leslie knew he would always be there for her. How could she feel guilty over that? In a fit of panic, she had nearly killed herself. It was selfish, and despite it all, Warren was there for her. She didn't deserve him, but she was more than thankful for him.
***
Hours later, Leslie woke up in a hospital bed. Her body was sore and achy, and her eyes were sensitive. Somehow in the wreck, glass had embedded into the skin of her face and had to be removed. Small scratches covered a good portion of her body, but she was going to be all right. The hospital had insisted on keeping her overnight for observation though. Leslie was convinced it was because of her mental health and not her physical health.
Warren's hand clasped tightly to her, and when she turned her head, she saw him sitting in the chair next to her with his head lying on the bed. A soft snore rose from him, making her smile. Reaching over, she combed her fingers through his black hair. He kept his longer than Adam ever did, and she liked playing with it. Honestly, she always had. She played with it even before Adam died, sneaking a touch when they hugged or were goofing off. It was something she had always liked about Warren.
A moment later, Warren lifted his head and moaned some. He blinked open those incredible crystal eyes, so much like Adam's, and smiled at her. Reaching out, he tentatively brushed her cheek. She flinched from a sting the touch induced then relaxed. "Sorry, didn't mean to hurt you."
"It's okay, I'm just sore. I'm sorry for running away like I did," she whispered back.
"Look, Leslie, you can't do that. You could have killed yourself. I know I come off strong, but you have to understand, I'm alone now. You are all I have left. You can't leave me like that." Warren petted her for a moment more before shifting and sitting up.
The room was dark, and he got up to hunt down something to drink on the small table with wheels near the bed. Warren grabbed the water and took a couple of swallows before coming back to the chair.
"I didn't think about it that way. This is all just a little too much for me. I know I'm just a big mess, but I don't know any other way to be. I'm trying." Leslie could feel herself changing though. What Warren said hurt. She hadn't thought about what it would do to him. All that mattered was her own pain. Being selfish was all it boiled down to.
"I know you didn't think about it, but that is something you need to think about. I know you hurt, but so do I. I know things happened crazy last night. It wasn't my intentions to hurt you or make you freak out. I love you and want you to be happy. God, Leslie, for a moment I really thought you were happy." Warren sat back down and grasped her hands.
"That's just it. I was happy. I think that is what bothered me. I was happy and I felt bad for being happy. I know I shouldn't, but it is so hard to be happy when he is gone. I feel like he will be angry," Leslie explained. For the first time, she didn't cry. It was almost like the pain was being lifted.
"Adam wants you to be happy. Don't you understand that? Adam would want you happy. He would want us happy. I'm not going to pressure you about anything. I can wait for you to feel better and to find some sort of peace, but I'm always going to be here for you." Warren leaned in and kissed her temple but made no move to make more out of it. Her heart swelled. Being loved so unconditionally by someone she had not even tried to return the favor to was strange, but it was also incredible. She knew Warren meant every word, and that made her feel better than anything else. She wasn't alone. Warren would be there for her, always.
Chapter Fifteen
The wreck had turned out to be rock bottom for Leslie, and with the help of Sharron and Warren, she was slowly starting to put herself back together. She couldn't believe how selfish she had been by rushing off the way she had, and now determination was driving her to stop letting grief and despair rule her life. Not that the change was easy, but it was something she was learning to live with. Dr. Halbert had increased her sessions to twice a week and given her large amounts of homework to help keep her focused. All of it was helping, and slowly the agony of the last year was wearing away.
Walking into the master bedroom, Leslie felt the usual shiver she always got when she entered the room, but this time she was resolved to accomplish something more than going crazy. The doctor had suggested it might be time to make the room hers and no longer "theirs." Maybe by packing up Adam's things and doing some redecorating, she could let go of the last weight holding her down and keeping her from being happy. She pulled a couple of totes behind her. It was time to do as the doctor suggested.
Slowly she started by folding up Adam's clothes. Thoug
h she wasn't quite ready to let go of all of his things, she was going to pack them up and put them away. If nothing else, she could rent a storage shed or put things in the attic. Either way, she could get the constant reminder out of the bedroom. Making sure to fold each article of clothing neatly, she placed them in the bin nice and neat.
