Dennis and I enter Beau’s room. I gasp when I see him, totally unprepared for how beat up and damaged he is. He is hardly recognizable. The left side of his face is completely swollen and bruised. His left eye is swollen shut and the skin looks like it could burst open any second. His nose is packed and has a splint over the bridge. His top lip is also swollen and has a line of black stitches starting from just under his nose and disappears into his mouth. His right eye is shut and has a black bruise under it, most likely from his nose being broken.
Dennis bites out a vicious curse and rakes a hand through his hair. Beau cracks open his right eye, which immediately locks on Dennis.
“Dennis, what are you doing here?” He croaks in shock, his lips barely moving.
“I heard what happened, I had to come,” Dennis replies, stopping next to the bed, reaching out to pat his thigh.
“Is Lizette here?” Beau asks.
“I’m right here,” I answer, stepping up beside Dennis.
Beau stares at me for a moment before saying, “You need to leave.”
I blink, not sure if I heard him right. “What?” I breathe.
“I don’t want you here,” he grounds out.
“Beau…” I start, but he cuts me off.
“I. Don’t. Want. You. Here,” he bites out every word, glaring at me angrily as best as he can with one eye.
“Please, Beau, can’t we just talk?” I choke, tears rolling freely down my face.
“No! I’m in enough pain as it is, I don’t need you adding to it!” he snaps and then groans in pain, putting a hand up to his battered lip.
Dennis turns to me, holding my shoulders. “Just go, I’ll talk to him,” he whispers to me.
I roll my lips in and sniff. I glance at Beau one more time before I nod and head for the door. Before I am out the door, I hear Dennis murmur to Beau, “You know, she does love you, Beau.”
“Fuck her, I don’t want to see her face again, Dennis,” he rasps and I can hear the agony in his voice that I doubt has anything to do with his injuries.
“Alright, man, alright,” Dennis soothes.
I choke back a sob as I leave the room and immediately start down the hall in the direction we came.
“Lizette?” Regina calls after me, but I ignore her, needing to get away before I completely break down.
I’ve hurt him so badly. It kills me to know what I did to him. My heart is shattering into a million pieces as I walk back out to the rental car and get in. As soon as I shut the door, I lose it, bawling my eyes out. Hating myself for what I did to him, the love of my life. How could I have been so cruel? How could I have destroyed the best thing in my life? I’ll never get him back if what he said to Dennis is any indication of how he feels about me now. I don’t deserve him, anyway. Why did I even come here? Did I think he was going to be happy to see me? God, I’m so stupid.
*Beau*
I close my good eye after Lizette leaves. Just seeing her face and knowing that she flew down here to see me has me feeling raw and exposed…again. It’s been two weeks since she broke up with me and I feel just as broken and devastated as I did when it first happened. Time is not healing this wound. I can’t even count how many times I’ve broken down in the past two weeks, or how many nights I’ve went without sleeping.
“She was frantic to get here,” Dennis murmurs softly.
I crack open my eye again and look at my friend. “I don’t want to hear it, Dennis. I will never forgive her for what she did to me,” I whisper.
Dennis nods. “I understand. I haven’t been speaking to her much since it happened, but I saw the fear in her eyes today, and I know that she’s been beating herself up over what she’s done. I really think she knows that she made a big mistake. She does love you and cares deeply for you.”
I shake my head slightly. “I don’t care,” I rasp, knowing it’s a complete lie. But I’m hoping that if I keep telling myself that I don’t care, then maybe one day I actually won’t.
Dennis sighs heavily. “Okay,” he says, letting it go. “Wanna tell me what the hell happened?” he asks, nodding at my battered face.
“I wasn’t payin’ attention to where I was standin’, got too close to Willow’s backside, and she bucked. Her hoof caught me square in the face,” I drawl. I still can’t believe I did that. Stupid ass.
“Did it knock you out?” Dennis asks.
“Fuck yeah. Ma found me when she came looking for me because I didn’t show up for dinner,” I reply.
“Shit, how long were you out for?”
“At least an hour.”
“Jesus, you’re lucky you aren’t in worse condition,” Dennis mutters, shaking his head in disbelief.
“I know,” I agree.
Just then, there is a knock at the door. When it opens, Roland, Dean, Ace, and Everett walk in. All of their eyes go wide as they rush over to my bed, all of them talking at the same time. My head starts to pound.
“Guys, guys, can y’all please stop talking. Y’all are making my head hurt,” I moan, touching my forehead.
“Damn, sorry, Beau,” Dean mutters.
“Wow, man, you look like fucking shit,” says Ace.
“Thanks, Ace,” I scoff.
“Hey, man, what’s your name?” Roland says to Dennis while holding out his hand.
“I’m Dennis Parrish, Lizette’s brother,” he answers, shaking Roland’s hand.
“Oh, is she here?” Roland asks neutrally, but I can see the hostility in his eyes.
