by R. Lorelei
We went into the control room and reviewed the procedure we had just finished on the computer, analyzing the patient’s condition. His tone was low and racy; he was so knowledgeable about all his patients when he dictated his final notes on the phone. He glanced at me, “Are you ready to go?”
“Sure,” I said breathlessly.
We stood to leave and he allowed me to go first. His thick fingers guided the small of my back as we left the room. His touch woke every nerve fiber in my body. I sensed myself ache for him.
He closed the light and for a second we were alone in the dark. He grabbed my wrist like he always seemed to do and I turned back to face him, but I only saw a dark silhouette of his face, and he said to me, “It’s taking everything in me to be professional with you.”
Feeling the heat from his body I begged him, “Don’t be.”
There, I’d given him the go ahead. He could do something, anything now. I was willing him to do anything. I couldn’t see him but I feel him close. He knows it’s mutual now. I imagined him grabbing me hard by the hips and thrusting his dick into me while kissing me passionately but I said and I did nothing. I waited for his move. He made none. I was frustrated now, almost angry.
All code purples paled in comparison to this one. I wanted this man so bad I could taste it. I refused to throw myself at his feet but I needed to know what was stopping him. Maybe we could correct it. I couldn’t leave without knowing. I had to ask, “Why aren’t you?”
He turned the light on, like water being dumped onto the remnants of a fire his lascivious look transforms into one of discouragement. “Nick,” he seethed.
~16~
I was really looking forward to my time off. My plan, other than grocery shopping; I intended to live in the loft like a total recluse. I wouldn’t: open a door for anyone, answer a phone no matter who it was, and wear anything other than my Jammys.
I turned my alarm off, and on day one I slept in to a whopping seven o’clock. I stayed in bed for an extra hour before I started getting fidgety and I had to get up. Coffee was first on my agenda, after that the rest of the day was spent cleaning and watching old Bachelor episodes on my personal video recorder.
I chose day two to go grocery shopping, so I could spend the last day recovering from day two’s excursion. It was a fine plan. My hours were quickly becoming more normal, on day two; I didn’t wake until eight o’clock, but skipped the extra hour of just lying in bed. I had my coffee and dressed respectably in a pair of jeans that I proudly wore fifteen years ago and still fit me today, with a grey blouse and sneakers.
The weather was warm coat friendly with a slight chance of snow, but I decided to take my chances and nixed the idea of boots. I picked a grey jacket to match my blouse and headed for Snowball. I apologized to her for making her work today, but I absolutely needed groceries for the rest of the week. I wasn’t your average grocery shopper. I never went to the same store repeatedly, and I didn’t follow sales. I went wherever my mood took me and today it was suburbia Oakville to a store called Whole Foods, which sold organic everything.
Snowball was happy when we got to the parking lot of Whole Foods. She was surrounded by cars just like her. There were no worries about anyone scratching or denting her here, I would never tell her this, but she wasn’t necessarily the prettiest car in this parking lot. I parked her where only one other car could park next to her and headed into the store.
I grabbed a small shopping cart, (there were no large ones because it was assumed that nobody could afford to do a full grocery shop at this store), because the prices were so exorbitant. I strolled down aisle after aisle, taking my time. I never once expected to hear anyone calling out my name until I found myself standing in the same aisle as Bradley. I was flabbergasted bumping into him here, of all places, looking like this, and did I mention so far away from where we work?
Bradley’s shaggy brown hair was freshly cut and still shaggy. I could picture running my fingers through his sexy hair. He was wearing a black dress shirt with the top two buttons undone, with faded jeans, and cowboy boots. I swore to myself I wasn’t going to drool over him because that would put me in the same class with the rest of female staff at the General. I wasn’t sure who I was kidding except for myself. I was already in that category every single female was in once they met him. He received attention wherever he went, and his obliviousness to it which was enchanting.
“Bradley,” I said in my calmest voice. “Strange meeting you here.”
“Likewise, I thought you lived in a loft close to the hospital?”
“I do, but I heard about this place from some nurses, and I wanted to check it out. Do you live close?”
He smiled and rolled his car keys around his finger, “Just around the corner.”
I noticed he didn’t have a shopping cart and wasn’t carrying any bags, “Are you shopping?”
“They didn’t have what I needed, until now.” That pick up line made me weak in the knees. I grasped on to my shopping cart for support aware of its wheels and inability to provide me with any support. “How much longer will you be until you’re done?” He asked.
`I looked at him smugly, “It sounds like you’re flirting with me, and that’s not very professional now is it Bradley?”
He took a step closer to me and now he was in my space, I was becoming short of breath.
“Fuck professionalism, it’s overrated.”
“Oh dear,” I teased. “I’m really not that kind of girl.”
“We need to talk Chanel.”
“Do we?” I still continued to tease.
“We do.” Shop later, follow me in snowball, you can park her at my house.”
“Sounds like a plan.” Groceries could wait. I jumped into Snowball and pulled up to his Hummer, which I hadn’t noticed, was in the parking lot when I came, but I also hadn’t been looking for it. It only took us a few minutes to get to his place.
