But my bond with Paul was strong- strong enough to make me want to seek him out despite the way we met and his obvious oblivion.
“So, all of that aside for the moment, how do you feel about helping me cook for the next block party? I was thinking of making a couple pans of lasagna, and I know you’re not the greatest in the kitchen. You can shred the cheese for me.” I groaned loudly and automatically started shaking my head at the very idea of cooking. My mom’s laugh was loud, rising above the bustling sidewalk and the sound of cars stuck in traffic, and she grinned wearily. “That’s what I thought. But, I still want you to come over Saturday morning. Sound good?”
“Yeah, sound’s good, Mom. You know I like bowling.” My confirmation blew away thoughts of my mate, for the moment, and I focused on the much more fun topic instead. The event was called a block party, but it was usually held in a bowling alley, owned by one of the shifters who lived in the area. Oftentimes, my kind couldn’t stand each other for more than a few hours, so the party was a good way to exchange information and enjoy ourselves without worrying.
After all, bear shifters were solitary creatures, and my mother and I were no different. If we lived together, I highly doubted that we’d have the relationship we currently have.
Plus, there was bowling.
Chapter Five: Paul
Climbing out of my car, I shoved my keys into my jeans’ pockets and heaved in a deep, cleansing inhalation. The smell of car exhaust, food, and general city stenches filled my lungs, but I still held my breath to savor it. After three days of breathing air, heavy with ceramic dust, glue and wood, even this was a step up. Closing my eyes, I took in the sounds of tires on asphalt that replaced the shrill shrieks of saws.
Everything sounded and smelled as if I was experiencing it for the first time.
“Paul- man, you look like crap.” I turned to catch sight of Jon, jogging across the parking lot and I smiled for the first time in days. I took a few, long steps to meet him and held out my hand, leaning in to clap his back. Our hug was brief, but it filled my veins with a warmth I’d felt deprived of these past few days.
The last time we’d spoken, he’d gently ripped me a new asshole for beating up my brother and getting arrested. It had been a hard conversation to have, but our friendship hadn’t suffered with the subsequent lack of communication. Jon understood my need to throw myself into work, and I was once again reminded of how good a friend he was.
“I’ve been feeling like crap, yeah. I know I don’t usually come to these things, but thanks for inviting me.” A snort was my only response, and I grinned widely as Jon and I started walking towards the entrance to the venue. We both knew the truth – he invited me to this thing every month, but I never agreed to go. I wasn’t a shifter, and I felt like I’d be out of place and unwelcome.
But, I needed some fun, and nothing said ‘stereotypical good time’ like a bowling alley.
“Anytime. You’re my brother, Paul - you’re always welcome. Besides, my parents thought you’d died or were rotting in jail or something. They need proof you’re just going through a rough patch. You know how Mom gets when things get even remotely bad.” I laughed at Jon’s teasing and shook my head as his mother appeared in my mind’s eye. She’d busted my ass more than once growing up, and she had been a surrogate for me over the years.
Sure, I had my own set of parents, but I liked Jon’s better.
“Speaking of rough patches; how’s Lucy?” I posed my question carefully, trying to keep my skepticism out of my voice, but Jon frowned slightly. I still didn’t know what to make of Lucy, and didn’t like her particularly well; she had perfectly reasonable excuses for acting like a teenager, but that was the problem. She acted like Jon’s world revolved around her, and in some ways, it did - but I had this nagging feeling that she’d be a tough nut to crack.
“She’s getting better. I had a hard time getting her to come here, but I knew it wouldn’t be easy … not with her past.” Jon refused to complain about Lucy, and I knew that’s as close as he’d probably ever get to doing so. I swiped my hand over my jaw and grunted absently-mindedly, before reaching for one of the two doors that led into the alley. The sound of a ball cracking against pins reverberated through the glass, and I spoke up before opening the barrier even an inch.
“Your family can help her with that part, though, right? It’s not all on you, you know, Jon.” My best friend only shrugged, and I didn’t try to keep the conversation going before we headed inside. “In any case, my plans for the apartment are coming along well. My landlord was crazy understanding about the whole situation even before I brought out my check book.”
