"I missed you too, Jess," he said, laughing. He finally let her go and stood back looking into her eyes. "Obviously, life has been treating you well."
She wasn't about to talk to him about her issues with Chase, so she nodded, trying not to spoil the mood. "You look like you've been basking in the sun." She couldn't deny he was a sexy man, even if he did play for the other team.
"Barry and I just got back from a cruise to Jamaica."
"I am so jealous!" She punched him playfully in the arm, and they found a table. They used to talk about taking a cruise, but it had never panned out. "So tell me all about the trip. Was it as beautiful as it looked in the brochures we use to get?" It felt incredible to have a normal conversation with him, and she was smiling from ear to ear.
"The Falls were incredible, Jess. You would have loved them, but the poverty in the city was just heartbreaking, so it had its pros and cons." When the server appeared, they both ordered lunch before he went into detail about the ship itself and the sumo karaoke.
"It sounds like you guys had a ball. I'm going to have to do a cruise one day." The rest of their lunch they filled each other in on what was going on in their lives. Jess left out Chase, but told him about her recent Florida trip and telecommuting job.
Greg paid their bill and walked her back to her car. "Listen, Jess, I hope we can do this again. I know I laid a lot of burdens at your feet with what I was going through, and I want you to know how sorry I am about that."
"None of us can change who we are Greg." She smiled at him, feeling no remorse for what they'd shared for the first time in years. "I miss hanging out with you, and I hope you won't be a stranger now." It was so freeing to finally let go of some of the emotional baggage that had been weighing her down.
"No, we can't change, Jess, and believe me, if I were straight, there could never be another woman I’d love to give my heart to more. I hope you know that." Pulling her into his arms again, he hugged her tightly, smiling.
"If you were straight, I would never let you out of my sight." She hugged him back. His comments meant more to her than she could ever express.
They exchanged phone numbers again before parting ways and promised to meet up again soon. Heading back to her apartment, she felt lightness in her step that filled her heart with hope. Tackling work for the next few hours kept her occupied until it was time to get dressed for the book club meeting. She'd missed last week because of her trip and was interested in discussing the book she'd read while lounging at the beach.
She dressed in a strapless sundress, the hint of color from her trip accentuating the white garment, and she left off pantyhose, since her legs had a tan, for a change. Tonight she was determined to get to know even more about the women she met with weekly. It was time for her to stop shutting out people in her life and make more friends.
Amanda came over and hugged her as she walked into Dana's house and she returned the gesture. "We haven't done our weekly lunch yet and I've got tons to tell you." She wanted to share her experience with Greg, and just catch up.
"Carolyn's invited me over tomorrow. If you don't mind doing it at her place, I'm sure she would be fine with you joining us." Amanda pulled her into the room as she talked.
Jessie thought about scheduling another day for lunch, but decided that was the old Jessie. "If you don't mind asking Carolyn tonight, that sounds like a great idea."
Amanda told her she would ask her after the meeting, and they took their seats as refreshments were handed out. When the conversations started, instead of hanging her head, Jessie contributed her thoughts, and when it came to the topic of BDSM, she decided she needed to speak her mind.
"I think some people construe this lifestyle in the wrong way." Jessie lifted her chin and glanced at Amanda then the ladies gathered. "A person that calls himself a dominant but just gets his kicks hurting women is an asshole, not a master." She worried about bringing this up, knowing what Amanda had suffered, but she felt it needed to be addressed.
"We're all friends here so it's no secret I was attacked. I admit at first I blamed the lifestyle for that prick, but the truth is you're right Jess. There are abusive men out there; you hear stories that have nothing to do with BDSM. I just think no matter who your date, you need to be cautious."
"My mother's second husband was an alcoholic," Lauren confessed. "I have to second what Amanda's saying," shaking her head she continued. "A man either respects a woman or he doesn't. He could be a preacher, a doctor, or a dominant; it's the mindset that truly matters."
"That may be true, but respect in my world doesn't involve spanking me like a naughty child." Tamara curled her lip. "I assume people into sadomasochism were abused as children."
"That's because all the romances on this topic we've read have been about some man who has a screwed up past. We don't ever get the viewpoint of the average person finding this just because it interests them. There are people who enjoy this just because it turns them on." That seemed like the case with Chase. He enjoyed being in control and as far as she knew, his childhood hadn't been that horrific.
"I don't know about the men, but how can any woman be willing to offer herself up in that context without going against everything we've fought for?" Tamela sneered at the thought of some man controlling her.
"Tamela, haven't you ever wondered what it would be like to not have to make all the decisions for a change, and just allow a man to pleasure you in ways he'd know would bring you over the edge?" Jessie was really curious about her answer because she knew what a powerful woman Tamela was in the business world, and she wondered if anyone ever saw the emotional side of her.
"I have yet to meet a man I would trust in that capacity, but not having to make all the rules in the bedroom might be a nice change of pace." She laughed and the rest of the women joined in.
"I don't think anyone would deny this isn't something you would try with a stranger." Carolyn said. "With the right partner, this can be a beautiful way of expressing your sexuality, but again, you have to really trust the person you're playing with.”
