‘So?’ Heath seemed completely unfazed by her response. ‘I know how I feel, Bella, and I think you do, too. Yes, it’s been a bit fast and, yes, it probably doesn’t all make sense, but it doesn’t change the—’
‘We don’t even know each other,’ Bella argued, barely able to comprehend that he felt it, too, that this delicious man in front of her adored her as much as she did him, and it was the scariest confrontation of her life. ‘We haven’t even slept together…’
‘Well, we can soon take care of that.’
Lips that had been on hers only yesterday were moving back where they belonged and Bella ached to lean towards him, to catch just a little of the strength and hope he had for them both, lean on him for a moment, feel the weight of his kiss, the bliss of being held, after so many long lonely years.
‘I’m scared, Heath.’
‘I know.’ His words were muffled in her hair, his arms wrapping tightly around her and holding her close. ‘But you have nothing to be afraid of. We don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to.’
‘But I do want to.’ Blinking into his chest, she breathed the words, scarcely able to believe her own boldness. She could feel his heart hammering in his chest, smell the delectable scent of him, and even if her feelings terrified her, even if this was the most reckless, scariest thing she’d ever done in her life, there was no place Bella wanted to be other than in his arms. ‘I’m just…’ Swallowing hard, she closed her eyes, embarrassed to admit the truth, unsure of his reaction. ‘Heath, it’s been so long. I don’t want to let you down…’
‘Hey.’ Pulling back slightly, he smiled down at her. ‘How could you even begin to let me down when this is about both of us, Bella? It’s up to both of us to make this work.’ And there was something infinitely reassuring about the eyes that held hers, something deeper going on than basic lust, a coming home almost. And when he stood and offered her his hand, without hesitation she took it, letting him lead her up the stairs and into his bedroom, standing shy but not awkward as he slowly undressed her, yielding under his gentle touch. Undressing was supposed to be awkward but not with Heath. Every button was gently undone as if he were opening a deliciously wrapped parcel, thick, firm finger wedging into the waistband of her skirt, gliding down the zipper and capturing her buttocks as he slid her panties and skirt down, tiny moans of pleasure escaping his lips as he kissed her swollen breasts. And such was his approval, such was his blatant admiration, it made her bolder still, gave her the courage she needed to unwrap a parcel of her own, trembling fingers working the buttons of his shirt then burying her lips in the satin skin of his torso. He tasted divine, the tangy salty taste of his chest beneath her lips, fingers tracing the blond hair that fed like a tiny whirlpool around his nipples. Her hand bolder now, pressing the flesh beneath her, a delicious Braille beneath her fingers as she followed the path down to its delicious end, capturing him swollen and glorious in her hands. She almost wept at the emotions he unleashed, the primitive need he had somehow ignited in her again, remembering yet somehow forgetting at the same time just how right it was to be held, touched, embraced with love.
Gently he laid her down then joined her, side by side on the pillow, and with eyes wide open she stared back, nerves catching up as his fingers became more insistent, probing her most sensitive place. She wrestled for a second, contrary feelings washing over her, the sensible part of her mind telling her to push him away, to somehow save herself from the exposure this could surely bring. But still he was holding her, still his hands were loving her, and Bella felt herself relent, felt the delicious flood of earthy arousal somewhere deep inside, nerves forgotten as need took over, her groin moving in his hand, her thighs gently parted, needing more, needing him to fill her. Heath understood, slipping inside her with a thrust that was urgent, filling her over and over, the delicious friction of man and woman moving in tune, one hand pushing her buttocks as the other held the back of her head. And she needed his hand there, needed him to steady her as her neck arched backwards, as a distant pulse drew nearer, her whole body spasming in delicious abandonment, dragging him in ever deeper, feeling the delicious swell of his come inside her, the low throaty moan as he buried his face in her shoulder, the thrilling chill of his tongue as he drew back and kissed her tenderly.
Tears stung in Bella’s eyes at the sheer release of it all, the tense knot inside he had freed, the utter absence of regret or guilt as the world started to trickle in. Heath was totally unfazed by her tears, understanding in an instant how hard it had been for her to finally let go. Rolling onto his back, he pulled her head down to his chest, holding her close in silent understanding, gently stroking her hair till the tears abated and sleep washed over them.
