At the mention of “the rod” both Daphne and Morgan froze. So they do get a beating if they acted up real bad. Well, probably a spanking instead of a beating.
Gary had scared both the girls into silence to the point where Shauntae felt sorry for them. She wanted to lighten things up. “Morgan, are you ready for dessert?”
Morgan nodded, but still was quiet.
Shauntae went to the refrigerator and took out the fresh fruit salad and whipped cream she had made and brought it to the table.
Morgan’s eyes went big. “Look, Dappy, it has all your favorite fruits.”
It was still early May, but Shauntae had been able to find all the fruits Gary had said were Daphne’s favorites.
Daphne didn’t say a word.
Shauntae spooned some fruit into a dessert cup and topped it with whipped cream and passed it to Morgan and then served Gary. Her appetite was gone so she didn’t take any for herself.
“Oh, look at the shapes,” Morgan squealed.
Shauntae had spent all afternoon cutting some of the fruit into circles, butterflies, and hearts with small cookie cutters she had found.
“Butterflies are my favorite. Thanks, Miss Shauntae.”
“You’re welcome, Morgan.”
The fruit salad got Morgan talking again. This time she really reminded Shauntae of Brianna because she kept talking about Miss Cassandra, like Brianna used to.
“Maybe one day you can meet her, Miss Shauntae. She’s real nice, like you. She’s my favorite teacher in the whole world. And my best friend in the whole world is in her class, too. Miss Cassandra is her godmommy and when her daddy marries Miss Cassandra, then she gets to be her real mommy. I guess it’s kinda like Daphne was saying. Brianna’s family is all mixed up too. Her first mommy ran away and left her and went to California. So she really doesn’t have two mommies. She just has Miss Cassandra. But Miss Cassandra is the best mommy in the whole world, so Brianna isn’t too sad about it. Well, sometimes she gets real sad about it. She wishes she could talk to her first mommy and she hopes she’s okay. Sometimes she’s scared that something bad happened to her, but then she says she prays for her every night so she knows God must be taking care of her.”
Shauntae couldn’t move or breathe. She stared at Morgan’s lips moving, but she couldn’t hear what she was saying anymore. That chirpy little voice kept going, without realizing it had just ripped Shauntae’s heart out.
Brianna talked about her? Brianna thought about her? Brianna got sad about her? Brianna prayed for her?
“Huh, Miss Shauntae?” Morgan was waiting for Shauntae to answer whatever question she had asked.
“I’m sorry, Morgan. What did you say?” Shauntae made herself ask, even though everything in her wanted to scream and cry.
“I said if Miss Cassandra is Brianna’s godmommy and she’s gonna be her real mommy soon, but me and Dappy still have our first mommy and she’s our real mommy and we have a godmommy, then what are you?”
“She’s not anything,” Daphne shouted. “She’s not anything to us, Moogie. Stop asking stupid questions!”
Shauntae stood up from the table and mumbled, “Excuse me.” She stumbled over to the back stairs and started up toward her and Gary’s bedroom. She heard Gary’s voice behind her booming, “Daphne, go to your room.” Then he called after her, “Shauntae, wait.”
Shauntae fell onto the bed. She couldn’t stop herself from shaking and then started crying.
Brianna got scared that something bad had happened to her? Devon didn’t tell Brianna that her mother was okay? Did he even mention that he heard from her? Thoughts about her daughter were messing up Shauntae’s heart.
And then something else started bothering her and Shauntae didn’t know which was worse.
With Morgan and Brianna being friends, how long was it before Brianna said her mother’s name or showed her a picture? How long would it be before Morgan figured out that Brianna’s first mother was her stepmother?
Thirty-six
That night, Shauntae couldn’t stop crying, no matter what Gary said. He kept apologizing, but she couldn’t stop. She felt bad because Gary thought she was hurt behind what Daphne had said. He didn’t realize it was really Morgan’s words that had messed her up.
