Diva Diaries
Janine A. Morris
Kensington Publishing Corp.
http://www.kensingtonbooks.com
All copyrighted material within is Attributor Protected.
Table of Contents
Title Page
Dedication
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
1 - Fool Me Twice, Shame on Me
2 - About That Time
3 - Friend or Foe?
4 - Here We Go Again ...
5 - Prince Charming
6 - Rise and Shine
7 - What a Celebration
8 - Surprise Visit
9 - Mixing Business with Personal
10 - Guess Who?
11 - Why Try?
12 - Girls’ Night
13 - Boy Toy
14 - Sexy Sisters Night
15 - Unfamiliar Territory
16 - The Morning After
17 - Let Me Work It
18 - Storytelling
19 - Something New
20 - Jordan’s Jayon
21 - Femme Fatale
22 - This Can’t Be Wife
23 - Go, Shorty—It’s Your Birthday
24 - The Night Is Young
25 - Bedtime
26 - On the Scene
27 - Small World
28 - Decisions
29 - Perfect Timing
30 - Two Birds with One Stone
31 - The Freaks Come Out at Night
32 - Loose Lips
33 - It Hits the Fan
34 - Jekyll and Hyde
35 - Support Group
36 - Boiling Point
37 - Make Me Over
38 - Rebound
39 - Can’t Fool a Friend
40 - Done in the Dark, Comes to Light
41 - In Retrospect
42 - On the Table
43 - It’s Been Fun
44 - Déjà Vu
45 - Breath of Fresh Air
46 - Dear Jordan
47 - While Supplies Last
48 - All Alike
49 - Friends That Pray Together, Stay Together
50 - 1-800-Caught
51 - Up-Close and Personal
52 - Do Not Break Glass
53 - Fantasy World
54 - Two Wrongs Make Us Even
55 - Broken-Hearted
56 - Sisters Soiree
57 - Hello There
58 - Prisoner at Home
59 - Risky Business
60 - When All Else Fails
61 - Brown Sugar
62 - Eight Days Past Due
63 - Back to Business
64 - Beauty of Life
65 - Lordy Lordy Lourdes
66 - Too Late
67 - Divas’ Downfall
68 - Two to Tango
69 - Love You for Life
70 - If Only
71 - She Surfaces
72 - Just Checking
73 - Oops
74 - XOXOXO
75 - Gold Digger
76 - Broken Vows
77 - Heart to Heart
78 - Off the Market
79 - Better Never Than Late
80 - No Place Like Home
81 - Don’t Wait Up
82 - Sincerely, Ms. Moore
83 - Back to Reality
84 - Playing House
85 - Reality
86 - Guilt Trip
87 - Birds of a Feather Flock Together
88 - Wires Crossed
89 - Memories
90 - Emotional High
91 - Wake Up ... DREAM OVER
92 - Guilty Conscience
93 - Pot Calling the Kettle Black
94 - Hide and Seek
95 - Man’s Job
96 - Too Much
97 - Trying to Tell Me Something
98 - Man Up
99 - Long Overdue
100 - Change of Plans
101 - Lean on Me
102 - Rock-a-Bye Baby
103 - Pain and Pleasure
104 - One Day
105 - Too Late
106 - Rise and Shine
107 - Worth a Shot
108 - For Life
109 - About That Time
110 - Second Chance
111 - Playtime
112 - Confessions
113 - All Hers
114 - It Was Fun
115 - It Takes Two
116 - Anything’s Possible
117 - Karma
Copyright Page
I dedicate this first and foremost to my parents!
Mom, the source of my strength—you are truly a
phenomenal woman.
Dad, my backbone and inspiration, I will always be your
little girl.
My brother, who is my protector and friend.
My sister, my other half—it’s automatic!
My nieces and nephews, Tylah, Leila and Hamilton.
My twin brother who may have left me in the flesh,
but whose spirit keeps me striving every day.
You are my angel.