We pulled up to a newer styled house stucco and pot lights galore with a three car garage. Bradley pulled up to a garage door, and I pulled up beside him at another garage door, both opened simultaneously. We parked together like we had been doing it for years. When I got out of the car I locked Snowball and then spoke to Hummer, “Don’t get any fresh ideas!”
We entered the house from inside the garage. It took us right into a hallway off the kitchen. The kitchen was beautiful. The cabinets were antique white, smartly designed at staggered heights. Corner cabinets, glass cabinets, and all the bells and whistles you could think of. There was a valance with under cabinet lighting, an Island with breakfast stools and top of the line fridge and stove with a matching range. This was my dream kitchen.
He invited me into the living room which was black leather everything and shag carpet everywhere. He then asked, “Can I get you something to drink?”
I hesitated; it was early so I chose accordingly, “Water?”
He disappeared into the kitchen and came out with two bottles of water. He motioned his hand toward the couch suggesting I be seated. I gladly sat down a full couch cushion away from him so we could look at each other while we were talking.
Bradley’s leather jacket came off, he took it off somewhere between the living room and the kitchen. I didn’t notice him take it off, or I would have watched him do it. Now I saw him in his shirt with two buttons open and I just wanted to tear the shirt off his back. He was wearing sexy pants and he’s taken off his cowboy boots for comfort and now he’s in his black socks.
The fragrance he was wearing was very enticing. If I had to guess, my first guess would be Versace. Oh yes, it was definitely Versace. I wanted to bury my nose wherever he sprayed, and in other places too. Then I remembered what I looked like and came back down to earth, snapping myself out of my mini fantasy. I find myself having way too many of these.
He started the conversation first (so Alpha Male, Yum)! “When you told me about your relationship with Nick, it surprised me. I needed time to digest it, because I’ve like
d you from the moment I met you. (Oh Alpha Male likes me!)
If I begin seeing you, I need to know you are willing to give him up.”
“What do you mean, ‘give him up?' Stop all the codes, stop everything?” I needed to know exactly what he was asking me to do. Clearly our friendship bothers him a great deal.
“Everything, I don’t want you to be sexually active with him anymore. I don’t think that’s an unreasonable request if we were to start dating.”
“I will stop the sex codes, but not the friendship. I’ve been his friend for ages; he’s been there for me when I needed him most. I will never let his friendship go, not for you or anyone else. If you want to be with me you’re going to have to accept him as part of my life, like a canker or wart if you will.”
“Why such loyalty? What did he ever do to get this kind of loyalty from you?”
“Why question it? I would assume my trait of loyalty should be one you learn to value.
I felt my energy draining quickly. The excitement and fun I felt at the grocery store was disappearing. Nick and I never usually do serious relationships. The reasons for our dependance on each other has never been shared with anyone.
Ultimately I just feel like promising not to have sex with Nick is good enough and if he’s going to be jealous over our friendship than Bradley isn’t the right guy for me. I owed nobody an explanation for my friendship with Nick, in my eyes, there was nothing wrong with it.
With unmistakable resentment bordering on jealousy in his tone he told me, “Go to Nick.” Nick and I were lifelines to each other, life support. Bradley was jealous of him before anything between us even started. This sudden exhibition of insecurity had my head spinning. I attributed it to what happened between him and his ex-wife, but why should I suffer? He opened the garage door and allowed me to leave. Alpha male was pissed off that I didn’t go into details regarding my fierce loyalty to my best boy friend forever. That entire visit didn’t go the way I wanted it to. It was disappointing.
~17~
I threw my car in park when I got to Nicks condo. My hands were shaking with anger; I hardly knew how I got there in one piece. I let myself in with his key and looked for him. Damn! He wasn’t there. I dug through my purse spilling its contents onto the couch looking for my cell. When I found it I texted Nick:
Chanel: CODE BLUE
I collapsed upset, on his bed. Having lost all sense of time, I startled when I heard his key in the door. I heard brisk steps as he looked for me and opened the door, then the bed dipped, he was next to me now and his arms wrapped around me from behind.
His body cocooned me. Concerned he whispered in my ear, “I always feared a code blue, what happened?” I turned to look at him, I was drowning with disappointment and vulnerability, did he notice? My energy remained depleted as every part of my body felt heavy. Tears burned my cheeks, “Bradley was trying to find out why we’re so close. He doesn’t want me to be friends with you or get close.”
His thumbs wiped my tears and then his lips covered mine with a kiss. “Why Coco?”
“Our relationship came up in conversation, I described it to him. This was before I knew I liked him.”
“Is it mutual?”
“Yes. He likes me. He wants me to finish with you completely, and I told him, nothing could ever stop me from being your friend, but our sex codes need to stop now.”
I could swear I saw a sign of a tear in Nick’s eye. I never thought I of all people would have the power to make him cry.
Nick’s fingers began removing my blouse from behind. I helped him as he finished with the buttons and then he pulled his own shirt over his head. He continued to undress me as I did him. We laid naked my back to his front and I wept silently for what I was giving up. Our codes meant as much to me as they did to him.
