by K. A. Linde
“New additions,” Adam mused, staring at the collection on her wall. “I’m guessing you got these in Italy.”
She nodded. “Yeah, I did.” She was prepared to tell him about them if he asked. She was ready to move on.
“They seem to fit the wall,” he said, staring at them with his head cocked to the side. “The lines in Italian architecture are just stunning.”
She chuckled softly. Of course, he would always bring it back to architecture. It was his job and his life. When he looked at the pictures, he saw only well-constructed buildings, a beauty that few others could really appreciate. Where he saw the beauty of a well-crafted building, she saw only memories—memories of a past that she had left behind after boarding the plane to New York. Such a sharp, determined decision had changed everything.
“Hey, you,” he said, turning to face her. “Come here.”
She walked up to him, not hesitating for a second. “Yes?”
“I really am glad you’re back,” he said, his arms circling her waist as he pulled her into a hug.
“Me, too,” she whispered against his chest.
She loved the feel of his arms around her. It felt like home. It felt like the only home she had ever known…the only one she had ever chosen. It was comfortable and relaxing, and she could have laid her head against his shoulder, breathing in his familiar scent, all day.
Just when she was getting comfortable, he pulled back and stared down into her face, memorizing every inch of it like a blueprint. “So, why those two pictures?” he asked softly, bringing her out of her reverie.
She knew she had to answer him, and she figured she had a response. Taking a deep breath, she answered him, “Because they are the memories I want to remember from my time in Italy.”
He nodded, not needing to ask anything further. She figured he could guess that they had something to do with Marco. He would forever be intrinsically linked with Milan to her. The memories were not something Adam would ever want to know about, and she was glad that he didn’t push it.
“You know,” he began, staring back up at the picture like he was trying to find the answers hidden within the still frames. “I found out how you got those tickets.”
“What?” she asked, surprised by the change in direction. He must be talking about the tickets to Marco’s grand opening. She had never discovered their origin. “How did you find out? They were dropped off at my front door.”
“I know. I didn’t really believe you at the time, but I found out that you were right,” he said, looking a bit sheepish.
“Of course, I was right. I wouldn’t lie to you about something like that,” she told him. Oh, those tickets were the key to her ending up in Italy!
“Sorry. It didn’t seem very plausible at the time,” he admitted.
“Well, who sent them, and how did you find out?” she demanded, curiosity getting the better of her.
“John,” he said, glancing into her green eyes for the shock that immediately registered there.
Her stomach felt a bit queasy. She couldn’t believe what he had just said. How? Why? What the…
“Apparently, the big deal that he had negotiated with Global was for Marco’s clothing line to come to New York, and the designer gave him two complimentary tickets as a thank you of sorts.”
That son of a bitch! She wasn’t sure if she could form coherent sentences because she was so furious. Of all the fucking people to gain her access to Marco Moretti, it had to be the one person that she despised for his very existence in her life. Stupid, fucking hot, tattooed man! Why the hell did he send her tickets? Hadn’t he done enough damage?
“He told me that he would have given them to you in person, but you were out, and he had a flight to catch. He wanted to apologize, and I guess this was the only way he knew how. Not sure how he knew you wanted to be at that opening.”
Because she had told him…or at least told him about how she wanted to model. She couldn’t believe this. She just couldn’t.
She knew that she should be happy with John. He had given her the means to model in Italy all through his supposed apology, but she just couldn’t be happy with him. Not only had he ruined her relationship once by kissing her at the Hookah Lounge, he had then sent her the very tickets, introducing her to Marco, that forced the untimely destruction of her relationship a second time. Unforgivable!
She didn’t care what his supposed intentions were. All she cared was what had happened because of his interference.
“Pretty nice thing for John to do to apologize. He didn’t have to give those tickets to you and look at the direction it took your life. You got a job modeling in Italy,” Adam said, trying to sound more excited than he had two months ago when she had suggested the opportunity.
Stop it! She didn’t want to hear about how nice he was! He was disgusting, a pig, the scum of the universe! What kind of guy hits on his brother’s girlfriend? Terrible kinds!
She wanted to hate him! She didn’t want to think that…perhaps he was actually a nice guy who had made a mistake. She didn’t want to think about him apologizing. Then, that would just be one more thing that she had gotten wrong and one more thing that she would have to change her perspective on.
No, she was determined that he was a bad guy. He saw what he wanted and took it. Plain and simple. None of this apologizing. Nothing more than a set up.
“At the time, he said to me, ‘Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.’ It’s an Oscar Wilde quote. Kind of stuck with me.”
Chyna shook her head. She didn’t want to think about him or his Oscar Wilde quotes. She didn’t care that they made sense.
“I don’t want to talk about him,” she said, knowing she was being short with Adam.
“All right. I just thought you would want to know.”
She didn’t, but she didn’t say that. She didn’t have to. It was written all over her face.
“Forget I said anything then,” he said, drawing her close to him again.
She wanted to forget, but she knew she wouldn’t, not now.
