by Tara Thomas
“So I can understand.”
She took a deep breath and seemed to steel herself. “I’m afraid I’m going to like it too much.”
“I would hope so,” he couldn’t stop himself from saying. “Otherwise, I’d consider myself a horrible failure.”
“And,” she continued as if he hadn’t said anything, “when that does in fact happen, I’m not sure I want to know it can be so good, if I can’t be with you.”
“Why won’t you be able to be with me?”
She tried to turn her head, but he took his free hand and held her in place, forcing her to meet his gaze.
“Tell me why you wouldn’t be able to be with me,” he stated again.
“Don’t make me say it.”
“I’m afraid you’re going to have to. I don’t have any idea where you’re going with this line of thinking.”
“I’m a police officer. You’re a Benedict.”
He dropped her hand. “Damn it, Alyssa. Are we back to that? Really?”
“Listen to me. You keep saying it doesn’t matter, but it does. Bea is an attorney, her brother is one of the wealthiest men in the state. And sure, Tilly was working as a waitress in a gentlemen’s club, but she was born wealthy. She’s part of that lifestyle.”
“I don’t know what I can say or do to make you understand I don’t give a rat’s ass about your net worth.”
“You say that now, but one day it will matter.” She held up her hand when he tried to speak. “Let me finish. I know you don’t think it’ll ever matter, but it will. Maybe not this month or even this year, but one day you’ll see that you need a woman who can understand and fit into your world. A woman at ease with everything it holds. More importantly, you need a woman who won’t be forever tainted by the choices of men she dated.”
She was bringing Mac into this? Suddenly he couldn’t stand to hear it anymore. He dropped her hand. “If that’s how you really feel about me, it looks like we’re done here.” He put on the frostiest expression he had. The one he always used when he needed to be a cold-hearted bastard. “I have to thank you for ensuring we didn’t go any further. What a colossal mistake that would have been. Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll go for a walk. I’m too agitated to remain indoors at the moment. Don’t worry about the dishes, I’ll take care of them when I get back. And don’t wait up. I don’t know how long I’ll be out.”
* * *
Alyssa watched as he turned and walked away. Not once did he look back at her. But then again, she didn’t call out to him, either. She knew if she did, she’d take back everything she’d just said because even if what she said was true, she didn’t care. She wanted him. Wanted to be with him. And damn the consequences.
She took the dishes back inside the house, refusing to look down the hall where the bedrooms were. If she hadn’t been such a complete and utter ass, they’d be headed down that hall right now, on the way to his bedroom.
“I royally fucked that up,” she said to no one.
The question was why? She thought about it as she washed the dishes and put them away. While she cleaned the pots she’d cooked with and set the patio table to rights.
When everything was in the exact location and in the same shape she’d found it, she ventured to the bedroom he’d put her stuff in and prepared to take a shower.
She had one shot to fix this mess. She wasn’t going to screw it up.
It was two hours later before she heard the front door open. Darkness had fallen and except for the one low lamp light she’d cut on in the living room, everything inside the house was dark. If he went by looks alone, he’d assume she took his advice and went to bed.
She loosened the belt around the robe she had on, preparing for him to make his way to where she was. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath, and seconds later, she heard his steps enter the living room.
She knew exactly when he saw her because his breath hitched and he spoke, though in a lower voice than she’d thought he’d use.
“I thought I told you not to wait up,” he said.
She stood up. “There are a few things I need to say.”
“That’s great. Unfortunately, those are things I have no interest in hearing.”
He took a step toward the hall, but she moved faster and blocked his way.
“I was wrong,” she said.
“I know you were.”
He wasn’t going to make any part of this easy on her, not that she expected him to, nor did she particularly want him to. He wouldn’t believe her if she didn’t fight for it.
“I was also scared.”
He may have expected the first few things she said, but he had not planned on her to say that. His body tensed. “Scared of me?”
“No, of course not. Not you.”
He seemed to realize he was stuck then. Since he’d questioned her on what she said, he could no longer plead disinterest. And she knew him well enough to know he would never be so impolite as to simply walk away. But that didn’t mean he’d ask her another question.
Therefore, she took it upon herself to answer what he wouldn’t ask. “I’m scared of what I feel for you. I’m scared because it’s the most real and most intense thing I’ve ever felt and I’m afraid that if you knew exactly how much I felt, it’d scare you off and you’d want nothing to do with me. But the minute you walked out tonight, I knew I’d rather scare you with the truth than run you off with a lie.”
He still didn’t say anything. And nothing about him, not his stance, or body language, or expression gave any insight into what he was feeling or thinking. Even less could she even guess if he’d be open to what she planned next.
Telling herself this was it and he would either welcome her or reject her, but either way, she owed them both the opportunity for him to do one of them, she lifted her head. “What I’d like to do is have a do-over.” Still, silence from him. Calling upon every bit of strength she could find in her body, she looked him in the eyes, and repeated part of the conversation where everything had gone wrong earlier. “Surely by now, you know I want you, too.”