"Leslie!" she heard Warren call from the front of the house. He had offered to pick her up more totes and some paint. Once the room was cleaned out and painted, she planned to buy new bedding and curtains to finish making the room just hers. It was a strange thought to be taking Adam out of the room, but the more and more she packed up his things, the more she felt free of the grief.
"I'm in the bedroom! Come on back!" she called to him, moving to the door so he would see her.
The smile on his face made her grin back at him. Since their first encounter together, he had not made a move on her. He hadn't even mentioned what had happened between them. It was nice, but at the same time, a bit awkward. She wasn't sure how to pretend it didn't happen, and part of her was starting to not want to pretend anymore.
"You got started without me. That isn't fair." There was a playful whine in his voice as he set down the other bins, and then he came over and gave her a hug and kiss on the cheek.
"Well, I had a couple of totes, so I thought I would start so we weren't at this all night," Leslie answered, placing another shirt in the bin.
"Good thinking. I don't particularly like packing and painting, but it has to get done. I'm looking forward to seeing how doing all this changes you.
"I don't think anyone does, but surprisingly, the more I pack, the better I feel. Dr. Halbert really does know his stuff." Leslie giggled, moving to the dresser and pulling out more of Adam's clothes.
"Well, that is good. I would think with what we are paying him, he would know what he is talking about." Warren joined in on the laughter, pulling more and more of Adam's things out of the closet. "So, I wanted to talk to you about something. There is this big cookout at work. HR thought it would be a good idea to do something to help pick up everyone's spirits. I thought maybe you could go with me. A lot of the people up there ask about you all the time. It would do you and them good to see you."
Leslie froze for a moment thinking about the prospect of seeing all of Adam's old co-workers. She hadn't seen any of them since the funeral, and now Warren wanted her to join him at a company function with him. It was a little awkward to say the least, but the more she thought about it, the more she felt like it might be a good idea. These people had been just as much a part of her life as Adam had been. "You know, you might be right. Several of them have called and tried to check in on me. I even got cards and letters. They are good people there, and I feel like a bit of a jerk not responding. It was just hard. Maybe it would do some good to see everyone and let them know I am doing all right."
"That was what I thought. So you are going to join me? That is great! I'm looking forward to it." Warren gave her the most charming smile, and her insides did that silly flip-flop thing they often did. She was starting to get used to the fact she found Warren attractive in more than a brother-in-law sort of way. No moves were made between the two of them to build on those feelings, but it was something, and it slowly was helping with getting her into a better head space.
It took several hours to get all of Adam's things packed away and put up in the attic. With how much it hurt, by the end of it, Leslie felt a lot better. The process felt like a weight being lifted from her shoulders, and some of the agony left her. Deep down, she knew she would never stop searching for Adam's murderer, but at least now, she could breathe again.
With the room packed, Warren then suggested the two of them go and buy her new bedding and other furnishings to finish making the room more hers. She picked out a set that had an ocean theme to it and was a bit more girly than anything Adam would have wanted to use. Grabbing some seashell candles and candleholders, paintings, and other decorations, they began putting her new room together when they got back to the house. First they painted the walls a nice light blue with white accents.
While the paint dried, they went on the back deck and Warren grilled some steaks and shrimp for dinner. "You know, it is nice to see you smile like this. I like knowing that you are happy, and I like seeing you doing something with yourself. I worry about you a lot."
"I know you do, and I am feeling a lot better. Today was a good day. I'm sure I will still have bad days, but they seem to be spreading out further. Part of me wishes we could find Adam's killer though. I think if that could be laid to rest, I would feel so much better. The fact it is just hanging there in the air bothers me more than I could ever express." Leslie bit at her lip as she watched Warren flip the meat. A beer dangled from her fingers between her legs where she sat leaning forward with her elbows on her knees.
"It will always bother you, I'm sure of that. But you have to learn to live past it. Maybe they will find the killer, maybe they won't. Either way, you still have to live your life. There is nothing you can do about it either way. One day at a time, isn't that what Dr. Halbert said?" Warren encouraged, reaching over to take a big gulp of his own beer.