The next morning, Gary asked her if she felt okay enough to spend the day with Morgan. He wanted to take Daphne to Darla’s house so they could talk to her and figure out what to do with her. Shauntae knew she should’ve been glad that Gary felt okay leaving Morgan with her alone. It meant he really thought she could be a good mama.
But she couldn’t stop feeling sad about Brianna. When she had left Brianna, she had told her that she was going away for a long time and that she would maybe come see her when she grew up. She had thought Brianna would forget all about her. Or that she would hate her so much for how bad she treated her that she wouldn’t care about her no more.
But Brianna didn’t forget. And she did care about her.
Not long after Shauntae heard Gary and Daphne leave, she lay in bed trying to make herself get up and go check on Morgan. A few minutes later, she heard footsteps coming into the room. A few seconds later, Morgan crawled up into the bed and snuggled herself into Shauntae’s body.
“Miss Shauntae, are you ’sleep?”
Shauntae didn’t say anything. She knew if she said something, she might start crying again. She kept her eyes closed. A few seconds later, she felt Morgan’s hands on her belly.
“Hi, baby brother. I’m your big sister, Morgan. I don’t know how you’re gonna get out of there, but I’ll be waiting for you when you’re ready to come out.”
Shauntae wanted to laugh. But then she wanted to cry. A part of her wished it was Brianna curled up in the bed with her, talking to her little brother. She had never cuddled or snuggled with Brianna before. If she ever got the chance, she would do it.
Shauntae opened her eyes. “Good morning, Moogie. You sleep okay?”
Morgan nodded.
Shauntae brushed Morgan’s hair back. “You ready to go shopping?”
Morgan nodded.
“Okay, go wash your face and brush your teeth and put some clothes on.”
After Morgan went running to her room, Shauntae dragged herself out of the bed. She looked at her puffy eyes in the mirror and wanted to start crying again. All she could do was say, “God, help me fix this, okay?” She thought about it for a second and said, “Or could you just fix it for me?”
She wasn’t sure if it was right to ask God to fix her mess, but really, she didn’t know how to. This was something only He could fix.
By the time Gary came back to get Morgan to take her home, Shauntae was tired. They had made four dishes and more oatmeal cookies to send home with Morgan. Morgan talked the whole day. And sometimes she played and turned in circles when she was supposed to be helping. And even though she didn’t sing her words and dance all her movements like Brianna did, the more time Shauntae spent with her, the more Morgan reminded her of Brianna. Which made her want to see Brianna.
By the time Gary got home from dropping her off, Shauntae was in the bed asleep. Probably from being tired after cooking all day with a six-year-old girl and probably from being sad that it wasn’t her own little girl.
She woke up at about four in the morning since she went to bed so early. She lay there listening to Gary breathe, feeling the warmth of his body, and wishing it could make the sadness in her heart go away. She thought of waking him up to make love, but she knew all the drama from the weekend had worn him out too.
She decided to talk to God. She talked to Him about Brianna, about the new baby, about Morgan, about Daphne learning to like her, about all the stuff she was doing to be a better person. Mostly she talked about Brianna. At the end she said, “God, I know I was a terrible mother. I know I don’t deserve it. But could you give me another chance? Could you fix it so somehow, so I could at least see my little girl again?”
After praying that prayer, Shauntae f
ell back asleep. She felt better inside and slept until it was time for her and Gary to go to church in the morning.
On the way to church, Gary’s cell phone rang. He talked for a few minutes and then passed the phone to Shauntae. “It’s Darla.”
Shauntae froze. Darla wanted to talk to her? “Hello?”
“Shauntae, good morning. How are you?”
“Fine. Um, how are you? I hear that you’re recovering well from the accident.”
“I am, thank you. I won’t keep you long. I know Gary relayed my message, but I wanted to speak to you personally to apologize for how I treated you when I first met you. It was rude and completely uncalled for.”
“Oh . . . it’s okay.” Shauntae felt uncomfortable and wished Darla had left it at Gary giving her the message.
