The Woede commander narrowed his eyes. The view screen changed back to an image of space and the ships outside. Toorn had cut off the message. But the sensors now showed that the Woede ships were moving away. Retreating.
Roar almost dropped to his knees. Just like that? Game over? White flags raised and treaties signed? It seemed too easy. Too quick.
But…really, when he put all the pieces together, every detail leading up to now deserved a final chapter. A closing line. This war had dragged on for so long, taken so many lives, wasted so many opportunities. Hadn’t it all been racing toward this moment? He watched Leda type some document, watched Arne read it over, and then, when it was his turn, Roar absorbed the words. They swirled in his brain, a thick soup. Words like “peace” and “surrender” and “vacate Aurelis immediately” waltzed happily through his body. It took his mind longer to accept reality.
For now, at least, the war was over.
“We’re going home,” he said.
She gave him a wobbly smile. “You are. But I can’t go with you. If this is going to work, I have to disappear. Maybe forever.”
Leda looked up at him. She could see the whites of his eyes and the stark paleness of his skin. She could feel him trembling. Her throat hurt when she swallowed. Breathing hurt. Everything hurt. Especially seeing the look in his eyes. But that was the price she’d pay.
“What are you talking about?” he said.
“You have to know it’s not going to be this easy. We bought ourselves a little time. And tenuous peace. But we both know it’ll only last as long as I’m alive.”
Anger surged in hot waves from him. “So what? You’re just going to leave?”
She nodded. “I have to.”
“Where?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. And it’s better if you don’t know, either.”
He looked at her, blinked, and a tear slipped down his cheek. “Because you’re worried Toorn will get it out of me?”
“Maybe.”
“But you know he won’t. I won’t let him. He could torture me for eons and I would never betray you.”
“I know you wouldn’t.” Her voice sounded like broken glass. “And that’s why you can’t know at all. If you don’t know anything, he’ll leave you alone.”
“Then I’ll come with you—”
“Roar, no.” She turned away from him, hiding her own tears. “Even if you came with me, I’d have to worry about you. This way, if he comes after me, if he finds me—it’s just me. No one else.”
“Leda…”
She blinked back her tears and looked at him, her devoted protector. He wasn’t lying. No matter what came after him, he’d stand up for her. But then what good would she be? A weapon who saved everyone at the cost of everyone she loved? She was done with people sacrificing themselves for her. The weapon’s final use wasn’t as a gun. It was as a sacrifice. She hadn’t asked to be the weapon, but this was her fate, and she embraced it proudly. She was strong enough. But Roar was her one weakness.
“I’m sorry,” she said.
He licked his lips. “Leda, I love you.”
The words cut through her. She croaked out a low, “I know.”
Every emotion she’d ever known threatened to overwhelm her. She wanted to repeat his words back to him, but she held them back—words had power, and she wouldn’t make this any harder for him than it already was.
Through the chaos, one thought remained clear:
I cannot allow him to suffer for me.
Roar grabbed her arm. “You listen to me,” he said, his voice so low it was almost a growl. “I just found you. I can’t lose you again.”
“It’s not up to you.” She leaned in and kissed him, and that kiss contained all the feelings, all the words she didn’t dare speak.
She turned from him and walked away. Each step felt leaden. Even when she was halfway down the hallway, it took every ounce of her strength not to turn around.
Chapter Thirty
The stars rushed by the viewing window in the recreation room. Of all the sacrifices Roar thought he would make, this wasn’t one of them. He’d give his life to keep her safe. But to now walk away from her? That went against every instinct in his body and his heart.
It wasn’t fair. None of it was. His purpose was to find the weapon, keep it safe, and make sure it fulfilled its purpose. And the Elders had made damn sure he couldn’t do more than that. He couldn’t be more than that. The weapon wasn’t just a person. It was the girl he loved. And the most he could do was let her get into a ship and disappear into the vastness of space.
His cup of tea was getting cold on the table. But he hadn’t touched it. Eventually, the murky liquid would be as cold as he felt.
He thought back to the day he’d floated with Leda among the stars. If he’d known that day would be the last time he’d be close to her, he would have stayed out there with her forever.
He thought for sure she’d come see him one more time. To say good-bye. To say something.
But she hadn’t come. Not once in the two days since they’d spoken. Not once in the two days since the Woede ships had proven that however temporary the truce was, for now it was real. Not once in the two days since the Equinox had flown away from the planet and into a nebula whose radiation shielded them from sensors. All so Leda could leave without the Woede having any idea where she was going.
Roar thought their time together warranted a good-bye, at the very least, but she shut him out. Completely.
