by Zack Zombie
After cleaning the mess at my house, and being grounded for the rest of my life, I was too tired to think about it.
All I wanted to do was to sleep for a week and wake up to battle at the Pixelmon tournament!
Monday
Everything was back to normal at school today.
The kids promised not to bring their Pixelmon to school since the principal promised to put on the Pixelmon tournament.
But some kids looked really sad. And some were even crying.
I guess the school cafeteria ban on mystery meat was finally lifted.
Although, I still think that stuff has some major side effects.
For some reason, after I started eating it, I started growing hair on my thumbs.
My skin started clearing up too.
. . .not cool for a zombie kid in middle school.
“What’s up, guys? Hey, why are all those kids crying?”
“Some kids’ Pixelmon have gone missing,” Skelee said.
“I think they just ran away because of their stance against animal cruelty,” Slimey said.
“Or they could’ve spontaneously combusted,” Creepy said.
We all just looked at Creepy for a minute.
“Hey, I saw Team Cube yesterday and they had a bunch of Pixelmon in cages,” I said. “I bet they had something to do with it.”
“Whoa.”
“What do you think they’re doing with the Pixelmon?” Slimey asked.
“I don’t know, but they were talking about a boss, and a big experiment that he was doing at a place called Woodland Mansion.”
“Woodland Mansion!” We heard somebody yell behind us.
It was Ichabod. I swear, sometimes it feels like that guy is stalking me.
“What’s Woodland Mansion?” Skelee asked.
“Woodland Mansion is a terrible place where some of the most atrocious experiments in history have been conducted. It has even been said that is where the recipe for mystery meat was first created.”
“Whoa.”
“Except, Woodland Mansion was closed down because of illegal experimentation,” Ichabod continued. “It hasn’t been used in years, by the order of the high constable of Woodland. . .that’s my uncle.”
“So what’s Team Cube doing there, and who is this boss character?” I said. “And what do they need all of those Pixelmon for?”
“Did someone mention our name?”
“Team Cube!”
Then the Ocelot jumped out and started his battle cry, “To protect the world from. . .”
“Don’t say it,” Johnny blurted.
“Aw, man,” the Ocelot said.
“We heard you guys talking about us, and we thought someone was ready for a Pixelmon battle,” Johnny said.
We all just looked at our feet. That’s because even if we had our Pixelmon, nobody wanted to battle Bruh-Ninja and his deadly Fang Attack.
“That’s what I thought,” Johnny said. “Come on, boys. I’m tired of chicken, let’s go get some real food.”
Then as they were walking away, the Ocelot jumped out, lifted his paw and made a motion like he dropped a mic.
“You really don’t know what that means, do you?” Johnny said as they walked away.
“So, Zombie, what’s gonna happen to the missing Pixelmon?” Creepy asked.
“I don’t know, but we have to do something. Since it has something to do with Woodland Mansion, were going to have to go there.”
When Ichabod heard that, he took out his Pixelmon cube and zapped himself into it.
“Something tells me Ichabod didn’t like that idea,” Skelee said.
Then we all gave each other a look that just said. . .Whoa.
Tuesday
So, Professor Spruce let us visit his lab for our field trip again today.
I think the Professor felt bad about Ms. Bones getting her head knocked off by one of his Pixelmon.
When all the kids heard we were going to Professor Spruce’s lab, they started getting so excited that they started going crazy again.
But Ms. Bones said that if we ever embarrassed her again, she would make sure that we all missed the Pixelmon tournament.
Then all the kids got really quiet.
Yeah, Ms. Bones can be pretty tough.
But she hasn’t been herself lately.
She almost cancelled our field trip at the last minute.
I think she said something about feeling a little lightheaded. . .
Or was it something about leaking spinal fluid?
Whatever. I can’t remember. All I care about is that today we’re going to learn more about Pixelmon!
I wanted to bring Pixelchu with me to show Professor Spruce and all the other kids.
After meeting him, I was sure the Professor was going to say, “You are a really lucky Zombie, Zack. . .With Pixelchu at your side, you’re going to be the greatest Pixelmon Master ever. . . Can I have your autograph?”
Yeah, I was going to show those kids who their real Pixelmon Daddy is.
But Steve said he needed Pixelchu’s help with his experiment today.
Something about creating a potion that could turn wood into cake.
Like I said, Steve can be really weird sometimes.
When we got to the lab, they were still fixing things up after our last visit.
I couldn’t tell if Professor Spruce was happy to see us or not.
But I could tell he was really happy to see Ms. Bones.
“Why, Ms. Bones, you’ve done something with your hair,” Professor Spruce said.
“Do you like it? I just came from the hairdresser, tee, hee, hee. . .”
Oh, brother. More like the nose-hair hairdresser.
Everybody knows that Skeletons don’t have hair.
. . .At least not on their heads.
This time, Professor Spruce talked about the power of Pixelmon.