My girlfriends Sytieya, Derica, Nicole, Rene and
Ebony—thanks for all the listening ...
And to Ahmad—my love and my best friend—“You Are
My Air.”
“Why can’t your heart do what your mind tells it?”
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
First and foremost, I want to thank God. I thank you for allowing me to obtain my dreams, and for all your blessings. I thank you for loving me regardless of anything. I am so grateful for all that you do in my life.
I want to start by thanking Dafina Books for helping me make a dream come true. Karen Thomas and Nicole Bruce, thanks for all the patience through my annoying and stressful journey. Barbara Bennett, thanks for all the advice and inspiration with my law school journey. You have been an angel to me through all of this.
I must thank Frank Iemmiti for believing in me and my possibilities from the very start. Although I was still a college kid, you stuck with me, and gave me opportunities and allowed me to learn and grow hands on. I have so much to be thankful to you for. You’re still one of the best people I’ve ever worked for or with, and I love you for all that you’ve done. Andrew Mosko, you too were there from the start, when these ladies were just a thought—smile. Thanks for your skills that helped bring the story to life, which helped it be what it is today.
I also want to thank my radio family. Envy, the People’s choice, my real buddy, I love ya, and I wish you nothing but blessings. Ebro, for being my big brother in the business. Tracy Cloherty, thanks for being my friend and a mentor. Barry “Big” Mayo, John Dimick, Angie Mar, the Voice of New York, I respect you for being such a strong talented female. Enuff, thanks for always supporting me. Kay Slay—holding you down always. Shaila, thanks for never doubting me. Miss Info, thanks “little bit.” Fatman Scoop, love ya with your ignorant self. Funkmaster Flex, the Franchise, you’re a big reason why I’m still in this game. Bugsy, all those hours of advice is more appreciated than you know. Mister Cee, Absolut, since Forest Hills ’97. Jazzy, Dennis, Kulture, Bobby Konders, Jabba, Cocoa, La La, thanks Girl. Clue—“Queens run this, ask Russell Simmons.” Mega, Cipha—don’t get me gassed. Raqiyah, Ralph McDaniels, Jonesy, Tay, Rod, Camilo, Julie Gustines, Kesha Monk, Lenny Green, keeping the ladies of the tri-state feeling sexy. Michael Baisden, thanks for the advice. Toya Beasley, you’re an inspiration for black females, keep me in your prayers. Alex Cameron, a fellow author and marketing guru, thanks. Tricia Clarke, I can’t thank you enough, many blessings to you and your fiancé. Ruben, the Bronx, Donyshia Benjamin, Patricia Robinson—a real Scorpio diva at her best. Nikki Smith, you know what it is, and thanks for everything. Gwynet Cowan and Randi Hatchel—m
y girls; and everyone else at Emmis ... thanks for everything and I love you.
I want to thank Alicia McFarlane and Lisa Grant, my friends and classmates. I don’t know what I would do without you sometimes. We’re going to get through this law school thing ladies—and well. Some people God put in your life for a reason, and I know you two are two of those people.
Ebony, thanks for being there all those years. “We got it going on ...” Tenille, happy to know there are still some “good girls” left, smile. Nelcida, you have a blessed inside and out. My girls Suky, Sister, Rene, and Munchkin, our ladies nights out are the highlights of my post college years. You were the inspiration and strength for this book. The power of friendship is amazing. When we just can’t take it anymore, any spot in the city that can handle six loud emotional women is all we need, because we already have each other. “Miami here we come.”
Speedy Claxton, I love you, too, and thanks for everything, especially all the spontaneous nights out when I needed them most—just never forget—Cerebellum.
“Mommy” Meggett, thanks for the advice and input, and all the love you have showed me from day one.
