by Sotia Lazu
I watched Alex throw clothes into a duffel bag, and tried to focus on how the muscles in his arms and back bunched and relaxed every time he bent over, and how his sweatpants stretched over his ass.
Even then, my mood wouldn’t improve. “Can you at least stop whistling?” I asked.
“I’m sorry; I didn’t realize I was.” He seemed sincere enough, so I bit down on a bitter comment about his being off key.
“It’s okay. I’m just antsy about tomorrow. I don’t see any possible scenario, in which my parents don’t freak out and call an exorcist, if we tell them the truth.”
“We don’t have to tell them everything, Cherry. All they need to know is that you’re still around, seeing a great guy”—he made a sweeping gesture, encompassing himself head to toe—“and that you’re happy. Any parent would be ecstatic to know their child is well and happy.”
“Never mind that said child dropped off the face of the Earth for six years,” I muttered.
“There are ways of explaining that. A drug problem, a cult, a spy career—”
“You’re hilarious.” Despite my sarcastic reply, I could feel a smile tugging at the corners of my mouth.
“Then wait till you hear my best idea yet.” He mimicked the sound of a drum rolling. “You ready?”
“Doubt it.”
“Alien abduction. How’s that?”
“Brilliant! It might land me in the loony bin even faster than the truth would.”
He laughed and pulled me close for a kiss. His lips, soft against mine, were as effective in melting away some of my worry as his words were. “We’ll figure it out. We’ll figure it all out. Don’t worry.”
“Constantine said the same thing.”
Alex stiffened, but only for a moment. “See? With us two, you have nothing to fear.”
Yeah. Nothing. Except for the moment they turned on each other. “As long as you both play nice, I couldn’t ask for better allies.” I buried my face between his neck and shoulder, and let my fangs graze his skin. It was my way of showing him I wanted him, even in the midst of all the crazy.
“As long as you’re in my bed, I’ve no reason to be anything but nice.” I could tell he didn’t mean it as a threat, but something in his tone rang a warning bell.
“And if I’m no longer in your bed?”
In lieu of an answer, Alex picked me up, shoved me against the wall, and wedged his hips between my thighs. When I opened my mouth to protest, he closed his lips over mine. It was nothing like his previous effort to reassure me. No soft pressing of lips—rather, sharp teeth and probing tongue. The hunger he poured into the kiss was frightening in its intensity. If I had a breath, he would have stolen it away.
He ground his erection against my mound and kneaded my buttocks with his palms. “Never gonna happen. You’re mine forever,” he said when he finally pulled back.
Lightheaded, I found my footing and straightened my shorts. I…didn’t really have an answer to that. It sounded romantic, something a lover was supposed to say, but felt more primal than I was comfortable with. I forced myself to smile. “Let’s finish packing. Before we start planning forever, we have to make it through the next few days.”
“We will. You’ll see. Your parents will be thrilled, and they’re going to love me. And once we have their blessings, maybe we could move things forward. Make sure our relationship is going somewhere. There’s no reason for us not to have a life, just because we’re dead.”
He was obviously in Lala-land.
When Constantine had been my sponsor—a sort of mentor the now defunct Vampire Social Services assigned to fledglings—he’d kept telling me eternity would make me see things differently. For the first time, I clearly got what that meant. Vampires aren’t people-people. Our dietary needs aren’t the only thing telling us apart from humans. Alex still didn’t understand that. He thought we could play house indefinitely.
And I was burdened with the responsibility to show the man I loved that his life had changed a great deal more than he realized.
Sadness filled my heart. Had I lost too much of my humanity, or was Alex trying too hard to hold onto his? Instead of lingering on that, and slamming reality in his face, I allowed him to pull me into his fantasy, where we’d moved into our own little place and gotten a dog, and made friends with the neighbors. It was a beautiful daydream. Alex’s eyes sparkled with more life than I’d seen in them since the night of his turning, and when he laughed at our imaginary dog’s imaginary antics, I found myself joining him.