Dennis shakes his head. “Ah, not at the moment. she was, but Beau asked her to leave.”
“As he fucking should,” Dean sneers.
“Hey, she’s still our manager, and what happened is between her and Beau, so don’t talk shit,” Ace says.
“I don’t know how you’re not mad at her,” Dean says.
“I never said I wasn’t mad at her.” Ace frowns.
“Can we not talk about her?” I mumble.
The guys mutter apologies and change the subject. I barely listen to whatever they are talking about, stuck thinking about Lizette and her beautiful face. She looked so hurt when I told her to leave. I had to do it, though; the pain in my heart is still unbearable. God, how I miss her - everything about her. I would give anything to have her back in my arms, but there is no way in hell that I will ever put myself in the position to be hurt by her again. She can apologize, she can beg and plead, but I am completely done with her, no matter how much it pains me to say that.
Dennis interrupts my thoughts by placing a hand on my shoulder. I glance up at him.
“I gotta go find Lizette. I’ll come by tomorrow, okay?” he asks.
I nod. “Okay, Denny, thanks for being here,” I say.
Dennis gives me a small smile. “I got your back.”
I nod as we shake hands before Dennis heads out to find his sister.
*Lizette*
The next afternoon, I sit at Regina Kennedy’s kitchen table, holding a now cold cup of coffee between my hands. I just stare at it, wishing that things were different, wishing that I hadn’t been so stupid and fucked everything up. Regina has been nice enough to let Dennis and me stay here while we are in town. I have no idea how long we are going to be staying, probably only a couple of days. Regina, Kaden, Leila, and Dennis went to the hospital a few hours ago. Regina wanted me to come, but I refused. Beau hates me and doesn’t want to see me, so why bother?
I hear the front door open. Figuring that it’s just everyone coming back, I don’t bother looking up. I can hear voices murmuring and footsteps coming into the kitchen. I just continue to stare at me coffee. I’ve barely even touched it.
“Lizzie, have you been sitting here this whole time?” Dennis asks, his tone holding a tinge of concern.
I just shrug.
“Leila, can you get me a glass of water? I need to take some more pain meds,” Beau’s voice says, making my head shoot up. What the hell is he doing out of the hospital?
I whip my hea
d toward the kitchen doorway to see Beau slowing making his way into the kitchen, his hand on the wall for support. “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you still be in the hospital?” I blurt.
Beau sends me what I assume is a dirty look, but it’s hard to tell with his face so swollen and bruised. “Shouldn’t you be in New York, living your life without me?” He snarls.
I flinch as if slapped across the face. Ouch. I blink at him a few times before I push back from the table and start toward Beau. I have something that I need to say to him and I want to say it to his face. Dennis steps in front of me at one point, holding his hands out to stop me.
“Now is not the time, Lizzie,” he says evenly, hoping to stop me.
“Get out of my way, Dennis,” I growl. I will not be shut down before I even get the chance to say anything.
Dennis hesitates but eventually moves. Beau is standing next to the island counter. I stop in front of him, looking up into his battered face. His right eye, the only one that he can see out of is watching me closely, warily. I’m sure he’s wondering what I am going to say.
“I’m sorry, Beau,” I croak, not caring who is watching. I might never get the chance to apologize again, especially if he refuses to see me. “At the time, I thought I was doing the right thing, letting you go, thinking that you deserved someone who would treat you better than I could. I’ve come to realize that I was wrong and there isn’t enough “I’m sorry’s” to make what I did any better. I do love you and I do want to be with you. I know you hate me now, so I just hope that one day you can forgive me, at the very least.”
Beau continues to stare down at me, his mouth a thin line. I can’t tell if he’s angry or upset. I realize that he’s not going to respond, so I just nod and turn to Dennis.
“You can stay if you want. I’m going to head home since I’m obviously not wanted here,” I say in resignation before hanging my head and starting for the stairs to get my stuff.
“Lizette! You don’t have to go!” Regina calls after me.
I stop just before starting up the stairs and look at Beau’s mom. “It’s fine, Regina. I can’t force him to want to see me. I said what I wanted to say and now I’ll go and leave him alone,” I say in defeat.
I go upstairs to the room I am staying in and start gathering my things. I left the door open, so I’m not surprised when I see Dennis standing in the doorway, his hands shoved into his front pockets. He is frowning slightly as he watches me.
“What, Dennis?” I mutter.
“I’ll go with you,” he says.
“You don’t have to. I know that you and Beau are good friends, so if you want to stay with him, you can,” I say dismissively.
“But you’re my sister, Lizzie. If you’re going to leave, then so am I,” Dennis replies.
I laugh bitterly and send him a dirty look. “Could have fooled me. You’ve barely spoken to me in two weeks.”
“Because I am mad at you. That doesn’t mean I love you any less,” he frowns.
I shake my head. “Whatever, Dennis. Do whatever you want, I really don’t care anymore.”
