by Leigh James
Other guests were starting to arrive, so I quickly grabbed her hand and brought her down the back hall. I found the coat-check room. It was June, so the room was empty. I pulled her inside and pressed her up against the wall, my erection fierce and accusatory against her now.
“I need you,” I said. “Do you understand that?”
Her face, raw and open and honest, stared up at me. “Is this just sex? For you?” Her voice came out in a hoarse whisper.
I took a step back from her, wounded. I motioned to the air between us. “This is not just sex. And it hasn’t been, even from the first time.” I paused for a beat. “For me.”
Something softened in her eyes, and she pulled me to her. She undid my pants quickly, almost desperately. My cock sprung free, and she stroked it between both of her hands while I fumbled with her long beaded gown. “Just unzip it.” She turned around, and I undid her dress; it cascaded in heavy waves to the floor. She stepped outside of it and put her back to the wall, spreading her legs for me. “I want you.”
I knelt before her, ripping my tuxedo jacket off. I took her delicate lace underwear and roughly shoved them to the side. Then I spread her legs a little more and kissed her cleft. She moaned and I circled her with my tongue, licking and sucking her clit.
“I need you inside me,” she said desperately, grinding down on my face. “I need your cock.” I sucked her harder, feeling her body bunch up and clench around me. She fisted her hands through my hair, and she came, hard and quick, crying out and shaking above me. I stood, my pants undone, and hitched my hard length against her slit. She was so wet, so ready for me, I started to get dizzy. “Do you want me?” I asked breathlessly against her ear.
In answer, she grabbed the tip of my cock and put it inside her. She looked up at me. “Fuck me, James. Please. I need to feel you inside me.”
I lifted her up a little and adjusted my hips so that I was pinning her against the wall. Then I slid all the way into her, all at once. Her tight body stretched around mine, and she cried out, a mixture of pain and relief in her voice. “That’s it, baby,” she said. “That’s what I wanted.” She leaned down and kissed me fiercely, and I pounded into her, my thrusts as ragged as the emotions inside me.
I entered her deeper and harder each time. She arched her back, and the underwear I’d pushed to the side chafed against me, driving me wild. I was blind inside of her, pounding, seeking my release urgently. I held her shoulders, pumping into her over and over, my hands scraping over her breasts, still encased in her lace bra. I was so close, so out of control.
I wanted to fill her with me.
“Oh my God,” she said, her body starting to quake and clench around me. “James.” Then she threw her head back and cried out loudly as she shattered. That pushed me over the edge; I clung to her and pounded into her desperately, exploding into her.
“Audrey,” I cried, clinging to her.
I set her down gently, both of us limp and shaky. I looked down and saw her face against my chest. Her eyes were shut tight.
“I love you,” she whispered against me. “I just want you to know that.” I could feel her shaking. I held her to me, just loving the feel of her body against mine, the joy her words brought.
“And James.”
“What, baby?” I asked, staring down at her gorgeous face, her eyes still scrunched up tight.
“I quit.”
Audrey
At the reception, I tried Jenny’s trick of thinking of it like a movie. If it was bad, she’d said, pretend you were watching it and that it was happening to someone else. If the movie took a turn for the worst and got really scary, just close your eyes, she said. Then it would be as if it never happened.
After James made love to me, and another powerful orgasm had wracked my body, I knew what I had to do. This is the part where the heroine tells the hero that she loves him, and they live happily ever after, I thought. Unfortunately, this wasn’t a movie. This was my life, and there wasn’t a happy ending in sight.
I closed my eyes tightly.
“I love you,” I whispered against James. “I just want you to know that.” He held me close as I shivered, pleasure mixed with misery pulsing through me.
“And James.” I wouldn’t look up. I kept my eyes closed, my face against his chest.
“What, baby?” he asked.
“I quit.”
I ran away after that, as quickly as I could, back to my apartment. But even though I was miles away from him now, I could still feel his hands on me. I could still imagine the feel of my face against his chest.
I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to keep the pain that encircled me at bay. I sat at my window and stared out. The morning broke, hazy and humid. The sun rose up over the sky, and still, I didn’t move. I thought I saw a limousine crawling down my street, but I might have imagined it. Limousines did not frequent my neighborhood.
In any event, I knew it wasn’t James. He was probably on the plane by now, on his way to the Bahamas. And I was here, in my run-down Southie apartment, where I would always be.
Because I knew now what I’d known last night. This was where I belonged. I didn’t belong to better. Between my mother and his, the opposition was too intense. The chasm between us too wide.
Because I loved him, I had to protect him.
From me.
James
I had someone from the hotel come up to pack my things for the trip. And Audrey’s things. I didn’t even let myself think about it.
I stared out the window at the hazy-looking morning, seeing nothing. I was too obsessed with the pain I was feeling. With the why of it.
Why she’d told me she loved me. And why she’d left.
I’d tried to run after her out of the Plaza, but I had to put my damn pants on first. By the time I’d dressed, she was gone. And I was left wondering just what the hell I was supposed to do now.
