When Jake finally woke up, Alaric was sitting a little further down the carriage, apparently studying CLEO's map. He greeted Jake with a distracted wave, saying only “Good afternoon, Prince, I trust you are feeling better”. In fact, Jake was feeling much better and extremely hungry.
After Jake had carried out his toilet, FIDO brought him a large helping of hot steak and kidney pudding. This was followed by chocolate pudding accompanied by a bottle of pop (sparkling orange.)
CLEO advised him the meal would help rebuild his strength.
Alaric was looking at the map and apparently pondering some difficult problem. Once Jake had cleared his plate of hot pudding he was able to speak.
“Hey, Alaric, you look glum!” he said.
“I am deflated, your royal highness,” said Alaric. “There are no more operating Gateways shown on CLEO's list. She is examining records to see if there was is an emergency exit Gateway left somewhere on this continent.”
Jake considered this revelation. No more operating Gateways. They could not leave! They must do something else. He considered what something else might be. “We could go train spotting,” he said, after considering the matter. “Flinders Street is a busy station on the East Coast main line. I could get namers at Flinders Street! We can go back to Lilydale. Get a train there!”
Alaric appeared to consider this plan.
“But Sire, is trainspotting a real option? We are both currently free only because we are lost!. The wicked Regent could send a squad of robo troops to nab us if he knew our whereabouts! The earth troops have been put off our track by a strategem – but for how long?”
Jake's pack was lying on a seat and CLEO's hardware was inside the pack. The computer was busy. She was using Quad Line One to play chess on the Internet. She was playing simultaneous chess against 75 international chess grand masters who believed they were playing against a Russian chess genius. CLEO's Quad Line Two was listening to human radio traffic. Quad Line Three was listening to phone traffic from UFO Divisional HQ. You might consider that CLEO was so busy that she would not even notice Alaric's remark. But her capacity to quad process meant that his remarks were recorded. They would be subject to analysis by quad line four.
Who is the wicked Regent?
While CLEO was busy playing chess, scanning all frequencies, listening to phone calls and computing the various possible meanings of Alaric's remark, Jake was reflecting on his own unfortunate circumstance.He had been quite happy living in the Underground Prison Complex, a comfortable underground home. It was true that sword training had been a harsh, daily grind. And his potential future career as a racing driver had been cruelly nipped in the bud by tyrannical jailer CLEO. With additional practice time on the car driving program he might have achieved his ambition. He could have become an internationally famous racing car driver! But against all these negatives he had always been well fed! That was the key issue! Three meals a day with two snacks! Of course, his train spotting results recorded in the area above the prison had turned out to be useless! But he had still enjoyed his spotting time. Then the whole thing had been ruined by Alaric's arrival! The elf's ridiculous idea that Jake was a Prince and that they must escape was the source of all his problems. Alaric buried his head in his hands and appeared to be sobbing. Even the dwarves noticed his distress.
“It's hopeless!” cried Alaric. “This Quest is doomed! Doomed. There are no more Gateways recorded in Australia. Two other Gateways are or were located on the other side of this planet! They are probably all now unusable. The Gateway on Atlantis vanished into the ocean 12,000 years ago during the Central Power Explorer phase.. That Gateway is still working on auJakeatic but it is now sucking in planes and ships and sending them into a another dimension! I was planning to have it shut off once we reached Central Power. But we will never reach Central Power!
“Never?” said Jake. “Pernabuco! We can go spotting!”
Alaric suddenly stiffened and sat up abruptly. “Pernambuco! “ he said. “Pernambuco! Your Highness you have remembered a word of Elvish !”
“What do you mean? It just slipped out!” said Jake.
“Exactly! It just slipped out from a mind that was horribly damaged by your forced transfer to this Universe! I had hoped that a time of recuperation would bring back both your memories and your Royal Powers! But one word is a beginning! Pernambuco! It means “What chance did I have?” Pernambuco!!”
“You may have hope but my sJackach has no hope! It is still empty!” said Jake morosely. He looked at the bowl in front of him and raised his eyebrows in a meaningful way at FIDO.
The robot was standing in his cooking area.
But there was no response.
Unfortunately. FIDO appeared to be recharging.
He was switched off.
There was no hope of a second helping.
Alaric He seemed to have recovered his usual good spirits. “Perhaps CLEO will discover the location of another Gateway. She is still searching.”
There was a sudden keening explosive sound. A blue hole appeared on one side of the carriage and the three dwarves climbed out,following each other in sucession. The hole then vanished with an explosive clap.
The three dwarves stood on line at the inside front of the bus..
