by Jane Plume
The vicar gave a moving speech, and then it was time for the tributes and I was up first. I talked of Shaun’s strength and courage, and how inspirational he was. I talked of his love for Gina and his two wonderful boys and what a privilege it had been to have spent so much time with him since Gina’s death. I then renewed the promise I had made to Gina at her funeral, only this time I made a promise to both of them, that I would love and care for Lewis and Ashton always, as if they were my own. Again I meant every word from the bottom of my heart. I looked at the boys as I made this vow. Ashton was looking at the floor and clutching Lewis’s hand, but Lewis looked back at me and slowly nodded his head, as if to say, ‘I know you will.’
As before, I struggled to keep my emotions in check. This time, it was Shaun’s brother David who stood beside me, offering support.
After me, Phil stood up and read his own tribute, very touching and moving, but sprinkled with a little of that Shaun-style humour. Then the organ started for ‘Swing Low, Sweet Chariot’, the vicar encouraged all the rugby players to find their voices, and boy did they do just that! We then all sat in silence as the second song Shaun chose, John Lennon’s haunting ballad ‘Imagine’, was played.
The vicar wound up the service and, as we stood to follow Shaun’s coffin back out of the church, a tearful chuckle rippled through the congregation. Shaun had chosen Monty Python’s ‘Always Look on the Bright Side of Life’ as his final song. I couldn’t help but smile to myself. And that was exactly the reaction he had been hoping for.
The close family and friends who would be at the burial made our way to the same plot in which we had buried Gina, just two years before. As Shaun was lowered into the ground, the children, other family members and I each threw in a white rose. I copied Shaun’s final gesture for Gina by placing a kiss on the rose before tossing it in, and the five children took my lead and did the same.
I was worried what the little ones would make of the burial. I had always told them that people we loved went to heaven when they died, that they were ‘angels on the twinkle stars’, yet they were going to witness a coffin being lowered into the ground, With this in mind I had ordered some orange helium balloons (orange being the colour of Shaun’s KTM motocross bike), and close friends and family were each given a card to write a message on, which would then be attached to the balloons before they were released. The children loved that idea because as far as they were concerned the balloons would go up and up until they reached the stars and heaven. As Suzanne carried them to the graveside, the bold colour somehow gave a glimmer of hope and releasing them to the skies was a poignant and beautiful moment. However, it didn’t quite go as smoothly as planned as the strings had become tangled in the back of the car, I remember thinking that Gina and Shaun would both have seen the funny side of that. But with a bit of patience and tugging they rose into the sky. I looked around at the flowers and, again, I was amazed by the number. At Gina’s funeral there had been an array of pinks. Now, for Shaun, there was every shade of orange.
We left the cemetery and went to join all the other mourners at the wake. I did as expected and mingled, making sure all the kids were never out of my sight. Ashton was soon running around, grabbing a bite to eat every time he passed by the food table. Lewis was a lot more sombre though. He looked as though his heart was heavy but whenever I looked for him, Marco and Millie were by his side, as though they were protecting him. On that sad day the love those five children have for each other was clear for everyone to see.
As the evening wore on the tears stopped and the laughter came, the crowd getting ever rowdier.
‘Good,’ I remember thinking. ‘Shaun has got his last wish of “a bloody good piss up”.’
Back at home, with the kids tucked safely in bed, I sat talking to Shaun’s auntie Margaret, who had offered to stay with us for the night, then lay awake long into the dark hours thinking of Gina, Shaun and the future of their two beautiful boys.
I knew that tomorrow would be the start of a whole new chapter of our lives.
CHAPTER 12
A NEW BEGINNING
In the days after the funeral, it was a struggle to get through everyday chores and bring some sort of normality into our devastated lives. The all-consuming emptiness, the bitterness and the anger that I had felt when Gina died returned. It felt like everyone else’s world was still turning, but for this little family it had stopped. But looking at the faces of the children made me determined to turn these negative emotions into positive ones.
