by Olivia Ritch
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Duke of Her Dreams – Olivia Ritch
“Michael, what do you want from me? I have told you and I thought I had showed you. I’ve always made my own way and I’m not much one for male dominance. I thought I was doing you a favor. You were too much of a gentleman to turn me out but surely you would not want me here after you proposed marriage and I turned you down.”
His nostrils flared. “You don’t know what I want.”
“No, I guess I don’t,” she said, her voice rising in pitch as well.
“You’ve never told me. You only said things like I could marry you and go live somewhere else and have my own social life and breed your kids.
Tell me what you want.”
“I want you!”
Shaking and a little scared of the violence of his response, she took one step toward him. His expression softened and he reached a hand toward her. “Kathryn, I want you,” he whispered.
“I…I’m so sorry…I didn’t know.”
“Have I not showed you? Have I not done what I should?”
She felt herself soften toward him. “You have been kind. I didn’t realize that was how you were showing me…affection. I just thought you were being gentlemanly and that we were having a great deal of fun being sexually daring.”
“Kathryn, I…only know one way. My…possessiveness…it’s what comes out. When I took Cassandra back, it was by sheer force but I could not put into words what I needed her to know from my heart.”
“Are you comparing me to Cassandra? To someone who is in your heart?” she asked tremulously.
“Yes.”
“Oh, dear heaven.”
No other words were spoken and as he turned from her, she saw the tightness in his expression. That was a huge admission for someone such as him. It wasn’t a love declaration but it was good enough for tonight.
She slipped out of the room, grabbing her things and took the stairs two at a time to her room.
* * * *
She had left a note. It was in the desk. But in fact, it was not in the desk but sitting on a salver on his desk now along with another sheet. He glanced at the list. It was an impressive cataloguing of all the funds he had spent on Kathryn, indeed every single solitary pence he had ever spent on her. It was appalling, insulting. He crumbled it and tossed it into the fireplace. The fire consumed the paper in seconds. The other was a folded note, presumably to maintain some semblance of privacy from the servants.
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Duke of Her Dreams – Olivia Ritch
Dear Michael,
When you find this note, I know you will be at first angry and then frustrated with me because I’m not here and not explaining to you in my own words why I have gone. I believe you will remember I told you I was not from here. I meant, not from here and now. I was actually born in 1991 in Alabama, one of the southern states in America that gained statehood on December 14, 1819.
I know this is all very unbelievable but now that you have known me for these almost two weeks, surely you can see I am not like the other women who you know. I am used to making my own way, supporting myself, and taking care of my sister. She needs me to come home and I have to try to get to her.
Please tell Cassandra how special she is every day and tell her to follow her dreams. Also, Ellie is very talented. I hope you can find a place for her in your household. Thank Hallthorpe and Aunt Agatha and Jem and everyone who was so kind to me.
Michael, please don’t come after me. It is the hardest thing I’ve ever done to leave here for your own good and mine. I can’t be in a house taking advantage of your family’s kindnesses, being treated like a princess and not feel that I am mooching. You have been so good to me and I am eternally grateful. I will work to repay you in some way if it’s even possible. Some lady of your day and age will be very lucky to marry you as I have no doubt you will be an honorable spouse. I told you in spoken words what I need from marriage -- nothing but love. I hope you find your right mate and I intend to look for someone with many of your qualities.
The time I have spent with you has truly been extraordinary. You are still the hottest guy I have ever had the pleasure of being close to, so the bar is set very high for the future Mr. Right.
Please try to look for someone you can love. It will be the best thing that ever happened to you.
You deserve it.
Kathryn
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Reading the note for the umpteenth time, he had wondered how everything had gone so wrong. Had she not realized that she was the one who had brought his world to life? How could he possibly search for someone else? He could not let her go. Whatever he had to do to be the Mr. Right of this letter he would do. Rather than reducing the letter to ashes as he had her ridiculous list, he held it and wept out of sheer relief that he had found her before she got out of his grasp.
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Duke of Her Dreams – Olivia Ritch
Chapter Fifteen
“You’re back,” Cassandra charged.
Kathryn noticed the tension immediately. “And so I am. It seems that your brother has rescued me now a second time from the London Road.”
“I’m hurt, you know. You left without saying good bye.” The old Cassandra would have sulked, cried, and not shown herself but clearly the new Cassandra was going to confront her.
“Oh Cassandra, I’m sorry. Really. I never would do anything to hurt you and I did leave a note. I just didn’t think about exactly how everyone would take it. I thought about me and my sister who I am sure is frantic and not sleeping and scared out of her mind and your brother and his ridiculous marriage…”
“His what?”
“I said that out loud, didn’t I?”
“Yes, you did. He has asked you to marry him?”
“He did. I said no.”
“No! Why would you do that? You’re perfect for him.” She was incredulous.
“But he also has to be perfect for me. I’m not sure he is. I have to be loved.”