Right now, Leda was on the lower level, packing her things, figuring out a flight plan. He wanted to help, to be near her. But she didn’t want that—didn’t want him. Wouldn’t even try.
He fisted his hands together so tight he felt the bones creaking. Maybe she didn’t want him following her, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t find other ways to keep her safe. He could—
“You had no way of knowing this was going to happen,” said a voice behind him. Arne.
Roar turned, his every fiber filled with rage. “No, I couldn’t have. But you did. You knew what was wrong between me and Leda. You knew why we couldn’t be together. Did you know about the Aurelites and the Woede, too? Did you know all along that this entire war was a lie?”
“Of course not. I knew you two couldn’t be together, but…I had no idea how you would feel about each other.”
Roar moved close to him, chest-to-chest, and glared. “How can I trust anything you say?”
Arne glared right back. “If you think I would ever knowingly do anything to put her in danger, you’re not as smart as I thought you were. Everything I’ve done has been to keep her safe. I thought if anyone understood that, it would be you.”
They stood like warriors preparing for battle, but finally Roar shook his head and backed away. “I thought finding her would fix everything.”
Arne put his hands on Roar’s shoulders. “Peace isn’t easy.”
“But this isn’t peace,” he said. He pointed out the viewing window. “We’re still stuck out here, waiting for Toorn to decide whether he’ll attack anyway. And our own people still believe that the Woede are the enemy. The only way we can really end this war is—” The answer hit him so quickly, he gasped.
“Roar?”
“That’s it.” He smiled at Arne. And for the first time in days, he felt hope.
Leda threw another bundle of clothes into the bag. It was full. And there were already a million supplies on the ship she was taking. But no matter what she packed, she still felt like she was leaving something behind.
“It’d be easier if you took him with you,” Stein said. He was leaning against the wall, watching her with his stupid eyes. Now he had to go and open his stupid mouth.
“I told you, that’s not going to happen.”
“Do you even know how to fly a ship…?”
Leda zipped the bag shut. “It’s got auto pilot.”
“I could disable it.”
She laughed softly. “I’ll miss
you, Stein.”
“It’s not me you should be saying that to.”
As though anyone needed to tell her that. But it had been hard enough walking away from Roar the first time. If she saw him again, she might never let him go. And then this all might be for nothing.
“I can’t,” she said.
Stein was silent for a minute. “I’d give anything to have a fraction of what you two have. He really cares about you.”
“That’s putting it lightly. The guy said he loves me.”
“Oh my God. What did you say? Did you say it back? You told him you love him, didn’t you? Please tell me you’re not as dumb as you look sometimes.”
Leda threw a pair of socks at him, then she sobered. “I couldn’t. You think he’d let me go if he knew how I felt?”
“So you do feel the same?”
Her heart flipped over in her chest. Those words hadn’t come from Stein.
She slowly turned around, her insides churning an uneasy mixture of dread and hope and the sudden urge to cry. Roar was standing in the doorway, his arms folded tight over his chest. A thread of silence stretched between them, fraught with all the things left unsaid. “Is that all you’re taking?”
She expected him to say something else. “The ship’s full of supplies. I’ll be okay.”
“Even without a pilot?”
“The ship has auto pilot.”
“I could—”
“—disable it?” She glanced at Stein. “Your buddy beat you to that joke.”
Roar jerked toward Stein. “I shared that with you in confidence.”
Stein held his hands up in mock defense. “Hey, I stalled her for you. I’ll make whatever jokes I want.” He grinned at Leda, then at Roar. “I’ll leave you two alone.” He chuckled as he left the room and the door shut behind him.
“You had him stall me?”
Roar shrugged. “I had to check on something before I came.”
Just like the first time she’d seen him, Roar’s messy, sunshine hair fell into his eyes. And just like then, he stared at her, not at the crutches, but her, in that same intense way. God, she’d miss him, miss the way he made her feel when he kissed her. Roar lifted his brow in question, and he looked so gorgeous, it made her ache.
She closed her eyes and froze him in her mind as he was right then. It sucked seeing him one last time, but at least she’d have memories of their time together to get her through the coming days. Just one more thing she’d have to survive.
“How long before you leave?” Roar said.
She opened her eyes but didn’t look his way. “This is my last bag. Then...”
“Then you tell everyone good-bye.”
“Yeah.”
“Everyone but me.”
Leda sighed, suddenly weary. “Roar, I can’t. I can’t say good-bye to you. I can’t tell you…” She bit her lip to keep it from quivering.
“I don’t want you to say good-bye.”
She parted her lips, but he held up his finger.