“Sir Stumpy at your service!” said Stumpy, bowing deeply.
“Sir Grumpy at your service!” said Grumpy, bowing and adding a flurish.
“And Sir Sam!” said Little Sam, dropping to one knee.
“Knights in the Royal service!”
CLEO suddenly spoke. “Big News! I have just beaten seventy five chess masters simultaneously, After the game, one of the Chess Masters sent me an email to say that I am a very smart cookie! I do not understand the use of the word cookie. Could anyone answer this query? Why would a winning chess player be compared to an edible biscuit?”
Sir Grumpy spoke, addressing the computer.
“Being a smart cookie is a slang phrase meaning a clever person. You were being compared to a clever person.” he said. “ I must immediately add that you are not as clever as a young dwarf like Sir Sam! And a young dwarf is never as smart as an old dwarf! The great Jackefits of experience always win in the end! And as for you,computer CLEO, you apparently did not notice our arrival by special delivery!”
“How did you get here?” asked Jake.
“On theMultiverse Express,” said the dwarf. “We located your whereabouts with help from the Controller and then used a virtual tunnel to rejoin your party!”
Chapter 16
Routing Problem
“The Multiverse Express is the answer! But…but where is it?” said Alaric. “We can’t find a working station!”
Sir Sam answered: “Strictly speaking the Multiverse Express is in non space. However, as the Royal party had a return ticket the Express will always stay close to the ticket holders, or again, as close as it can get in non space.”
“How is that useful?” said Alaric angrily. “The Express may be as close as it can get but we cannot reach it without a station! Every station has been either extinguished by some kind of wind, or closed for repairs taking several thousand years, or sited on a barren hilltop and used for going to lower universes!” ‘
There was a pained silence, then Sir Grumpy spoke:
“Excellency! “ he cried. “As Knights of the Oblong Table, now with large land holdings on Ozro, we have been instructed by the Central Power Master Computers to assist your goodselves with a virtual tunnel, which will create and instant station and allow transit to Central Power for your honoured selves!”
Sir Stumpy added: “After reminding you or your promise of gold and…”
Sir Sam concluded: “Jewels! We have a need to stock our planets with gnunks and some well bred scatcookers and…”
“Yes,yes,yes!” said Alaric hastily. He added: “I am sure His Elfness will be grateful
and bestow the Royal Favours?”
He looked quizzically at Jake.
Jake said nothing.
CLEO was about to make some sarcastic comment when FIDO suddenly spoke,
“A Royal promise must be met and will be met!” he said.
“Well said!” added Jake.
“That settles it!” said Alaric. “His Elfness has spoken via the robot.”
CLRO suddenly butted in. “Patching in phone call from Yea to UFO Comman. I am descrambling message online. It is using Enigma X231.
Phone whistles on speaker.
“Viljoen calling! Sir! Great news! We have caught the two human turncoats! Apparently the alien device ran out of power and there they were, parked at Yea station! Cheeky blighters! We have recovered both thr stolen army vehicle and the ghost steam train! The two men seemed cocky enough at first, the Chinaman swaggering about on the square outside the station but then some other alien device failed! The Chinaman obviously thought they were both going to vanish when he pressed a button but the device did not work! He was foaming at the mouth! Actually threw it down and jumped on it! Said it was rubbish dumped by Central Power! Second hand junk! Central Power throwaways! We recovered the object and have sent it to Chirside Park for testing.. We are still searching for the young boy with big ears. The crew of our second railcar—the second crew attacked --- have reported they were attacked by a golden robot.They are all pacifists but can be used in latrine prep. We are searching for the robot. It is probably hiding in the Yea area along with Big Ears and his alien mater. I have ordered my troops to shoot to kill any alien and to disable the robot by calling in a full air strike. Yea has been cleared of civilians and a state of emergency has been declared. I have locked the two turncoats inside the station waiting room. Two guards inside with them! I have requested a chopper to take them to Army Base “Kango” for transshipment to Psych Centre and detailed interrogation. The Divisional Tracker has gone AWOL and has not yet been found. I have issued an APB so he will be found and face a courts martial!”
A new voice came in:
“Message routed as requested. Prime Minister informed. Out!’
CLEO: “The doctor and his friend must be rescued! Jake can do it! He can take the Merlo Funny Gun and disable the soldiers! That will avoid killing anyone!”
“Hazard his Majesty!” said Alaric, appalled. “Never! Why not send FIDO? He’s expendable! A mere robot!”
The mere robot seemed to perk up at the prospect to militray action.
