by Brandon Hale
“I could smell her on you yesterday,” Lauren said. Again, she was surprised that her tone had no anger or accusation.
“Alice,” Arthur said. “She’s a student.” He turned to face his wife. “But we haven’t done anything, Lauren. I promise you that.”
“Have you kissed her?” Lauren asked.
Arthur was silent.
“I’d say that’s something,” Lauren said. She felt moisture trickle down her cheek and she cursed it. She wasn’t a crier, and hadn’t planned on becoming one today.
“Lauren,” Arthur said, “I think it’s time for us to accept this.”
She was relieved to see that he was crying too. “Accept what? That you have a girlfriend?”
“You know that’s not what I meant,” Arthur said. “Neither of us has been happy for the past two years. We’re just too… different.” He was having trouble with his words. Good. “I‘ve tried, Lauren. I swear to God I‘ve tried.”
Lauren smiled. “I thought you didn’t believe in God.”
Arthur chuckled and wiped the tears from his cheeks. “I’m not an atheist. I’m agnostic. There’s a difference.”
“What happened?” Lauren asked. “We loved each other once, Art. We really did.”
“We still do,” he said. “But we were naïve college kids that thought love was the only thing that held relationships together.” Lauren could see him struggling to maintain a regular breathing pattern. “I’m just not a preacher’s husband,” he whispered.
“Do you love her?” Lauren asked.
“I don’t know,” Arthur said. “I like her a lot.”
“You were ready to commit adultery because you like her a lot?”
Arthur chuckled again. “When you put it that way, it doesn’t sound like the best plan.”
Lauren opened the car door. “Do me one favor,” she said. “Stop the progression of your relationship until we’re separated. I don‘t want to be that woman.”
“Okay,” Arthur said.
“I appreciate the fact that you didn’t lie,” she said. “Now go to this Alice person. Explain that I know. Explain that tomorrow you’re finding your own place. And ask her to wait.”
“I don’t get the house?” Arthur said.
“Don’t be cute,” Lauren said. “When the church finds out I’m getting a divorce, I probably won’t have the house either.”
“If they do that,” Arthur said, “it’ll justify every negative opinion I have of organized religion.”
“I don’t think they’ll turn their backs on me,” Lauren said. “But I need to go check my blood sugar. And I need to figure out which friend I‘m going to call and cry to for the next hour.”
“Lauren…”
“Go,” Lauren said. “Talk to Alice. Ask her to wait. We’ll talk about the details when you get back. I’ll be okay.”
Lauren watched her husband drive away then she walked to her front porch steps and sat on the bottom step.
And sobbed.
Arthur and Alice
The kiss made Alice ten years younger. When Arthur’s lips pressed against her own, Alice was a teenager again. The feeling was nothing less than ecstasy. It was a soft kiss. It was gentle. And it was powerful enough to cause every nerve in Alice’s body to tingle.
Arthur pulled away. “Holy shit,” he said. “I think I’d forgotten what a kiss is supposed to feel like.”
“Me too,” Alice said.
“You know,” Arthur said, “I promised my wife we wouldn’t kiss again until I moved out.”
“That’s an odd promise,” Alice said.
“Well,” Arthur said, “I didn’t specify kissing exactly. I just said we wouldn’t do anything until I’m officially separated.”
Alice looked out the car window at the empty parking lot. “It’ll be nice to go somewhere in public with you. I mean, the college parking lot is nice and all, but a girl dreams of bigger things.”
Arthur just smiled. “Here we go,” he said. “I suppose you’re already planning the wedding.”
“Don’t get cocky,” Alice said. “I’m just being thankful of the little things. Like the fact that your wife didn’t claw your eyeballs out.”
“She’s a remarkable woman,” Arthur said.
“Do you still love her?”
“Yes,” Arthur said without hesitation. “I love her very much. I really hope we can salvage a friendship. She’s an amazing woman.”
“Then why aren’t you trying harder to save the marriage?” Alice said, surprised that she had the guts to ask the question.