By dawn, my worries were at the back of my mind. We got into bed, and Alex cuddled me from behind. There was nothing sexual about his embrace. He just held me, and I drifted off feeling safe and happy.
Until a deep growl snapped me fully awake.
I rolled to face Alex, but he was faster, pulling my body beneath his and pinning me to the bed.
I thought he was going for some kink, until I met his gaze. His eyes looked vacant. He dug one of his hands into the soft flesh of my stomach, and squeezed my windpipe with the other. Oh, God. There was a monster holding me down, wearing my lover’s face.
I clawed at his hand, raising bloody welts on the skin, but he wouldn’t let go. Panic rose inside me. I was in no danger from lack of oxygen, but the way he balanced his weight on me was beyond painful.
I tried to call his name, wake him up—he had to be asleep; it had to be a nightmare; this wasn’t my Alex—but could manage nothing more than a whisper.
I couldn’t talk to him.
I couldn’t scream for help.
Now that he too was a vampire, he outmatched me in physical strength like a two hundred and ten pound human man outmatched a hundred and thirty pound human woman. I could possibly toss him to the ground in a karate match, but couldn’t fight him off when he already held me down. I kept trying to buck him off me anyway. Tears welled in my eyes, and sensory memory convinced me my legs had gone numb, though I rationally knew it wasn’t possible for a vampire.
“Alex,” I mouthed, “please.”
I don’t know if it was my silent plea or something else, but his weight was suddenly off me. He disappeared so fast, I couldn’t follow him with my gaze. I heard the bathroom door slam shut. His voice came muffled from the other side. “Nightmare. What the fuck…? This isn’t me. This isn’t me. This isn’t me.”
The desperation in his voice scared me more than his attack had.
I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to put as much distance between us as possible, but the daylight held me captive in the basement, and I wasn’t going to seek refuge in Constantine’s room.
I didn’t need to run or hide. Alex wouldn’t attack me when he was fully conscious. He’d had a dream, and had fought back, not knowing it was me.
But my throat still hurt from his grip.
The water stopped running in the shower, and another hour passed, before I realized Alex wasn’t coming back anytime soon. I kept telling myself I was in no danger, even if he did, but I couldn’t relax. The thought of him getting back into bed while I was asleep sent a jolt of fear to my very core and kept me awake.
I couldn’t be afraid of my lover. He never wanted to hurt me. It wasn’t him.
Whatever his nightmares were about, they were messing with his head and they were messing with me. I thought of going to him and forcing him to come clean, but I was too much of a coward to confront him. Besides, I was sure I knew what he was dreaming of. It was his violent turning. Lying in his childhood bed. Bleeding to death.
All because he’d met me.
I didn’t want him to talk about it, because I didn’t want to hear him blame me.
I busied myself, unpacking and repacking our bags for the trip. Most of Alex’s t-shirts were in dire need of better folding anyway. Being surrounded by his clothes, by his scent, gradually mellowed me out.
When he finally left the bathroom, the sun was down. He smelled of shower gel and deo, his hair was tousled to perfection, and his smile was wide.
It was like nothing had happened.
He shouldered both our bags and held out a hand. The same hand that had hurt me. “Shall we?” His gaze was pleading.
I remembered him leading me out of The Gridlock the first time we met, his palm on the small of my back. His touch always made me feel safe, even when he was a human and physically weaker than me, and his long fingers had given me pleasure countless times.
I was beyond pissed that he’d pretend nothing had happened. I wanted him to come clean about his nightmares—or night-terrors, or whatever the hell he saw in his sleep that turned him into a savage animal. I wanted to smack some sense into him.
But I refused to fear his hand.
Promising myself I’d confront him as soon as we returned from our trip, I nodded, and placed my palm in his. “We shall.”
Chapter Seven
“But what if something comes up I can’t handle? Sally may have another breakdown.” Liza’s voice was reasonable, but her gaze betrayed her worry.