“None of this is necessary!” cried Sir Sam. “We have been resupplied and we can now put in a virtual tunnel at Yea! Get the men out via the Multiverse Express. They will have to change at Central Power and catch a local to MARS. As a Medical Officer travelling with a Patient, all Dr Tungs costs will be entirely covered.”
Sir Sam operated a small device and the blue tunnel reappeared. The keening noise was now more of an unbearable amplified screech. Sir Sam vanished into the blue tunnel and the sound effects then stopped.
FIDO served toasted bread and strawberry jam.
Jake had two helpings.
The blue light flashed back on, with more muted sound effects.
This time only Sir Sam appeared.
“The doc and his patient have gone on to Central Power via the Express,” the dwarf reported. “Sir Grumy and Sir Stunpy are going back to Ozro to take care of our holdings. You can use the Expresso to go back to Power. You will have a full trainload. I will help carry the Central Power equipment and take the train ahead of yours to Central Power. I will then take a local to Ozro.”
They all loaded up with gear, nuclear stove, Central Power escape equipment and sundries. FIDO carried CLEO’s hardware. With Sir Sam leading they walked up the blue light beam, which expanded to encompass the larger members of the party (Jake had the largest girth.)
On arrival they found themselves in an underground station with white tiled walls and a distinct smell of disinfectant. Sir Sam got into a single carriage train and vanished in what was presumably the direction of Central Power.
A new train arrived, this time with several coaches.
The Central Power gear was loaded and they piled into the coaches.
Alaric was happy at last.
“We are going home!” he said.
A voice boomed from the station wall.
“Discrepancy alarm! Tickets do not match passengers! Central Power luggage will be carried but passengers will be taken to Kardiff while tickets are investigated! Commence!”
There was a period of gentle acceleration, then metal cages suddenly shot up around the passengers and the train began to accelerate. The walls became a blur of white and then darkness. They dived into a horrid blend of peculiar blending multi colored fog supported by a cacophony of sound….
Chapter 17
No rest for the wicked
When Jake awoke he was on a regular train, sitting in an upholstered apartment labelled First Class. Alaric was sitting opposite and FIDO had contracted. He now looked like a golden,metallic box on the luggage rack.
CLEO’s voice sounded stridenly.
The computer was apparently inside a package next to FIDO on the luggage rack.
“He is coming round! Obviously he is unsuited to zero dimensional travel! It is thanks to him, the Unreformed Criminal Jake , that we have been refused admission to enter Central Power! We have been placed in some weird sub Universe and its all his fault! Obviously, we have been sent here because convicts are not allowed on theMultiverse Express! Anyway, Lord Alaric, you and he must both wash now! You have not washed for several days!”
Alaric sJugg his head at the computers continued insistence that Jake was a convicted criminal and not Prince Jake. But he did not make the mistake of trying to argue with CLEO. Alaric and Jake meekly washed in the small toilet at the end of the carriage. They trooped back to the table and sat down.
A uniformed waiter appeared and served a memorable six course meal.
One delicious course followed another
Jake was at last fully replete.
Following this meal, it was now time for rest and reflection. Jake settled down comfortably, leaning against the padded armrest and preparing to have a well earned rest, starting with a nap.
His plans were immediately challenged.
The voice of CLEO sounded :
"A dragon is terrorizing Wales in this sub Universe!! “
As the computer spoke the carriage door suddenly opened. Two dark haired men dressed entirely in black climbed aboard.
“Druids!” said Alaric.
“We are indeed,” said the leading figure. He suddenly knelt in front of Jake. “We are Druids in search of the Dragonslayer! Druids who have traveled the length of England and Scotland to find him! We now conduct the recognition ceremony. He produced a revolver.
He pointed the gun at Jake and said: “Hand over your money!”
Jake reacted with demonic fury. He swept back his overcoat and Shivver flashed into view to point at the Druids throat.
“It is him, Taff,!" croaked the kneeling Druid. "Definitely him! I tried to hold him up and everything went pear shaped! And his magic sword is at my throat! Exactly as stated in the Druidic! We have found the dragon slayer!”
He lowered his gun gingerly.
The sword point stayed at his throat.
The second druid now spoke: "Prince Jake! We beg you to clear Wales of the dragon. You are the chosen! You must vanquish a fearsome monster which has appeared from under the mountain. The mountain which carries the name of …” “Llanfairanfalanboggleleeprantergogglegoch,"
Jake pulled back the sword and replaced it in its sheath. "I am not Prince Jake! I may have elf ears but I am not an elf. I am not him and I am not a slayer of monsters! I do not intend to visit Wales.”
The first druid had now put away his revolver.
He spoke: “Dragonslayer. I
have something to show you."