CHAPTER NINE
‘GO BACK to sleep.’ Heath grinned as Bella blinked her swollen eyes open. ‘You’re off duty today.’ She stared up at him, utterly divine in a sharp suit with a tie haphazardly knotted, hair wet from the shower, running an electric razor over his chin and clearly very late for work, but not in that much of a hurry that he didn’t register the flicker of guilt in her eyes, the nervous swallow as she took in her surroundings.
Sitting down on the bed, he captured her thigh through the sheet, but the gesture was more reassuring than sexy. ‘It’s OK to be happy, Bella.’
‘I know,’ she said, not sounding entirely convinced then giving it a second go. ‘I know it is. Heath?’ Tense eyes avoided him. ‘But how am I going to tell Danny’s parents? They’re never going to forgive me.’
‘It isn’t going to be easy telling them,’ Heath agreed gently.
‘They still think that one day he’s going to somehow magically be OK. That he’s going to suddenly start talking and walking, that he’s going to come back to them and that we’ll take up where we left off. They’re both so positive, which should be good…’
‘Not when there isn’t any hope,’ Heath broke in, and she was grateful for his honesty, glad to be able to discuss this most difficult subject with someone who really seemed to understand.
‘It’s going to be so horridly awkward telling them, but it isn’t me that I’m worried about. Well, a bit,’ Bella admitted. ‘But it’s more the fact I’ve met someone else, that I’m moving on. It is just going to upset them.’
‘Have you ever considered that it might just help?’ Heath asked. ‘Not straight away, of course, but this might be the wake-up call they need to realize that Danny isn’t ever going to get any better.’
‘Perhaps,’ Bella sighed. ‘But I just hate being the one to extinguish their last ray of hope.’ Closing her eyes for a moment, Bella dwelt on the problem, knowing deep down what she had to do yet dreading it all the same. ‘Before I speak to Joyce and Joe, I have to tell Danny first. He deserves that at least, though I don’t think for a moment that he’ll understand what I’m saying.’
‘You tell him when you’re ready,’ Heath said gently. ‘There’s no rush, Bella. I’m not going to demand that you go down there and tell him tonight, for heaven’s sake. Things have happened so quickly between us, it’s no wonder you’re confused. Maybe you should get it straight in your own head before you tell him,’ he suggested, but Bella shook her head.
‘I can’t see you without him knowing, it would feel as if I were…’
‘Cheating?’ Heath suggested.
Bella nodded. Pulling at a tendril of hair, she wrapped it round and round her fingers as she spoke, fidgeting just as she always did when she was nervous. ‘He turns thirty in a couple of weeks, his parents have been planning this party for ages. Some music and balloons at his bedside, they’ve bought him a gold chain…’ Her voice wavered, the full horror of telling them starting to hit home. ‘I just don’t want to ruin that day for them…’
‘That’s fine,’ Heath said easily.
‘I’m not avoiding anything,’ Bella argued needlessly. ‘But I won’t be able to see much of you for a couple of weeks. I don’t think that would be fair to them or Danny, but I’ll m
ake it up to you. I just need to do this one thing for them. You’re right, I need to get it straight in my own head before I tell them.’
‘That’s fine,’ Heath said again, and this time she managed to look at him. His green eyes were smiling back at her, that gorgeous smile still there, completely and utterly comfortable whatever her decision. Maybe he was right, maybe it really was fine.
‘You understand?’
‘I don’t have to,’ Heath answered, and it confused her. ‘If I’ve learnt one thing, Bella, it’s that relationships that really work aren’t all about give and take and compromise and not having to explain every last move. Relationships are about acceptance. And if holding off telling Danny’s parents is what’s right for you, then that’s good enough. You don’t have to justify yourself to me, Bella, you don’t have to make it up to me, the same way I hope I never have to make it up to you if one of the kids are sick and I have to go over, or Jackie decides we need to sit down and talk and I’m half an hour late coming home.’
‘Coming home?’