I turned to face him and he wiped my tears. His lips covered mine again, but this time for much longer. His blue eyes were crystal clear from the tears that threatened to drop from his eyes.
For the longest time we both knew that eventually these codes would have to end, but we never expected it to be this hard. Our feelings were invasive, lying in the unchartered depths of our souls.
Our familiarity with each other was so evident as Nick’s tongue plunged into my mouth, his fingers stroked my pink folds lovingly, then he began skillfully kneading me until I was rubbing against him showing my consent and desire for him to fill my empty abyss.
I felt so close to him I cried tears of love. He stopped to raise himself on one elbow, and his eyes began to savor the sight of me. I did the same starting at his muscular legs gliding my eyes to his defined stomach, up his butterfly chest to his broad and beautiful shoulders.
He lowered himself back down, but this time he took my breast in his mouth moaning my name, ‘Coco’ and then his tears began falling freely as he slowly penetrated me with a finality I wasn’t sure I was ready for. I watched his tears drop onto me as he continued thrusting inside me slowly, and steadily.
This time was very different from all the other times. His palm touched my cheek, as his thrusts became more rapid, but in no way rushed. We released in unison, before he collapsed on top of me.
Nick and I just now, broke every rule we ever made with one another. He made love to me the way he wasn’t supposed to. It hurt more than I ever thought it would. I noticed the pillow was wet as I became conscious of my own tears. I took his face in both my palms and reassured him, “I will never stop loving, or being there for you, but I need to see where this goes with Bradley, Nick.”
He stroked my cheek and confessed to me, “I’m sorry for breaking every rule, but I always dreamed of showing you how much I really love you. You’re incredible Coco. Bradley will be lucky to have you if that’s what you want.” We realized how lucky we were to have our bond. As long as we remained friends, I thought we would be okay. Nick continued, “I will always be there for you and love you unconditionally.” We slept in each other’s arms and he took care of my every need the following day. No codes were called.
~18~
I forced myself to go to work when all I wanted to do was lay in Nick’s bed and feel sorry for myself. The weather reflected my mood; it was cloudy, damp, and dreary. I took an extra-long shower and then helped myself to an old pair of Nick’s scrubs.
Nick was sound asleep when I left, so I kissed his cheek lightly and tip toed out of his room to go to Snowball. She took me straight to the hospital and I stopped at Tim Horton’s to have a coffee before going to the Cardiac floor to find Bradley.
When I got there Bradley was in the nurse’s station waiting for me. Concern was plastered all over his face. I took a seat next to him and he mumbled, “Are you okay? Where did you go?” He didn’t look at me, but continued to look at the patients chart while talking, not wanting to draw attention to us in front of staff.
I chose to be honest, “I’m not okay, but here is neither the time nor the place.”
He tried to look in my eyes, but I dropped my head down, he lifted my chin so I had no choice but look at him, “Let me take you to lunch.”
“I don’t want to go out.” My voice crumbled and I sounded like I was going to cry.
“Then let’s talk in the lounge at lunch.”
“Okay,” I said, and from that minute until noon, we focused on our patients.
Noon came quickly and Bradley led me to a very private lounge I never knew existed. “Do you want something to eat or drink?” he asked.
“No thanks. You go ahead though.” I sat on the couch while he paced the stretch of the lounge.
Bradley looked at me and ran his thick fingers through his still sexy hair, “I’m not hungry, I was worried about you, and I had no way of calling you or finding you. You never gave me your number. The last day and a half was torture for me.”
“I was in good hands,” I clipped.
“Nicks?” He snapped back.
“Yes,” I admitted.
His voice sounded firm, “Did y
ou do make love to him?”
“Your question is inappropriate. You told me to go to him; we have no commitment between us.”
“You slept with him, fuck Chanel! I told you to end it, not to sleep with him.”
“I did exactly what you told me to do, I ended the intimate part of our relationship. It wasn’t easy, but there won’t be anymore sex codes between us. I promise.
I told Nick I wanted to see where our relationship goes. He understands that and said he would back off. You know by now that my bond with Nick is powerful, so you’re going to have to wrap your head around that.”
I placed my hands on the nape of my neck and rolled my head back and around stretching it. I closed my eyes for a second before looking back up at him, “You need to give me time.”
“For what, I’ve waited long enough,” he gripped.
“Impatient are we, Dr. Bradley?”
Ignoring my last comment he continued, “By the way, I wanted to ask you if you wanted to join the committee for the Cardiac Fundraising event at the end of this month, and be my date.”
“I have to check my calendar; I might be booked that day.”
“Did someone else ask you?” Now he was being oversensitive.
“A girl has to keep her options open!” I teased.
“Give me your cell,” he ordered.
“You’re so bossy!” I commented, handing him my cell.
“Call me when you know whether you can go with me or not.” He sat down on the couch really close to me, in my space, and programmed his number and address into my phone. I got goose bumps just by his proximity. I knew anything with him was going to be good; the anticipation alone got me excited.
~19~
We took a longer than normal lunch, before seeing the rest of our patients and doing some emergency cases in the Cath lab. I did all the work, Bradley just stood there and watched. I used to feel intimidated, but now I just felt stimulated whenever he was near me.
