“We’ll talk, but right now I need a word with David,” Shay said, meeting David’s gaze.
“What’s up,” he asked.
“Can we have a private conversation?”
“Sure,” David responded.
“I’ll be right back,” she said to Brice, and then led David up to her bedroom.
“Is this about you dating him?” David asked as Shay shut her bedroom door behind her
“Yes, David, I just wanted you to hear it from me. I wanted to tell you I’m sorry, because the last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you,” Shay told him honestly. Despite the fact that she was with Brice, she loved David as a friend. Back home, he was the best friend she’d had.
“Hey, don’t do that. Don’t apologize for being happy. I love you, and that’s not a secret to anyone, but as you said, you’ve changed and that’s just fine. You have every right to not feel the way you once did about me,” David said. “Brice isn’t my biggest fan, but I see the way you look at him, and it’s a way you never looked at me. Your entire face lights up and it’s something I haven’t seen in such a long time. I won’t lie to you; I wish it was me who got all your kisses, your laughs, and every ounce of your love, but it’s not. And I’m okay with that. It’s better that I know now. They said that it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, and it’s true. I don’t regret anything.”
“I just don’t want to lose you.”
“You’re my best friend, Bell. You won’t lose me. I’d rather be in your life as a friend than nothing at all. “
“Do you mean that?” Shay asked. The last time she and David had a real conversation, he was telling her he’d never give up hope on their relationship.
“I really do. I’m not Heather; your happiness means the world to me. And if you’re not happy, then neither am I. Don’t let her bring you down. Brice isn’t that bad of guy. I see the way he cares for you and that’s more than enough for me to stop hating him. “
“You hate him?” Shay asked.
“I wouldn’t say hate; he just had something I didn’t. You.” David spoke in a low voice.
“I’m really sorry.”
“He makes you happy, right? “
“He does,” she confirmed with a huge smile. She wasn’t completely sure what it was about Brice, but she’d never felt this way about a guy before. She was surprised how quickly she was falling for him. A few weeks ago, if anyone had told her she’d be in a relationship, she would have said they were delusional.
“Then embrace that. He’s a good guy, and I have this feeling that he’d do anything to make you happy. And that’s all I want for you.” David smiled.
There was a beat of silence before David spoke again. “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“What is it that you see in him?”
“He’s funny, kind, and daring. He’d never admit it, but he’s the most caring person you could ever meet. When I’m with him, time just doesn’t matter. It’s just me and him, and that’s all that matters. He makes me feel like all the bad disappears, even if it’s only for a moment. He never judges me, or pushes me to be someone that I’m not. He understands me in a way that no one else does, or even can. I’m just Shay when I’m with him.” Shay smiled.
“I’m glad to hear that, and I want you to know that I don’t see you as a broken car. I mean, sure it took a bit of getting used to this new you, but I can still see Shay in there.”
“Thank you, David. “
“Anytime. Who knows, maybe I’ll find someone to finally love me the way I love her,” he said, his tone hopeful.
“Sure you can, David. You deserve to be happy, just as much as the next person and I know that you’re going to find that,” Shay told him as someone knocked on the door.
“Come in,” Shay called.
When the door opened, Heather appeared. As if this night needed any more drama.
“I’m going to give the two of you a few minutes to talk. Listen, I just want your happiness, and if that means that you’re going to find it with Brice, don’t you for a second apologize for that. He’s good for you, and you’re good for him. Don’t let anyone stand in the way of that.” David told her before leaving the room.
“Shay?” Heather called to her as she shut the door behind David.
“What do you want?”
“I’m really sorry. I’ve acted like a horrible friend, and it’s not that I don’t want you to be happy, because I do. I just miss the way we used to be. I don’t hate Brice; I’m more or less jealous of him,” Heather admitted.
“Why in the world would you be jealous of Brice?” Shay asked, shocked. Heather never admitted things this deep. She only shook them off as if they were nothing, and then did something stupid.
“Because you spend so much time with him and less time with me,” Heather replied.
Shay knew in that moment she wasn’t being fair. The truth was ever since that night, she’d found it hard to be around her friends because they had a big part to do with what happened.
“You don’t have to be jealous. I spend so much time with Brice because he makes me happy. And whether you mean to do that or not isn’t the problem here; the fact is that ever since you got here, I’ve felt like a burden, a problem that needs to be fixed,” Shay said. She knew this was a conversation that she needed to have if she wanted to repair her relationship with her friends.
“I never intended to make you feel that way; I don’t see you as a problem or a burden. I love you so much and you’re the one person that’s always been there for me. I’m so sorry that I hurt you. I know I’ve asked this before, but can you forgive me? I promise this time, you won’t regret it,” Heather pleaded.
“Heather, I can forgive you, on one condition: stop being so mean to Brice. He hasn’t done anything to you. If David can accept the fact that I’ve moved on, then so can you,” Shay told her best friend.
“It’s not that I don’t like him, I just don’t get what you see in him.”
“There’s so much to see in him, if you’d just give him a chance,” Shay tried to reason with her.