The boys appeared to cope remarkably well, for the most part, and that gave me strength. My brothers, David and Lisa, my niece Sam, my friends Julie, David and Sally, and many other family members and friends rallied round, and they still do to this day. They are an amazing help and I couldn’t have got through it without them.
On the Sunday after Shaun’s death, we attended a Shepshed Rugby Football Club game and, once again, there was a minute’s silence before the match. The boys each took one of my hands and stood with their heads bowed. Ashton shed a few tears, but Lewis tried to be the man and stay strong, though to me it was obvious that he wanted to break down. He did himself proud.
Afterwards they gave us the match ball with ‘Buster’ – Shaun’s nickname – written across it. Sometime after the funeral, they held another match between the current players and the old boys’ team, which would have included Shaun. They had a trophy engraved with Shaun’s name and asked me and the boys to attend and present the trophy to the winning team, which we were honoured to do.
Lewis was really impressed when he saw the trophy. ‘Dad would loved that,’ he said. Both the boys shouted and cheered their way through the match and, afterwards, all three off us went up to present the trophy.
Like his dad, Lewis is a keen rugby player, playing for Loughborough, so we can all very often be found on the side of a wet muddy field on a Sunday morning, shouting words of encouragement. Lewis even went on tour with his team, and David went with him as the responsible adult. Lewis had laughed, joking, ‘Who will be looking after who?’
Lewis, being a typical teenage boy, didn’t like showing his feelings too much in the months after Shaun’s death, but every now and again he would confide in me that he was having a bad day. For the most part this meant that he just needed time on his own, but occasionally what he wanted more than anything was a cuddle and I was more than happy to oblige. Sitting quietly with him in my arms was the least I could do for this very special boy.
Ashton went through a stage of waking in the night, crying for his mum and dad, which was heartbreaking. I would lie with him and remind him of something good they had all done together We would talk about holidays, Christmases, Daddy laughing at Mummy’s cooking, Daddy falling off his motocross bike, Mummy’s silly singing and dancing, anything that would make him smile. Then I would sit and stroke his hair until he drifted back to sleep. I even sprayed one of his teddy bears with Shaun’s aftershave and he would fall asleep with the teddy nestled under his nose, with happy thoughts of his dad.
Marco and Millie were like a rock to me and the boys. Only young adults, but still my babies, they never failed to support me, the boys and Anni-Mae. Christmas was fast approaching and I was dreading it, but they got me into the Christmas spirit, reminding me when I simply couldn’t face it that we had to make it as good as possible for Lewis and Ashton. I arrived home one day to find they had got the Christmas tree out and were decorating it. I couldn’t help but smile, I was so proud.
Determined to make it a good Christmas, we all set about with the planning, with the kids writing Christmas lists and me doing the shopping. Christmas is one of the times that I miss Gina the most, but I decided the best gift I could give to her, and to Shaun, was to make sure that we all had a great Christmas together.
It was around this time that Lewis and some of his friends decided that they wanted to get involved in some fundraising for Cancer Research. Lewis dressed up as Father Christmas and his friends from his
tutor group dressed as Santa’s Little Helpers, and they sold candy canes around school. The local paper got in touch and Lewis even got to do a live radio interview with his friends and form tutor. He explained that he remembered all the fundraising his mum and dad had done after Shaun’s diagnosis and he too wanted to give something back.
The Christmas collection went so well that they did the same the following Valentine’s Day, with Lewis dressed as James Bond, selling chocolate hearts, and then again at Easter, selling chocolate eggs dressed as Easter Bunnies! I am so proud of Lewis and his friends. So far they have raised over £1,500 and their efforts soon came to the attention of the organisation Giving Nation, which encourages young people to put time and effort into helping others. They were all invited to London for the Giving Nation Awards and, after a whistle-stop tour of the city and a ride on the London Eye, they went to the award ceremony at Her Majesty’s Treasury. Lewis was really excited that evening as he told me the room where they had received the award was the room where Winston Churchill made several war time broadcasts. They had to prepare a short speech and Lewis admitted he was terrified when he stood to say his share of the words. He was impressed by the other schools and what they had been doing for their fundraising.