“I also wanted to thank you for sending the food. It was such an unexpected . . . blessing and I really appreciate your thoughtfulness.”
“Oh, you’re welcome.”
“And thanks for spending time with Morgan yesterday. She can’t stop talking about you and how much fun she had. I really appreciate you taking care of her while me and Gary spent some time with Daphne. I’m sorry for the way she spoke to you yesterday. I don’t know whether Gary told you, but we’re planning on having her start seeing a child therapist again. Both she and Morgan went when we first separated and we think Daphne can benefit from going back. I hope you’ll be patient with her as we trust things to get better.”
“Of course. I can understand why she’s having such a hard time with everything. The way things have happened isn’t the best for a child of her age and her behavior is actually expected.” Shauntae remembered some stuff she had seen on a YouTube video.
“Yes, I guess it is.” Darla sounded like she was impressed. “Anyway, thanks for understanding. I really appreciate it. I’m hoping that we can have an amicable relationship. I think it’s best for the girls, and for everyone involved.”
“Yes, of course.” Shauntae wasn’t sure what an amicable relationship was, but she figured it meant they should all get along. “Thanks so much for calling, Darla. I’ll be praying that you continue to get better.”
“Thanks and God bless.”
Shauntae hung up the phone and passed it back to Gary. “Wow, I wasn’t expecting that. She really has changed.”
“Yeah, it’s pretty amazing, huh?” Gary turned to look at her. “Baby, are you okay? You seem a little, I don’t know, tired or sad or something. I hope Morgan wasn’t too much for you yesterday.”
“No, she was fine. We had a good day.” Shauntae changed the subject before she started crying. “Glad to hear that Daphne will be going to a therapist. I really hope it helps.”
“Me too, honey.” Gary let out a deep breath. “I’m sure it will. God is going to take care of everything. She’ll be fine.”
Shauntae hoped so. She took Darla’s phone call as a sign that God had heard her prayers and that He was gonna fix everything for her.
Church had Shauntae all emotional. She cried through the whole service. The music touched her, the dancers danced, and the pastor preached another one of his sermons on how much God loved her. This time she really believed it. When they did the altar call, Shauntae got up out of her seat and went to the front and got herself saved. She had kinda felt like she was already saved since she was talking to God and He was in His God kinda way talking to her, but she wanted to make it official and real.
When she got back to her seat, Gary held her and she cried for a long time. Luckily, when they was giving the altar call, they had called out a whole bunch of different stuff like people who wanted to go to a new level in God’s love, or people who wanted to give their lives back to God, or people who wanted a new anointing. Maybe Gary thought she had gone up to get more of God’s love in her heart. It didn’t matter. If he asked her, she was ready to tell him. Everything. She felt brand new in God’s love, like her past was wiped away. It was like the pastor said—she was a new creature in Christ.
After Shauntae stopped crying and got herself together, she looked down at her watch. It was time for second service. They needed to get out of there.
On their way out of the sanctuary, a tall, thin brown brother walked up to Gary. They slapped hands and exchanged man hugs. Gary introduced her, but Shauntae barely paid attention because she was worried about leaving before Devon, Cassandra, and Brianna got there. Gary kept talking and finally Shauntae tugged his arm. She raised an eyebrow and rubbed her belly.
“Man, let me get my wife out of here. We gotta feed the baby. Let me call you when I get in the car and we’ll finish this up.”
“A’ight, man. That’s cool,” the guy said. He reached out to shake Shauntae’s hand and said, “Nice to meet you.”
Shauntae shook it real quick, then pulled Gary toward the door. She hoped she wasn’t too rude, but then again pregnant women could get away with almost anything.
As they were driving out of the parking lot, Shauntae spotted Devon’s car. It was headed straight for them. As their cars passed each other, Shauntae covered her face, but looked through her hands and saw Brianna in the back seat. Her mouth was moving a mile a minute and in her head, Shauntae could hear her daughter’s singsong voice. Brianna was so busy talking that Shauntae was sure she didn’t see her. But Cassandra did. They looked each other straight in the eyes for a second as their cars passed.