“That’s just because she wants you to sleep with her, Paul.” Jon’s voice, monotonous and devoid of tone, caused a snort of laughter to burst from my throat and I shook my head wildly. The ruckus of the busy bowling alley encircled me, and I scanned the crowd through narrowed eyes while trying to ignore what he’d said. “So, what did the people say after sweeping the place?”
“None of the other units were affected - it wasn’t like they were cooking meth or anything … so that’s good, considering. I still dished out to my surrounding tenants for the trouble, though. I’m not taking chances with this. I mean, Tommy could’ve gotten me in a lot of trouble - ruined everything I worked for. He’s still in the hospital and Taylor told me they’re adding two counts of involuntary manslaughter to his charges. He’s facing life, now.”
I was speaking in a low voice as I caught sight of Jon’s family, crowding into a rather large booth in front of a lane. Lucy was the person that stuck out first, with her red face and obviously uncomfortable body posture, even as she talked with Jon’s sister-in-law. For a long moment, I let the scene distract me from what I was talking about, but the sour taste still tainted my tongue.
No matter Tommy’s faults, he was still my brother. My mom didn’t know about these new charges yet, and I was afraid to tell her. There was nothing worse than seeing that kind of pain; that resignation, in a mother’s eyes when she realized her son was gone beyond repair.
“Well, it’s a good thing it’s over for now. Just relax, have some fun - suck at bowling like you always did in high-school.” I shoved Jon with my shoulder and ignored his mocking, pained sound, heading for his booth. In this setting, it was hard to remember that almost everyone around me could turn into a bear. When someone thought ‘shifter’, they thought of isolated pocket towns in the woods that, miraculously, had electricity and running water. They thought of creatures that separated themselves from humans.
But that just wasn’t true for most shifters.
“Paul!” The call came from behind me, and I twisted to scan the crowd from under furrowed brows. A slightly familiar flash of blonde hair caught my eye, and a slight frown marred my expression as I tried to think of where I’d seen that particular shade before.
McKayla came right up to me and as her charcoal outlined, baby-blue eyes sparkled brilliantly, an automatic smile stretched my lips and out past conversation come to mind.
“McKayla, right? From jail…” She nodded hastily, beaming at me sand a chuckle escaped my throat, as I took in her dramatic change in wardrobe. “What’s with the church clothes?”
McKayla’s cheeks flushed red at my probing, and she tugged on the sleeves of her cream-colored blazer. The jacket covered a graphic band t-shirt, but she didn’t appear nearly as grungy as she had in her cell. Her leather pants had been replaced with a pair of light, serviceable jeans and there was even a clip holding back her hair.
“They’re not church clothes. I didn’t know you’d be here? Are you with someone?” Curiosity laced McKayla’s voice, but before I had a chance to answer, Jon was by my side and thrusting a beer into my hand. I took the cold, dark-green bottle without thought and watched her eyes flicker between us for a moment, before she spoke up again. “Well… this is awkward…”
“What’s awkward?” My brows rose in expectation to accompany my question. McKa
yla gestured between Jon and me with a quick wave.
“I didn’t know you knew about shifters.” At that, my eyebrows rose sharper, and I turned to Jon, wordlessly. Belatedly, I realized that McKayla’s mere presence here meant she was a shifter, but my best friend only shrugged quietly. Guilt rose in my chest at the fact that, after leaving the precinct, I hadn’t even given McKayla another thought until now. Catching her eye, I cleared my throat roughly before offering a reply.
“Uh - yeah. Jon’s my best friend, so I know about them. It’s not something that comes up in conversation through iron bars, though, you know?”
“That makes this a lot easier, then.” I couldn’t even start to think of a response for McKayla’s happy declaration before she grabbed my head. Her move was so quick, so unexpected, that I didn’t resist as she pulled me into a hard kiss. Automatically grabbing her forearms, the instinct to pull her off me was stilled, almost as fast as it came, making room for a much more powerful sensation.
