by Beth Labonte
“Oops.”
“Yeah, oops.” I rubbed my jaw. “If I have to tell them I made the whole thing up, I’ll never live it down.”
Riley nodded and clicked his tongue. “Are you finished?”
“I think so.”
He stood up and walked to the refrigerator
“So?” I said. “Will you do it?”
“Will I be your fake boyfriend?”
“Yes.”
“Of course not.” He pulled open the refrigerator and started taking out boxes of lunch meat.
“What do you mean of course not?” I jumped up and marched over, standing beside him at the kitchen counter. I tried to make eye contact, but he just kept staring down at a pack of bologna. I waved my hand in front of his face. “Hello?”
“I mean no. You think I’m going to…what? Go out to dinner with your family? Hold hands and talk about how we met? Speaking of which, have you met me? I don’t do this sort of thing. It’s insane.”
“Of course, it’s insane! But, have a heart, Riley! I need to get my mother off my case. It wouldn’t even have to be the way you said.” At the mention of holding hands, the butterflies in my stomach had returned in full force. The thought clearly hadn’t had the same effect on Riley, as he was digging full steam ahead into his package of Oscar Meyer. “I mean, it would have to be a little bit like you said. But just enough for them to buy that we’re a couple. Believe me, cozying up to you isn’t exactly high up there on my bucket list.”
“You have millions of dollars, Josie. Why don’t you just hire an actor to play the part?” Without looking up, he reached for a bag of bread and started slapping together a sandwich.
An actor? I hadn’t even thought of that. I shook my head. No, I didn’t have the time for that. I needed someone now, tonight, before my mother broke out the roses and invited Chris Harrison over to the house.
“You know, you have some nerve,” I said, stomping back into the living room.
He finally put the sandwich down and turned around. “I have some nerve?”
“Yes, you do. You tried to get all friendly with me last week, just so I would give you money. Now I ask you for one tiny favor, and you say no?”
“You said no to me, too, in case you forgot.”
“You do realize you haven’t even asked what my end of this deal would be?”
He paused, then picked up his plate and carried it into the living room, keeping his eyes on me as he sank down onto the couch. “Okay. I’ll bite.”
“Picture it,” I said, motioning to an imaginary map above our heads. “Flying to Japan, then to China, then to Spain, Italy, France. All while seeking out those elusive little pocket monsters.”
Riley took a bite of his sandwich, chewing slowly. “How do you know all that?”
I shrugged. “I did some research while I was avoiding you all week. It sounds like a pretty incredible, once-in-a-lifetime sort of a trip.” It really did. I almost couldn’t blame him for buttering me up. Almost.
“Okay…”
“It sounds incredible enough,” I continued, sitting down on the other end of the couch, “that you should be willing to keep on pretending to like me for a measly week and a half. All you have to do is keep on doing what you were doing, and everything will work out great. I mean, I almost fell for the act; there’s no reason why my family won’t. As soon as they’re gone, I’ll tell them that we broke up and I’ll write you a big, fat check.”
“Josie, I wasn’t pretending to like you, I—”
“Whatever,” I said, cutting him off. “It’s fine. It’s actually great, because now I know what a great actor you are. I have faith in you, Riley Parker. You put on a convincing show for my family, and I give you the money for your trip. What do you say? Deal?”
He put his plate down on the coffee table and sank back into the pillows, staring up at the ceiling. I could practically see the Pikachus and Charmanders floating around inside his head.
“Okay, fine,” he said, at last meeting my eyes. “What do I need to do?”
“Thank you!” I squealed. I almost leaned over to hug him, but stopped myself. Then I realized that if we were going to be pretend boyfriend and girlfriend, we were actually going to have to touch each other which, despite everything, still made my head feel a bit woozy. I’d just have to cross that bridge when I came to it. Instead, I reached over and tugged on the front of his Pokémon T-shirt. “I can’t have my mother thinking I’m dating a twelve-year-old. What else do you have?”
“Seriously?”