“I’m just happy to be here. Whatever that means,” he said, finding her hand and circling his thumb against her palm.
“What does that mean?” she asked, looking up at him.
“Whatever you want. What do you want?”
So many things—a modeling career, for one. But, she couldn’t have that now, and she realized the only other thing she had ever wanted that much was standing directly in front of her. She knew the answer to his question then.
“You. I just want you,” she breathed, wrapping her arms up around his neck.
His smile was contagious, and she found herself mirroring his goofy grin.
“That’s convenient.”
“Why?” she asked, unable to drop her smile even if she had tried.
“Because I want you, too.”
Her heart skipped a beat as everything came into focus. She had gone through a lot to get to this moment, and it was incredibly perfect just the way it was. She knew that there would be things that would linger with her—John, Marco, modeling—that she couldn’t control. The only thing she could control was where she would go from here.
“I told you before you left that I would miss you, and I meant every word. It wasn’t the same without you in my life. I’m sorry I pushed you out of it,” he told her, staring down into her face.
“I’m sorry I let you,” she whispered.
Adam bent forward, brushing his nose against hers before letting his lips fall on hers. His kiss was sweet and full of apologies for their time apart. She wanted to tell him that it was okay…that everything was okay now. She was back. She wished they could just pick up where they had left off, but maybe it was better that they couldn’t. Leaving Italy had changed her, and she liked herself better for having done it. For having gone and done something great, and came back to find him still there.
Chyna’s heart hadn’t known what it wanted. It wasn’t even been able to
process what she was feeling.
She just kept finding herself repeating the same mistakes over and over again. But, it was going to stop. She couldn’t keep avoiding intimacy with the one person she truly wanted it with. All the other guys had been temporary flings, forgettable. Even the ones who had stayed with her long after were only shadows of this feeling right now. She had pursued them out of a thought that they were the kind of guy she wanted or even needed, her type, but she had been wrong. They couldn’t hold a flame to this.
Yet, what was she feeling? What had she felt that day that she and Adam had mutually broken up? Her world had been shattered, and she had been devastated. It felt like her like her life was imploding, and there was nothing she could do to fix it. It was like she was being held underwater, struggling to break free. She could think of a thousand different agonizing scenarios, and none of them were as bad as when her heart had broken.
And, none were as good as him sewing it back together.
“Adam,” she said, curling her finger around the hairs at the nape of his neck.
“Yeah,” he murmured, resting his forehead against hers.
Her heart hammered in her chest. She knew. She knew then.
“I love you,” she told him.
It was the first time she had ever said it to anyone, and she meant every word. That was what she had been feeling all along, and she just had never stopped long enough to realize it. She had never felt it before, and when it had taken up foreign residence in her heart, she had been scared of the new emotions it elicited out of her. But, being with him now…she just knew.
“I knew that all along,” he said with a smile. “I love you, too.”
Their lips met, washing away the aches and pain of their past. They knew the road ahead would hold many more trials of their love. But today, they were content with their reunion—with the knowledge of reciprocated love.
Chyna knew then that although they had gone through much to reach their destination, the journey had only brought them closer. And, in the end, she had found him.
He was the one she had to go through all the jerks to find.
He was her end game.
The End
Avoiding Intimacy is a book for the fans. The wonderful fans of the Avoiding Series have made it possible for me to be here writing something as fun as a story about Chyna. You supported me when I put Avoiding Commitment out, when I made you wait five months for the next book, when I left you without a happily ever after, and when I left you with one. These aren’t typical books. They’re not exactly a romance or a love story. They’re stories about life. And I appreciate you supporting me when times were tough and people didn’t believe in my voice.
Every book I write I should in part dedicate to and thank my wonderful boyfriend, Joel. He’s the one putting up with the long hours, crazy hectic work schedule, insane ideas, rants over dinner about what some character was doing…yeah, he puts up with it all. But still he comes back to me with even better ideas about the story, and for that level of support, I can never thank him enough. Plus, he convinced me to get my new Italian Greyhound, Riker, and he and Lucy keep me company while writing!
As always, I couldn’t have done any of this without my family. For every time my mom told me that she would never tell me I couldn’t get a book at the store. You guys inspire me—my crazy active imagination and creativity. I wouldn’t be here without the library of books at home and all the travels and experiences we had together.
My creative consultant, task master, insomniac, Jessica! You don’t know how important your line by line feedback is to my writing process. I’m not sure I’ll remember how to write without you around, up until 3am, searching pinterest, and telling me what’s good and what sucks…even though you swear it doesn’t suck. Thank you for all your time and enthusiasm!