Excusing herself, Jessie walked to the bathroom and fought her own emotions. She hadn't thought this was something she wanted to pursue with anyone but Chase, but just talking about it tonight made her long to experience more. The truth was she loved that she didn't have to decide what brought her pleasure and could just enjoy the sensations. Maybe she could find that with another man. Jessie also knew she couldn't allow herself to get involved in a relationship where the lines weren't clearly drawn. With Chase, she would always want more than just passion, but maybe this was something she should at least think about exploring with someone else.
After getting her emotions under control, she rejoined the group. They discussed several other aspects of the BDSM relationship, but her own thoughts crowded her mind as she tried to decide what she really needed to make her happy. She decided to talk with Carolyn about this after everyone else had left.
She waited until the other ladies had left before walking over to Carolyn. The woman had been so great to Amanda when she was dealing with the crazy man, as she and Amanda both called him; maybe they'd just gotten off on the wrong foot. "Do you have a few minutes?"
"Absolutely," Carolyn said. With a smile, she led her over to the bar. "What's on your mind?"
Accepting the wine Carolyn poured, Jessie tried to decide how to voice her thoughts. "I think I understand what you were trying to warn me about with Chase now." It had taken seeing both sides of his personality to truly get the man he really was.
"I probably spoke out of turn."
"Actually, I think you were right. I think I allowed my own perception of what I needed in a relationship to blind me to the person he truly is."
Shaking her head, Carolyn stared at her. "Maybe you'd better explain?" Sitting down on the couch, she patted it, inviting Jessie to join her.
"All his baggage dealing with his father's illness left him vulnerable and he needed someone to distract him."
She was speaking more to herself than Carolyn at the moment.
"Is that what you think?" Sitting back on the couch, Carolyn raised a brow.
Nodding her head, she took a sip of liquid courage. "The man he showed me in the dungeon was nothing like the person I fell in love with."
Gasping, Carolyn's eyes widened. "So what were the differences in him?"
Jessie knew she probably shouldn't be discussing Chase with his friend, but if anyone knew him, Carolyn did. "He was almost cold and disconnected in his master role. That was the biggest one, I guess." Not the entire time, she remembered. He'd been pretty hot when he loved her body.
"So you think he only made love to you because he was feeling sorry for himself?"
"Why else would he do a complete 360?" She could only assume the person he'd been in the dungeon was the real man, not the tender lover that made her feel cherished.
Laughing softly, she tapped her finger to her lips for a few seconds. "Have you talked with him about your feelings?"
"And have Chase pity me for falling in love with him?" Making a face, her frown deepened. "I don't need his sympathy."
"The things I could teach you," Carolyn said, laughing softly, and then sighing. "Did you stop to consider that maybe he felt something more for you?”
Shooting her a look that said, yeah right she spoke. "The man is drop-dead gorgeous. Why would he feel anything more for me?"
"You really don't have a high opinion of yourself, do you?"
Jessie frowned again. "I guess I don't."
"You're a beautiful woman, and if I had any indication that you liked other women, and I didn't know that Chase would skin me alive, I'd offer to help you overcome that."
Stunned at her words, Jessie’s eyes widened enormously. "I guess I should be flattered?"
Laughing, Carolyn said, "Don't worry, you're safe with me. But seriously, have you considered that being in a relationship with a master might really help you overcome those feelings of self-doubt?"
"I think the whole sex with stranger's thing pretty much takes any chance of me going that route away."
"I rarely have sex with my slaves. People just assume that's what happens." Sipping on her wine, Carolyn smiled warmly.
"How can it not be sexual?" That thought hadn’t even registered as a possibility.
"I didn't say it wasn't sexual, only that I didn't normally have sex with my slaves. There's a difference. They derive pleasure from the things I do to them, and vice versa, but intercourse isn't mandatory."
"There are other people who keep sex completely on the outside?" That might be something she was willing to consider.
"More than you would imagine.”
"That's interesting." It was more than interesting, Jessie thought. She couldn't deny she was interested in hearing more.
"I know someone who might consider mentoring you."
"I don't know. I really want to learn more, but I'm not sure I'm really ready for any of this." She had enjoyed exploring with Chase, even if she couldn't keep her heart out of it, but a stranger…
"Of course it's your choice. I just don't want you to think every relationship in my world has to be so complicated."
"I guess it wouldn't hurt to at least talk with another dominant." Saying that was a huge leap for her. A few weeks ago she would have turned her lip up and considered people into this strange. She glanced at her watch and realized they'd been talking for over an hour. "I guess I need to be getting home."
"I'll walk you out." Looking at her distracted, she led to the front door. "I'll talk to my friend and let you know when he can set up something."
Jessie nodded her agreement as she walked back to her car. Talking with Carolyn had been a good idea and she felt better. Even if she still wasn't over Chase, she wasn't feeling as overwhelmed as before.
16 Deception
Hanging up the phone, he sat down and stared at it. Chase was shocked by Carolyn’s conversation. He considered himself a man who played by the rules, and what he was considering couldn't be labeled honest. Knowing Jessie was willing to speak with another dominant, even if in a mentorship capacity, had angered him since she wouldn't even return his calls. Jealously wasn't an emotion he normally experienced, but in this instance, it forced his hand.