He only stood there and looked at her. The seconds went by, feeling like hours, and he only stood there. She told herself she was not going to cry. She’d known it was a risk when she decided to wait for him. She’d been brave enough to roll the dice, now she had to prove she was brave enough to loose.
She dropped her head and took a step back, dejected, but telling herself she couldn’t cry until she was alone.
“Yes.”
He spoke it so low, she thought it was only in her head when she took another step back and he said it again.
“Yes, I know you want me, too.”
She allowed herself to look up and gone was his blank expression and in its place was longing and desire and need. For her.
“And God knows I want you, Alyssa.” It was all he had time to say because as soon as he’d started talking, they both started walking toward the other, and when he said her name, they were already in each other’s arms.
She lifted her head at the same time he lowered his and at the touch of his lips on hers, she knew she’d redo all the uncertainty of the last few minutes time and time again to experience the heaven that she found in his arms and in his kiss.
He pulled back only long enough to ask, “Bed?” And for her to reply, “God, yes,” and then he took her face in his hands and kissed her again.
They somehow made their way to his room in what had to be the most clumsy, disjointed walk ever. Both of them trying to undress and yet, unwilling to separate from the other to do so completely. They finally made it, though, and when they did, they had managed to get most of their clothing off.
Or rather, she had managed to get hers off, since she only had a robe on. Kipling still had his T-shirt and boxer briefs. She reached for them, but he shook his head.
“Why not?” she asked.
“Because this,” he said, placing his hands on her shoulders and walking her backward u
ntil her legs bumped the bed. “Since you’re already naked, and I’m going to kiss you all over.”
“I don’t think I agreed to those rules,” she said, just to see what he’d do.
“Give me five minutes and you’ll agree to just about anything I suggest.”
“Four,” she countered with a playful grin, because really, he could take as long as he pleased to do anything he wanted and she wouldn’t care.
“Alyssa, if I stop at four, the only thing that’s going to happen is your begging for more.”
She almost laughed and said that was why she went into law, because she sucked at negotiation, but before she managed to get the first word out, he’d lifted her onto the bed and placed her on her back. His mouth was on her neck and moving lower, and the only things she could manage to think were “Yes” and “Please don’t stop.”
Or at least those were the words in her head; she actually spoke them and they sounded more like a moan. Kipling didn’t seem to notice that she’d lost the ability to make coherent words. He was too busy exploring the skin of her breasts and learning how she tasted.
He’d made a joke once about being both a sex god and her every fantasy come to life. Under him, on his bed, with his lips and hands and mouth and tongue doing things that no other lover ever had and making her body experience sensation she hadn’t known was possible, she agreed with him.
She eventually managed to work her body in such a way that he was under her. She ran her hands over his chest, loving the feel of him beneath her fingertips, but irritated that his shirt was still partially on.
“This is why I wanted you completely naked,” she said, fumbling with his shirt and coming to the conclusion that she wasn’t very coordinated when she was extremely aroused.
“Rip it off,” he said through clenched teeth.
“What?”
“I want to see you rip it off me.” Even in the darkness, the moon gave enough light for her to see his eyes blazing with desire. “Now, Alyssa. Show me how much you want me. Be wild for once. Be wild for me.”
That was all he had to say and the only motivation she needed in order to act. She took the rejection she’d feared, the uncertainty she’d experienced, and meshed them together with the desire she could no longer deny, the need she felt, and the compulsion to do as he requested because she was wild for him and she wanted the world to know.
She took the shirt in her hands, took a deep breath, and with a yell and a pull, the shirt came off. She held it airborne just long enough for him to see before she dropped it off the side of the bed.
“Damn, Alyssa,” he said. “I think that was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.”
“You haven’t seen anything yet,” she promised, not waiting for him to reply, but taking his boxer briefs and pulling them down in one smooth motion. Before he could speak, she engulfed his length in her mouth.
Though she didn’t doubt her ability to give a decent blowjob, she was pleased Kipling seemed to be enjoying it, as evidenced by the way his hands fisted the sheets at his side. She would have preferred his hands to be in her hair, but she told herself you couldn’t have everything.
But Kipling was much more astute than she gave him credit for. He must have sensed her hesitation or picked up on some other movement she didn’t recall making, because he lifted his head.
“Alyssa, are you okay?” he asked.
After what had transpired between them earlier, she wasn’t about to lie to him now. “I like having my hair pulled and I saw you holding the sheets. I thought, if you wanted to…”
“I do, but I didn’t want to presume you would.”
He didn’t have to say anything more, she went back to what she’d been doing moments before and it wasn’t too long until his hands found their way to exactly where she wanted them. She hummed in pleasure around him as he tightened his fists and pulled.
“Yeah,” he said, and his own voice was laced with pleasure. “I knew you’d like it dirty. Such a dirty girl for me, aren’t you?”
She didn’t know how he expected her to answer with him in her mouth. But he kept on whispering and most of it was so low, she couldn’t make it out, so she decided not to worry about it.