I winced, the memory of Sally’s sobs still fresh in my memory. Liza wasn’t sure she’d remain focused on the perks of her newly acquired vampirism. To be honest, neither was I.
“Sally will be all right, and you’ll have Sheena and Wesley here to help you. I’m sure you won’t require any assistance, though. You’re as capable of maintaining balance in the manor as I am.” Constantine trailed his index finger down the perfect slope of her cheekbone and leaned down to place a lingering kiss on her lips. I’m pretty sure she sniffled when he broke away.
I averted my gaze, not wanting to intrude. It was odd, waiting outside the front door with Alex, while Constantine locked lips with all three young vampires. Wesley wrapped his arms around Carrie and Sally, and Sheena touched Liza lightly on the shoulder.
“It’s okay. They’ll be back soon,” Sheena said.
Liza nodded, and looked at me. “Call when you get there.”
“Will do.” I smiled. Our forced cohabitation was evolving into a tentative friendship, and I liked it.
Don’t know how I’d feel if it were my house we’d all camped in, but Constantine didn’t seem to mind the company. That wasn’t the case from the beginning. When I’d sneaked Sheena to his place, to save her from Willoughby, Constantine had found her insufferable. He wasn’t exactly thrilled when I’d volunteered him to take in the three fledglings either. Still, he’d offered Alex and me a place too, when we needed to lie low.
Of course, now he had a steady supply of lovers who didn’t demand exclusivity, a verbal sparring partner in Sheena, an actual sparring partner in Alex, and…me. I wasn’t sure where exactly I fit in, but I was in no hurry to find out.
If anyone was to be bothered by the new living arrangements, it should be Wesley, who took care of everything and everyone, but he’d repeatedly commented on how brilliant it was having new blood—of sorts—enter the mansion.
Goodbyes exchanged, the three of us hopped in Alex’s Chrysler. I rode shotgun, while Constantine made himself comfortable, sprawled in the back seat.
“Anybody feel like a snack?” he asked, tapping the portable fridge next to him.
“Cherry’s brought her own,” Alex said. “I’m pretty sure she emptied the kitchen cabinets on the way out.”
“Someone’s in a good mood,” I muttered. It was going to be a delightful five-hour ride to San Luis Obispo.
Not.
Halfway there—about fifty miles from Santa Barbara—I was hungry for blood, on edge, and sick of Alex’s running commentary on the scenic coastal route. He wasn’t our damned tour guide. He and I weren’t at a chit-chatty place. I didn’t know what place we were at, but it felt cold and lonely. I was about to reach out and smack him in the mouth, when I caught Constantine’s gaze in the rearview mirror. His face looked drawn, but the understanding in his tired eyes shocked me.
He gave me a tight smile, and leaned his head against the window. “Alex, can you please shut up about the plunging mountain line and put some decent music on? We’ll have enough talking to do when we get there.”
Instead of snapping at him, Alex grinned and put on a CD. “Forgot you were probably around when the coastline formed, grandpa.”
Constantine gave him a one-finger salute through the mirror, and rock music filled the car. I knew the song, but didn’t lip-sync to it, like I usually did to protect the innocent from my vocal grandeur. Instead, I let it act as white noise, allowing me time with my thoughts. And my worries.
I had gone along with the men’s plan because I loved Alex and wanted to do this for him. And I really loved the thought of seeing my parents again, after so long. On the ride, we came up with an amnesia story for why I’d fallen off the face of the earth for half a dozen years, but I wasn’t entirely satisfied with it. It didn’t explain why I didn’t go to the police, who’d have matched me to my missing-person file, or why I wouldn’t be able to visit during the day.
Right now, the best case scenario in my head had my parents ignoring my excuses, thinking I’d been kidnapped and brainwashed, and calling the police on Constantine and Alex.
