She rolled her eyes. “He was just telling me about how you ran into him and burned your wrist. I ran into him at the keg and asked if he’d seen you. Trust me, we’re not friends.” She laughed lightly.
“Well, good,” I said, thinking it would be too much to stomach if Rachel became friends with my brother too.
“Um, okay so I do have to tell you something,” Rachel said, sounding nervous.
“What?” I asked, matching her tone. The beer was making me more emotional.
“I’m dating someone,” she said confidently, but I could hear the hesitation in her voice.
Panic filled me, as I was afraid she was going to reveal that she was seeing Chase, and that would have literally put me over the edge.
“His name is Michael. He’s actually the guy I went out with a few weeks ago, and we’ve been hanging out a lot lately.”
“Rach, that’s awesome,” I said, hugging her. I couldn’t remember the last time a guy had actually made the cut with her, so this Michael guy must be special.
Rachel went on to tell me he was going to be a senior in college at the small, private university in the next town over, before launching into more intimate details of their new relationship, and I couldn’t help but smile. I’d had a feeling she’d been keeping something from me ever since our fight two weeks earlier. She’d been preoccupied ever since that day, and I was relieved to find out her anxiety had nothing to do with me. I could see the tension on her face ebb as she told me more about Michael. It was weird. I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen Rachel so affected by a guy before.
She explained that he was leaving the next day for an internship in Chicago and would be gone for the rest of the summer, so she asked if I’d be okay if she took off early. I told her ‘hell yes’ and we made plans to get together for breakfast the next morning before I left. Since she was leaving, I figured there was no reason for Ben and me to stay, so I set off to find him.
It took me a good ten minutes before I located him, and when I did, all hell broke loose. When I couldn’t find him downstairs, I went upstairs to see if he was up there. I passed Chase, as I made my way up the stairs. He and his friends were lounging on the bottom steps. I had to step almost over his friend Davis to get around them.
“Excuse me,” I said curtly, stumbling slightly as I did.
“You okay, Em?” Chase called after me, and I thought I could hear a taunting tone in his voice.
“I’m fine,” I snapped back, not bothering to turn around.
“Fine,” he said, matching my tone. “I was just asking, because you looked wobbly, but if you’re going to be a bitch, go ahead and fall.”
I glared back at him, as I made my way to the top of the stairs, stumbling once again. Chase mumbled something I couldn’t hear, and I thought I heard Davis laugh, but I wasn’t sure.
“Ben,” I called when I got up to the top of the stairs.
I looked down the hall and didn’t see him. So I walked around, peaking in the open rooms. I saw a Chris DeLuca and Brittney Markham making out – eww, something I didn’t want to see – but I didn’t see Ben. I headed back downstairs, annoyed that I had to step over Chase and his friends again. I rounded the corner just in time to see Ashleigh Ballast kissing my boyfriend.
“What the fuck!” I screamed, and for the record, I had never said that word before in my life before that moment. “What the hell are you doing?!”
I wasn’t sure who I was directing my obscenities at, but both Ben and Ashleigh looked up – Ashleigh with a smug smile on her face, and Ben with an absolute look of terror on his. Forgetting Ben, I charged at Ashleigh. Now, let me say that I had also never gotten into a fight before. I had never hit anyone, besides smacking Chase upside the head, and that didn’t count, but when faced with Ashleigh flirting with Ben for years, arguing with him about it an hour before and then finding her kissing him, I lost it. I screamed, and I honestly don’t know what came out of my mouth, but I’m pretty sure ninety percent of the words would cause FCC violations if they were said on TV. It was that bad. Then I literally drew back and punched her square in the face.
It was like slow motion as I watched her head fly back. She wobbled slightly, as her hand flew to her face before she full-on screamed like a banshee. Before I knew what was happening, her hands were on my shoulders, and I was falling backward. Ashleigh had five inches of height on me and about fifteen pounds, so her weight alone was enough to knock me over, let alone the force with which she shoved me.