“I can’t promise that I’ll ever like him, but for you Bell, I’ll try,” Heather said.
“What if we all go out? Have dinner, go to the beach, and you two can get to know each other. I don’t like feeling torn between my boyfriend and my best friend,” Shay said, shocked by her own words. Boyfriend. She’d never said those words out loud until now. It didn’t seem like reality.
“Okay, I’d like that. I really don’t want to lose you,” Heather said.
“You’re not going to lose me; you could never ever lose me. But you can’t pick these fights anymore. You can’t keep putting me or Brice down. He’s important,” Shay said.
“I know. I’ll try. God, this is not how I expected this trip to go at all. It’s like that weekend we went camping all over again. We were so pissed at each other that we stayed on opposites sides of the campsite the whole time.”
Shay smiled at the memory. “I know. Hey, I have an idea. Spring break is in a few months. What if you guys come back then? And we can have a do-over,” Shay suggested, wanting the chance to start again. She was trying so hard to hold on to the friendships she valued so much. She didn’t want to let what he did interfere with that.
“I’d love that. I love you Shay, and I’m so glad that you’ve found happiness. I know I’m not the best friend to you, especially lately, but I promise that I’m going to try harder,” Heather vowed.
“We’ll be okay Heather. We’re best friends, and you’re the sister I always wanted. And I’d be crazy to let you go over one little fight.”
“So, we’re cool?” Heather asked.
“Yes, we’re cool,” Shay answered.
“Good, because I’m starving. And I can’t take you being mad at me for one more moment.” She laughed.
“Well then come on, let’s go downstairs and find something to eat.”
<
br /> “Deal.”
As the pieces of her life started coming back together, Shay couldn’t help but feel like something was going to come rushing in and ruin it all.
Chapter Thirteen
“God, you’re beautiful,” Brice told Shay as they sat on a towel at the beach two weeks later. It was the day before her friends had to leave, and Shay wanted them to leave on a good note. Most of all, she wanted to make sure that Heather and Brice didn’t hate each other.
“You’re just saying that,” she smirked as she rolled up the sleeves of her oversized sweater.
“I don’t get why you wear that thing. It’s like a million degrees out here,” Brice informed her.
If he knew the truth, he’d never look at her the same way again. Without extra clothes, she felt bare and exposed.
“I’m not that hot,” she told him quietly.
“Oh, you definitely are,” he argued, touching her face gently.
“Oh, what is it with you and your snarky comments,” she asked him as she watched her friends mingle in the water that she was too afraid to go in.
“Baby, I’d be nothing without my snarky comments. Don’t act like you don’t love it,” Brice commented as he kissed the top of her head.
“I can’t believe they’re leaving already, and I’ve barely spent any time with them,” Shay said regretfully as Brice entwined their fingers together.
“Hey, they’ll be back in eight months’ time. And then you can spend all the time you want with them,” Brice reminded her.
“What happens now,” she asked him as the sun beat down on her skin.
“What do you mean?” Brice asked her in complete confusion.
“Well, I mean, with us. Where do we go now,” she questioned.
He answered her question with an unexpected kiss. She closed her eyes to absorb the kiss. Brice had a way with his kisses, it was always something different. He never went too far with her, never pushed her for more. That was what made him so special. He always put her first. There was a time not long ago when she thought all guys would end up like him.
“We go wherever we want, Shay. We make our own happiness. And as long as we stick by each other, we’ll be okay. I promise. Should we go join them out there?” Brice questioned her, his eyes in the direction of the water.
“I don’t know,” Shay said, not wanting to get rid of the sweater that concealed her tan top.
“Come on; what is the point in coming to the beach if you don’t go in the water?”
“I don’t want to take my sweater off yet,” she informed him honestly.
“If you don’t get your butt up and get in that water, I’m going to throw you over my shoulder into that water,” Brice said, both playful and serious as he stood up and offered her his hand.
“Please don’t make me,” she begged, not wanting to feel so exposed and naked.
“Why won’t you come in the water?” Brice asked, confused.
“Because, I don’t want to,” she said.
“Okay, how about you just come over there with me and we can put our feet in the water. You won’t have to take that sweater off. I don’t even get why you won’t take that sweater off. I mean, you’re beautiful, but I’ll support the fact that you don’t want to take it off. I said that I’d never make you do something you didn’t want to do, but I’m not going to let you sit here and mope,” Brice told her as he forced her up and slid his hands around her waist.
“I can do that, I guess.” Shay told him, not sure of what else to say. How could she tell him the real reason? How could she possibly tell him that her sweater was like her security blanket? That, without it, she felt naked and vulnerable. It was better to let him assume then to actually tell him the truth. She didn’t want to see the pity that would come with her secret.
“Come on.” He grabbed her hand and led her to the water.
“It’s about time the two of you joined us,” Heather yelled at them as she adjusted the top to her bikini.
“Shay here doesn’t want to swim. She just wants to put her feet in the water,” Brice explained.
“Come on Shay,” Heather said. “You have to come swim.”
“I don’t want to,” she told her firmly.