Ahmad, saying thank you isn’t enough. You already know that I love you and appreciate you for everything that you do. When I had to stay on my computer for days at a time, you made sure I had food and water ... and Pina Coladas (smile). When times got rough you made them easy. When I was feeling overwhelmed you reminded me I could do it. You are truly my joy. I am blessed to have you in my life. There isn’t a thing that I wouldn’t do for you, and I know you are here for me as you always have been. “This is like something from a fairy tale.”—“I’m in this for the long haul.” Edwyn, I love you with all my heart. B.F.F.
Last but surely not least, thanks to my family for tolerating me. Mommy for holding me down, and setting an example for me of what a black woman should be. Tasha for being my other half and a shoulder that I can always count on. I couldn’t love you enough TT, and thanks for the creative jumps when I was fried; JR for allowing me to grow up knowing I was safe from harm, and always being there. Dad for allowing me to know what to expect from a real man, I love you, Pop. No matter how old I get, I’ll always be daddy’s little girl. To my entire 100+ Morris/Young family—thanks for the support. I love you all.
1
Fool Me Twice, Shame on Me
“I am such a fool—I am getting too old for this crap,” Dakota said to herself as she sat on the edge of her king-size bed. Her bed was covered in peach silk sheets, with two scented candles burning on both nightstands. The lights were dim all throughout her condo, and her Bose stereo in the bedroom was quietly playing Avant’s latest album. Right outside her building was the busy traffic and chaos of midtown Manhattan, but on the inside of 4D was a romantic getaway.
Dakota had already spent thirty years on this earth, but there were times she felt like she hadn’t learned a thing. It still amazed her how, with all the street smarts she had from her years of growing up in Brooklyn, she was able to make her way through life and through corporate America, but she couldn’t seem to prevent nights like these.
She had made her way from her bedroom into the living room, attempting not to focus on her rising anger. She hit PLAY on her TiVo box, and her television began playing back her recorded episode of Judge Judy. After about twenty minutes, she had stopped paying attention to what the evidence was from the plaintiff and her mind started to wander again. She began to analyze what was happening on yet another Friday night.
“I can’t believe I am lying here alone in this expensive lingerie, freezing my butt off, and God knows where he is or who he is with,” she murmured.
A dozen thoughts ran through her head as she slowly felt herself losing any bit of romantic or sexy vibes she had left in her body. The more emotional she got, the more she knew it was only minutes before she would completely lose it and leave Tony a nasty message on his answering machine. She would have told him to his face, but he was m.i.a. and wasn’t answering his house or cell phone. He was supposed to be at her place at 9:00, and it was now 11:30, and not even a simple call was made to inform her of any change of plans.
Maybe he fell asleep, maybe he had a car accident, maybe something really urgent came up, maybe he is on his way and his cell battery is dead. Maybe, maybe, shmaybe. She knew he was just fine and he was just being a man. She was tired of making excuses for him, to herself, to her friends; she had to fill in his blanks constantly. It was just her way of delaying having to face the reality that he was up to no good. She couldn’t give him the benefit of the doubt, because he didn’t deserve it. She had done that early in the relationship, the first few times he pulled something like this, but at this point she knew from experience.
She sat there and envisioned just how the night was going to play out, how it would happen and what he would say and do. He would eventually call or show up and actually almost pretend like nothing was really wrong. He would just hope his sorry excuse would be enough, or at least his sorry attempt at apologizing and seduction. On nights when she just wanted not to waste her preparation for the night, she would just let it go, but on other nights, when her self-pride was shaking its head at her, she would make a big deal out of it.
Some nights she would call up her girls to vent, and try to get some sense talked into her head. But this relationship was becoming way too dysfunctional, and quite honestly, Dakota was not in the mood to face that. At least not tonight, not as she sat in her room in a teal-and-pink Fredericks of Hollywood negligee. Besides, she knew what they would say, or at least what they would think, even if they didn’t tell her. She knew so well because she knew what she would think when she heard a story from one of her female counterparts getting played by her man. Even when the girl is in denial, it’s not hard to tell when she is getting played. Dakota was a realist—she knew her man was up to no good.