Slimey kept trying to raise his hand while the Professor was talking, which probably made the Professor really mad.
“Yes, Slimey. What is it?”
“Professor. . .uh. . .what’s the most powerful Pixelmon ever?”
“Yeah, what is it?” the kids started yelling.
“I bet it’s mine!”
“No way, it’s mine!”
“Ahem! “Professor Spruce said, clearing the hole in his throat. “The most powerful Pixelmon ever documented was not really a Pixelmon at all. It was a genetically enhanced mutated specimen, grown in a lab. It was called, Experiment 115. It was created through illegal experimentation at the labs at Woodland Mansion.”
“Whoa!” everybody said.
“This specimen was so powerful that when in a heightened state it could generate bolts of lightning that it could hurl through its nostrils,” the Professor continued.
“Whoa!” everybody said again.
“What happened to it?” one of the kids asked.
“Well, after they closed the labs at Woodland Mansion, it was brought here for us to do research on it. We studied it for months until the accident.”
“What accident?!!!” all the kids yelled.
“Yes, well, one of the researchers, who will remain nameless, uh. . . accidentally fed him some cake. . .Err, it wasn’t his fault, you know. . .It’s just that the little guy was so cute and. . .”
Then, all the kids started staring at Professor Spruce.
“Well, Experiment 115 wasn’t used to the delicious combination of sweet flavors, and it went critical. . .”
“Huh!” the kids gasped.
“Yes, the explosion was so great it blew a hole right through the fabric of reality and disrupted the space time continuum.”
“What the what?!!!” all the kids said together.
“Yes, it almost brought our species to extinction. Now, the government tried to cover it up by planting false news reports like that Mojang was acquired by Microsoft or that there was a major Minecraft Combat update. . .But the truth was that Experiment 115 had unleashed a force so destructive, it was almost the end of life on Minecraft World as we know it.”
“So, what happened?!!!” all the kids blurted at the edge of their seats.
“Well, the Zombie Military decided that Experiment 115 was too dangerous to live peacefully with society along with the fact that his very existence threatened all life in the universe. So, they decided to call the Exterminator.”
“Huh!”
“Yes, we were all very sad when they called the Exterminator,” the Professor said as a tear fell from one of his eye sockets.
“Did the Exterminator, uh. . .exterminate him?!!” one of the kids asked.
“They never got the chance,” the Professor said. “Someone in the lab, who will remain nameless to protect the innocent, err. . .released the cute little guy into the swamp behind the Nuclear Waste Plant. No one has seen Experiment 115 since.”
“Whoa!”
“Professor, what were you doing when all this happened?” one of the kid’s asked.
“Uh. . .I was in my office minding my own business. . .err, but I heard you are all going to participate in the Pixelmon tournament this weekend. He, he,” the Professor said suspiciously.
“Yeah, it’s going to be awesome,” one kid said.
“My Snotlax is going to win,” another kid said.
“No, way! My Spidernite is going to take it all!”
“Not if it battles my Squaddle, he’s a water type so he has the advantage over everybody!”
Next thing you know, the kids pulled out their Pixelmon cubes and started hurling them throughout the lab.
“Skelesaur, I choose you!”
“E-Feet, I choose you!”
“Char-lizard, I choose you!”
“Endermite, I choose you!”
“Hey, that’s not a Pixelmon!”
“Yeah, but it’s soooo cool!”
Then the whole lab went crazy.
Mrs. Bones was trying to keep her head, but all the screaming and yelling made it difficult to get control.
Suddenly, there was a flash of light and all of Professor Spruce’s Pixelmon came out again.
SNARL!
SKREECH!
SHRIEK!
PFFFFTTT!
THWACK!
Yup. There goes Ms. Bones.
I guess she’s gonna need to make another appointment at the head dresser.
“EVERYBODY OUT!!!!!” Professor Spruce yelled.
All the kids got kicked out by Professor Spruce, again.
So, we all grabbed Mrs. Bones’ body and ran out.
Except this time, we made sure to tell Evan, Arnold the Creeper’s brother, we were leaving.
But right when we got outside. . . BOOM!
Yeah, we forgot to tell Rory. . .his cousin.
On the way home, Creepy kept asking me questions about Pixelchu.
“Hey, Zombie, didn’t you say you found Pixelchu in the swamp behind the Nuclear Waste Plant?”
“Hey, Zombie, didn’t you say that Pixelchu can shoot lightning bolts?”
“Hey, Zombie, doesn’t Pixelchu look like a genetically enhanced mutant that was the result of illegal experimentation? Creepy asked.
“Uh. . .Yeah. . .”
“Wow, wouldn’t it be funny if Pixelchu was the genetic mutation that the Zombie Military was so afraid of that they want to get rid of it because it threatened all life on Minecraft World and existence as we know it?”