Todd stopped me on my way out of the lobby. He looked alarmed. “Are you leaving my reception?” he asked. “And what the hell happened back there at the ceremony? Why’d you run out?”
I watched the cars going by outside, itching to call Kai and go search for Audrey. The thing was, I didn’t even know what she wanted. “I’m not leaving,” I told him, fighting the very real urge I had to do just that. I had to find her and talk to her, but this was also Todd’s wedding, and I was the best man.
And I’d already sort of run out of the ceremony.
“And the ceremony… I just had to go to the bathroom.”
“The bathroom,” Todd said, looking at me with flat incredulity.
“That’s right,” I said. “But I’m here now. And I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”
“Where’s Audrey?”
“Taking a break,” I said, my voice ice.
My brother watched my face. “Is she coming back?”
I shrugged.
“Do you want a drink?”
“Not just one,” I said, clapping him on the back and following him inside.
And now, not just one drink and only three hours of restless sleep later, I was still wondering if she was coming back.
But I was pretty sure I knew the answer to that.
I sighed and finished my coffee. Then I called Kai and told him to meet me out front. Now.
* * *
“Who is it,” she mumbled when I buzzed ten minutes later.
“You’re kidding, right?” I asked.
She didn’t answer me. A fuzzy silence filled the air while my temples pounded from the combination of my hangover and a dull, aching anger.
Then the monitor went blank, and I just buzzed again. And again.
* * *
She finally relented and let me up. “This is getting old,” I said, pacing her apartment. “Didn’t I just chase you here the other day?”
“That one was your fault,” she said. The skin around her eyes was red and puffy, as if she’d been crying. I wanted to reach out and touch her face, but I didn’t
dare. I had no idea what was going on with her right now. Just like I had no idea what made her run from me last night.
But in no way did that mean I was done with her. Not even close.
“I thought you’d be gone by now,” she mumbled.
“They pushed the flight back. Everyone was too hung over to make the earlier one.” I made a big show of looking at my watch. “The flight’s leaving from Logan at eleven. I’d like you to be on it.”
She looked at me, her shoulders sinking down, as if I was asking too much. Part of me wanted to take what pride I had left and leave. But she was still wearing the necklace I’d given her last night, her fingers twined tightly around it. That gave me hope.
“Audrey. We had an arrangement,” I reminded her. “I want you to come with me on this trip.”
“Why.” Her voice was flat.
I ran my hands through my hair in frustration. Any small shred of patience I had left was being ground down to dust. “Is this… a hormone thing?”
She rolled her eyes and flopped down on her futon. “It’s nothing that simple,” she said. She sounded both miserable and resigned.
I paced the length of her apartment. “You have to come on the trip. For a few reasons,” I said, my voice firm. “Not the least of which is our agreement, and the fact that my parents think I’m finally in a relationship. I have another whole week to get through. You’re my buffer, remember?”
She didn’t look up at me. “I’m the wrong buffer, James.”
“It doesn’t matter if you’re the wrong buffer. That’s not what we’re talking about.”
“That’s what I’m talking about,” she said.
“I don’t know what you want from me,” I said, my voice rising. “You said last night—”
“Stop,” she said, cutting me off. “I don’t want anything from you.”
I felt as if she’d punched me. I stopped pacing and looked at her: her face was pale, and she was hanging on to that necklace for dear life.
I took what I hoped was a steadying breath.
“I guess I need to remind you that we have a contract, Audrey. I expect you to perform your part of the bargain. If I remember correctly, you were planning on paying me back some of the funds I’d forked over toward your… family expenses.” A blush crept up her neck at my words. Even though I knew I was hurting her by what I was saying, I didn’t stop. “I’m expecting you to follow through.”
Part of what made me successful in business was that I knew how to motivate people, even when the motivation was ugly. So now I was ugly-motivating Audrey. I was hurting her to get what I wanted. At this point, I didn’t care—I just wanted her to get on the damn plane. I’d work on my manners then.
Maybe.
“Fine. Of course I need to pay you back,” she mumbled.
“You can change at my place, but we need to hurry,” I said. “Oh, and Audrey—”
“Yes?”
“I want you to know something. For the remainder of our contract, I will no longer be needing the full range of your services.”
Audrey
Kai studiously avoided looking at me as James led me to the car. I sank down into the back of the Mercedes SUV, defeated and resigned. I’d hurt James, and now James was hurting me.
He would no longer be needing the full range of my services. It was like a slap across the face. I should tell him he’d finally figured out the way to execute a bitch-slap, but that would require speaking to him.
I sighed and looked out the window.
“What’s the matter?” he asked. “Besides the fact that you’re back in this car with me?”
“You’re kind of being mean,” I said. “I’m just pointing that out to you.”
He said nothing. He just looked out the other window, away from me.
His words and his dark look hurt. But maybe that was a good thing. Maybe I could distance myself from him, and this would all work out for the best for the both of us.
Maybe.