“The marriage is over,” Arthur said. “We’re very different people. The first year of our marriage was relatively happy, but it didn’t take long for our differences to outweigh the love we felt. Life’s more complicated than that, and John Lennon is a liar.”
Alice laughed. “I envy you,” she said. “You have a real chance to salvage something with your ex.”
“You don’t, I take it,” Arthur said.
“No,” Alice said. “I don’t. Jerry’s a good person, but I think he’s addicted to pain. He’s one of those people that’s only happy when he’s miserable. I think it’s an artist thing. He knows what’s going on just like your wife did. Unlike your wife, though, I don’t think Jerry gives the tiniest shit. I doubt I’ll get any kind of closure when we break up. He’ll just say ‘okay’ and go back to his drawing.”
“What’s he do, anyway?” Arthur asked. “I mean, how does he make money from his art?”
“He sells his stuff online,” Alice said. “Mostly sketches of fairies and demons and pretentious shit like that. I gotta admit, though, he’s damn good. It brings him a fairly steady income. Enough to pay the rent on our crappy apartment.”
Alice reached down and pulled the lever on the side of her seat, causing it to fall back. She sat there for a moment, staring at the car’s inside ceiling. “It’s not like your relationship. We didn’t just drift apart. I’m very literally giving up on him. And that’s not easy on a girl’s conscience.”
“Don‘t let it beat you down,” Arthur said. “Sometimes you have to just accept that you’ve done all you can. That’s when it’s time to move on, Alice.”
“I know,” Alice said. She could feel herself biting her own lip. “I just wish I could get him to give a damn. About anything.”
“Other than flying saucers,” Arthur said.
“Don’t belittle that,” Alice said.
“Wow,” Arthur said. “I didn’t expect the defensive reaction.”
Alice chuckled. “Me either, actually.”
“Do you believe him?”
Alice raised her seat back up and opened the door. “Let’s take a walk.”
“It’s freezing out there,” Arthur said.
“Don’t be a sissy,” Alice said. “Let’s walk. I want to go to the tennis courts.”
Arthur cocked an eyebrow. “You want to play tennis?”
“No,” Alice said. “But the lights are off over there. And I want to see the sky.”
“You know,” Arthur said, “if security catches us, they’ll make us leave the grounds.”
“Nonsense,” Alice said. “You’re a professor. They’ll leave you alone.”
“It could hurt,” Arthur said. “Relationships with students are frowned upon.”
“But not forbidden,” Alice said. “Now stop being a sissy, zip up your coat, and come on!”
The stars above the tennis court were bright and many. Alice lay on the hard surface, staring at the sky. Arthur lay beside her, visibly shivering.
“Something tells me you’re not enjoying yourself,” Alice said.
“It’s twenty freaking degrees,” Arthur said.
Alice laughed. “Don’t be dramatic,” she said. “It’s at least thirty. Besides, I didn’t think I could answer your question inside that car. I needed props.”
“I’ve forgotten the question,” Arthur said. “Frostbitten fingers and toes tend to have that kind of effect o
n the mind.”
“If you continue with the wimp stuff,” Alice said, “I might have to reconsider my decision to love you.”
Silence followed her statement.
“Shit,” she said. “That came out all wrong. Sometimes I rattle on. Please don‘t--”
“Alice,” Arthur said, “it’s okay. I was quiet because I was enjoying the moment. It was a nice moment.”
Alice felt relief flood her body. “I’m kind of an intense person. I don’t hide from feelings, and I don’t ignore them. I embrace life. Sometimes that freaks people out.”
“It freaks me out,” Arthur said. “But in a good way. Now, please explain to me why I’m lying in the middle of a tennis court, freezing my ass off.”
“You asked if I believe Jerry,” Alice said. “My answer is yes. I believe him. And I think that may be the reason I’ve stayed with him for as long as I have.”
“Noble,” Arthur said. “If you believe he went through that kind of trauma, it’s very selfless of you to stick by him.”
