by R. Lorelei
He was getting a unit of blood and he had five electrodes on his chest that was hooked up to a heart monitor. The ventilator broke the silence of the room and the rhythm of Nick’s heart on the heart monitor made beep noises. His face was becoming more bruised and swollen and as Aria walked up to his bed she gasped at the sight of him.
The room appeared sterile like any other Intensive Care room. He had two chairs by the bedside. I planted myself in one and stared at Nick. Aria took the chair closer to him and held the hand that had a pulse oximeter attached to it.
I felt like I was intruding on them by being there, so I suggested we alternate our stay with him around the clock. She would do days and I would do nights. We were both scared to be left alone with him, but we also knew that we were both going to need sleep. My greatest fear was that I would leave his room and possibly never see him alive again. We both wanted to be there in case there was an emergency, but Aria now had more right than I did to be there. He was dating her.
There was no way I could go back to work, when all I would be thinking about was Nick. So I went home to try to get some sleep before it was my turn.
~36~
It was my turn to watch over Nick. I had time to freshen up so I was ready for a long night shift. I was in what they call a Geri-chair that pulled out so you could sleep in it. It wasn’t the most comfortable, but that’s all the Unit had.
I glanced over at Nick and I saw his eyes open. I got really excited and jumped from the chair almost tripping as I did it. I went running into the nurse’s station only being slowed down to slide the temperamental glass door separating us from the nursing station, “He’s awake!” I shouted. The nurses came running in and smiled. Everyone was happy. His most responsible nurse, the one with the long blond hair named Bridgette said, “I’ll go call the doctor and tell him the good news!” My eyes fluttered open and the realization that it was all a dream hit me slowly and painfully.
I rose from my bed in the loft and took a quick shower. I couldn’t get to the hospital fast enough. I threw a bagel in the toaster and painted it with butter and then headed straight for the hospital eating on my way. I didn’t care about food; I just needed my best friend back. I wanted to know if there was any news. My dream got my hopes up because I was hoping it was a premonition.
Aria was sleeping next to Nick on the bed. The unit of blood was gone and he had 2/3 and 1/3 with 20 potassium hanging in its place. They gave these kinds of fluids to people who were not eating much and had low potassium.
He remained on the ventilator and heart monitor. It didn’t appear that much had changed, but sometimes that was a good thing.
Looking at Nick and Aria made me feel so lonely as I reflected back to Bradley’s very recent departure from my personal life. If anything like this happened to me, I would have no one. The sad thing was I put myself in this position.
Focusing on Nick was preventing me from feeling sorry for myself. I tapped on Aria’s shoulder, “Go home sweetheart, get some rest. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Thanks Chanel, for everything. If anything happens or if you need me to bring anything in at all, just call or text me. I don’t care if I’m sleeping or not.”
“Sure Aria,” I reassured. She left after kissing him on the forehead.
Seeing them together made me happy for Nick to have someone that loves him the way she does. It made me sick to my stomach thinking I almost ruined it for them. It was obvious that everyone would be better off without me. Nick would be able to concentrate all of his affections on Aria, Bradley could heal from the pain I caused, and Aria would never find out what Nick and I shared together.
I took my spot on the Geri-chair. Shelly told me that when Nick was stable enough they were going to implant the AICD in him. He was just about there. I brought my phone but kept it turned off. I only put it on when I left for a bathroom break to check my messages, there were usually none.
When I got back to the Unit I perched myself into my Geri-chair and I resumed my intensive studies for my final exam which was coming up in a couple of days just before the Fundraiser.
Just after midnight Nick’s heart monitor started alarming. I glanced up quickly to see he was in sustained ventricular tachycardia. I panicked. I ran out of Nick’s room to the nursing station and screamed, “Someone call a code!” A nurse at the nurses’ station dialed 5555 and said into the receiver, “Code blue, room 9, ICU.” A second later it was announced over the entire hospital P.A. system.