I flew backward, losing my balance. I realized too late that I was going to hit the ground, and it was going to hurt like hell. My body slammed against someone else, knocking the beer out of their hands. I felt it soak my shirt before I hit the hardwood floor and my head knocked against the ground. I was stunned for a second before I realized what had happened and felt some sort of liquid soak into the back my jeans.
Anger boiled my blood, as I looked up at Ashleigh’s face, red with fury. It was enough to get me back on my feet. I was charging at her within seconds. That is until someone restrained me, and I couldn’t get to her. I fought like hell to get loose, but the person holding me was stronger and wasn’t loosening their grip.
“Let me go,” I said, kicking my foot back in an effort to collide it with the person’s shin.
“No,” came Chase’s firm voice, succeeding in shocking the hell out of me. My brother was the last person I expected to be holding me back. “Stop it, Emily. Right now.”
“Emily, what are you doing?” Rachel asked, coming up behind Chase.
“I want to hit her,” I screamed, and could see Ashleigh looking at me in fear, her right eye already starting to swell. She might have been bigger than me, but in that moment, I was scarier. My rage ignited a fury that told her I wouldn’t hesitate to kick her ass. Next to her Ben was taking it all in in stunned silence, his mouth hanging open slightly as he looked between us.
“Take her outside, Chase,” Rachel commanded.
“Come on,” Chase said authoritatively, picking me up off the floor just enough so my feet weren’t touching the ground. I continued to squirm around, trying to get away from him, blind with indignation, only thinking about pummeling Ashleigh again and again. “Quit fighting me, Emily. I’m not letting go.”
Chase tightened his bear-hug grip, his arms squeezing mine so tight that I was sure they’d bruise, but I honestly didn’t care. When it hurt too much, I finally gave up the fight. There was no way I was getting loose anyway. He was a foot taller and eighty pounds heavier than me. I didn’t have a chance.
Once we were outside, and Chase was pretty confident I wasn’t going to charge back into the house, he set me down. I only realized then that I was out of breath. I stood on the deck, pulling in ragged breaths and coughing every few minutes. It seemed like forever until my heart stopped racing. The whole time, Chase stood there watching me closely, as if he was afraid I was going to make a break for it. I finally noticed Ben, who had snuck outside at some point, standing behind Chase, watching me closely. I moved to walk around Chase to talk to Ben, but Chase stuck his arm out to stop me. I swatted it away.
“Stop it, I just want to talk to Ben,” I said, giving him a look that said I would hit him if he didn’t get out of my way.
“Don’t do anything stupid, Em. I meant it.”
“I’m fine,” I spat at him, giving him the most evil look I could conjure.
I wasn’t sure exactly when I’d become a violent person, but I was angry through and through, and the fact that my brother had pulled me away from releasing that anger had me upset with him. Yes, I realize my perspective was slightly skewed at that moment.
“Fine,” Chase said, lowering his arm, but not leaving. He stood to the side like a bodyguard.
I took a deep breath after watching my brother stare at me for a few minutes. “Chase, I’m calm,” I said, through gritted teeth, only half-serious. “I want to talk to Ben alone. He has some serious explaining to do.”
I saw
Ben look down at his shoes out of the corner of my eye. He looked guilty, but of course, he was guilty. I’d just caught him kissing another girl.
“Fine,” Chase said, glaring at Ben and then back at me. “I’ll be over there. Don’t do anything stupid.”
“Fine,” I said, before looking away from him and focusing on Ben.
He looked back at me sheepishly.
“Explain yourself,” I demanded, raising my eyebrows in expectation and thinking he’d better have a good reason for what had happened.
“Em, I’m so sorry,” Ben said, trying to put his arms around me. “I didn’t mean for that to happen. I fucked up. I’m so sorry. She just kissed me out of nowhere. We were talking, and then she kissed me, and that’s when you walked up. Please, you have to believe me. It’s the truth.”