“It’s not that noble,” Alice said. “That’s why I brought you out here. Look at those stars.”
“They are beautiful,” Arthur said.
“Yeah,” Alice said. “But it’s more than that to me. I’ve stared at the sky for hours on end. When I look at those stars, I’m not just seeing twinkling lights. I’m seeing the hope for a perfect world.”
“So you’re not referring to the beauty?” Arthur said. “I’m afraid I’m being dense here.”
“Most of those stars,” Alice explained, “have planets. It’s staggering to think about. That’s billions of planets rotating around the stars we’re looking at right now. Out of those billions of planets, how many of them are far enough from the star to support life? There’s no way to know, but I’d wager it’s millions.”
“I don’t think that’s an unreasonable assumption,” Arthur said.
“And out of those millions,” Alice continued, “at least one of them has to be what we would consider a perfect world. Probably more, but I hold on to the belief that there’s a perfect world up there somewhere.”
“Wow,” Arthur said. “That’s… well… it’s beautiful.”
“Don’t condescend to me, dick,” Alice said.
“I’m not,” Arthur said. “Beautiful really was the only word I could think of to describe what you’re saying.”
“Since I was sixteen,” Alice said, “I’ve been on a mission to look directly at every single star in the sky. I give each one about a second, then I move to another. My hope is that one of the stars I’m looking at has that perfect planet rotating around it. My hope is to--”
“See perfection,” Arthur said.
“Yeah,” Alice said. “Stupid, huh.”
“I think it’s nice,” Arthur said. “And you’ve stayed with Jerry because he might have met someone from that perfect world?”
“No,” Alice said. “Well, not exactly. I mean, I don’t know one way or the other, but from what he’s told me, those aliens are far from perfect. I think I’ve stayed with Jerry because he is the closest thing I have to being directly connected to my stars. He’s my link. He’s my justification for believing in something so silly. His experience tells me that my hope isn’t entirely unfounded. There is life out there. Jerry proves it.”
“I can respect that,” Arthur said.
“And you can see,” Alice said, “how it’s got nothing to do with me being a martyr. I’ve stayed with him for purely selfish reasons. I’m not helping him, and I don’t think he even wants me to try.”
“When are you going to talk to him?” Arthur asked.
“Tonight, I think,” Alice said. “When I get home. I’m not going to hide from the confrontation that might or might not come. That’s something your wife taught me.”
“I don’t know if she’d be pleased to know that you’re learning things from her,” Arthur said.
Alice laughed. “Probably not.”
Arthur sat up. “Okay, so I get your point about the stars. It was a beautiful story. And no, I’m not making fun of you. It really was beautiful. Now, can we please go back to the car?”
Alice chuckled again. “Sissy,” she said. “I’m falling for a damn sissy.”
As they walked back to the car, neither of them noticed that several of the stars above them began to move across the sky.
Jerry and Lauren
“Woot,” Jerry said as he looked at the order section of his web page. He spun around in his chair and looked at the framed sketch leaning against the wall. It was of a fairy hanging on the horn of a unicorn. “Your gay ass just made me two hundred dollars. Celebration time.”
He turned up the volume on his CD player and danced his way to the refrigerator in the tiny kitchenette of his apartment. He pulled out a beer, cracked it open, and drank most of it in one swallow. “It’s the little things that make life just bearable enough to not kill myself,” he said. He walked back into the small living room area. Various sketches were scattered across the room. “Which one of you should I post next?” He picked up one of the smaller frames and looked at the sketch inside. “I think you’ll do, Angry Elf. There’s an angst ridden teenage nerd out there just waiting to connect with your raw emotion.”
The knock on his front door stopped him from returning to his desk. He picked up his pants from the back of his computer chair and slid them on. “It’s eight o’clock at night,” he mumbled as he walked toward the door. “I don’t have any friends. Who the hell is bothering me at work…”
He opened the door to see a rather attractive young woman standing in the hallway. “Can I help you?” he asked, instinctively running his fingers through his hair.