“Why not? Take that thing off and come enjoy the water.” Heather told her as she stepped closer.
“I said I don’t want to,” Shay said, raising her voice a little. She couldn’t understand why they wouldn’t just drop it. She had her reasons for not wanting to take her sweater off. Maybe in time she could start to heal, but right now she was still being haunted by those dark memories.
“Come on, stop being so uptight and join us,” Heather said, reaching for the sweater Shay wore.
“Stop!” She ran away.
Shay didn’t care where she was going; she just knew she needed to get out of there. Everything was falling apart. Without her sweater she felt alone, empty, and dirty. She couldn’t bear to let anyone see everything she held so deep inside.
She ran until she found a bathroom. When she went inside, she made sure no one was in there. Standing in front of the mirror, she could see the tears that ran down her face. Every time she began to enjoy herself, something horrible would happen. It would always remind her how easily her past could come back to haunt her.
Slouching down to the floor, she began to sob with her head on her knees. She didn’t want everything to be so easily breakable, she hated that the slightest touch from someone would send her into shock.
“Shay,” she heard Brice’s voice call her. When she looked up, he was standing in the doorway.
“Don’t,” she said as she got to her feet and found a paper towel to wipe away her tears.
“Hey, what’s going on,” he asked, wrapping his arms around her.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to freak out like that. I’m not ready to take it off. I have my reasons for having it on, and none of you may understand that, but you could support it,” she told him as they eyed each other in the mirror.
“Baby doll, I do support that. I don’t get it, but I’d never make you do something you didn’t want to do. I’m really worried about you, Bell, and I feel like you’re waiting for this to end, waiting for us to end,” he said as he turned her around to face him.
“Maybe I am,” she said, not even bothering to deny it because if she was being honest, it was true. Nothing good in her life ever stuck, so why would that change? She could feel herself wanting to cry, wanting to let it all out, wanting to tell the truth of that awful night, but she knew she couldn’t do that. It was better this way, better for everyone.
“I wish you’d stop that. I wish you’d stop waiting for it to end. I can see right through you. You’re afraid to be happy because you don’t think you deserve it, but you do. You deserve all the happiness that life brings you. Don’t shut it out. Shay, don’t ruin us before we’ve had our chance to begin,” Brice begged.
“I’m scared that if I let myself be happy, it’s all going to come crashing down, Brice. I’m afraid it’s all going to be taken away from me,” she told him. “How could I recover from that if I gave everything and was left with nothing?”
Brice thought about what she said for moments. She was afraid to let herself be happy, but she deserved to be happy. Out of everyone he knew, she deserved it the most. She closed the world off, destroyed her own happiness, all because she didn’t think she deserved to be happy. He didn’t care how long it took, but if he had any say in it, he’d make her believe she deserved to feel this way, to let herself be happy. Brice would make sure of that.
“That won’t happen, pretty girl. Because I care about you, and I’m going to do whatever it takes to make you see that you deserve this, all of it,” he told her as their noses touched, and before she could say a word his lips gently brushed over hers in a bittersweet kiss.
“Promise you won’t leave me?” Shay asked in a desperate, pleading voice.
“I’m not going anywhere. You mean ev
erything to me, and I want you. I want your laughs, your cries, your dreams, your hopes, your life; I want to share it all with you.”
“Can you just hold me for now?” Shay asked him with fearful eyes.
“I can do that. Come here,” he replied, holding out his arms.
“Thank you for taking care of me,” Shay whispered, closing her eyes and tightening her arms around Brice. He was her safe place. In his arms she knew that nothing bad could happen. Not even he could hurt her in Brice’s arms.
“From now on, I’ll always take care of you Shay.”
“I think we should go back now, you’re not even supposed to be in the girls’ bathroom.”
“Well, you ran away. I wasn’t just going to let you come in here alone crying.”
“I’m sorry I keep running away,” she whispered.
Shay stared at Brice, knowing that from now on she was going to try. She was going to try to be a better girlfriend for him, and she was going to try to not let her past interfere.
***
“You have to call me every single day.” Heather said to Shay the next day. Her parents arrived back home the previous night and everyone was going back to Florida, with the exception of her brother, who decided to stay with his family.
“Yeah, we’re going to miss you so much,” Chelsea commented as she stood in front of the limo that Heather’s dad hired to drive them home.
“I’m going to miss you guys too, and I promise it won’t be like last time. I’ll stay in touch,” Shay vowed.
“Do you promise?” Maxie asked as she pulled Shay into a firm, tight hug.
“I do, but we don’t have to be sad about you guys leaving, because you’re all coming back for spring break, remember?” Shay said.
“I know, but it’s not the same. I feel the absence when you’re not there at school; it’s just not the same,” Heather told her in a soft tone.
“We’ll be okay, Heather, it’ll all be okay. When you come back it’ll feel like you never left,” Shay said. No matter how many times she fought with her while she was there, Heather was still her best friend. She was still the girl she grew up with and knew like the back of her own hand. They had a lifetime of memories, good and bad.
Break Me Down Page 11