For hours he'd debated over the plan going through his mind. He debated the possible outcomes until his head was pounding. Finally he concluded that this was the only option that he could live with. It would only be a small deception, he decided.
The charade would be brief. Chase only intended to spend a few minutes talking to her alone, but over the next several hours, his mind considered taking things to a level that would demand she at least be honest about her feelings toward him. He only hoped his little plan didn't backfire and make Jessie mistrust him more than she already did.
When he called Carolyn back to explain what he wanted, she attempted to dissuade him. She was adamant about not betraying Jessie's trust. Carolyn also made it very clear she was not pleased she'd decided to confide in him. None of her arguments deterred him from the path he'd chosen to take.
He convinced her after a long argument that he only had Jessie's best interests at heart. Hoping it wasn't just a selfish need on his part to be the only man in her life, he thought about how he would play this tonight to make sure she wasn't hurt. All he wanted was an opportunity. A chance to show her he was capable of bringing her body to incredible heights, but also to tell her his heart was just as involved.
Tonight he would at least know if there was any chance. If there wasn't, he would let her walk out of his life knowing he cared deeply.
He called Carolyn again and gave her explicit instructions on how to set up the personal room at the club. He wanted to bring her back to his own dungeon, but until this was settled, the club would suffice. She wasn't walking out of the club tonight until she understands how much I care.
If he had to tie her down to make her listen, he was going to make his feelings clear. The rational side told him he couldn't keep her in the dungeon against her will. Why don't you club her over the head and drag her to your cave, his conscious mocked. I just want to show I love her, he argued back mentally.
The plans he made were going to be very difficult to pull off without talking, and Jessie would assume that was all that was going to happen tonight. He wracked his brain for a solution, knowing even as he planned if she forgave him, he was going to be kissing her feet for a long time. Carolyn was going to be sick of hearing his voice, he thought as he called her yet again.
He knew he had her at a disadvantage because she couldn't argue any of his ideas with Jessie in the room. She'd agreed to all his demands and told him she and Jessie would be waiting for him tonight at eight. Hanging up with her, he attempted to focus on work again.
During his lunch break, he went to the club, and left a detailed list for Carolyn in the private office. He knew he was being overly cautious, but tonight had to be planned out perfectly. He felt like a dick for the game he was about to play, but he fought off the feeling, convincing himself the end result would be worth it for both of them.
He managed to drag himself back to the office, his mind anywhere but on the job. A board meeting later and he felt ready to curse in frustration at being stuck here when he had a beautiful woman to convince to give him another chance. As soon as it was professionally possible, he left the dull business world behind and went home to prepare for the meeting he wanted to attend tonight.
17 Games
Carolyn hung up with Chase, and joined Amanda and Jessie again for lunch. He wouldn't give someone an impossible task, she thought to herself as she tried to pay attention to the conversation at the table. When Amanda excused herself to return to work, she knew it was time to play her part in this deception. She only hoped Jessie would forgive her later.
"Now that she's gone, I wanted to let you know I've set you up with the friend we discussed." She saw Jessie's eyes widen, and smiled comfortingly
. "Trust me, Jessie, I wouldn't hesitate to entrust anyone to this man.”
"Maybe this was just a bad idea, Carolyn. This is all just happening a little too fast." Nibbling her lip, she frowned.
"Of course it's your decision Jessie, but you'll never really know if this is something you want unless you give it a chance." If it had been anyone other than Chase, she would have simply backed off. But she knew both Jessie and Chase needed tonight.
"Did you talk to him about the no sex clause?" Flushing, she looked at her hands.
"He was completely agreeable with your terms, and also stated he didn't have sex with a submissive unless she agreed to be his long term." That was the truth, Carolyn told the little voice chiding her for being part of this ruse, no matter what was at stake.
"And you'll vouch for this guy? I mean, he's not some pervert who just gets his kicks from hurting women, right?" Jessie shivered at the thought.
"Well, we all consider ourselves pervs." She chuckled. "But I would stand by this person with my own life, if need be. That's how much I trust him." Again, she was telling the truth, which made this a little more palatable for her.
Taking a deep breath, she nodded. "I guess I'm meeting your friend tonight."
She could see the worry in her eyes and smiled. "You won't regret this, Jessie. He's an incredible dominant and I think if anyone would be a perfect fit for you, he is." If Chase screwed this up, she would personally kick his ass. "There are a few conditions."
"That doesn't sound like something I'm going to like. What are they?"
"Well, he expects a submissive to be blindfolded and tethered when he enters the room. He will run you through his paces and if at any time you decide you want to stop, that's the end of it."
"I thought I was just going to talk to the man?” Jessie's voice rose in panic.
"He just wants to make sure anyone he mentors truly wants to explore her submissive side. Trust me, this isn't that unusual." You’re going straight to hell, Carolyn’s conscience screamed at her.
5 Nights (Sinful Delights Romance - Boxed Set) Page 25