“Oh, Kathryn, has he not told you how he felt?” Cassandra cajoled.
“Not in so many words, although he did open up a little downstairs just now.”
“Can I ask what he said?”
“He admitted grudgingly that I was ‘in his heart,’” Kathryn acknowledged.
“Oh, Kathryn, he …I think he must love you. That is a stunning admission for him.”
Kathryn had sensed this, too. “I figured it was pretty big. Maybe he does have feelings for me but I have to have more. I want it all. That kind of heart melting, mind-blowing love that makes you want to get up every day and thank the Lord for your blessings.”
“How do you feel about him?”
“I feel...I don’t know for sure what, but I am very physically attracted to him. He is sexy and when he touches me, my mind turns to mush. I sense him when he is near, smell him in so many things, hear his 136
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voice in my head. I dream of him and wake up wet, frustrated and agitated or oddly sated and I was desperately relieved to see him although I was seething mad that he dragged me back. His voice makes the hair on my neck stand on end and …oh my gosh. You heard how all that sounded didn’t you?”
“Kathryn, you are in love with him.”
“Yes.”
They sat there in silence for several minutes both feeling rather proud of themselves. A sly smile crossed Kathryn’s lips and she began
“feeling” him and a smug smile was on Cassandra’s as she realized her dream of becoming Kathryn’s sister was coming true.
After the silence stretched some more, Cassandra tentatively moved toward Kathryn. “I would like to talk with you about something important to me now.”
“Yes, absolutely. What?”
“You just described all the feelings I am having.”
“Jem?”
“Yes, how did you know?” Her shock was palpable.
> “I see the way you watch each other, the way he loads your plate just so, holds your chair, lingers. He sometimes wants to touch you and then he grimaces and steps back. I have seen him inhale your hair. He is clearly into you.”
Cassandra’s eyes were shining. “Oh, you think so? I have loved him for all these many months. You know he has been with me for more than a year and he has so gently and faithfully tended me. I want him, Kathryn. I want to be his.”
This was a big deal, Kathryn knew on some level because rich gentry didn’t date servants and having a possessive, protective brother like Michael would be even harder. “Have you spoken with each other?”
“Kathryn, he won’t even look me in the eye. He avoids my eyes on purpose. What am I going to do?”
“Okay, first let me ask you in all honesty. What will Michael say if you date Jem? Will he let you? Truly.”
“If you ask him or tell him how important it is. You can help me I know it. Together we can convince him. It’s not like Jem is poor. He’s a footman, a rather well educated, incredibly handsome footman. He speaks French, you know?”
“Impressive. I don’t speak but a little Spanish. But back to me helping you…I might be persona non grata right now.”
“Nonsense. He is so grateful you’re back. He was like a caged tiger, screaming at the servants, pacing, bellowing, not even getting a sentence 137
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out when he was looking for you. He was really quite hysterical. I think he was hanging on by a thread.”
“So maybe he is a little relieved. Tell me more about your Jem, though.”
“He sings, too. Once I cajoled him into singing for me, convincing him I could only fall asleep with a lullaby. Seeming to be of a fragile mind has some advantages you know.” She gave Kathryn a sly smile.
“He has a beautiful voice. As soon as I said so, he excused himself. He doesn’t think he is worthy of me, I am sure of it.”
“Okay, so we have two males to deal with. Jem needs convincing to allow his feelings out and Michael needs to be convinced to allow you to be with Jem. Do you want to marry him?”
“Marry him? Do you think I could?” she effused, an enchanting smile breaking across her delicate face. “I mean I would love to be held by him. His hands are so safe and strong and I want to…to…”
“Make love?”
“Yes,” she whispered. “I want to make love with Jem.”
“Well, you will start on Jem and I will work on Michael. With the two of us committed, how can we fail?”
Cassandra laughed a little for the first time since giving voice to her feelings for Jem. She had loved him for so long but never had felt like she could even talk to him much less to anyone else about it. Now, she thought that maybe, just maybe she could make her dreams of being his wife, of having children she could love, a house—a small one—of her own, come true.
Kathryn took control. “Here’s what I want you to do. First, get dressed in your sexiest, lowest cut dress. Dismiss your maid and tell her you are done for the evening. Then, ask for your tray in your room. Tell Cook to give you an extra serving of dessert, that you are hungry. After you’ve eaten a little, invite Jem to sit near you and have your second dessert. Keep eye contact with him.”
They continued plotting until the plan to seduce Jem had been fully hashed out.
“You are so bold Kathryn. Can I do it, will this work?”
“I don’t know if it will work, but I know how he looks at you.
You’ve just got to give him the chance to make his move. You do that and I will start on Michael. It’ll give me the chance to change the subject from us. Which I daresay he will be grateful for at least for a while.”
“You know he postponed his investiture for you?”
“I heard. I don’t know exactly what it means but it sounds really 138
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serious.”
