Glancing at him as if he had was an idiot, she shook her head. "Because I wasn't of legal age when I left and if I'd have went to the police or a homeless shelter they could have taken his word and sent me back. I decided eating garbage out of trash cans was a better life than letting him touch me again." Was he really that stupid, she thought, taking her anger out on him, instead of the man responsible for making her life a living hell.
He knew she'd been hurt by someone, but the horror of her situation was even worse than what he could have imagined. "Have you thought about pressing charges now that you're an adult?" He couldn't imagine allowing someone to get away with such a violent act, even though he himself had never been allowed to press charges after his own abuse.
Turning back to glare at him, she shook her head no. "I never wanted to see his face again, and the thought that he would know where I was, well it wasn't worth the chance that someone might actually believe me. I guess maybe I didn't believe myself that I didn't somehow deserve what he did to me." She'd never admitted that to anyone before, it was her own guilty secret.
"How could you think you deserved that Angela," in his own anger at what had happened to her, he dropped her title and stared at her in shock.
At his sympathy the dam broke that someone else believed she might not be this horrible person, and tears flooded down her cheeks. "My own body betrayed me, he told me that I enjoyed it or that it would have never happened." This was her dirty secret, the shame she'd carried with her for the last five years that still gave her nightmares.
Staring back at her incredulously for her thoughts, he was astounded that she actually seemed to believe that. "Angela if you tied me down and sucked my cock my body would eventually respond, but that wouldn't mean I wanted it to happen." He didn't mean to be so crude, but the fact that this beautiful person believed she encouraged the act of violence infuriated him. Not against her, but against a man so perverted he would fill her mind with such bullshit.
Shocked at his words, and the anger that filled his face, she stepped away from him. "I wouldn't ever do that," the thought of willingly touching a man that way made her want to hurl.
"That's what I'm talking about honey," he controlled the rage in his voice, seeing how it frightened her. "You never asked for what he did to you, and you obviously didn't want it."
She allowed his words to sink in, and wondered if she really wasn't at fault for those things that happened. She'd never discussed this with anyone, not even Rachel, because it made her so psychically sick remembering those years. Strangely enough, she wasn't feeling sick at the moment.
He wanted her to believe him, and knew that by sharing his own story, he might have a better chance. "Trust me Angela, I suffered at the hands of another person too, and it took me a long time to understand I wasn't the one to blame." He had only talked about this with a counselor, but he knew instinctively she'd had no one to turn to.
"You were raped?" The thought of this proud, gorgeous, confident man having suffered made her angrier than her own experience.
After years of therapy, he had come to understand that what happened to him was a violation against him and not something he'd been responsible for. "I was eighteen, and working at a piano bar in New Orleans. I won't say I was a saint in those days Angela, to be honest I was so screwed up with drugs and alcohol that I was barely making it through each day. Anyway, there was a producer who had come to my show one night and offered me a recording contract. I was trying to prove to myself that I didn't need my daddy's label to make it in the music industry and he offered me the rainbow with the pot of gold at the end."
She sat back down beside him, listening to his story, and felt oddly at ease as he continued.
"Anyway, being strung out on drugs, he asked me to come to his hotel and discuss the contract, and before I knew his intentions he had tied me down to a bed and forced me." The thought of that lecherous asshole touching him made him want to smash his face in. "Instead of turning away from sex, I slept with so many females that I lost count just to prove to myself I wasn't gay." He remembered the self-loathing he'd felt after that night and how many years it had taken him to get off the destructive path he'd allowed after the event.
"Did you turn him in," she couldn't imagine what it must have been like to have someone of the same sex rape her, and wondered if it could be any worse than it being someone you knew, like in her case.
"No, my father was on top of the recording industry at the time and instead of legal action we destroyed him together and made sure he never worked in the business again." He often looked back and wondered if he wouldn't have been better off putting the sadistic fuck in jail where he belonged.
It was so much to take in, and she'd never spoken to another rape victim before. "Wow," that was all she could manage because her head was spinning over his story.
"The truth is Angela, we can't help what happened to us in the past, but we can decide if we remain a victim for the rest of our life, or we overcome what they did to us." It had taken several years for him to accept his past, and he hoped he could help her rise above what had happened in her young life. For the first time in years he actually cared what happened to another person.
"Why would you have worried about being gay?" She knew digging into his life was none of her business, but a part of her was really curious now.
"After it happened I had all these nightmares about him, and one night I actually got off in the dream, so I was terrified it was something I actually wanted." He knew that if anyone would understand what he'd been through she would, and it was ironically funny since he'd never discussed that with any other female.
"I guess people just react in their own way, I have the nightmares, but instead of wanting someone to touch me, the thought just makes me sick." She'd actually read tons of stuff on the internet, trying to understand her own emotions after the abuse. It was somewhat common for people to either become addicted to sex or celibate when something that horrific happened to them.
