by K. A. Linde
“Are you okay?” he asked, concern coming through every syllable. “What happened?”
Lexi just shook her head and jogged past him, down the steps, and back into the sand. She heard the door crash open behind her and heard her name being yelled out, but she didn’t slow down, and she certainly didn’t stop. She couldn’t go back there and face Ramsey right now. She needed a chance to clear her head first.
She looked over her shoulder once, just to make sure he wasn’t following her. She saw Jack had his finger in Ramsey’s chest, and then he was yanking on a shirt. Lexi turned back around to see where she was going. She didn’t know how far she was going to run, but she would go until her legs stopped moving.
A second later, she heard feet pounding in the sand behind her. Great. She was going to have to tell Ramsey to leave her alone—again. Couldn’t he see that she just needed to be alone? He could only do more damage by following her.
But when she turned back around, she didn’t see Ramsey at all. It was Jack chasing after her. Despite everything, a small smile touched the edges of her mouth. Wasn’t it just perfectly ironic to have Jack chasing her?
Jack was much taller than her, so she knew that he would catch up soon enough, but he didn’t try calling out to her or asking her to slow down. He just made headway, and when he caught up to her, he matched her pace and jogged alongside her. He didn’t say anything. He just let her run away from her problems…away from everything.
Everything but him.
Her breathing was jagged, coming out in uneven gasps and pants. Her side had a stitch in it that stabbed her with every breath. Her hair was matted, and her body was coated in a layer of sweat and sand that had only gotten worse with her second run. Her feet and legs were starting to feel heavy, and she knew she was slowing. She wasn’t going to be able to keep up this pace for much longer. She was feeling a bit woozy, probably with dehydration, but it had the added benefit of clearing her mind.
Jack was breathing heavily next to her, but he didn’t look as out of it as she did. This must not be a hard pace for him, and he hadn’t just come from a run in any case.
Lexi stumbled and fell onto her bare knees in the sand. Her hands landed roughly down to catch herself, and she groaned as her legs finally stilled. Her whole body was humming alive with the adrenaline coursing through her. Her chest heaved as she stared down at the wet sand, and her vision dipped and blurred. She slammed her hands down again and again on the sand, wanting to make a difference in the shape of the world, but her hands just pushed the sand out of the way, not really changing it at all. It was just an act of displacement…not change…never change.
“Hey. Hey. Hey,” Jack said, sinking into the sand next to her and grabbing her hands.
She fought against him, but he held her tight, keeping her from continuing her assault.
“Lex,” he whispered, “it’s okay.”
“It’s not okay,” she said through tears that she hadn’t even known were spilling down her cheeks.
“It’ll be okay,” he said, pulling her in close to him.
She resisted him. “Stop. I’m disgusting.”
“I don’t care.”
“I’m covered in sand and sweat.”
“You’re still beautiful, and you still need me. So, I’m not going to stop,” he said, drawing her into him and cradling her against his chest.
“You’re not allowed to think I’m beautiful,” she said through her tears.
“Shh…” He stroked her back softly. “I’ll never stop thinking that.”
“Don’t be nice to me. I want to be angry.” Tears were falling so hard now that she could only speak through the hiccups.
“Then, be angry. I’m not going to stop you.”
“I hate you.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Yes, I do.”
“Not even on my worst day, and I’m far from that, Lex.”
“Did you sleep with those girls?” she asked.
Jack stiffened. “What girls?”
“Your secretary…the attendant at your old apartment…other people…”
“No,” he said softly. “No, I didn’t.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?” The question had been eating at her, and in her delirious state, she wanted to think about anything but what she had left behind at the beach house.
“I didn’t say anything because…no one would have believed me. It’s like how I tend not to discuss politics because people argue with me, and I’m not going to change their mind…but that doesn’t mean I don’t disagree with them.”
“It was stupid.”
“Very. I’ve done a lot of really stupid things, but I don’t think you’re trying to punch a hole through the sand because of me.”
Lexi sagged in his arms at the reminder of why she had run miles away from the beach house. Ramsey had called her Parker. Even if it was just in anger, he had still called her by the name of his ex-girlfriend…the one they were arguing about in the first place. How could he be that stupid? And was he really still that hung up on her?
“Do you want to talk about it?” Jack asked.
“No. Not really.”
“Do you want to just walk then?”
“Okay,” she mumbled, shifting away from Jack.
He stood up first and then offered her his hand. She let him haul her up off the ground. Her legs were still shaky, and she grabbed on to his arm to keep herself steady.
“Where do you want to go?”
“Anywhere. Not back,” she admitted.
“Me either.”
Jack nodded his head toward the direction they had been running in. They set off across the mostly deserted beach. Lexi hadn’t wondered at the time if anyone had seen them together in the sand, but she thought about it now. She wondered who had been witness to her meltdown. Granted, it didn’t really matter because the only person who would remember it was Jack.
In the distance, they could see a large public pier, and with a knowing glance between them, they headed toward it. When they finally reached it, the sun was already falling on the horizon. They wouldn’t be able to stay long, or they would never get back in time before nightfall.