“Seriously. Take me to your closet.”
“Right this way, Moneybags,” he said, standing up and guiding me toward the bedroom.
Riley and me, walking toward his bedroom. No big deal. I tried to remind myself that we were only going in there to look inside his closet, and that he was only interested in my money, but that didn’t seem to help my sweaty palms. I stepped into the room, making note of the rumpled gray sheets on the queen-sized bed, the warm glow of the lamp on the nightstand. The framed Back to the Future movie poster on the wall and the piles of dirty laundry scattered around the floor. The room was small, and a bit messy, but it wouldn’t be the worst place in the world to wake up. I shook away the image that came to mind and turned to face the closet. We had some work to do.
Chapter 13
“I look ridiculous,” said Riley.
After inspecting his entire wardrobe, I’d decided it was probably best if he just put one of his funeral planning suits back on. We were now at my house, parked at the end of the driveway behind all the other cars. Neither of us was quite ready to get out of the car yet.
“You wear that suit to work all the time,” I said. “What’s the problem?”
“I wear suits to work. Why would I possibly still be wearing one now?”
“Maybe because you were working late? Or because you’re a sophisticated, classy guy who loves wearing suits? Maybe you’ve never worn a hooded sweatshirt in your life. Maybe you don’t even have a Pokémon Go addiction. Which reminds me, you need to leave your phone in the car.”
“No way!”
“Yes way! I can’t have you staring at that thing all night. I need you to look like you can’t take your eyes off of me, not that thing.” I motioned to the phone that he was cradling in his hands like a security blanket. He glared at me until I started humming the Pokémon theme song. Gotta catch ’em all!
“Fine.” In a huff, he handed me the phone and I put it in the glove compartment.
“Great. Let’s go.”
I walked around the car to meet him on the passenger side, almost laughing when I saw the expression on his face.
“You cannot go in and meet my family looking like you’re about to throw up,” I said. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Give me a break! I’m nervous. You do realize what we’re doing isn’t normal, right?”
“Oh, come on, what happened to those great acting skills you used on me and Catrina? I know you can turn it on when you want something. And right now, I know you want my money.”
Riley shook his head. “For my fake girlfriend, you really don’t know me at all.”
“Just do your best,” I said, sticking out my hand.
I tried to appear unaffected as he reached out and took it, but inside I was melting. I’d imagined a lot of scenarios between the two of us over the summer—most of them involving much more than just innocent hand-holding—but this was better than anything I’d pictured. Riley’s real-life hand, holding mine. Even if it was totally fake and all for show, physical contact was physical contact. I took a step closer and looked up at his face. He still looked ill.
“You’ll be fine,” I said gently, giving his hand a squeeze. “Just be yourself.”
He gave me a small smile, and we continued on our way up the driveway. Pixie was already barking like a maniac at my arrival. I quickly unlocked the front door and she ran straight at me, running circles around my legs.
“
Hello!” I said to Pixie, crouching down to pet her. “I missed you too! Who’s a good girl? Who’s a good girl? Oh, yes!” When she’d finally settled down, I stood up to find Mom and Dad standing in the front hall, staring at us. I gave Riley’s hand a squeeze.
“Mom, Dad, this is my boyfriend…Riley.”
Mom stepped forward first, seeming to inspect him from all sides, as if to make sure he was real and not some sort of hologram I’d paid thousands of dollars for (hadn’t thought of that). Dad was looking at him with his If you hurt my daughter, I’ll kill you face that I recognized from the first time he’d met Dean. That look might be part of the reason Dean decided to run off to another continent, now that I think about it.
I slipped my arm around Riley’s waist, sending out telepathic messages. Please relax. Please look like you love me. When he didn’t move, I gave his waist a hard squeeze. Finally, he stuck his hand out.
“It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Morgan. Mrs. Morgan.” He shook with both of my parents, before stuffing his hand back into his pocket.
“It’s lovely to meet you, too,” said Mom. “I have to confess, this is quite the surprise. Josie never even mentioned that she was seeing anybody!”