Why had I waited this long to go back to them? Why had I followed the council’s stupid rules? They were my parents. They loved me. Even if I told them the truth, they’d accept me.
Would they?
“It’s all going to be fine,” Alex said, and let go of the gear shift to take my hand. “They’ll be ecstatic to see you. Just stick with the amnesia angle, and we’ll be fine.”
“If I hear the word fine one more time, I may scream.” I shook off his grip.
“It’ll be great. Wonderful. Amazing.”
I snorted. Sure it would. I’d say, “Mom, Dad, I’m alive. I was in an accident that nobody heard anything about, then had amnesia, and now I’m here in the middle of the night, to introduce you to my boyfriend and my ex—who really has no valid reason for being here.” Mom and Dad would hug me, and we’d all rejoice.
I sighed, and let my head fall back.
Constantine closed his large palm on my shoulder. “We’ll figure it all out. You deserve that.”
Where was the snark? Where was the jackass who’d cheated on me and tried to pass it off as only natural for our kind? Or even the pain in my butt who had a comment about everything I said or did under his roof?
Why couldn’t Alex and Constantine settle in their respective roles as doting boyfriend and calculating former lover, and stop messing with my head?
Because life would be way too easy, if they did.
“Either of you feel like a snack?” Alex asked.
“Not hungry,” I said. I was famished, but we might as well get it over with.
“What about you, Cee? Care to sample the locals?”
Now they were on a nickname basis, and Alex was joking about feeding on humans? I wasn’t sure I’d be able to wait till we were back to confront him.
“Nah. I’ll bag it,” Constantine said.
I turned to look at him over my shoulder, brow furrowed. “What did you say?”
He shrugged, and pulled a blood bag out of the mini-fridge. “My new protégés come with an entirely new vocabulary. I grow old ever learning many things.”
Protégés.
Not sex kittens.
Right.
Alex said something that sounded like ‘soul on.’
“Huh?”
Whatever explanation he gave went unheard. I was too busy wondering why it bugged me that while Constantine and I had been together, I’d been the only one doing any learning.
****
It was well after midnight, by the time reached my home town.
“Can you give me directions to our hotel, or should I look it up?” Alex held up his phone.
“I know how to get us there,” I said. “I just… Maybe we should go straight to my parents’ place?” Now we were close, I was getting antsy. I needed to see them. See they were okay. See their reaction when they realized I was back.
Feel their love.
; For the four years since Constantine and I broke up, and until fate threw Alex my way, I’d been alone. My only concern had been to make it another day. Find another guy to feed on. Compel someone to cover my rent. It was a routine I’d gotten used to, and found hard to leave behind, when Alex barged in my life demanding truth and feelings and commitment.
Now I accepted there could be more to my unlife than eternally smooth skin. I had a man who loved me, friends, and a kickass place to call home.
I needed to know if I could also have my family.
“I can’t say this is the best time for a visit,” Constantine said. “We could unpack, maybe feed, and wait until sundown tomorrow?”
I shook my head. “If we don’t go now, I’m not sure I can go at all.” Anticipation and fear rolled inside my stomach in a jumble.
“Cold feet?” Alex squeezed my thigh.
I chuckled, no longer caring he’d been an ass. His touch reassured me. “That’s putting it mildly.”
“Lead the way, then.”
I did. I gave him instructions all the way to the house I’d grown up in.
For the latter part of our trip, all I’d heard had been the growling of my stomach, but I forgot all about my hunger when I saw the freshly paved driveway. I’d walked, skipped, and sneaked along that driveway so many times.
We parked and got out of the car. The moment Alex slammed his door shut, a small light appeared on the first floor of the house, where my parents’ bedroom window faced the street. My night vision kicked in when a dark shape formed behind the curtain. My mother stood there, and I could tell she looked our way.
I ran my fingers along the collar of my shirt. Maybe I should have worn something less casual than a shirt and jeans. Would Mom approve of my new hair? She always liked its natural blond, and this red was just too fake.