"Whatever helps you deal I guess is what you do to survive," he smiled warmly and for once the past wasn't such a terrible thing. He'd turned down the offer to attend rape counseling group sessions, because he never wanted his secret to get out to the public, so it was a nice change being able to discuss this with a person outside of his counselor. "Have you ever considered talking to a counselor?" It had helped him so much, that he couldn't imagine having to go through it alone.
"I was able to afford a few sessions, but working as a waitress, that doesn't leave a lot of extra money for things like that," she gave an embarrassed laugh, realizing that they were from two completely different worlds.
"I guess I've never had to worry about money," he said apologetically. Even when he was singing in dives, he had his mother's trust fund to fall back on for support. "I can't imagine what it was like to live on the streets." He looked at her expectantly, wondering if he was pushing too much.
"Let's just say you don't want to find out," those dark weeks on the street was something she wouldn't wish on her worst enemy. "You learn how to sleep without really resting." That was putting it lightly, she thought, fearing for your life every second of the day was an experience no one should suffer.
"You know your family will find out you're doing this show unless they live under a rock Angela," he hated to bring up the bad news, but wanted her to be prepared in case they did find her.
The thought had never crossed her mind, but 'Overnight Sensation' was one of the most popular televised talent shows, and he was absolutely right. The thought of him finding her was terrifying. She hadn't talked to her mother since she left, and felt no guilt in stopping contact. In her young mind, her mother should have known what was happening in her own home. She failed to protect her and it was something she could never forgive.
"If you'll allow me, I'll run interference, I can be pretty persuasive in making people do what I want." He gave a small smirk, showing a small glimpse of the attitude tha
t earned him the title of Mr. Snarkiness in the tabloids.
"As far as I know they haven't cared enough to find me in the last five years, so until it becomes a problem I'd rather not encourage him." The thought of having to face that monster again was something she'd give everything she had to avoid.
"Your call, but I will say sometimes it's better to head things off before they happen." This was her choice, but he knew from personally experience that when a person was thrown into sudden fame that all the people in their past wanted to get in on the ride.
"I think you're doing enough already, Mr. Fitzgerald," she was amazed at how much better she felt about herself after her talk with him today.
"I think under the circumstances you can call me Nolan," he chuckled warmly, "and if it's okay I'll use your name as well, the Mr. and Ms. stuff was starting to get annoying."
"Okay Nolan, and of course I don't mind if you use my name." She found it funny that they were discussing such a normal topic after the bombshells they'd dropped on each other today.
"About your name..." he smiled playfully. "I came up with an idea for a stage name yesterday and wanted to get your opinion, how about Angel Storm?" The name really did fit this lovely woman and he hoped she approved because he saw tons of marketing ideas using it.
She liked the sound of the name and grinned enthusiastically. "I think it's really cool!" Her stomach growled at that precise moment, reminding her she hadn't eaten since lunch.
He chuckled at the sound, "Would you do me the honor of letting me take you out to dinner?" They'd been talking for over an hour and he knew she'd probably want to rest soon to prepare for her training tomorrow.
"I don't know Nolan, wouldn't the papers have a field day with you taking one of the contestants out to eat?" She was only half-joking as she made the comment, but for personal reasons she didn't want to be center of rumors with him.
"Well I think if we keep it low key, and visit a pizza joint, the paparazzi might not get clued in." The fact of him visiting anything but a five-star restaurant would definitely be off the radar, he knew.
The mention of pizza made her remember that her friends were ordering in tonight, "Crap I forget Lizzie and Devon were ordering pizza tonight, I really should be getting back to the hotel."
He was somewhat amazed at how much he didn't want her to leave tonight, but smiled in understanding. "Far be it for me to keep you away from your pizza buddies," he laughed softly and stood up holding out his hand to help her stand.
Without thought she took his hand and let him help her, still smiling. As they walked out to his limousine, she was still feeling happier than she could ever remember being before. They chatted all the way back to the hotel, and as they finally arrived she impulsively reached over to hug him. For reasons she couldn't contemplate it felt normal, even though she was a little embarrassed by her actions.
He returned her hug, almost as shocked as she was, and without thought he lowered his lips to her cheek and kissed her tenderly. "Thank you for an amazing night Angela," he smiled at the rosy blush on her cheeks.
Opening the car door she laughed softly and got out. "I had fun," she waved and all but ran to the entrance of the hotel. If anyone had told her last week she'd be spending time with Nolan Fitzgerald she would have laughed in their face, she thought as she hurried upstairs to meet Lizzy.
She was amazed at how much fun she had with Devon and Lizzy, and the other five they'd invited down to the lobby. They'd downed enough Pizza and soda to make them sick and then practiced together until well after midnight. When she finally crawled into bed she was given a peaceful night without the horrible nightmares that plagued her.
6 Hidden
The week flew by with photo shoots, practices and her personal training with Nolan. An entire weekend of relaxation was coming as soon as she finished her time with Nolan and she was somewhat excited to be able to enjoy some down time. Walking into the studio she was filled with eager anticipation. She really wasn't uncomfortable at all around him anymore and it was more than a relief to be able to enjoy his company.
He was sitting at his piano as she walked into the studio, and gave a warm smile as he lifted his aching fingers. "How were the classes today?" He already knew that the trainers were impressed with her improvement, but wanted to hear it from her lips.