“He. . .he. . .That would be funny. . .He he. . .” I said.
“Wow, Pixelmon are so awesome,” Creepy said. “I can’t wait till I get one of my own.”
“He he. . .yeah…great. . .one of your own. . .awesome. . .He he. . .”
Oh, man, something tells me I need to tell Steve.
Tuesday Later that Day…
I went to go see Steve, but there was a huge crater where his house used to be.
I heard some coughing coming from the rubble around the giant crater.
“Steve! What happened?”
“Cough, cough, well, I have successfully concluded that feeding Pixelchu gunpowder is not a good idea.”
“What the what?!!! Why’d you do that?”
“Well, you know, Pixelchu is so cute, and little. . .and well he looked hungry, and. . .”
“I hope you didn’t give him any cake!” I said.
“Why do you have some? I could use some of your mom’s cake right now. I’m starving.”
“Speaking of Pixelchu,” I said looking around, “where is he?”
“He’s at the bottom of the crater,” Steve said. “But watch out. He’s still got a few good farts left in him.”
We both climbed down into the crater.
And at the bottom, there was Pixelchu sleeping like a baby.
All of a sudden, we heard, “PFFFT.”
“WATCH OUT!!!” Steve yelled.
Then we both dove behind some rocks.
Then, after a few seconds. . .
“BOOOOOOOMMMM!!!!
“Yeah, there’s a good three second delayed reaction when his farts combine with the Oxygen in the air.”
Then, Pixelchu got up.
“Hey, buddy, how are you? I asked.
Pixelchu gave me a wrinkly smile.
“Who’s a good boy? Who’s a good boy? Who’s a good boy?” Steve kept saying while licking his hands.
Something tells me Pixelchu didn’t like that.
ZZZZAAAAAAPPP!!!!
Wednesday
Ms. Bones missed school again today.
Actually, the Principal said that she was going to take the rest of the school year off.
Something about her head mysteriously going missing.
Yeah, something tells me that after yesterday, some of the kids made sure Ms. Bones wasn’t going to be around to keep us from missing the Pixelmon tournament.
All the kids kept talking about all day was about the Pixelmon tournament.
They even snuck their Pixelmon into school to do secret battles.
But, I figured they couldn’t keep it secret for long.
Especially after they blew up the practice room for Creepers Glee Club.
I didn’t bring Pixelchu to school today because I wasn’t sure if he was dangerous or not.
I mean, could Pixelchu be Experiment 115 like Professor Spruce was talking about?
No way! Pixelchu is too nice. And he’s so cute, he could never hurt a fly.
But, you know, I could test it by giving him a piece of my mom’s cake.
Naw, that’s crazy! I couldn’t do that. I mean, what if he tears a whole in the universe?
Although, that would be really cool to see.
Then I ran into the guys at school.
“Wassup, Zombie? Hey, why are you looking so blue?” Skelee asked.
“Blue?!!! Seriously?!!! Oh, man, not that again!”
“Naw, man, that just an expression,” Skelee said. “I mean, wassup?”
I decided to tell the guys the truth.
“Well, guys, I’m not sure, but. . .I think Pixelchu is Experiment 115.”
“No way!” Slimey said.
“That can’t be,” Skelee said.
“That’s awesome,” Creepy said.
“Brilliant!” Ichabod said. Though I don’t know how he became one of the guys. . .especially using words like, ‘Brilliant
.’
So uncool.
“I was thinking of testing it out by giving Pixelchu some cake to see what would happen.”
“Awesome!”
“Let’s do it”
“I’m in!”
“Brilliant!”
“I mean, what’s the worst that can happen, right?” I said.
“Yeah, and if anything does happen, we can just say that they came up with a new Minecraft Update,” Skelee said.
“When are we going to do it?” the guys kept asking.
“Let’s do it tomorrow, at my house. My mom said that she’s baking a cake for the PTA meeting. And she always makes extra for us.”
“Awesome!”
“Can’t wait!”
“Let’s do it!”
“Brilliant”
Oh, brother.
After school, I went to see Steve so I could tell him about our experiment.
Then he put on a pair of glasses, a bowtie and started talking in a really weird voice.
“You see, Zombie, my thesis is that you must start with a basic hypothesis in order to properly apply the scientific method to this conundrum and properly attain a conclusion worthy of the annals of science.”
Then he looked at me like he was constipated.
“PFFFFFTTTT!”
Then we both burst out laughing.
“Hey can I come?” Steve said. “Plus, I can bring some of my equipment.”
“I thought all we needed was cake.”
“Yeah, and my equipment is my fork and knife, Ha ha!”
“PFFFFFTTTT!”
“All right, see you at my house tomorrow. And don’t forget to bring Pixelchu.”
“You got it!”
You know, I have a nagging feeling that I probably shouldn’t do this experiment.
Like a really strong, nagging feeling.
A feeling right in the middle of my gut.