Dakota didn’t know if she was more frustrated with herself or with men, because before Tony, the last guy she let into her heart was her college sweetheart, Chris, who turned out to be a real barking dog. She spent years trying to work through stuff with him and forgive him for his infidelities. Once she realized he was just taking advantage of her obvious fear to let go of him and be alone, she promised herself she would never be that way with any man again. She had convinced herself no man was worth losing her self-respect, and she wasn’t taking any nonsense from any of them. She had decided she would much rather greet them, freak them, fuck them, then duck them. She preferred that over getting all caught up in fairy-tale land. In a sense, she adapted to the ways of men; she wasn’t looking for a serious commitment and wasn’t trying to make one. So, Tony was the first one to break through some of that wall in a long time. Still, she had made all of these rules for herself about things she wouldn’t accept, but once again, love and emotions found her back in the same predicament. Dealing with the same excuses, different man ... or, better yet ... same shit, different dog.
Tony was probably the worst man that she could have let her guard down for, too. In no time, she allowed good sex to turn into feelings she had no business having. Tony wasn’t just a professional athlete who was often traveling—he had another woman in his life. Dakota heard at some point they were engaged, but he told her differently. Either way, she was aware there was a woman out there whom he kept protected. He would tell Dakota he was only with this girl for the sake of their child and that he didn’t love her. Of course, he loved Dakota and wanted to be with her—at least that’s what he said. Whenever Dakota would complain or catch him in a lie, he would say I just ask that you be patient with me and understand my lifestyle.
Dakota was naive when she was in love—that’s why she tried her best not to feel that way. It wasn’t worth the headache or heartache. Even as naive as she could be, she could usually see through Tony’s b.s. Unfortunately, she really wanted to believe him. He was just the kind of guy that Dakota felt was a match for her. Successful, handsome, charismatic, and he had
great taste. If she settled down, she wanted it to be with him, if she could only get him to do it. So she sat here on nights like this, trying to show him what she had to offer. Except he was nowhere to be found.
It was now about midnight, and Dakota broke down and called her girlfriend Chrasey. Just sitting there watching television was not making her feel any better; she was leaving room for a variety of angry thoughts to fill her head. She needed some type of human contact.
“Dakota, leave his behind alone ... stop putting yourself through this ... I don’t even know why you wait on him ... You know how it goes—he fooled you once, it was shame on him. But now he keeps fooling you—shame on you,” Chrasey rambled on as soon as she heard Tony was pulling one of his disappearing acts.
See, this is exactly what I didn’t need right now, Dakota thought to herself. It wasn’t that she wanted to be in denial, but she wanted to try to keep from getting upset, and letting negative opinions cloud her thoughts. Besides, every female knows we love our girls until they are talking junk or telling us to leave our man. Then it’s a totally different situation. It was moments like these when she understood how some women say they don’t have female friends. She could see how jealousy, envy, deceit, and all those things could make females distrust one another. She could see how a female telling you your man who deep down you’re hoping you can share a white picket fence with, ain’t worth a darn could make a chick choose the man over the friend. Lucky for Chrasey, that was not the case for Dakota. She and Chrasey, along with their third amigo, Jordan, had been friends since college and they were almost like sisters. Of course, most close friends say that, but these three came the closest to that bond. Most friends say that until they have some really big fight, and then they can’t bring themselves to put it behind them. Or better yet, that’s just the case until they grow apart, or jealousy and competition or another female trait gets the best of them and they decide they are too grown-up for that play-sister crap. These three, though, had been through over a decade of real sisterhood, fights included. Not the little fights, either—big fights, fights most people don’t make up from—but in the midst of those fights, if one was going through something like a true sister, the others would still be there for her. So, when Chrasey or Jordan told her something, she knew it was from the heart and one of the reasons she hated listening. The truth can hurt. So she sat there and listened to Chrasey, and she knew deep down that she was right; she was breaking all of her own rules and putting up with even more than she did from Chris.
Diva Diaries Page 1