Bradley came bursting into the Intensive Care Unit, followed by the respiratory therapist who came to every code. The nurses had grabbed the crash cart and his chart from the rack for the doctor and went running into his room.
I saw the other nurse roll Nick’s lifeless body over as Bridgette placed the board from the crash cart under his back. They took his gown off and she jumped on the bed straddling his hips and began compressions while the other nurse worked around her to get the three electrodes from the heart monitor crash cart onto Nick’s bare chest. Once they were hooked up, two defibrillator pads were also placed on his chest. Nick was still in Ventricular Tachycardia. Bradley calmly ordered the nurse, “Shock him with 100 joules.” Bridgette set the machine to 100 joules and looked at everyone, “All clear.” Bradley nodded and she continued with the first shock.
Nick remained in the same rhythm. Bradley ordered, “Continue compressions.” After sixty-seconds Bradley ordered, “Shock him with 200 joules.” Bridgette repeated the same steps; she set the machine to 200 joules and looked at everyone to make sure they weren’t touching him, “All clear.” Bradley nodded again and she continued with the second shock. He popped back into Sinus Rhythm which is a normal rhythm most people are in, Bridgette’s face lit up with a smile and I cried with relief.
Bradley ordered Bridgette to administer 5 mg of Metoprolol push while I rushed into the nursing station to call Aria back to the hospital. It was hard to speak to her on the phone when I hadn’t regained my composure yet. I wanted to thank Bradley but I felt uncomfortable and he looked busy charting. I had an impression that he didn’t want me to come up to him so I kept my distance.
Aria arrived on the Unit within twenty minutes of our call. Her face was all red and I could tell she had been crying. Bradley approached her when he saw her, “Aria, Nick’s heart went into a lethal rhythm called sustained Ventricular Tachycardia and the nurses called a code on him.
“He was given two shocks and chest compressions before we were able to stabilize him. I planned to have Shelly take him to the O.R. tomorrow for the AICD. I don’t think he can wait much longer for the device. The operation will take approximately two hours. We will watch him very carefully while he’s under anesthetic. Then we will try to extubate him. When he is stable he will be started on a beta blocker called Metoprolol that will hopefully prevent him from going into that heart rhythm again.
“You can go see him now.” Aria reached up and gave Bradley a hug, “Thank you so much, Dr. Hart.” We went into room 9. The relief came flooding out of us in a burst of tears as I went to Nick’s bedside trying to process everything that happened. I felt such a huge bond to Aria for going through this with her and for the care and concern she showed to Nick during this time. He was lucky to have her and we were both lucky to have him.
Several hours passed before I had to force myself to leave his bedside so that I could continue preparation for the most important exam in my life, “Aria, I’m going to leave you for a while. I don’t want to, but I need to study for the exam.”
Her eyes were filled with tears, “Sure Chanel. I’ll see you whenever you have time to come back.” I grabbed the book I was studying from and my purse and left the Unit. I could feel Bradley’s eyes on me when I was leaving.
For the next several days my focus was on studying for the final and job searching. I had two shifts left with Shelly and my rotation was over. My shifts were a welcome interruption from my routine of studying by Nick’s bedside and sleeping at
the loft.
Nick didn’t code anymore. He stabilized. The day after he coded they implanted the AICD. They removed his breathing tube without any incident. It was nice to see him off that ventilator. His heart monitor stayed on him for an additional twenty-four hours after the implant was inserted to make sure it was working okay.
Aria and I were changing shifts when she noticed his eyes flutter open. She punched me startling me and pointed at Nick, “Look, he’s awake!” We both rushed to his side and his eyes fluttered closed again. Aria ran to the nursing station and called out, “Someone call the doctor, he opened his eyes!”
She came back to his bedside and grabbed his hand. I took the other one and we waited patiently until he opened his eyes again. He tried to speak but his mouth was dry and his throat was sore, “Its okay Nick, don’t speak.” He was surrounded by the two people who loved him most. I was elated that I saw him wake up. I felt like everything was going to be okay now. I hugged Aria and said, “I think he’s going to be okay. I hate to leave but I have to study. I’ll come back tomorrow after my exam.”