I gritted my teeth for a minute then felt my whole body sink before I started crying. It was like every emotion that had fueled my anger suddenly converted over to complete despair. Every negative thing I’d thought about Ben came flooding back to me, trumping all of the things I loved about him, and I made a snap decision.
“I can’t do this, Ben,” I said, through my tears. Ben reacted to my emotional state by trying to hug me, but I pulled away. “I’m sorry, but I can’t do this anymore.”
“What do you mean?” Ben asked, fear flooding his face as the realization hit him.
“I can’t be with you. I can’t deal with you kissing some other girl and all the other crap on top of it.”
“What other crap?” Ben asked in shock. “What are you talking about? Em, that kiss didn’t mean anything. Please, don’t do this. I love you. Please don’t end this. Please.”
Ben was begging. I could tell breaking up was the last thing he wanted or expected, but in that moment, I was truly done.
“I’m sorry, Ben,” I said, through my tears. “I love you, but I just can’t do this. I’m done.”
That time, I knew exactly what being ‘done’ meant. I was breaking up with Ben. I watched his face crumble before I turned away. I wanted to make a dramatic exit, but in order to leave I had to find Rachel, hoping she could take me home before she left to hang out with her new boyfriend. She was presumably still inside dealing with Ashleigh, so I shot her a text and marched through the house and out into the front yard. As soon as I hit the porch, I heard footsteps behind me.
“Ben, don’t,” I said, not even turning around. I didn’t want to look at him. I needed to get away from him.
“It’s not Ben,” Chase said, startling me for the second time that night. He came around to face me. He didn’t look angry anymore. He looked concerned.
Not knowing what I was doing, I threw my arms around my brother’s neck, startling him in the process, and started crying again. Chase’s arms tentatively came up around my back as he tried to comfort me. He didn’t say anything for a few minutes. He just let me cry.
Then without questioning the odd exchange that was so out of character for us, he just said, “Come on, I’ll take you home.”
Had I been more coherent in the moment, I probably would have noticed him take out his phone and text Rachel, and I probably would have questioned why her number was programmed in his phone, but I was so consumed by my own personal drama that it didn’t register with me until much later.
Chapter Eight
With a heavy heart, I thought about Ben as I held the top I’d worn the night before, and looked out my bedroom window in the direction of his house. I felt awful for hurting him, but I knew breaking up was the right thing to do. A part of me regretted it, as I realized I was single for the first time since I was seventeen, but another part of me was kind of relieved.
I felt so bad about what he’d done to me. How could he seriously let Ashleigh kiss him? Was he that stupid? After I’d just gone off on him for letting her flirt with him, what was he doing even talking to her? He was an idiot. I angrily stuffed the soiled clothes into my suitcase, not wanting to think about them, or the night before, any longer.
“What are you doing?” came a voice from the doorway, pulling me back to the present.
I turned to see Keely standing there with her suitcase, giving me an odd look.
“I’m packing,” I said, looking down, so she couldn’t see my face.
“I’m sorry about Ben. That sucks what he did, although props to you for being so kick-ass.”
I had to laugh, even though I wasn’t feeling very kick-ass at the moment with a swollen right hand and bruises on my arms from where Chase had held onto me, I liked hearing her refer to me as kick-ass. It was a bright spot on a really shitty morning.
“Keels, I feel really bad,” I said, looking up at her.
She was flipping through the latest issue of Rolling Stone that Rachel had left on my dresser when she’d come over the day before.
“You should,” she said matter-of-factly. “It was stupid to break up with Ben. He’s like the best guy, so effing hot, and you guys have been together forever. You know he didn’t really do anything wrong. Ashleigh totally surprise-attacked him. Barrett and Lauren saw the whole thing, and he was in pretty bad shape after you left.”
My stomach dropped. Poor Ben. I’d really hurt him.
“He’s just going to sleep with her now that he’s not with you,” Keely said, turning my stomach at the idea of Ben and Ashleigh together.
“Shut up, Keely,” I said, irritated that she’d even say that. “I need to call him.”
