He caressed her hair, and shook his head at the urgency to take her again. "Baby don't you see I can't be the tender lover you need."
This was his hang up, she thought incredulously? He was worried that she needed tenderness? "Nolan, I love the way we make love." She looked up into his beautiful eyes and could see that he really thought he was not good enough for her, and it amazed her. "I wouldn't want you any other way."
"You don't need to lie to me sweetheart, I know you want to please me, but I'm the one that needs to learn to control my needs." She was just more than he ever deserved, and somehow he would be the man she needed him to be if it killed him, he decided.
She shivered as the cool air caressed her skin, and shook her head. "Nolan what I don't think you understand, is I really do enjoy the way you take control when we make love." She couldn't explain it to herself, much less to him, but the way he commanded her body, she couldn't imagine it ever being any better than that. When they were together she didn't have time to worry about if she was doing things the right way, only what he made her feel.
The pounding on the door stopped their discussion, and Angela's face turned bright red at the thought of all the people outside of this room having heard their passionate encounter. "Well this should make for great headlines tomorrow," biting down on her lip to stop a giggle, she raised her eyes to his, the laughter fading instantly.
What the fuck had he just done, he thought incredulously as he barked out they'd be out in a minute. "Damn it I just can't do things right with you." Sliding his clothes back on, he helped her dress with a lot less urgency than the way he'd dressed himself.
"The hell with them," she was not going to let him retreat into some shell again with her. "We did nothing wrong Nolan." Maybe it wasn't the right time or place, but she enjoyed the knowledge that he couldn't resist her any more than she could him.
Shaking his head at how easily he'd lost control, he knew this wasn't the place to have this conversation. "We need to get back out there Ang, we'll talk about this at home later."
The way he said home made her smile, she wondered if he even realized his words. "Your place or mine," she couldn't resist teasing him a little as she walked over to the mirror and tried to make her hair look a little less like she'd just been loved intensely.
Chuckling at her untimely sense of humor, he swatted her ass lightly, "How about you get that sexy little ass in gear and I'll try not to remember that you coerced me into playing tonight, and I won't take you over my knee?"
The thought of him spanking her really turned her on for reasons she couldn't even begin to understand, and she smirked as she opened the door and flung back these words over her shoulder, "Maybe that isn't the threat you want it to be Mr. Fitzgerald."
Her words shocked him, but he had no time to respond as he followed after her and was immediately engulfed by the backstage crowd. This conversation wasn't over, just delayed, he decided as he gave his trademark smirk, and walked back toward the stage following the lovely little ass that now had all his focus.
Trisha had been awarded the title of Overnight Sensation, and while she wasn't thrilled that the catty little witch had won, even she couldn't deny that the woman had put on a great show. As balloons and confetti fell on the stage, she and Nolan joined the rest of the cast on stage as the last scenes of the season were filmed. Lizzie and Devon both appeared not to be broken hearted over losing the competition, as she knew it was because of this show they would both have more fame than they ever had before it.
The after party was incredible, and the room was filled to capacity with record producers, journalists, and longtime supporters of the showcase. The champagne flowed freely, and Angela enjoyed the bubbly little treat a little more than she should have. Nolan's arm had never left her waist the entire time, and she giggled at how overly protective of her he seemed.
"I do believe Ms. Storm, that you are a little inebriated," he grinned thinking of how he would sober her up later.
"And I believe that you owe me an apology for running away from me Mr. Fitzgerald." She knew it was the alcohol making her so loose lipped, but she really was angry that he had been able to walk away from her so easily before and the champagne was making it easier to talk about.
"Well what do you say we blow this Popsicle stand and go talk about that somewhere more private," he held her up as she almost tripped over her own shoes, and knew he needed to get her home.
Giggling again, she nodded. "Unless you plan on carrying me out of here later, that might be a good idea."
Nolan made their excuses and led them out of the overly crowded room, and with the security teams assistance they finally ended up in his car. The way Angela laid her head on his shoulder as they were driven back home, made his heart ache with the rightness of the feeling. Maybe he hadn't given her enough credit, he pondered as they rode silently. He had some screwed up ideas about what he needed in a relationship, and he'd never considered that she might be able to handle those needs.
She was sound asleep by the time they reached the mansion, and he had no intention of waking her so he carried her inside. He shouldn't have allowed her to drink so much, he chided himself, but he was glad for the time to think about their relationship, and maybe it was a blessing in disguise.
Carrying her upstairs, he slowly lowered her body to his bed, careful not to wake her. She'd suffered so much already in her young life, that the thought of saddling her with his baggage seemed too much. There was a part of him that wanted to walk away and let her find someone less screwed up to have a relationship with, but the thought of her with anyone else pissed him off more than he could admit.
With tenderness, he removed her heels and attempted to make it more comfortable for her to rest. The formal gown looked uncomfortable as well and without much thought, he carefully turned her on her side to unzip it, her only movement was a soft grunt of being disturbed. She definitely couldn't hold her liqueur he thought with a warm smile as he slowly lowered the straps of the gown and slid it from her non-responsive body. He removed her bra as well, leaving her clad in only the small scrap of lace that covered her sex, and he knew seeing that temptation was not in either of their best interests at the moment.