Aria was glowing, “Good luck Chanel, knock’em dead!”
Nick would have a chance to write the exam once he recovered. We could now both move on with our lives. The rest of the night and part of the morning I spent studying. Now that I knew Nick was okay, I was able to regain my concentration, hopefully it wasn’t too late.
~
~
I stopped by the loft to pick up my mail and then went to the Paddock for a very solitary dinner after my final exam. Our normal waitress came to take my order and asked, “Is anyone coming to join you tonight?” I shook my head no and ordered Bradley’s favorite dish.
When the waitress brought my souvlaki over, I started opening my mail. I scored an interview at a teaching hospital in Grimsby. I had nobody to share the news with, not now anyway.
A large part of me wished Bradley would walk through that door and sweep me off my feet. I longed for him but I knew I didn’t stand a chance of getting him back because I lost his trust. Without that, there was nothing. I never felt more alone. I had to make changes, get away from everything. I finished my meal and texted Aria telling her that I couldn’t come by tonight. I used the excuse that I was tired.
~37~
I didn’t see anyone for three days, but I was busy. The fundraiser was tomorrow and my interview at the teaching hospital was today. I dressed in my nicest business casual clothes and drove Snowball to the hospital in Grimsby. My appointment with Personnel was for 10:00 a.m.
My interview was by a panel of doctors on the board. They brought me into a boardroom with a medium sized table. Seated at the table were the Chief of Cardiology, Chief of Staff, and the CEO, not too intimidating. I needed a Depends Undergarment for this interview after I found out their positions. Suddenly I wanted no, I needed this job almost as much as I needed air to breath.
I focused on their questions, and slowly gave my best possible answers. Patient advocating and safety were always at the forefront of my answers. If there was a question I didn’t know the answer to, I said who I would consult to ascertain an answer.
The interview lasted two hours. We had a fifteen minute break each hour on the hour. I was hired on the spot. I was exhilarated for the first time since Nick opened his eyes. I couldn’t get to the hospital to tell him fast enough.
~38~
I got to the hospital and went right to room 9. I poked my head through the sliding door and saw Nick and Aria in their usual spots, only this time Nick was awake now. He noticed me first, “Coco!”
“Dickwad!” I went running to him and gave him a big hug.
Aria glanced up at me, “Hi Chanel! Good to see you!”
I smiled back at her, “Thanks.”
Aria grabbed her purse, “I’m just going to run to the bathroom while you are here Chanel and grab a bite to eat while you visit if that’s okay?”
“Sure Aria, take your time, I’ll have Nick fill you in about what we talked about when you get back.”
“I look forward to it,” she said. Then she was gone.
I left the sliding door opened but closed the drape for some privacy from the nurses station.
"Nick, do you remember what happened in the car accident?”
“Nothing, Aria told me the two of you took shifts at my bedside, thank you for supporting her.”
“Hey, she was supporting me too. I missed my best friend.” I took his hand and kissed the top of it. “Bradley is the one who saved your life. You coded! You had emergency abdominal surgery, and AICD inserted the works!”
“I know Aria got me up to speed. I just finished speaking to Dr. Thicke to plan the rest of my shifts before I’m eligible to write the final Exam. Did you write your exam and finish your shifts with Shelly?”
“I did. It will take about six weeks to find out if I passed.”
He squeezed my hand, “You passed, Coco. I’m sure of it.”
“You should see yourself Nick! Your hair is in desperate need of a cut, you look like you just came out of a bush! Wouldn’t you let Aria shave you?
“Fuck no! I want to live! I didn’t go through all of this so she could kill me!”
“I can’t believe Aria is allowing herself to be seen with you looking like this.”
“You know it Coco, the second I get out of here I’m getting the works done at one of the best salons, and then I’m going to ask her to marry me.”
“Fuck off Dickwad! Are you serious? You’re in love?” My eyes welled up with happy tears for him.