"They are getting easier by the day thanks to you," she returned his smile, and sat her oversized purse down on the floor before joining him on the piano bench. This was how they'd began their meeting for the last few days, him playing as she sang.
"You didn't bring your guitar," yesterday he'd discovered she'd left her guitar at home because she didn't know they'd be staying if they won the competition, so he'd given her one from the studio.
Smacking her forehead with the back of her hand playfully, she laughed. "Sorry I was running late this afternoon and forgot it."
He chuckled at her antics, "Well I might forgive you this one time." He began playing the latest song they were working on, and smiled as her incredible voice blended with the music. Listening to her sultry lilts filled his soul with a longing he'd never felt before, and he lost himself in the magic they made.
She allowed the music to take over her mind, and sang of a lover that broke her heart, leaving her longing for the wonder they had shared so long ago. When the last line ended, she watched in amazement as Nolan's talented fingers created the riveting melody to end the story in song. "You should play more," she whispered softly, still enraptured in the moment.
His hands stilled on the keys, and he turned to face her, their faces scant inches apart. "You make me want to play again Angela," without thought, he lowered her lips and found hers. If she'd pulled away he could have stopped his hands from moving to either side of her face and pulling her closer, but she leaned closer and he was lost in the desire her sultry performance inspired.
The feel of his warm lips caressing hers forced a soft sigh to escape and when their tongues danced together, she was not afraid in the least, only wanting. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she gave in to the beauty of his kiss, amazed at the tenderness this incredible man showered upon her.
Their pasts melted away for a few precious moments, and he surrendered to the ache that he'd felt all week while watching her become the star she would soon show the world. Reality seeped in, and he broke the kiss, keeping his hands on her face as he searched her endless blue eyes, looking for regret, and thankfully finding none. "You make me believe again, Angela," he spoke softly, his thumb moving across her swollen lips lightly.
Astonished by the emotion on his handsome face, she was amazed that she could be responsible for making this proud man feel anything. She should be terrified, she reminded herself, but felt only contentment as he gently stroked her cheek with his long fingers. "What are you doing to me Nolan," she whispered breathlessly, her eyes filled with a longing that she'd never felt before.
What was he doing, he thought to himself, forcing his hands to lower and pulling away. She was this beautiful broken creature, and he wasn't a happily ever after kind of guy. Standing up, he gave a small smirk, forcing back the gentle emotions she brought out in him. He was here to help her succeed in her career, he forced his mind to accept, and she was too good to fall for a cold-hearted bastard like himself. "Forgive me, I'm afraid I got lost in the music."
The strange bond she felt while they kissed slowly raveled away with his cold behavior and she shivered. "I guess I did too," she knew there was no way a man like him could ever want a girl like her, but for a few moments it was nice to not be afraid. Giving an embarrassed smile, she stood up and tried to get her emotions under control.
He felt like the ass he was, as he saw the self-doubt fill her beautiful face again, and hated himself for it. "It just proves how far you're coming along," he knew the words were a damn lie as he said them, but she didn't need to get her heart broken by a man like him, he concluded. Women in his life were decorations not long lasting commitments,
and she deserved someone who would love her the way she deserved.
Disappointed that he had only kissed her because she was performing well, she forced another smile to her face. "I have a great teacher," she couldn't let him know how much it hurt to know he didn't really want her.
"Well I want you to shine when you perform," What he really wanted was to take her in his arms and drive away the insecurities that kept them both from giving each other a chance. But his wants and needs weren't really important. In a few weeks she would be performing against some of the best talent in the world, and he was determined that she outshine them all. That didn't involve screwing her head up with fake promises that he could give her anything more than a few nights of passion.
"Let's get back to work then," He didn't need to explain that she wasn't the type of woman for him, she could see it in his face. So what if he was the first man in her life she actually wanted to touch her. He was giving her the chance to fulfill a dream, and that was so much more than she deserved.
Forcing his mind to get back into training mode, they worked on dance numbers for the rest of their session. She had all the dance numbers down, and just needed to practice daily to improve her skills. When he dropped her off at the hotel he felt like a piece of him was missing, and knew that putting some distance between them was the only way he could keep her safe from his own fucked up needs.
She had no idea who the real person was he hid from the rest of the world, or the things he needed to do with others to be able to make it through his fucked up life. She was too good for him, and he'd never allow his deviant nature to hurt her.
He'd discovered after his abuse that he could only find pleasure when he was in complete control of his lover. It had started innocently enough, tying a woman's hands to a bedpost while he fulfilled his needs, but escalated quickly in the need to do other things to show his power. He'd discovered early on that older, more experienced woman were willing to allow him to play his little sex games and most had begged to discover just how far he would take them The ones that were offended were never invited into his bed again, and those that enjoyed his depraved acts still weren't kept as lovers for very long. With one exception, he allowed, the only female that could handle how screwed up he was, had been his friend for years.
5 Nights (Sinful Delights Romance - Boxed Set) Page 55