Gazing over her incredible body, he felt his own passion stir and he quickly pulled the duvet over her delectable flesh. Sitting in the oversized chair by the bed he watched her sleep and for the first time in as long as he could remember, he felt that he was exactly where he was supposed to be. There was no desire to run away, or deny the emotions that were welling up inside of him. She felt like home, he thought with a small laugh.
How long he'd sat there watching her, he had no idea, but when she finally stirred he felt as if a part of him awakened as well. A part that he had hidden from for more years than he cared to remember. Her drowsy smile made his heart ache, and for a brief moment he felt the urge to protect her from himself again.
"Sorry I fell asleep on you," her cheeks reddened as she noticed she was almost completely undressed under the blanket.
"I think it's probably a good idea that you did," he joined her on the bed and his fingers lightly grazed over her cheek with a tender smile.
Remembering their conversation earlier tonight, her blush deepened. "You wanted to spank me." With a small grin, she wrapped the blanket tighter around her as she sat up looking into his eyes, trying to read him.
"Does it bother you that it gives me pleasure to do things like that?" He had to know, and if it did, he wasn't sure how he could fight the nature of the beast he'd become over all those long lonely years.
Lowering her eyes, she thought seriously about what he was asking then shook her head no. "I think the idea kind of turned me on." She was embarrassed as hell, but being honest with him was really important to her.
"Baby, you really shouldn't say things like that," he chuckled softly and pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly.
She let go of the blanket so she could wrap her arms
around his neck. "I don't ever want to lie to you Nolan," the thought of him running from her again terrified her, and she held him so tight that her arms ached from the exertion.
"If I were any kind of man I would walk away from you sweetheart," she deserved so much more than his fucked up mentality could give her, but damn it he didn't want to let her go.
"If you walk away from me again you'll destroy me Nolan, I love you," she could deal with anything he could dish out except the idea of not having him in her life, she told herself.
"God help me, I love you too Ang, but you have no idea how fucked up I am." She'd only glimpsed a small part of his need to be in control, and it terrified him that he would break her when she discovered just how much he needed to feel fulfilled.
Hearing him say he loved her was all she needed, the tears fell softly down her cheeks as she realized that whatever issues he had she could deal with, knowing he felt the same way. "Promise me you won't run again Nolan, my heart can't handle it."
"You might be the one who runs when I show you what I'm really capable of," he tried to protect her, but damn it he was tired of denying his desires and she was the only one he truly wanted.
She couldn't imagine there was anything about him that would make her want to run, and she pulled back to look into his haunted eyes. "As long as you love me Nolan, I can handle whatever demons you think you have."
She had no idea what demons he truly possessed, he thought with a pang of regret, but maybe it was time he shared who he truly was with her. "I have something I want to show you Ang, and if you can still say that after I do, then we'll go from there." He slid from the bed and walked over to his chest of drawers pulling out a long t-shirt. Walking back to the bed he handed it to her, and turned his back while she dressed.
17 Secrets
She slid on the t-shirt and smiled at the thought of him turning his back so she could dress. Since she imagined he was the one that undressed her earlier, it was somewhat a moot point that he not look now. Sliding off the bed, she noted the shirt fell to her knees, and she laughed softly telling him he could turn around.
She looked like an adorable waif dressed in his oversized shirt, but his mind was so filled with fear that she'd run away when he showed her his secret room, that he couldn't smile. "Just know Angela I would never truly hurt you." Taking her hand he led her out of the room and downstairs, and then to a basement door.
She wondered why she'd never visited this room before, but had her answer when he took keys from his pocket and unlocked it. She followed him down the long flight of steps and her heart almost stopped beating at the sight of the room that enveloped her. Medieval torture chamber came to her mind as she allowed her eyes to gaze over the strange contraptions. Tugging back on his hand, she wanted to run the other way for a brief moment.
Her heart raced in her chest and her eyes met his, hoping he was going to tell her this was all just a joke. "Nolan, I don't understand?" She knew he had issues, but this was overwhelming. She'd heard about places like this, but seeing one in person was more than a little terrifying. Memories flooded her of being raped and confused with the visions of this room that was apparently meant to cause people pain and she panicked. "I want to leave." That was the understatement of the year, she wanted to destroy the scene before her.
He could see the terror in her eyes, and knew exactly what she was thinking. "Nothing here can hurt you on its own Angela," he whispered softly, hoping she could find it in her heart to trust him.
His words made her relax a little, but not enough that she could truly not think about what he did to people down here. "But you want to hurt me here?" She couldn't combine the man she knew with the devious looking devices that surrounded her in this room. The thought of him wanting to torture her made her physically sick and she cringed visibly.