It didn’t take long until his breathing became choppy and the muscles in his stomach began to tighten. His hands became more urgent as he tried to pull her away.
“Alyssa, please. Not like this. I want to be inside you.”
It was his “please,” combined with the hair pulling, that made her stop. “I’d have been perfectly happy to continue, you know,” she told him, “for future reference.”
“Future reference?” he questioned, flipping her over and coming up on her body so he was level with her eyes. “I’ll keep that in mind. Right now, I have more pressing matters to attend to.”
“You do?” she asked. “What would those be?”
“Well,” he said, clearly getting into his playful nature, which she loved. “I’m going to start here”—he nibbled on her neck—“and work my way here”—he brushed her torso—“before ending somewhere along here.” He stroked her thigh.
As soon as he touched her thigh, she froze.
“What?” he asked, obviously picking up on her change in demeanor.
“Please, please, please tell me you have a condom.”
He propped himself up on his elbow so he looked down on her, while drawing figure eights along her belly. “Alyssa, I’ve wanted you for months. Do you think there is even the slightest chance of me not being prepared?”
She wanted to tell him that he didn’t actually answer the question, but before she could get the words out, he spoke first.
“I not only have a condom, I have an entire box.”
She ran her hand across his chest. “You must have been a boy scout when you were younger. Since you’re so well prepared.”
“Hell, no,” he said with a look of mock outrage. “I got kicked out my first year.”
She loved how he joked along with her, but then he brought his lips down on hers and within seconds she wasn’t able to focus on anything other than him and his touch and what it made her feel. He wasn’t a gentle lover, and for that she was grateful. She appreciated a man who wasn’t afraid to touch her. One who didn’t act as though she was made of glass.
She didn’t have to worry about that with Kipling. His hands were knowledgeable and he somehow knew just how and where to touch her to drive her wild. Most of the men she’d been with before rushed through foreplay, but not Kipling. He took his time. In his arms, she felt like a newly discovered masterpiece. Not only because he was so thorough, but because he seemed so full of joy, for lack of a better word, to be the one doing the exploring.
After, when every other man she’d been with would roll over and sleep, once he disposed of the condom, he took her in his arms, pulled her to his chest, and told her how beautiful she was while drawing who-knows-what across her back.
He made her feel incredible and while she’d always enjoyed sex, it seemed more with Kipling. By the time their eyelids started to grow tired, she knew she was in major trouble. Kipling had effectively stolen a bit of her heart and she knew it’d always stay with him.
CHAPTER 10
The next morning, Alyssa expected there to be tension between her and Kipling and she was surprised when he casually kissed her good morning. They were still in bed and enjoying being lazy for a few minutes.
He stroked her back. “Do you still think today’s a good day to visit your parents?”
She snorted. “No day is a good day to see those two, but yes. Might as well do it today.”
“Anything in particular I should know?” he asked.
She wondered how different things would be if she was meeting his parents for the first time and felt an unexpected jolt of sadness that she would never have the chance. She stretched against him. “To be honest, I haven’t seen them in years and the last time I did, things were tense.” She felt a little bad ad
mitting that to him. After all, at least her parents, or her mom anyway, was still alive. “How about I make us some coffee?”
“Only if you want,” he said, but she was halfway out of bed.
“I don’t think we should tell them all the details. That it’s Jade and your connection. I say we leave it very high level.”
He nodded. “That’s completely your call. I’ll go along with whatever you think best. What time is best to go?”
“I think sometime late this morning.” She slipped a shirt on and didn’t miss the pinkish red blooms on her torso, left there as a result of Kipling’s lavish kisses and explorations the night before. Every time she looked at them, she knew she’d remember some new part of the night before and it’d warm her heart.
Kipling’s eyes grew wide as he took in the marks on her body. “Alyssa,” he said, his voice heavy with emotion. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to be that rough.”
She held up her hand. “Don’t you dare apologize about anything that happened last night. If I didn’t like you rough, I would have told you about it last night. Understand?”
“Yes, ma’am,” he said, and actually smiled.
“Now, I was thinking we head to my parents’ house around eleven and we don’t call beforehand. I believe the element of surprise will work in our favor.” At his questioning glance, she added. “I’m not saying they’ll lie, but something doesn’t feel right about them whenever they talk about my sister.”
“Again. It’s completely your call. You know them best.”
She actually didn’t feel like she knew them at all.
“The only question I have now is, we don’t need to leave until ten and it’s just after eight now.” His eyes danced with the mischief she’d noted the night before. “Whatever are we going to do until then?”
She’d just put her shirt on and though it felt foolish, she walked over to stand in front of him. “Well, I have an idea or two.” While she spoke, she drew her shirt over her head.
“Mmm,” he said, slipping his hands under her bra strap and arousing the same feeling he had the night before. Except this time, the feelings were even more intense because she knew exactly what was in store for her when they walked back into his bedroom.