I stared at McKayla. Her face was distorted from how close we were and I tensed at the violent wave of white-hot need that surged through me. Zinging down my spine, the deluge of desire that poured into my chest sent my heart haywire and raised goose bumps all over my body. Shock rendered me useless, and every hair sprouting from my skin stood up from the intense ripples.
My eyelids fluttered closed and my palms swept down McKayla’s toned, firm arms, to cup her head and slip down her back. Her soft, supple breasts pressed temptingly against my chest, and I kissed her beer-stained lips to coax them open.
But I didn’t get that far before the rough clearing of a throat breached the fog that had settled in my mind. I ripped my head back and winced when McKayla’s tight grip around my neck kept me from going far. My eyes whipped to Jon and narrowed on his shit-eating grin, I glared hard for a few seconds before realizing how quiet it was.
Every, single person in the alley was staring at me with a mixture of surprise and happiness on their face, and it took me a long moment to realize what was happening.
“Holy shit…” My breathless whisper echoed around the eerily quiet room, but my best friend came to the rescue as he always did. Clamping a hand on my shoulder, Jon let out a loud ‘Whoo!’, and the entire place erupted into cheers and clapping. Holding McKayla to me, I flexed my toes in my boots as they tingled from the sound that reverberated up through the floor.
People I didn’t even know converged on me in a maelstrom, to congratulate me and a wide, goofy grin threatened to tear the muscles in my cheeks.
Chapter Six: McKayla
I followed Paul, on trembling legs, towards that one table in the back corner of the eatery section that everyone usually hated, while I held my free hand to my chest to keep my heart from bursting through my ribs. I’d spent days worrying about when I would see him again, by happenstance - about what I would say- but all of that stress seemed to be for nothing. Happiness made me delirious and I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face, no matter how hard I tried.
I sat across from Paul at the small, wobbling table and kept my gaze squarely on him, as he slid into his seat. His expression couldn’t have been any less joyful, but the lines around his eyes showed how overwhelmed he was. I laced my fingers together, hooked my ankles under the table and waited patiently for him to say something. The longer the settling silence went on, the less tense he became, and I held my breath even as he inhaled deeply.
“So… uh - how does this work, exactly? Jon and Lucy are the only people I’ve witnessed this happen to, so…” Paul spoke dazedly, but seemed to snap out of it at the mention of his friend, and I propped my elbow on the table to hold my chin in my hand. Relief wasn’t a strong enough word to describe how I felt about not having to go through the whole ‘I’m a shifter’ speech. Paul had already accepted me, so all that was left was the finer details.
“It doesn’t work much different to a regular relationship, I guess. Honestly, I’m not sure what to say. I thought I’d have to worry about telling you, and then you’d have to deal with coming to terms with my not being human- all of that mess. I didn’t think this far, yet.” My confession earned me a smile and I blushed hard as Paul shook his head lightly. He leant back against the chair and let out his breath in the gust of a sigh that was so powerful, I felt it across the vast expanse of the table.
“You were right - this is awkward… I never considered I’d have a mate since I’m human, you know? I thought I’d just be Jon’s human friend. Considering everything that happened in Alaska, I should’ve been more … hopeful, I guess.” I leaned forward, arching my brows in curiosity, as my inner beast perked up in interest. She was a fairly mellow creature who kept to herself unless I shifted. Paul offered me a smirk filled with fond memories.
“The woman, whose house we stayed at, was human and mated to a bear shifter. Lucy is actually his sister. That whole situation with Jon was crazy … but- anyway, I guess, in hindsight, I should’ve been at least a little bit more prepared.”
“I think that it’s just as wrong an idea to get your hopes up, as it is to resign yourself to never having a mate just because you’re human, Paul. Even we bear shifters have trouble finding mates that we’re compatible enough with to have what Lucy and Jon have, you know. That’s what happened to my mom, and she’s by no means an isolated case.” Just talking like this to Paul sent a fuzzy, warm feeling spilling into my chest, and I smiled as I watched him through rose-colored lenses. “I think you were plenty prepared. I wanted to ask you out before, but you weren’t in the most receptive mood, and it’d be in poor taste, right?”