At first she got scared. But then Shauntae remembered the peace she felt at the altar after that woman had helped her accept Jesus into her heart. The woman had put her hands on her and prayed about a whole lot of stuff. She prayed for her marriage and for the baby. She prayed that everything in Shauntae’s life would work out for good and that God would let some things happen that convinced her of His love for her. She prayed that Shauntae would know the love of the Father like never before.
So instead of being scared, Shauntae took it as a sign. God was showing her that He would fix things so Devon and Cassandra would let her see Brianna and she would get to be in her little girl’s life again. He would fix it so that she could tell Gary the whole truth about Brianna and then all of them—Darla, Daphne, Morgan, Gary, Shauntae, Devon, Cassandra, and Brianna—could all get along somehow as some kinda weird, mixed-up family.
A few minutes later, her cell phone went off. She looked down at the text.
That was too close! What happened?
Shauntae wrote back:
I got saved today. Ended up staying too long. Sorry. Shauntae thought about it for a minute and then added, I would like to meet with you and Cassandra to talk about something very important. Thank you for believing in me so far. Please can we meet sometime soon?
Gary was still talking to his friend on the phone and didn’t notice that Shauntae had closed her eyes and was praying. After a few moments, her cell phone vibrated again.
Congratulations on getting saved. Glad to see that God is doing good things in your life. Me and Cassandra will look at our schedules for the week and I’ll text you later to let you know when we can meet.
Shauntae closed her eyes and whispered, “Thank you, God.” She knew it was only a matter of time before she could see her little girl.
Thirty-seven
Later that evening, after they had stuffed themselves on leftovers and taken a long nap, Gary and Shauntae were snuggled up on the couch. Gary was watching CNN and Shauntae was thinking. After talking to Darla and then hearing the pastor talk about God’s love and forgiveness and thinking about stuff Gary had been saying to her, something was bothering her. She couldn’t get the thoughts out of her head, so she finally asked Gary, “Honey, can I ask you something?”
Gary nodded without taking his eyes off the news.
“It’s kinda important. Well, it’s real important.”
Gary looked down at her and then looked back up at the television. “Sure, baby.” He lifted the remote and clicked the television off.
“You know how the pastor always talks about God�
�s love and how much God forgives us and how nothing we do can ever make Him stop loving us?”
Gary nodded.
“Well, when you hug me and love on me and tell me that nothing I can ever do can make you stop loving me, it makes me feel the same way. Like you love me like God loves me.”
Gary kissed her nose. “That’s sweet, baby. I can only hope that I could love you as much as God loves you. I mean, a man is supposed to love his wife like Christ loved the church.”
“Right. But . . .” Shauntae stopped to think of how to ask what she wanted to ask. “When I talked to Darla this morning, she sounded like she was a real nice person. And you said when she woke up from the coma that that’s how she used to be when you guys first got together, back when you loved her.”
Gary nodded, frowning like he was trying to figure out where she was going.
“So what happened to you and Darla? If you loved her like that and nothing she could do could make you stop loving her, what happened? Why did you stop loving her?”
Gary blew out a long breath of air. He took his arm from around Shauntae and leaned forward on the couch. He sat there for a few minutes rubbing his hands together. “I guess this is something we should have talked about before.”
Shauntae sat and waited.
“I didn’t always think that way and I wasn’t always the man I am now. In fact, the way I am now is because of things that happened between me and Darla. I’ve always loved family and it’s always been important, but it’s more important to me now because of what happened. Sometimes you don’t realize how important something is until you lose it.”
Gary sat back against the couch. “When me and Darla got married, we had big dreams for what we wanted our lives to be. She was going to become partner at a top-tier law firm, and I was going to run my own million-dollar company. We were going to have four kids, a big house, and an amazing life.
Becoming Mrs. Right Page 22