Avoiding Betas! Yes, the name still makes me giggle. Taryn—Thank you for your honesty. I know it can be hard to say what you’re really feeling, but your comments mean everything to me. I believe whole-heartedly that your concerns make my work better. You push me to be better. Becky—I think you might know my writing better than even I do! Some of the things that you suggested I’m pretty sure I would have never caught. You have the best eye for detail, and I love you for it. Shannon—Thanks for encouraging me to move forward and write about Chyna on my Seattle trip. You’ve always been there for me in my writing process, and I’m so glad we were finally able to meet! Autumn—I can’t believe we finally were able to meet and hang out. I want you in my life more often! Thanks for loving the characters! Lori—Your help and encouragement throughout this whole process has been so helpful. You had great comments throughout and I’m lucky to have you to help me and my writing! Mollie—I know your new life has you all over the place recently, but thank you for the time that you were able to give. You’re my favorite tough critic. Jenny—Congrats on all the success with your blog. I know it keeps your super busy, and I’m glad you were able to fit me in through everything. Your feedback is always much appreciated. ♥ all of you girls!
My lovely cover designer and friend—Sarah @ okaycreations. We’ve come a long way from when we were messing around with Avoiding Commitment, shooting in the dark for something that fit together. Avoiding Intimacy just kind of fell together. It was almost too easy. You have a perfect eye, and I’ll always appreciate your clear voice and style.
My editor—Jovana. I know I pushed my deadlines, put you on short notice, and asked you way too often if you were finished, but thanks to you I have a polished product. I love all your comments in the margins, and our late night conversations about German and Australian accents! Thank you for your help!
Thank you all the people I have met along the way that helped me and believed in me. I’m sure I’ll leave someone out, but you’re all appreciated—Bridget, Bekah Haters Club, Writer’s Club, Rebecca Donovan, Colleen Hoover, Crystal Serowka, Maryse, Nicola, Denise, K. Anne Raines, Trish, Courtney, and Jillian Dodd.
Big thank you to the plethora of blogs that have supported me along this journey including TotallyBooked, My Secret Romance, Maryse @ maryse.net, TalkSupe, Flirty and Dirty Book Blog, Fiction & Fashion, C&C, Little Black Book, Angie’s Dreamy Reads, Madison Says, Autumn Reviews, SubClub, The Boyfriend Bookmark, Brandee’s Book Endings, A Bookish Escape. Where would indie writers be without bloggers?
Jack’s Point of View
The First Time Jack Meets Lexi
CORNER CAFE
Jack sat in the coffee shop, drumming his fingers against the counter. His coffee rested half-empty next to him, a vestige of the mad after-class rush that wore on his nerves.
He was thankful for the reprieve, so he could chill and listen to the underground Seattle rock music he favored. There was a pretty new band that he liked even if they were small and local and no one else had heard of them before. Maybe one day, they would get picked up and be popular, but he kind of hoped not. He’d prefer to keep their sound original and not have them sell out
He was just ready to get off work. He had a few more hours left to deal with customers, and then he was planning to grab a beer and watch last weekend’s college football games with Seth. He had some intro accounting homework to wrestle with, but after the day he’d had, that was the last thing on his mind.
“Large coffee, please,” someone said, breaking him out of his thoughts.
“Yeah, coming right up,” he said, turning around to complete the order. “Cream or sugar?”
“No, thank you,” she said, her voice tentative.
Jack glanced over his shoulder, a smirk crossing his face. He quickly tried to school his features into order as he turned around. It was that girl again. Almost every day he’d worked recently, she had been here, studying at a table adjacent to the counter.
He didn’t know who she was. It didn’t seem right to ask while he was working, and he hadn’t found a way to bring it up during the short conversations they had when she ordered her coffee—always a large, always b
lack. She might actually drink more coffee than him, which was a feat, considering he worked here.
“Here you go,” Jack said, setting the steaming cup on the counter.
The girl was wearing soft pink lip-gloss, accentuating her full lips, as she smiled up at him beneath thick black lashes. Under those lashes were deep, dark chocolate brown eyes as big as saucers that made him feel like he was sinking through quicksand. Her curly brown hair cascaded out around her shoulders and over the curves of her breasts, giving her a wild look.
He felt his cock twitch and leaned forward on the counter. He sure as hell didn’t want anyone to notice his reaction. Christ, he was at work!
“Thanks,” she said, handing him her credit card.
He promptly swiped it and handed it back to her along with a receipt.
She smiled up at him once more, a big grin showing all her teeth, like she had remembered her confidence after all. She quickly turned around and headed to her table where she immediately removed stacks and stacks of papers.
Blowing out a breath, Jack straightened and adjusted himself. Maybe he shouldn’t get her name.
He fished his phone out of his pocket and hid it behind the register. His manager didn’t like employees to be on their phones, but she wasn’t in today. If he didn’t have any customers, then he didn’t see why it was a big deal.
He sighed when he saw that he had missed a text message from his girlfriend, Danielle.
Hey! Really missing you right now. Ugh, I wish I would have transferred in, but now, it’s too late…
Ugh was right. He was really glad she hadn’t transferred.
Since school had started a couple weeks ago, Danielle was hovering even more than normal. Somehow, they had survived freshman year with her attending community college in Savannah while he was in Athens. He knew he had kind of been an ass to her lately, but they had been dating forever, so Danielle was used to it.