“I’m sorry,” the woman said. “I may have the wrong place.” She looked at the sheet of paper she held in her hand. “I’m looking for Alice Benning.”
“She’s in a study group,” Jerry said.
“Okay,” the woman said. “Thanks.”
“No problem,” Jerry said. He shut the door and began to walk back to his desk when there was another knock on the door. He turned around and opened the door again to find the same woman standing in the hallway. “Can I help you?”
The woman stared at him for a moment, then said, “No. Sorry I’ve bothered you.”
“No problem,” Jerry said, and again closed the door. Before he could even turn around to face his desk, there was a third knock. He spun around and opened the door again. “Can I help you, lady?”
The woman’s eyes were swimming with tears. “May I wait for Alice to return?”
“Sure,” Jerry said, “but I don’t expect her to get back any time soon. She said she’d be gone for a while.” He stopped talking and looked at the clearly upset woman. “Shit,” he said. “She’s with your boyfriend or something.”
“Husband,” the woman said.
“Damn, lady,” Jerry said. “Come on in, but I‘m telling you now. I have several valuable items in this house. I don‘t want you here causing trouble. If you need to talk to Alice, do it on the phone or agree to meet somewhere. These sketches are my livelihood.”
“I’m not here to cause trouble,” the woman said.
Jerry picked up a few sketches that were scattered across his couch. “Have a seat.”
“Those are very good,” the woman said.
“Thanks,” Jerry said. He forced a smile. “I’m Jerry.”
“Lauren,” the woman said.
“I’m sorry Alice has fucked up your life, Lauren,” Jerry said. “It’s probably my fault. I’m a shitty boyfriend. I’d say I drove her to it.”
Despite the tears, Lauren smiled. “You’re a strange man, Jerry. Did you already know about their relationship?”
“Nah,” Jerry said. He wheeled his chair over to the couch and sat down. “But I suspected it was something like that.”
“You don’t seem to care,” Lauren said.
“That’s because I don’t care,” Jerry said. “It’s kind o
f a relief actually. Alice is a good person, but we’re together because of lingering sentimentality, not love.” He leaned forward. “Why are you here?”
“I don’t know,” Lauren said. “I wish I could say I felt the same as you, but I don’t. I’m heartbroken.”
“You’re lucky,” Jerry said.
“Really?” Lauren said. “I’m lucky because my heart’s broken?”
“Yeah,” Jerry said. “If given the choice, I’d take a broken heart over a dead one any day of the week. How’d you find Alice?”
“My husband is her teacher,” Lauren said. “I just checked his student files on his computer.” She shrugged. “I know it’s pathetic.”
“It’s not pathetic,” Jerry said. “Okay,” he added, “maybe it’s a little pathetic. But it’s understandable. Are you sure you’re not here to start some shit?”
“I’m sure,” Lauren said. “I’m not the starting shit type. I don’t really have anything against your wife. My marriage was over long before she came along.”
“She’s not my wife,” Jerry said. “We just live in sin.”
Lauren laughed. “At some point later, you‘ll understand why that statement is funny to me.”
“So if you’re not here to start shit,” Jerry said, “you might not want to be here at all. I mean, surely you realize that the act of coming here is--in and of itself--starting shit.”
“Yeah,” Lauren said. “I realize that. And don’t call me Shirley.”
Jerry laughed. “I like you,” he said. “And I really am sorry that you’re going through this. Please believe me when I say that Alice isn’t a bad person. She stood by me far longer than I deserved. I don’t think she’d get involved in something like an affair lightly. It’s not her way.”
“You’re saying she probably loves him,” Lauren said.
“Yeah,” Jerry said. “That’s pretty much what I’m saying.”
“You know,” Lauren said, “logically, that should make me feel better. At least they’re not doing this for nothing. That’s not how it’s playing out though. The idea that they love each other is almost more than I can take. And trust me, I can take a lot.”