“She’s not you, but there’s something about her, I never want to be separated from her again.” I squeezed his hand tight with approval and a little bit of jealousy.
“I’ll keep your secret until you ask her.”
I have some news for you.” He looked at me and waited. “Bradley and I aren’t together anymore. He knows you followed me to Las Vegas. He knows everything. I can’t say that I blame him for leaving me, I deserved it.” I wasn’t going to tell you because I didn’t want you to feel bad for me or get upset.
“I’m sorry Coco. Please tell me he’s not going to tell Aria?”
“No worries. It's me he’s mad at. I’m the one who was with you. I made my bed.”
Nick winked,“You’re good in it too!”
I sat on the edge of the bed to tell him the rest, “I’m leaving Nick. I secured a job at a teaching hospital in Grimsby. The interview was two hours and gruelling, Chief of Cardiology and Chief of Staff plus the CEO asked me intense questions. I was hired on the spot! I’m really happy about it.”
Nick suddenly looked despondent, “You’re leaving? Don’t leave Coco! It’s not cool.”
“It’s not cool if I stay Nick. You have Aria, and I can’t see Bradley all the time. I’ve got nobody Nick. He’s never going to take me back. I need a fresh start.”
“Are you in love with him?” Nick asked.
“How could you ask that? Of course I’m in love with Bradley. That’s why I have to leave.”
“Chanel, I’m being de-escalated to Cardiology tomorrow. I might get out in a couple of days. I’m going to miss the Fundraiser event though.”
I hated going to big events alone. I decided to ask Shelly if she would be my ‘date’,“Can I take your drink tickets? I’ll need them if I’m going stag!”
I started getting up, “I better go Nick. I have a lot of planning to do. Have Aria call me, we need to start looking for a new place for me to live.” I gave him a friendly kiss on the lips and started heading for the glass sliding door, I looked back at him and reassured him, “We will keep in touch, don’t worry.”
Nick looked at me,“Chanel, Bradley and I have bonded since he saved my life! You helped me with Aria, now it’s my turn to help you. Nobody can stay mad at you for long Coco. I’ll work on him.”
I couldn’t resist, I couldn’t hold back the snide comment that flew into my head, “Bonded? He’s heterosexual Nick, you don’t stand a
chance with Bradley!”
Nick rolled his eyes and sighed deeply, “Ya ya Coco. I’m not into the Throb, he’s all yours. Don’t worry about him though, he’ll lighten up.”
I left Nick’s room and was surprised to find Bradley in the nursing station. It was the first time I had seen him since he saved Nick. He looked down just as I stepped out of the room. I hoped he hadn’t heard anything. Even if he did, it didn’t matter anymore. He was lost to me; there was no hope of reconciliation. It made me sad just seeing him there and confirmed to me that the sooner I left the better.
He glanced up at me and I stopped. There was an uncomfortable silence between us. Suddenly, I was overwhelmed with a nervous sensation like butterflies in my stomach. I leaned up against the high counter and rested my chin on my hands and quietly said, “Thank you Bradley, for everything.”
Bradley’s thick fingers started stroking the stubble on his face, “Chanel. I wasn’t going to let him die no matter how angry I was with you.” I felt this chemistry between us that was probably only one sided at this point, so to spare myself further humiliation and more of his detached comments, I turned to leave.
~39~
I left my appearance to the professionals for this occasion. If I had it my way, I would have been sitting home wearing track pants and feeling sorry for myself with a litre of Ben and Jerry’s and a good movie that wasn’t ‘Crazy Stupid Love’. It was the last movie I watched with Bradley and I knew if I saw it over again I would probably be balling the entire time.
Shelly agreed to be my ‘date’ for the fundraiser. She referred me to this stylist that was apparently a miracle worker with magical scissors on one of our last shifts together. I splurged and booked an appointment with the stylist, before meeting with a personal shopper at Holts to pick a dress for the occasion. I spared no expense, because if I was going to leave, it might as well have been with a big bang.