The urge hit me out of the blue. I was suddenly searching for my phone. I needed to be sure he was okay. Maybe he was. Maybe after getting a good night’s sleep, he’d realized breaking up was for the best.
“You don’t have to,” Keely said, not looking up from the magazine. “He’s outside.”
“He is?” I asked, as my stomach twisted into knots.
“Yeah, he looks all sad and dejected – it’s sort of pathetic.”
Or, maybe Ben didn’t realize breaking up was best. Maybe after sleeping on it, he thought I’d acted out of emotion, and he wanted to try to win me back.
“Oh, man,” I muttered, as I got to my feet, ignoring my sister’s barb.
I wasn’t sure I could face Ben. Talking on the phone was one thing, but being face to face, I wasn’t sure I’d have the willpower to not take him back if he asked, and it sounded like that’s what he wanted.
“Hey,” I said softly, stepping out onto the porch and closing the door behind me. Ben was facing away from the door, but he turned around in a hurry when he heard my voice. He looked like hell. I would venture to guess he hadn’t slept at all.
“Hey,” he said, taking a step toward me.
“Are you okay?” I asked, already knowing the answer to my question.
He shook his head. “My girlfriend, who I love so much, broke up with me out of the blue last night, because she thinks I hooked up with someone else. How do you think I feel,” he said dryly.
“Did you hook up with her?” I asked, a little more harshly than I’d intended.
“No,” he said firmly. “I didn’t hook up with Ashleigh. I would never do that! We were talking, and she just stopped in mid-sentence and kissed me. I never saw it coming.”
I folded my arms across my chest. “Ben, were you that drunk or just that stupid that you didn’t notice she was flirting with you?” I asked, not believing that he hadn’t known what was happening.
He shook his head, his eyes going wide. “No way. I didn’t see it.”
Okay, so my boyfriend was obviously not known for his attention to detail, but this was ridiculous. Ashleigh had been all over him.
“Em, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I was up all last night. I couldn’t sleep. All I could think about was that I’d fucked up. I was so pissed at myself. I’m so stupid, and now I’ve lost you.”
He pounded the railing, making me wince. I stepped forward and put my hand on his forearm, causing him to stop raging and look at me.
“Em, this is crazy. We’ve been toge
ther for five years. We’ve talked about getting married. You have to know that I would never do anything to jeopardize our relationship. You’re too important to me. Please don’t do this to us.”
I looked up into the face I knew so well, taking in his sad eyes and defeated expression. It felt horrible to be the one who was making him feel that way. I reached up and put my hand on his cheek, cradling it as he closed his eyes. When he opened them, they burned with intensity.
“Emily, I want to marry you. You’re the person I see myself spending the rest of my life with. I want you to be the mother of my children. Please don’t end this. I love you.”
Oh, my God. My heart was literally breaking as he said those words to me, and I couldn’t help crying.
“Why are you crying?” he asked, taking me in his arms and holding me against his chest, his hand rubbing up and down my back.
I inhaled his familiar scent and wrapped my arms around his waist, holding myself against him.
“Please take me back, Emily. I’ll never talk to Ashleigh again if that will make things right between us. You are so much more important to me than she’ll ever be. Please.”
I nodded once, against his chest, powerless to deny him what he was begging me for.
“Did you just nod?” he asked in shock, his heart rate increasing beneath my cheek.
“Yeah, I did,” I said, not sure I was making the right decision but figured I was going to be five hours away from him for the rest of the summer, so what would it matter if we were together or not. I could use our time apart to really consider what I wanted, which was what I had originally intended to do, so I could make an informed decision at the end of the summer. Either way, in that moment, with him right there, letting him go was something I couldn’t do.
Ben squeezed me so tight I thought I might stop breathing. “I love you so much, Em,” he said. “Thank you. I swear I’ll never talk to Ashleigh again.”
I smiled. It was a vow he should have made years ago, but at least he was finally realizing it.
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