When Lewis arrived home that evening he was grinning from ear to ear, a framed certificate in his hand. Shepshed High School had won the Fundraising Award at the ceremony. I was elated for him. They had worked hard and they deserved the recognition.
‘Yes! Well done, mate,’ I said giving him a hug. ‘Your mum and dad would be so proud.’
But I didn’t really need to tell him that, because he knew it already.
• • •
That December, it was the first Christmas when Marco could legally drink, as he was now 18, so I wasn’t surprised when he said he would like to go to a party on Christmas Eve. I agreed I would pick him up later that night. With the little ones fast asleep, I left Millie and Lewis engrossed in something on the TV, both with their hands buried in the tin of Christmas sweets that was wedged between them on the sofa, and headed off to collect Marco. A little worse for wear, he kept telling me all the way home that he loved me and was proud of me, which made me laugh as he’s emotional enough without alcohol. Lewis and Millie thought it was hilarious as he wobbled through the door when we got back.
We sat for a short while then decided to head up to bed. Marco was sleeping in Lewis’s room with him. ‘Good luck!’ I joked as we walked into Lewis’s room. I gave them both a hug and kiss and left as Lewis tried to help Marco out of his shoes and up the ladder into the bunk bed. I really couldn’t help chuckling to myself as I heard Marco slurring, ‘I love you, Lewis. As far as I’m concerned you’re my brother, you know.’
‘I love you too, Marco, now please just get into bed,’ Lewis replied, giggling.
‘Careful, bro, don’t drop me,’ came the muffled voice of Marco. I popped my head back round the door to see Marco’s head buried in the pillow as Lewis gave him a leg up.
This little incident comes up in conversation regularly. ‘Am I stuck with Marco again this Christmas Eve?’ Lewis joked recently.
‘No,’ I replied. ‘We can just dump him on the sofa.’
‘No, he can come in with me really,’ laughed Lewis.
It’s good entertainment. As it turned out, we had a great Christmas, all things considered. It wasn’t as magical as the year before, Shaun’s last Christmas, when Shaun had dressed in a Santa suit and pretended to have snooze in the chair so that when Anni-Mae and Ashton had run in to see if Santa had been, they thought Santa had fallen sleep in their house.
We reminisced about that as we opened our presents on this Christmas morning, the little ones happily reliving the memory. Lewis, Marco and Millie laughed about how Gina and I used to be more excited than the children and they said they had never known anyone else go Christmas shopping as much as the two of us did. After we opened the presents and the younger ones had played for a while, and I’d finished the final preparations for dinner, we all went together to the cemetery to see Gina and Shaun, the little ones falling over their words as they talked about presents they had received.
Upholding the Hibberd family tradition, we trooped to the pub for half an hour with Shaun’s family. Then it was home for a three-course Christmas dinner, which we followed by playing new board games, building Lego, playing with new dolls and lots more festive fun. The kids were exhausted by the time they flopped into bed that night. The older three and I sat eating Christmas chocolates and watching TV till it was very late.
As I lay in bed that night I smiled to myself. We had done it: we had made it a great Christmas. Gina and Shaun would have approved.
• • •
With five children and two houses to look after, life today is constantly busy, but I wouldn’t change it for the world – unless it meant we could have Gina and Shaun back. But we can’t, so I am determined to make the most of what we do have – each other.
Shaun’s family have taken myself and my children on as family, and likewise my family have Lewis and Ashton. Whenever there is a birthday or any other event we are seen by everyone as Jane and the five children. It’s heart-warming that people have accepted we are one big family now; heart-warming and comforting, and I know from speaking to all the children they feel that way too.