‘We both know where this is leading.’ Heath stared at her unwaveringly. ‘I’ve known since the second I looked up and saw you standing outside Resus, Bella.’
And it was scary and huge yet completely true. From the second Bella had laid eyes on him she’d been filled with something precious, something exhilarating and exciting. And as utterly indefinable as it was, it was real.
‘We’ve both got pasts, Bella. Both got people in our lives who really matter to us, and if we can’t deal with that then there’s no point even trying.’
She’d never heard such utter confidence, the kind of certainty, and inner strength she could only aspire to.
‘You’ve really got your head together, haven’t you?’
‘Finally.’ Heath grinned. ‘Though it took a while.’
‘Don’t you ever check your messages?’ Detective Miller growled as Bella walked into the meeting room late on Saturday afternoon, an easy smile in place and for once not fidgeting as she sat down with her colleagues. Maybe Heath’s inner confidence was infectious, Bella decided, because instead of blabbing out a stream of excuses, instead of fidgeting with her hair, she gave a tiny shrug. ‘I’ve been trying to get hold of you all day.’
‘Even I’m allowed some time off, Detective Miller,’ Bella answered with a smile.
‘Hell, you’re even starting to sound like a detective now!’
‘Right, Phil, what have we got?’
‘A migraine,’ he moaned, sitting and scowling in paint-splattered overalls. ‘What do you expect, tucked in that little room, smelling paint fumes all day?’
‘Nothing amiss?’
‘Nothing. The drugs are still there.’
‘Bella?’
‘Still sticking with my theory,’ Bella replied confidently.
‘It’s still only a theory,’ he pointed out, shaking his head as Bella attempted to argue. ‘I’m not jeopardizing all this work on a uniformed constable’s hunch.’
‘Thanks for the vote of confidence,’ Bella complained, but she wasn’t remotely offended. Compliments were rare at the best of times in this line of work and markedly absent prior to a result.
‘Look, guys, we’ve put in too many man hours, too much time to blow it now. Yes, I agree with Bella. We think we know who’s doing it, but we still don’t know how. So I’ve decided that this has gone on long enough and needs to be hurried along. It’s about time we find out.’ He glanced at his watch. ‘Right about now, Pharmacy’s going to deliver a bigger stock of morphine than usual.’
‘On what pretext?’ Bella asked, frowning.
‘Apparently they used a lot on Sunday night. There’s nothing untoward in that, though, all the charts have been checked…’
‘There were a lot of cardiac patients when I came on duty,’ Bella agreed.
‘Well, they’re going to deliver five boxes of morphine and if anyone questions it, the pharmacist is going to give some excuse about the computer averages or something and that it will all be corrected with next week’s stocktake. He seemed to think that would sound OK.’ Bella nodded. As always, Detective Miller was right. His well-laid plans, as always, completely spot on, and Bella was filled with admiration for her temporary boss, hoping, not for the first time, that her position might become permanent, while knowing that for it to happen she had to get this right. Tonight things had to go her way. ‘So with all our suspects on duty tonight and five tempting boxes, let’s hope for all our sakes we get a result.’
With an end possibly in sight, Bella’s newly acquired confidence was diminishing rapidly. Her mind whirred as she made her way to work, going over and over her own mental notes, checking and rechecking her theory just to be sure she was right. And as much as she’d have loved to have dwelt on the thought of seeing Heath at work later, tonight was just too big for any diversions, no matter how appealing. But she allowed herself one tiny luxurious glimpse, one grateful sigh that hopefully soon this would all be over, that soon she’d be able to tell Heath the whole truth, and hopefully he’d be as understanding about her police work as he had been about Danny, hopeful then she could really start life over again.
‘Ready for some real work?’ Hannah asked, as Bella joined her outside in the courtyard, grabbing a quick coffee before the clock edged to nine.
‘Typical night staff.’ Bella grinned. ‘Always assuming that they’re busier than everyone else.’
‘It’s a fact,’ Hannah moaned. ‘I’ve got the varicose veins to prove it. Who ever said nursing was sexy wants shooting!’ Rolling up her trouser legs, she gave Bella a glimpse of the network of blue veins on her calf and both women started to laugh. ‘Lucky for me Ken’s eyesight’s fading. He still thinks I’m gorgeous.’