“Yeah … I probably would’ve shot you down cold…” Paul sputtered a laugh that pulled a giggle from me, and he tore his gaze off me to look at the table top. “Not my best moment, for sure. At least, my permits for the apartment are still valid. I’m thinking of knocking out some walls - making it a totally different place. I don’t know if I could stay there otherwise.”
“You can always just stay with me. I mean, you can fix the apartment, but you have the option to go minimal and drop it.” My offer surprised Paul, and blood flooded my cheeks when he arched a brow. “It’s not a big deal, really…”
“If Jon and Lucy are any indication, I think it’d be best not to move in with you, when I have so much work to do, McKayla.” I couldn’t even get the wrong idea about what Paul had said, before his eyes scanned my upper body shrewdly, and I sucked in air through my teeth. “But thank you for the offer.”
“Um - yeah. No problem.” I locked my thighs together under the table, nearly wincing at my own, wobbly voice. I shuffled in my seat and pulled my hair over my shoulder, as heat licked my abdomen and flames crawled up to tighten my nipples. Paul just watched with a knowing glint in his eye, and after a hot second, I sunk down with a groan to hide my face behind my arms.
“Why do you have to do that, huh?” Peeking out from between my forearms, my eyes widened at Paul’s wide, goofy smile. “Do you wanna get out of here?”
The question flew from my mouth unwittingly, but Paul didn’t miss a beat as he shook his head. I lifted my own and pursed my lips tightly, with an indignant huff, and he chuckled gently. Fire licked my cheeks and I shuffled my feet under the table, before he spoke up again. His thinly veiled desire slipped off his tongue, riding the waves of his deep voice, and the sensation tickled my face.
“You said your mom and dad were split, right? They weren’t compatible enough? How does that work?” Paul leaned forward to prop his elbows on the table, firing off his questions, and the smoldering embers in my belly became drenched with a stinging sadness. Tearing my gaze from him, I found my mom easily as she basked in the happiness that could only come from finding a mate.
Even though it wasn’t her mate, she was still ecstatic. Thin lines marred around her eyes and mouth, her skin crinkled from smiling so wide, and I held my chin in my palm to release a soft sigh.
“For bear shifters - actually, any shifters that don’t have life partners i
n their wild counterparts - we have potential mates. We meet people that would make a good mating partner, but not much beyond that. My parents … they were good. Their bond was strong and things were great, until my dad found a shifter who had a stronger bond with him. It was hard, and my mom says she doesn’t hate him … but sometimes I don’t believe her, you know? With us, there’s just a problem of not settling. You have to find the person you bond with the most - the person who you know from the second you see them, that they’ll be the only one. Otherwise, you end up like me. My dad and I are okay, but I don’t lie to myself and say I understand or I’m not bitter that he left us.”
“What about his mate? Does she like you?” I shrugged absentmindedly at Paul’s probing and forced my gaze off my mom, to turn to him. Concern has replaced his goofy smile, which creased between his brows and a slight frown dragged his lips down. For a moment, I let it distract me from the conversation, so that I didn’t have to think about my step-mother.
“She pretends to like me for my dad’s sake. I remember, she tried to take me shopping once, before we knew enough about each other to really hate each other. We both made an effort, but I was … what - seven years old at the time? It was confusing that this woman that wasn’t my mother was trying to do the things my mom was supposed to do with me. My parents split when I was five, but I didn’t spend too much time with Rachel. We only did things together, without my dad, once or twice a year - just to see if anything had changed. When I turned ten, we got into a fight because she wanted to come with my family to this waterpark, even though she hadn’t been invited. In the end, we didn’t go at all because she wouldn’t back down; then it just became this silent agreement that we don’t really interact at all. My birthday is the only time I see my dad.”
The Soul of a Bear Page 3