Lexi walked out to the end of the pier, leaned her elbows on the railing, and stared out across the ocean. Jack followed, and they stood there, watching the waves rise and fall.
“I never thought I’d be with you on a pier again,” Lexi said.
“The first time was pretty memorable,” he said with a smirk.
“And we’re both still with other people while we’re here.”
Jack just shrugged, keeping his eyes forward. “Ramsey didn’t tell me what happened. Are you going to?”
“He called me Parker,” she spat out.
Jack hissed between his teeth. “Are you serious?”
“Yeah.”
“How the hell did that happen? Ramsey doesn’t seem the type to confuse you two. I mean, y’all are so different. I don’t even think you look that much alike.”
Lexi laughed. “Yes, we do. I thought we were twins when I first met her.”
“I guess,” Jack said with a shrug. “You don’t look or act enough alike for me to ever confuse you…ever.”
“Well…he was in the bedroom, talking to Parker.”
Jack’s eyebrows rose at that. “In your bedroom?”
“Yep. They were talking about why they had broken up. She reminded him that they were going to get married, and she wanted him to just believe her, but Ramsey said he couldn’t…and that he wasn’t over it. We got into it, and I guess he got mad and mixed us up.”
“Damn…sounds like us,” he mused.
Lexi laughed. “Maybe three or four years ago.”
“So,” Jack said, turning his back to the ocean and leaning back to look at Lexi, “what are you going to do? You want to be with him? You think Parker is going to try to interfere?”
It felt so strange in that moment, to be having this conversation wi
th Jack, especially on a pier. So often in the past, he had been the source of this contention, and now, he was there for her exactly when she needed him—and he kept being there when she needed him.
Things had changed. He wasn’t looking at her with that lust in his eyes. In fact, she hadn’t seen it in so long. He was trying to be there for her as the friend she deserved. He wanted her to be happy. It made her happy…and also terribly sad, which was even more confusing. She wanted Jack as a friend. It was something they had never really been able to achieve before. But having him as her friend…meant he wasn’t anything more.
She knew it was a dumb thought. She was pissed at Ramsey for calling her Parker, and then she was standing here, being sad about Jack. But the only reason she was thinking about it was because of this situation with Ramsey. It made her want to be the same idiot teenager she had been for a long time. She wanted to lash out the only way she knew how.
And it would be so easy.
But it would be so dumb.
“What should I do? We’ve had the conversation about Parker more than we’ve had conversations about you.”
“He trusts you,” Jack all but whispered.
“I know. I know.”
“That’s pretty valuable…as long as you trust him.”
“What if he’s not over her?” she asked, staring up into those blue eyes. She just wanted an answer. She wanted someone to tell her what to do—even though she knew she was the only one who could decide.
“I think you’re asking the wrong person…”
Of course she was. She dropped her head down between her hands resting on the railing. What was she supposed to do? Even though Jack hadn’t been over her, he had still married Bekah—not that she wanted to compare their relationships at all. Still, Ramsey might not be over Parker, but he wasn’t pursuing anything with her. They had their differences—the abortion—but it didn’t mean that he was going to run back to her.
She didn’t feel like she was overreacting. She felt that she was enduring the byproduct of too much emotional buildup. All this time, she had been worried about Parker, and then she had been right. She had wanted to be wrong.
“Lex,” Jack said, reaching forward and tucking her hair behind her ear, “are you happy?”
“Right now?”
“In general. Does Ramsey make you happy?”
“Yes,” she whispered, straightening up and looking back at Jack. “He does.”
Jack swallowed and nodded. “Then, we should go back. I bet he’s worried. I’d be worried.”
“Jack Howard worrying? Now, I’ve seen everything.”
“I was worried when I saw you run out of the house.”
“Thanks for coming after me. I don’t know where I’d be…” she said, shuffling her feet.
“And you’ll never have to know because I’d do it every time.”
Lexi smiled shyly off into the distance. She couldn’t meet his eyes. She was grateful to have him in her life in that moment. She wished it had always been this way…that things had been different. But they weren’t, and she just wanted to appreciate it now.
“Thank you,” Lexi said.
Jack nodded and then guided her back off the pier. They walked through the sand, back to the beach house, together in silence aside from the waves crashing against the surf and seagulls in the distance. It was peaceful and helped to calm the nerves flitting around in her stomach from the prospect of having to talk to Ramsey when she got back.
When the beach house was in sight, Lexi felt her feet dragging, but Jack held her to his pace. It was almost completely dark, and if they slowed any further, they would have to walk the last leg at night.
“You’ll be fine,” Jack encouraged her. “This is not the worst confrontation you’ve gone through. Imagine what it felt like when Clark cornered you in your apartment.”
Lexi’s anxiety spiked. “Why would you bring that up?”
“Because there’s no way it’s going to be that bad. You haven’t done anything. It’s your call about Ramsey. If he really makes you happy, I’m sure it will be an easy decision,” Jack said.