“I think he wants to be married to you or at least betrothed when he takes his oath, somehow that you are agreeing to the duties along with him. Kathryn, I think he really loves you and values you. You have given him so much these weeks.”
“What have I given him? He has everything.”
“No. He has never been happy. Not since he was a child. Our father…well, Michael has never laughed and joked and played like he has since you became part of our lives. And then there’s what you did for me. He thinks you saved me. He’s right.” Cassandra reached out and touched Kathryn’s hand and at that moment, Kathryn knew, she just knew that this was her family and her place. She still had to find Christine and bring her here, some crazy way, but she would stay and be with these people who obviously loved her very much. Even Aunt Agatha liked her a little.
* * * *
It was harder than facing her horrible husband, harder than sitting alone for hours with only her thoughts and harder than thinking of one more day without knowing if he cared for her. Planning was one thing but walking into the room with the express purpose of making a cake of herself, throwing herself at Jem Smythe, was altogether the most difficult thing Cassandra had ever done. He sensed her before she appeared and when she did, his breath involuntarily sucked in. She had never worn that before and she was eating in. He would have to watch her eat in that! Why? Why was he being tortured? The most beautiful, fragile, precious woman in the world, whose black eyes and pale skin and very round breasts, were covered in low-riding, flowing gold silk. Her hair was piled more haphazardly that she ever wore it. What the hell was she about?
“Jem.”
“Lady Cassandra.” He was very cautious. She had a light, was it a light in her eyes? Her cheeks were flushed. Oh, God. There was something wrong. Was she drunk, no maybe laudanum. What to do?
“Jem?”
“Yes, Lady Cassandra?” This was bad, very bad. There was something wrong. Was she firing him and this was the lead up? No, that wasn’t it, what was it?
“Jem, will you sit with me? You always tower over me.”
“Yes…ma’am?” Am I allowed to sit? What the hell is she about?
“How long have you been my footman?”
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“Eighteen months, ma’am.
“In all of that time…” she trailed off. She couldn’t ask him out right if he had ogled her, if he wanted her. Could she? “Have I been good to you?”
“Ye…ess…ma…am. You have been good to me.”
“Have I been difficult?”
“No ma’am, you have not been difficult.” He breathed in, but couldn’t seem to bring the air into his lungs. He felt dizzy.
“Jem, what would you like me to be?” She looked at him with those black eyes that he had wanted for so long. She stood straight and tall, draped loosely in gold silk that barely covered her generously rounded white breasts. The mounds were heaving from her deep breathing and his gaze was fixed. He couldn’t stop watching them. They pulsed and then he saw it. He saw them pebble. He raised his eyes to hers and he saw the blush on her cheeks. His gaze dropped to her bosom and her pebbled nipples did him in. What was he supposed to say to her in the face of that? How was he supposed to continue standing? He had lost his physical control. His rod was firm and erect. Soon, she would notice and he would be fired. He wanted to cover himself but that would draw her attention.
But then, dammit, her eyes began traveling down his chest. Oh God, oh God. He couldn’t make it stop. Stop, dammit Lady Cassandra stop.
Please don’t fire me. I can’t leave you.
“You are sexually aroused by me.” She said it in modestly clipped tones but she nevertheless ground it out so that he could tell she seemed to be enjoying his distress.
He tried to speak, but nothing came out. He tried to cover himself but failed, as she glanced at his groin.
“Jem, are you aroused by me?” she asked him as she moved closer.
She was moving closer. He kept slip
ping backward but he could not hold his ballocks and keep from falling over the furniture at the same time. “Jem, do you desire me? It is a simple question.”
“No ma’am…it is not a simple question,” he ground out yet again.
Her joy, her absolute satisfaction at seeing his erection tent his pants was horrifying. He wanted her. He desired… her! He had an erection because of her.
“Jem?”
“Ye-es...ma’am?” His voice choked.
She took two more steps toward him and he froze. He absolutely froze. And then she cupped him. She cupped him. “Oh My God…
Cass...oh my…”
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“Do you want me Jem? Do you, Jem?”
“Please. Please, Lady …Cassandra…if you make me…”
“What Jem?” Her tiny hands stroked back and forth across his flap.
“If you…do this…he will…”
“No, Jem. Michael will not sack you.”
“Whaaat? You are…you are…making me…”
“Jem? Please answer my question. Do you want me? If you do not, this will stop. If you do, I will…”
“Stop, Lady Cassandra. Can you see what will happen? I have watched over you and cared for you for all of these months and if you…you…do this, I will lose you. Please don’t make me lose you.
Please.”
Triumph. It sang in her heart, her bones, blood thrummed through her vessels. He was as affected as she was. He wanted her. He was hard for her. He didn’t want to lose her. Now all she had to do was show him how much she wanted him. Doing that would be very hard for she had no experience but what Kathryn had taught her. It made her blush all over again to think about what she was going to do but she would for Jem, for them.