‘You are.’ Bella grinned. ‘And possibly just a bit mad as well.’ Glancing down at her watch, she let out a long sigh. ‘I guess we’d better get out there.’
‘You go, I’m going to finish my coffee first and wrap up Jim’s leaving present, then I’d better lock it in the drug cupboard. The last thing we want going missing is that!’ Hannah waved her off. ‘And if Jayne asks, say that you haven’t seen me. I’m sick of her moods lately. She used to be the most laid-back of us all.’
‘It must be hard, being in charge,’ Bella suggested, but Hannah just gave a dismissive snort.
‘Oh, I’d take the grief for the wages they’re paying her and I’d manage a smile at the same time.’
‘Nice day off?’ Heath asked as Bella joined the group at the desk to await handover.
‘Very.’ Bella smiled, sharing in one indulgent moment before pulling out her pad and getting ready to start.
‘Can I have someone to check the drugs?’ one of the day staff asked, shaking her head as one of the junior nurses put up her hand. ‘Better have one of the seniors.’ She rolled her eyes heavenwards. ‘Pharmacy’s only gone and messed up and given us five boxes of morphine. They’re going to sort it with next week’s order, but given the current state of affairs…’
‘Say no more,’ Jayne groaned, dumping her bag under the desk, no doubt meaning to lock it up later. ‘OK. I’ll come and check them. Handover will just have to wait. Where’s Hannah, by the way?’
‘I’ve no idea,’ Bella answered, her eyes drifting beyond Jayne as the waiting-room doors slid open and a patient was brought through in a wheelchair by Jim the porter, catching sight of Detective Miller, jeans and scruffy jumper firmly in place, blending in perfectly with the rest of the waiting room as he chatted easily to yet another of Bella’s undercover colleagues. But the fact he was here added another notch of pressure to Bella’s shoulders, the weight of expectation firmly in place.
‘What have I missed?’ Hannah asked, sidling up beside Bella.
‘Nothing. Jayne’s gone to check the drugs. Apparently Pharmacy’s messed up and sent five boxes of morphine by mistake.’
‘Which was very sensible of them.’ Hannah rolled her eyes sarcastically. ‘I just hope
to God they’re still there in the morning, for all our sakes. I’ll just go and give this to Jayne and ask her to lock it up.’
And because Bella wanted it to be busy, because she wanted the drug cupboard to be in constant use as it often was on a Saturday night, it was unusually quiet. The waiting room was full but, apart from a couple of abdominal pains and a child with asthma, most of the patients were suffering only minor complaints. By eleven o’clock Bella’s nerves were in shreds, her whole body taut with nervous expectation, jumping a mile when Heath came up behind her as she sat on a stool, filling out a ward transfers slip for one of their few patients.
‘Can I have some pethidine for cubicle five? I’ve tried Buscopan and it hasn’t helped her abdominal pain.’
‘Sure.’ Almost grabbing the card from his hand, Bella jumped down, casting her eyes around for a nurse to come with her.
‘It’s not that urgent.’ Heath grinned. ‘You’re very jumpy tonight.’
‘It’s the company I’m keeping.’ Bella attempted a casual smile. ‘I don’t normally make a habit of sleeping with the boss.’
‘Well, you do from now on,’ Heath said, and something inside her melted on the spot. ‘Do you want me to come and check it with you?’
‘Check what?’ Jayne asked, coming over and peering over Bella’s shoulder. ‘I’ll do it. Heath, can you have another listen to that child’s chest? He’s had two Ventolin nebulizers but he’s still very wheezy. I think we’re going to end up admitting him, so we might as well get Paeds down now.’
‘Where’s Hannah?’ Jayne frowned as Heath made his way over to the child sitting wheezing and miserable in the cubicle opposite.
‘Cleaning up the staffroom,’ Bella answered, trying desperately to keep the rather pained note out of her voice, remembering the dressing-down Jayne had given her when she’d pulled up Tony for his apparent lack of cleaning skills. ‘Before she sets up for Jim’s leaving do.’
Undercover at City Hospital Page 9