“Let me do this or I’ll never get it out,” he said. “All my life, people told me what I was, who I was, what I had to do and when. They told me I didn’t have a choice. And for a long time, I believed them. But you showed me it doesn’t have to be that way. You can be more than what other people say you are. You can be anything you want.” He took her hand in his. “Do you understand what I’m saying?”
She squeezed his hand. The feel of his skin on hers was just one more reminder that yes, he was free now, but she would never be. “You fulfilled your purpose. No more weapon to find and protect.”
“But that’s just it.” He let go and took a step back. He was shaking, like he was about to explode with whatever he wanted to say. “I don’t have to find the weapon because you don’t have to be the weapon.”
“I don’t understand.”
“All this time, the Elders, everyone on Aurelis, they told me my purpose was to find the weapon. But my new purpose, the one that I choose for myself, is to make the weapon obsolete. To do that, we have to return to Aurelis and speak to the Elders. We’re going to reveal the truth to every Aurelite. No more secrets, no more lies.”
Her jaw dropped. The idea was crazy. So crazy, it just might work.
“If both sides know they’re the same…” she began.
“…then we have a chance to actually end the war,” he finished. “They’ll see they’re fighting their own people. If they destroy their enemies, they destroy themselves.”
She let out a slow breath. “It’s possible.”
He sobered, eyes serious and watchful, perhaps because he knew she hadn’t yet made her decision. “So I have to ask, because I have choices now, and so do you.” He looked at her, and whatever fear he felt, he couldn’t hide his smile. “Do you want to go end this war for good?” He ran a hand over the back of his neck, suddenly nervous. “It’s not gonna be easy. And it’ll definitely be dangerous. And there’s no guarantee that any of this will actually work. It’s a long shot, for sure, but I’m willing to take the risk for you. I mean, I understand if you still want to do things your way—”
“Roar, shut up.” She grabbed her crutches and ran to him, crashing against his solid warmth. His arms snaked around her waist, making her sigh. “You are the most wonderful person I’ve ever known.”
She’d never seen his smile so bright.
“Are you sure?” he said.
“I’m sure.” She pulled away just enough to see his eyes. “So if you’re coming with me…what about us?”
“You mean the part where we’ll kill each other if we ever, you know?”
“Yeah.”
He ran his hand down her cheek. “We’ll figure that out. Rika still has to do some research. And in the meantime? I don’t care. We can still love each other in the ways that matter.”
She finally let her emotions break free. Everything she’d held back over the last couple of days exploded, and then she was talking again.
“I do, you know,” she said. “Even though I didn’t say it.”
“You do what?”
“I love you.”
“I know.”
Laughing, she pulled his face down to hers and kissed him. The first of many new moments filled with renewed hope and dreams, and a future they would create together.
Acknowledgments
First and forever, thanks to my amazetastic editor, Stephen Morgan. You understood my vision and championed this story from the start. You pushed me to believe in myself and made me feel like I knew what I was doing. (I still don’t know what I’m doing, but you’re like some sort of manuscript wizard, so there!) If not for you, All the Stars Left Behind wouldn’t be anything more than a file on my computer.
And to the entire team at Entangled for all their support and encouragement. You made my dream come true! The exact second that I hit “send” on my submission to Entangled, there was an earthquake (just a small one) here in Southern California. Until that moment, I didn’t put much stock in signs, but now I know it was meant to be.
Also, Andrea Lausell, whom I’ve never met but got to “know” through YouTube. You’re an inspiration—without you, there’d be no Leda <3. Scott Leonard, for being the first person (outside of my publisher) to read through from start to finish, and for loving the story as much as I do. And Gareth Young, for interpreting what I couldn’t and giving me invaluable feedback.
Mom and Greg, Nana and Poppa, and all my family, for the laughs, the tears, the silly and the sweet, the holidays and the memories. My sister, Rachel. Seriously miss the stuffing out of you, girl. I love you guys. Thank you for all the things we reminisce over and all the things we don’t have to.
To all the Pitch Wars 2015 group, the writer friends I made and the mentors who kept in touch, even though I didn’t make it in. You told me AtSLB was ready to query, and you were right!
Last and always, my son, for letting me “write the story” when I needed to. And for all the hugs. You’re my favor
ite!
About the Author
Ashley Graham was born in Ontario, Canada, and has since lived in five countries. Before writing her first manuscript in 2015, she worked as a clerical assistant, quality assurance officer, chef, and stay-at-home mom/homeschool teacher. When she isn’t writing or reading every book she gets her hands on, Ashley enjoys online window shopping, Netflix binges, and spending way too much time thinking about space travel. All the Stars Left Behind is her debut novel.
www.ashleygrahambooks.com
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