"Yeah, that is what he says, and that is what I am trying to do. Sharron thinks I should try and get a job. I have a degree, might as well put it to use. I just, well, I haven't had a job since college, and the idea of putting myself out there now is a bit intimidating," Leslie added.
"That makes sense. Do things on your own time. You may wake up one day and decide you no longer want to sit around and do nothing. You may also wake up one day and decide to travel the world. You are lucky to have options like that. Adam at least made sure you were taken care of. Not everyone is so lucky." The grin Warren gave her made her blush, and she sat back some so she could cross her legs.
Yes, she was lucky in some regard. Adam had made sure he had a good life insurance policy. He had also built up a good-sized savings account and paid off their house. Leslie had few bills and plenty of money to live on. Getting a job would never be something she would have to do, but down the road, it could very well turn into something she wanted to do. She was far too young to just stay home all the time. Thinking about Warren's suggestion of traveling the world was nice too. Seeing other countries and experiencing new places had always sounded exciting and was something she and Adam had thought to do one day. Maybe she could plan something within the next year and convince Sharron to go with her.
"I have never thought of myself as lucky. I don't think losing my husband at such a young age and so violently is a lucky thing, but you are right. It could have been a lot worse. I could have also lost my home and my livelihood. So when I look at it that way, I am lucky," she responded, finishing her beer. "How is the food coming? It smells really good and is making me hungry."
"It is about done. How about you go and get the salad out of the fridge, and I will plate this stuff up." Warren gave her a wink then began pulling the steaks from the fire. He had seasoned them well, making the air fragrant with the spices and meat. Being hungry like this was new to Leslie, especially with how against food she had been over the last several months. Now she felt like she could eat all the time. Warren had suggested it could be her body making up for lost time. Either way, she couldn't wait to get some food in her.
By the time Leslie returned with the salad, Warren had everything off the grill and ready for them to eat. They had set up the small table outside for a nice picnic under the stars, not to mention avoiding the smell of fresh paint. Leslie set the salad between them before putting some on her plate. The steak was cooked perfectly with a nice warm pink center, and a fresh bottle of wine had been opened for them to enjoy. "Warren, you have outdone yourself this time. I think I am in Heaven. This is amazing."
"Nah, it is just steak. Heaven comes later in the night," Warren teased, making Leslie's cheeks blaze red once more. It was the first comment in that direction they had taken since their night together, and true to her shy form,
Leslie let it go.
"Well, you don't give yourself enough credit. I think you singlehandedly are bringing me back to a normal weight. I could eat your cooking every day." She took a sip of her wine then went back to her meal, hoping Warren realized she still wasn't ready for the heavy flirting.
"You do eat my cooking every day. It is part of what I come over here for. Besides, it is easier to cook for two than for one. If I just went home, I would be eating fast food and pizza most of the time. Good health only lasts so long with a diet like that," Warren joked, not even flinching at her lack of response.
The two of them enjoyed their meal, joking and carrying on as they had before everything had changed. Once they finished eating, Warren went to check the paint, and Leslie washed up the dishes and put the leftover salad in the fridge. It had been a perfect day, and as she rinsed the soapy dishes, she found herself tired in a good way. Her body was relaxed, and her eyes were droopy. There was no doubt in her mind that once she hit the sheets she would fall asleep.
With the dishes washed and everything clean, Leslie went back to the bedroom to see what was keeping Warren. To her surprise, Warren had put the new bedding on the bed and began to piece the room back together. While painting, they had spent a large part of the time discussing where she wanted things, and Warren had remembered. The room was beautiful, welcoming, and no longer a horrid reminder of the past. For the first time since Adam's death, she felt like she could sleep in the room without freaking out.
"Oh wow, this is awesome, Warren. Thank you." Her voice was breathy and in shock as she looked around. It had really turned out perfect.
"Don't thank me; it was my pleasure to help you. I think we did good and had a great time, but it is getting late. I need to head out. I have someone to meet. You get some sleep. Keep your phone close in case you need me." Warren walked over and gave her a hug with a quick kiss to the top of her head.
Kisses and Revenge Page 11