“Well, it all happened so fast,” I said. “The way we fell in love. Isn’t that right, honey?”
“Mm hmm,” said Riley. I gave him another moment to elaborate, but that seemed to be all we were getting.
“I used to bring Riley coffee at his work all summer,” I continued, “but he didn’t realize how he felt about me until he saw me trick-or-treating with another man this past Halloween.”
“You still go trick-or-treating?” asked Audrey, appearing from the kitchen. “That is so lame.”
“It’s an Autumnboro tradition!” I said. “All the adults do it!” Okay, so maybe I wasn’t the greatest at making up convincing lies on the spot.
“Anyway,” I went on, trying to focus only on my parents, “after he saw me swapping Snickers bars with this other man, he was so overcome with jealousy that he spelled out my name in pumpkins across the town common! It was so magical!”
“That is so romantic,” said Mom, her eyes misting over as she looked up at Riley. “And what is it that you do for work? If I had to guess by the suit, I’d say…financial planner?”
“Funeral planner,” he said, bobbing his head up and down. “I plan funerals.”
“Oh,” said Mom, her face falling.
“I’d be happy to plan yours,” he said, motioning to her and Dad. “Josie hasn’t let me plan hers yet, but I’ll talk her into it, eventually.” He gave me a wink. I pinched his waist, hard.
“That’s…lovely,” said Mom, taking a step back. “But I think we’re all set with, um, with our funerals.” She cleared her throat and gave Dad a push forward.
“Carter Morgan,” he said, stepping up and shaking Riley’s hand again. “Geography teacher, thirty-two years. What’s the capital of Maryland?”
“Um, Annapolis?”
Dad clapped Riley on the shoulder and smiled at me, the murderous look gone from his eyes. “Whatever he does for a living, I like this one. Dean said Baltimore. Idiot.” He walked into the living room and sat down on the couch.
At the mention of my ex, Riley looked down at me quizzically. I shook my head. I wasn’t planning on getting into any of that right now. “Come on, let’s go meet everybody else.”
Mom, Dad, and Pixie followed us into the living room, where there were pizza boxes and greasy paper plates covering every surface. Pixie snatched up a piece of crust that had fallen onto the carpet. A bottle of very expensive champagne was open on the coffee table, and Uncle Burt had his dirty shoes up on the back of my furry black bear footstool. There was a football game on the television, and Randy was flipping through a magazine that I was pretty sure I’d left upstairs in the master bathroom. Breathe, Josie.
At the sight of us walking into the room, Dylan and Quinn both stood from their places on the couch, drawing themselves up to their full heights. I rolled my eyes as they sized up Riley, who looked like a million bucks in his suit. Dylan and Quinn could just take their Vineyard Vines T-shirts and stuff them where the—
“Riley Parker,” said Riley, holding out his hand and shaking with both Dylan and Quinn. “I’m sorry to disappoint you, but Josephine here is off the market.” He smiled at me and pulled me close. Thank goodness he seemed to be loosening up.
“That’s not what Shelly told us,” said Quinn, nodding toward my mother.
“Well, Shelly was a little behind the times,” I said. “But now we’re all caught up! Come on, honey.” I pulled Riley along to where Granny was sitting in the recliner.
“Granny, this is my boyfriend.” I crouched down in front of her. “This is Riley.”
“Hello, dear,” she said, resting a magazine in her lap and reaching up her hand. Riley crouched down in front of her, as well, so she could pat his cheek. “You’re going to love this hotel!”
“I always stay here when I’m in town,” he said. “You have very good taste.” Granny batted a hand at him, looking smitten.
“So, you’re the new guy, huh?” asked Uncle Burt, looking up from the TV. “The one?”
“That’s what she tells me,” said Riley, turning around.
“And you know all about the money?” asked Aunt Carla.
“I know all about it,” said Riley. “Josie does a lot of good, and helps a lot of people with that money. That’s one of the things I love about her.”