She could see that the porch light was on as they drew nearer. Then, Ramsey’s frame came into view. He was sitting in a chair, staring out at the ocean. She wondered how long he had been there. She wondered why he had never come after her—not that she had wanted him to at the time, but still…
They reached the porch, and Ramsey stood hastily, staring down at Jack and Lexi standing together. Jack squeezed her arm and then disappeared inside with a backward glance for reassurance. The distance between her and Ramsey kept her feet planted in the sand and him standing on the porch.
“You were gone a long time,” he finally said.
“Yeah.”
“Where did you go?”
Lexi just shrugged and pointed in the direction they had come from. She didn’t know where they had gone. She just remembered the sand, the ocean, the pier…and Jack.
“I was worried.”
Jack had called it.
“Yeah.”
“Lexi,” he said, walking down the steps and into the sand, with his hands splayed out before him, “I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened with me. I love you. It shouldn’t have happened. You just overreacted—”
“Don’t,” she said, holding up her hand. “Don’t tell me I overreacted.”
“Okay. You didn’t. I was in the wrong.”
“Yes, you were. You want me to be okay with Parker, with you working with Parker, after everything we went through. Then, you have a conversation like that with her…and you…” Lexi shook her head. The very thought still made her angry. “Then, you call me her name.”
“I know.”
“No, you don’t know! I really, really want to be okay with Parker because this is the real deal, Ramsey. Jack asked me if you made me happy. If you did, then he said we should come back because you would be worried. Well, I’m back because you do make me happy. I just can’t figure out what to do with this relationship while Parker is still in love with you.”
“But I don’t love her. I love you,” he said earnestly, taking another step toward her.
Lexi sighed heavily. She stayed in place and allowed him to approach, but she didn’t move toward him. “Then, how can you tell her that you’re not over it?”
“Because what happened between us fucked me up for years. Not knowing still kills me. It’s not her. I don’t want her. I want you. There’s just history between us. Surely, you can understand how hard it is to let go.”
“I understand how hard it is. I don’t understand why you would then blame me by saying I’m insecure about our relationship. I think I’ve been pretty fucking understanding.”
“You have been, and I’ve been an idiot,” he said, reaching out for her. He ran his hands down her sandy arms. “Two years ago, you put your trust in me again, and I have been a hundred percent honest with you since then. I shouldn’t have had that conversation with Parker, but I didn’t say anything that meant I didn’t love you or that I didn’t want to be with you. Please let me continue to show you that I do.”
PRESENT
“Me?” Ramsey whispered. “I’m what’s wrong?”
“Yes. No. Yes. I don’t know,” she said, storming away from him.
“I’m not following. That asshole had you pinned against a wall, and you looked scared out of your mind. Somehow, I’m the problem?”
“It has nothing to do with John or this moment. I’m just freaking out.”
“About what?”
“The wedding. It’s not you. It’s me. I know that sounds stupid and cliché. God, it sounds cliché,” Lexi said, pacing. “But my head isn’t on straight. I keep freaking out about it, and I try to keep it under wraps, but I can’t. It’s all coming up so soon, and I feel like I’m not doing anything for it. I can’t find a dress, and I didn’t want to find Chyna’s bridesmaid dress when I was up here. I feel stupid for being so messed up about it, bu
t I can’t seem to make it stop. What’s wrong with me?”
“There’s nothing wrong with you, Lexi,” Ramsey said softly. He kept her from continuing to pace and held her gaze. “I love you. If that means that I marry you in October or I marry you next October or the one after that…it doesn’t matter to me. You matter to me. Marriage is a piece of paper. You’re my lifetime.”
“I know.”
But still that feeling crept through her. She just imagined standing behind Chyna, being so happy for her friend and feeling absolutely none of it for herself.
“If it’s just the wedding, then we can postpone. I don’t care that we’ve already sent save-the-dates. We can retract them. We can say fuck it to a real wedding and go to the courthouse or Vegas or wherever and just make it official.”
“But you wanted a wedding.”
“I want you. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you. I want you to be mine. I want you to be Mrs. Bridges.”
She had known that he wanted to marry her. It wasn’t like this was all a secret or a big surprise to her. Ever since that night last June, when he had made the mistake of calling her Parker, Ramsey had been the perfect boyfriend. They had never discussed marriage in much detail, but she didn’t completely cringe away at the thought. She loved him. They were happy. That was what was important. That was what had encouraged her to tell him yes.
“That’s what you want, right?”
Lexi opened her mouth, ready to tell him yes. She was ready to confirm that and clear away his doubts. But how could she clear his doubts when she had so many of her own?
The wedding planner poked her head in at that moment with a smile. “Time for pictures.”
“Thank you,” Ramsey said tersely.
“I’ll see you later,” Lexi said, reaching up and kissing him lightly on the lips.
He tried to pull her in to deepen it, but she had already backed away and turned to walk out of the room. As she walked back to the rooftop, she couldn’t believe that they had just had that conversation. Were they postponing the wedding? Was that even what she wanted?
The rest of the wedding had gone off without a hitch. John had been cleaned up, and luckily, there was only some swelling, and nothing was broken. The wedding planner had rushed him an ice pack as soon as the pictures were complete. Lexi had apologized about a thousand times over even though he had told her repeatedly that it wasn’t her fault. He had said it was her “psycho boyfriend” that should be held responsible.