One of the things I love so much about the children is that they are all so close, yet they have such very different characteristics.
Marco is the joker, he is very funny and witty. It’s hard to be sad and down when he is around because there is always a little comment or gesture that brings a smile to your face, but he is very sensitive and worries about me and his brothers and sisters constantly.
Millie is beautiful and intelligent. She is also ambitious and can be opinionated when she wants to be, standing up for anything that she believes in. Family and friends are the most important thing in the world to her, alongside her dog, JJ.
Lewis is incredibly sporty, a keen rugby player like his dad. Like his dad, he is also funny at times, and at others he becomes a serious young man. I feel sad that in some ways he has had to grow up so quickly but he is a credit to his mum and dad, a loving lad, who doesn’t give up on anything easily.
Ashton is comical and has us all laughing, if not always intentionally. I often say he is like a little old man, though he is very innocent in the daft comments he comes out with. He often speaks without thinking, but is the first to laugh at himself when he realises what he has said. He has a wicked imagination and he is a very loving little boy who adores his cuddles.
Last but not least is Anni-Mae, the baby of our family, who is very strong-willed and knows her own mind – and I have to say she can come across as determined at times! But she is very creative, always sticking and gluing and creating things. She, like Ashton, loves her cuddles, and she is a very kind-hearted little girl who loves to look after others; I’m proud that a number of teachers have commented about her lovely caring nature.
Together they make a rowdy bunch and the house is never quiet when they are around, but I wouldn’t change a thing about any of them.
Lewis and Ashton both carry a lot of traits from their mum and dad. They are both the spitting image of Gina, so I love looking at them and seeing so much of her in them. Like their mum they are strong-willed, outgoing and live life to the full. Like their dad they are both sporty with strong personalities. Gina and Shaun definitely live on inside those two boys.
• • •
After some discussion with Lewis we recently decided to get a puppy and, having researched the breeds, we chose a puggle – a cross between a pug and a beagle. Anni-Mae’s and Ashton’s faces were a picture when they came out of school to see the little bundle wrapped in a blanket. They were besotted with our new arrival.
We chose the name Angel for her. A couple of days after she arrived Ashton made us all laugh when he announced, ‘Angel’s trumped and she smells just like Dad!’ He wasn
’t saying it with any malice, just in a matter-of-fact way, and it made us all giggle.
There always seems to be something going on, with sports, after-school clubs and so on. Birthdays seem to come around quickly, with five to think about. This year Ashton chose to have a bowling party and great fun was had by everyone. It was fantastic to see Lewis and Ashton laughing together, especially during Ashton’s turn when he let go of the bowling ball too soon, just as he swung it behind him, and nearly took out the crowd of mums and dads standing behind us. If that wasn’t enough, a couple of turns later he let go too late and went flying down the lane at the same time as the ball!
I took the children to Butlins in Skegness for a family holiday this year. Marco couldn’t join us because of work commitments. I was disappointed, but I have to accept he is a young man now. I allowed Millie and Lewis to take a friend each, and my friend Hayley joined us to keep me company, so in total there were eight of us. It was absolutely manic, but we had a wonderful time and everyone got along really well. It was lovely to see all the kids united. Without a shadow of a doubt we looked like one big happy family and in my eyes that’s just what we are!
Lewis and Ashton have adjusted so well, they are both as happy as they can be and settled at school, as are my two girls. Marco, at nearly 20, is his own man, and worries about me as much as I worry about him.
Both Lewis’s and Ashton’s schools were incredibly supportive throughout everything, but it was still difficult when I attended the first parents’ evenings as the boys’ legal guardian. The other children sat with their mum or dad, or both, and this made me feel angry, yet again. It should have been Gina and Shaun sitting there, hearing the teachers praise their boys, not me. I love the boys so much but the unfairness of it all does still get to me, especially at events like that.