My breath caught at his words. It seemed that he’d found his acting skills after all.
“Lucky them,” said Aunt Carla. “Because she’s super stingy with us. I haven’t seen a single check since Christmas.”
“Me neither,” chimed in Randy.
“That’s because you blew it on an RV!” I said. “And you two blew yours at the casino!”
“At least we had some fun with it,” said Randy. “This one, she spends it on high school fundraisers and mosquito nets.”
“Malaria is no laughing matter! Just five dollars’ worth of mosquito nets can save—”
“And don’t even think about asking her to pay for your gastric bypass,” interrupted Uncle Burt, leaning back against the couch and adjusting his belt buckle.
“So, Riley, how do you feel about Thailand?” asked Audrey.
“Can we please change the subject?” I asked, trying to move Riley along again, but this time, he wouldn’t budge. That’s when I noticed the look on his face. It was…intense. Angry, almost.
“Josie’s handling that money better than anybody I could possibly imagine,” he said slowly, looking from Burt to Carla. “Whatever she’s given to you was out of the goodness of her heart, because she’s the kindest person I know. But she doesn’t owe you anything.”
Woah. That…that didn’t seem like part of the act. And when he turned to look from them to me, his eyes were filled with so much heat that I was caught completely off guard. Before any of us could respond, an all too familiar sound came from Quinn’s phone, and Riley’s head swiveled around.
“Is that Pokémon Go?” he asked, his little stint at being chivalrous apparently over.
“Yeah,” said Quinn, tapping at the screen. “Josie’s got a ton of good ones in her house. You should see what I just got.”
Before Riley’s head could do a full three-sixty, I dragged him away from Quinn’s phone and over to the love seat, where I forced him to sit. I angled myself toward him and whispered into his ear, “Don’t even think about it.”
“Think about what?” he whispered back.
“That stupid game,” I said, resting my left hand on his right leg so it looked like we were whispering sweet romantic sentiments to each other. “You can play it when you get home.” My hair brushed against his face, making me aware of how close we were. I felt his thigh muscles twitch beneath my hand, and I gave his knee a squeeze. We settled back into the couch, still shoulder-to-shoulder.
“Josie, dear, did
you ever speak to that Dean again?” asked Granny, out of the blue.
“What?” My body, which had been slowly sinking into Riley, immediately tensed up.
“Did you ever speak to Dean again?” she repeated. “After he took your money and abandoned you in Australia?”
Audrey let out a loud snort from across the room, as I felt my cheeks starting to burn. Okay, so maybe I hadn’t given Amy the entire humiliating story. Leave it to Granny to choose now to have one of her rare moments of clarity. Without looking, I felt Riley’s eyes on me.
“No, Granny,” I said, blinking back sudden tears. “I never did.”
“That’s a shame,” she went on, dreamily. “You were so in love. You even thought he was going to propose!”
The room went silent, and Granny went back to flipping through her magazine—already back to happily thinking she was staying at the Ritz. I suddenly felt Riley’s arm, warm and heavy, around my shoulders.
“Dean was a moron,” he said matter-of-factly, as if he actually knew anything in the world about him. Then he kissed me softly on the top of the head.
Chapter 14
I put Riley through another hour of socializing with my family—Audrey suddenly had a photographic memory of every family get-together Dean ever attended—before announcing that I was taking him home. Riley looked almost as excited as Pixie as the two of them dove into my car.
“I’m sorry about all that,” I said, as he fastened his seatbelt. “My dad and Granny, they’re the normal ones. The rest of them—” I shook my head and started backing down the driveway. “Ghouls.”
“You don’t have to apologize,” said Riley, loosening his tie and unbuttoning the top two buttons of his shirt. “But why do you let them talk to you like that?”
“I tried to defend myself,” I said. “You heard me. They just don’t get it. Not that it’s completely their fault. Yes, my family’s gone nuts, but I’m the one that brought all this money into their lives.”
“I’m pretty sure your aunt and uncle were jerks before you won any money. No offense.”