Dennis sighs heavily before he disappears from the doorway. Once I’m finished grabbing my things, I head back downstairs. I say a quick goodbye to Regina before going out to the rental car. As I’m putting my bags in the trunk, Dennis comes out of the house with his stuff. Beau steps out onto the porch with him. They exchange a few words and hug before my brother starts toward me. I leave the trunk open and walk to the driver’s side. I open the door and pause to look back at Beau one more time.
He’s standing there, feet braced apart, arms crossed over his broad chest. I’m surprised to see him watching me. I can’t read him, though, so I have no idea what he’s thinking. I just hope that he can see the sorrow and regret in my eyes. I break eye contact when Dennis shuts the trunk. We both get into the car and I start it up, unable to stop the tears that roll down my face as I drive away.
*Beau*
I sit on the back deck of my mother’s house drinking my sixth beer. I’m starting to feel the buzz, but I definitely need more. I need to feel numb. I need to stop the pain that has nothing to do with my injuries. I need to stop thinking about her. It’s almost pitch black out except for the moon and stars shining in the dark sky. I close my eye and pull in a deep relaxing breath of the crisp night air.
“Knew I’d find you out here,” came Kaden’s voice from behind me.
I sigh in irritation. My brother has been up my ass for the past week and is starting to get on my nerves. “What do you want, Kaden?”
“Are you drinking again?” he asks in disbelief.
“Yeah, so?” I reply dryly.
“That’s all you’ve done since you got home from the hospital a week and a half ago, and you’re still taking pain meds, which means you shouldn’t be drinking.”
“Yeeaaahh, I don’t really give a shit,” I drawl before taking a long pull off my beer. I stare defiantly at Kaden as I do it.
Kaden shakes his head. “So what now? You planning on turning into an alcoholic because you had your heart broken?”
“I don’t want to talk about her,” I snarl.
“Maybe you should talk about her. There’s nothin’ worse than keeping it all inside, you’ll eventually explode,” his brother says.
“There’s nothin’ to talk about. I’m broken and devastated and I can’t stop loving her even though I want to so badly,” I mutter.
“It takes time to get over someone you love,” Kaden says sadly as if he knows what he’s talking about.
“Yeah, well, it doesn’t feel like it’s ever going to get any better, so excuse me if I want to drown my fucking sorrows,” I grunt and grab another beer from where they are sitting at my feet.
I down the newest bottle in one shot. I let out a huge belch and glance up at my brother. “Are you gonna stand there and watch me all night?” I ask in annoyance.
Kaden just shakes his head, shoves his hands in his pockets and heads back into the house. I crack open another cold one and take a sip. This is definitely not how I saw my life going and it fucking sucks.
Chapter Thirteen
*Lizette*
“Lizette, I’m concerned about Beau,” Ace says, frowning hard.
We are standing backstage after the guys just put on an awesome show in Madison Square Garden. Their tour has been postponed for a few more months, but they wanted to put on a show in their hometown as a sign of good faith.
It’s been two months now since Beau was hurt and he’s pretty much back to normal. Well, physically he’s back to normal. Other than a thin scar on his lip, you wouldn’t even know that he had his face kicked in by a horse. His partying habits have gotten out of control, though. He’s been in the tabloids too many times in the past two months. Twice he went after paparazzi, breaking a camera and breaking a nose, which he was arrested for. He’s constantly drinking or drunk or high. And I don’t even want to think about all of the girls that Rob has told me he’s picked up at clubs. It makes me want to throw up.
I nod. “I know.”
“I’ve tried to talk to him, but he told me to fuck off. I think that you need to say something to him as our manager.” Ace sighs.
I give him an incredulous look. “And you think he’s going to listen to me?” I snort.
“If you threaten his career? Yeah, I think he will,” Ace replied.
I study Ace’s crystal blue eyes. He is serious and truly concerned for his friend.
I pull in a deep breath. “Where is he?” I ask, wanting to get this over with as soon as possible.
“I think he’s in the dressing room.”
I nod and start in that direction. As I get closer, I can see Rob standing guard outside the door. My stomach drops. I can only imagine why he’s stationed outside the door. I stop in front of him and put on my hardest manager face.
“Move,” I demand.
He gives me a sympathetic look, which only confirm my suspicions. He’s with
someone in there. “You don’t want to go in there right now, Lizette.”
“Rob, I said move.”
“Really, Lizette…” he tries again.
“I mean it, Rob, get the fuck out of my way,” I snap.
Rob sighs and steps aside. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
I open the door and immediately see red. Beau is sitting on the couch smoking a joint, while some whore is sucking his dick. There are no words to describe the rage coursing through me right now. And the torment of seeing some other girl’s mouth on the man I love. It’s unimaginable. I think I black out for a moment because I have no recollection of moving forward until I am standing next to the bitch that is on her knees between Beau’s legs.
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