* * *
Back at his place, I showered, changed, and made sure I had everything I needed.
“We’re all packed—everything’s ready to go. Do you have your passport?” James asked.
I nodded. I took a long last look around his apartment, mentally saying goodbye to it. When we got back from our trip, I would be going home.
“What?” he asked.
“Nothing,” I mumbled, shrugging. “This is the last time I’m going to be here, is all. I just want to remember it.”
James closed his eyes as if he were trying to ward off a headache.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’ll just stop talking.”
“I’m the one who’s sorry,” he said, opening his eyes and coming to me. He grabbed my hands, and I looked at him, a mixture of hope and fear coursing within me. “About last night. I didn’t get a chance to tell you—”
“S’okay,” I said, abruptly pulling back from him and cutting him off again. “Don’t even worry about it.”
His steel-blue eyes flashed with what looked like hurt for a second, but then he put his billionaire all-business face back on. It was like I could see him closing himself off from me. He straightened himself up to his formidable height, his enormous biceps accentuated by the snug fit of his T-shirt. “Let’s just go, Audrey. We’ve got a plane to catch.”
* * *
James and I were silent on the way to Logan and as we went through security. Being next to him and not holding his hand was awkward; the absence of his touch was palpable.
Celia and Robert Preston were in the waiting area, as were Todd and Evie, Jenny and Cole, Evie’s cousins and their husbands, and a crowd of other people who I’d glimpsed at the ceremony last night.
Celia rose up as soon as she saw me. “Audrey, dear, we were worried you weren’t going to make it. What happened to you last night?” she asked. “I would have asked my son at the reception, but he avoided me like the plague, as usual.”
I felt James stiffen next to me. “I wasn’t feeling well, Mrs. Preston. I’m so sorry I had to leave—I missed everything. James said it was extraordinary.” I fake-smiled at Mrs. Preston and decided then and there that I needed to throw everything I had at her this week: James had protected me from my mother, and I needed to protect him from his.
“You’re better this morning?” She looked at us shrewdly, probably noticing that we weren’t holding hands for the first time ever.
I reached over and grabbed James’s hand, squeezing it. “I’m much better, thank you. I’m really looking forward to this trip.”
She smiled at me tightly and went to sit back down. But then stopped herself. “Oh, I meant to ask you—who was that strange woman you were talking to yesterday at the church? She caused quite a stir in the back, I understand.”
The fake smile was still plastered to my face. I hung onto it and James’s hand for dear life. “She was just some woman who wandered in off the street—I didn’t want her interrupting the ceremony. So I helped her out.”
Celia Preston managed to raise one eyebrow slightly, and her gaze shifted to her son. “And you left your brother’s wedding to go help Audrey with this random stranger?”
James shrugged. “I wanted to make sure Audrey didn’t need me. Turns out she didn’t. She handled it all on her own.”
“How impressive. You almost make it sound as if Audrey’s an actual adult.” Celia chuckled meanly and sat back down.
That’s when they called the flight; I exhaled in relief. “Saved by the bell,” James muttered under his breath. Then: “I really hope there’s a fully stocked bar on board.”
* * *
The private plane was impressively luxurious, of course. The chairs were wide and comfortable-looking, with plenty of space to spread out. James quickly said hello to Todd and Evie, and I hugged them both in congratulations. Then he dragged me all the way toward the back of the plane, far away from his parents.
At least we were still holding hands.
Jenny and Cole flopped down across the aisle from us. Cole was wearing enormous sunglasses on top of his head and a polo shirt, his black hair artfully wild and spiky. Jenny was wearing a fedora, a black jumpsuit, and a frown—directed at me.
“Where’d you run off to last night?” she asked. “We had to watch James drown his sorrows in about ten bourbons.”
“I had a thing,” I said, still forcing a smile on my face.
She frowned at me some more then turned to James. “Hey, James. Wanna switch seats for a minute?” He nodded, probably relieved to break our stony silence. Jenny turned to me as the flight attendant went through the safety presentation. “What’s the matter with you two?” she whispered.
I leaned over to check that James and Cole couldn’t hear us; they were deep in conversation. “A lot,” I admitted. “I’m thinking I just need to be his escort. No more feelings. It’s too messy. There’s too much at stake.” Including my sanity, I thought. Not to mention my heart.
And, most importantly, James’s whole future.
She raised her eyebrows at me from under her fedora. “He was a mess last night at the reception, Dre. Seriously. He was miserable without you. And he still looks like that today—like he has an emotional hangover. You need to make that right.”
I picked at some imaginary lint on my skirt. “I don’t know if I can do that, Jenny.”
“Dre.” Jenny waited until I looked up and met her eyes. “Don’t you try to fool me. I know you have bona fide feelings for that man.”
I looked at her defiantly. “I thought you said thoughts and feelings were invisible, Jenny. No one’s supposed to be able to see them.”
“They’re not invisible when they’re written all over your face,” she snapped.
We just looked at each other for a beat.
“I’m trying to do the right thing,” I said. “For both James and me.”