"I know it's hard to understand Angela, but everything down here can be used for pleasure, it doesn't have to be painful." He read the disbelief in her eyes, and wondered if he shouldn't just take her back upstairs. But what would that mean to them, he pondered. This was part of who he was and he wasn't sure he could just walk away from it, not even knowing how much he loved her.
She wanted to scream at him that he didn't need any of this stuff, but she could see by the longing on his face that this was something he truly enjoyed. It terrified her she admitted to herself, but what frightened her more was the thought of losing him because she couldn't at least try to understand why he needed these things. "Tell me what you do with all of this." It took every ounce of courage she had to keep her words calm.
He gave a relieved sigh that she wasn't running away, and gently took her hand in his, pleased that she wasn't pulling away. He explained that he didn't enjoy causing pain, but increasing the stimulation of passion and showed her how each prop worked and what he would do to her if she agreed to let him introduce her to his lifestyle.
He explained to her about safe words, and how she would always be in control of any experience they ever shared down here, and was pleased that her breathing, which had been rather erratic, seemed to calm.
"So you're telling me that if at any time I use one of those words you would stop immediately?" The idea of being a willing participant in these strange sexual games was overwhelming to her, but knowing she could stop anything if it were too much gave her a little more courage.
"Absolutely Ang, anything we would do here would be consensual." She was so beautiful he thought as her eyes gazed around his dungeon, curious and frightened at the same time. There were so many pleasures he wanted to share with her, he could only hope someday she'd trust him enough to allow him that honor.
So many things began to make sense to her as she studied his domain. The way he enjoyed taking control, and the guilt that had forced him to run away because he was afraid she couldn't handle the darker side of his desires. "Nolan, do you truly love me," she whispered softly?
"For the first time in my life I can honestly say that I know what love is Angela, and yes more than anything else in this world I love you." He had never felt this way before about any woman, and his broken little angel standing here in the middle of his deranged twisted dungeon of needs willingly, made him realize that he would never feel about another woman the way he felt about her.
She smiled sadly at his words, knowing that if this is what he needed then there was no way she could deny him. "I love you enough to do this for you," lifting up on her tiptoes, she kissed him gently on the lips.
Wrapping his arms around her, he held her tightly, understanding that she was giving him a gift she'd never given any other man in her life, her trust. "I'll never let you regret this Angela, I promise." He thought of all the ways he could pleasure her body in this room, and vowed that she would never regret the decision to allow him to share his deviant world with her.
"Show me," she whispered softly, aching to love him even if she was afraid of all the strange toys that surrounded her.
Her words startled him for a moment, dawning recognition of what she was willing to do for him settled in. For the first time in his adult life he was afraid to take control. "Some other time," pulling her into his arms, he held her tightly. Just knowing she didn't see him as some freak and was willing to trust him enough to even consider this dark part of him, for now it was enough.
It shocked her that she was a little disappointed that he was refusing to initiate her into his world when only moments ago she'd been terrified to have his darker side revealed. "Nolan I don't want you to run from me again, if this is part of who you are then I want to love that part of you as well."
Could this woman be any more amazing, he asked himself? She had been abused, left on her own, and even with all that pain in her background, she was still willing to allow him to walk her into his fucked up world of deviance. "For now Ang, all I want to do is love you." Giving her no time to question his motives, he lowered his lips to hers and kissed her gently.
Lifting her into his arms, he car
ried her easily back upstairs and then to his bedroom. There would come a time when the need to be in control would overwhelm him again, but at this moment all he could think about was making love to this incredible angel who'd given him a reason to hope again.
With tenderness he undressed her and smiled as she slid into his bed and looked up at him with trusting eyes. The beauty of her non-judgmental expression made him feel more whole than he had ever felt before in his life. Discarding his own clothes he joined her and their bodies pressed against each other, everything in their past dissolving away leaving only two broken people attempting to heal the only way they knew how.
Each stroke of his tender hands over her heated flesh made her ache to fulfill him, there was no selfishness as they kissed, embraced and finally joined together. This was more than just about gratification for both of them. When he paused, embedded deeply inside of her, she stared up into his warm gaze and smiled.
"I want you to know sweetheart, I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make myself worthy of your love." He began to ride her with restrained patience, enjoying each stroke within her clenching, velvety folds.
Her legs wrapped around his waist, aching for fulfillment but enjoying this tender side of him that showed her more than words could ever express how much he truly cared for her. "You already have Nolan," pulling his head down to hers, she kissed him as he continued to love her body as if he had an eternity to pleasure them both.
Restraining himself until she cried out her release, he still didn't give in to his own need to rush the moment of ecstasy, but continued with slow, long thrusts until he lost himself inside of her. Making love to her was a gift that he determined to always respect and in her arms he found a solace that he'd never thought possible.
Long after their lovemaking was over, he held her, almost afraid to let go. The demon was still hiding somewhere in his mind, but with her he almost felt like he had a chance to be normal again. The soft caress of her hand over his chest made his heart ache with the possibilities that he didn't need to control her to cover up his past any longer.
5 Nights (Sinful Delights Romance - Boxed Set) Page 68