The man produced an acorn which he showed to Jake. The acorn was badly scorched and had a fearsome crack across its shell. "Sire, the dragon is roaShivver and murdering hundreds of acorns with its fiery breath! They lie scorched and dying on the slopes of the Mountain! They cry for vengeance from the Dragon Slayer!" he cried. He dropped the scorched nut into Jake's hand.
Jake stared at the ravaged fruit of the oak.
His expression slowly changed. He pulled out Shivver and waved the sword which sparkled with a green light and spat fat green sparks. "Damn that dragon! Kill for the love of killing!" he shouted..”Where is the beast?”
At that moment an enormous blast of flame scorched the carriage window. “Right here Dragonslayer!” cried a loud voice. “I am right here. Come on out and start slaying!”
Jake stared out through the window which had cracked in the heat. He could see the huge form of a dragon! He could also see a mound of smoking coal, a few battered shrubs and his own doom waiting outside!
The railway coach, its locomotive and all its occupants had been twaddled into a railway siding near the entrance to a Welsh coal mine. Mined anthracite had originally been loaded onto a railway truck ready for transport. But the truck been tipped over by the dragon, using one powerful clawed foot. The coal had formed a glistening black pile. Under the searing impact of the dragons flaming breath, fifty tonnes had ignited and burnt explosively. This fierce fire had delighted the dragon. Once it was well in progress the dragon stopped acting as a flame thrower and merely stood watching, holding out one giant claw to warm himself. He sang a few bars of "Keep the Home Fires burning."
The same white hot blaze had scared the wits out of various onlookers hiding around the area. At this very moment, Jake's train arrived at a siding close by. The train pulled to a stop with the usual screeching of brakes and hissing of steam.
The dragon stopped singing and began reciting a poem.
“When he arrived in a curious train,
He saw a dismal vale of gloom,
The dragons breath had toasted all
Was this the final slayers doom?
"Well, that part is wrong!" cried the dragon, apparently commentating on his own poem. "I am a good lad!" He then recited: "Dragon name Blowtorch! Development type X 291. No team available! Gemini twins not located! Dragon now waiting !"
The dragon finished his speech with a peculiar song:
"Rock, bop, blowtorch bam bam bop!"
As the dragon sang, he thumped his massive feet on the ground, causing the entire valley to shake. Inside the carriage the occupants could clearly hear the dragons voice and feel the tremors. CLEO then spoke: "Blowtorch! That is the name of the escapee dragon of Perno! The dragon masters have offered a huge reward for his return! They even advertised on the inter dimensional news hoping he had reappeared somewhere in the Multiverse! They could not find him because he slipped into this world and he is now terrorizing the Druids! "
"And he is definitely terrorizing me!" said Jake morosely. He stared out of the carriage window looking up at the immense form of the dragon. "Look at him! He's gigantic!" His voice choked. "I've had lots of hard luck since I got sprung from the nick but this is it! My Final Fight! "
The dragon appeared to hear him.
"Hey, Jake!" cried the dragon. "There is no need to fight! I am a peaceful combat carrier! I only fight in space for big, big, big money! But I just want my riders!"
Inside the carriage, there was a stunned silence. Then Alaric spoke: "Sire, we must try to capture that dragon! There will be a huge reward for him! He is a trained dragon from Perno. We can wear flame proof suits, go out, subdue the dragon and then get the dragon masters to twaddle him back to his den!"
"I can hear you!" cried the dragon. "I can also tell you that your silly flame suits will be useless! You will be toasted, roasted and then turned into crisps! I will then be guilty of murder by cremation! I suggest you bring out the suits and put them on sticks so I can demonstrate my fire power!”
Jake: "Do you think he is bluffing?"
Alaric: "Perhaps we should call his bluff!"
"He may not be bluffing!" said CLEO. "Information from the Multinet states that Dragon Development Type X 291 has sufficient incendiary capability to totally destroy the supposedly fire resistant suits in my store. It will be necessary to confirm this information via an experiment. FIDO has placed the suits on the luggage rack. Put each suit on a stick, then hang the suits within the dragons vision and shout some insulting phrase. Before shouting, please retreat to a safe distance. If the suits survive then we may assume that the dragon is bluffing."
Jake and Alaric both collected a suit. The suits were one piece boiler type garments made of some shiny type material. They both climbed down from the side of the carriage out of the dragons view and collected two stout sticks. Jake sharpened one side of each stick using Shivver.
The sword crackled and spat sparks.
"I can see your little sticker!" cried the dragon. "It won’t be any good inside my special field! I have full electromagnetics! I can melt that silly little thing just like I can melt your stupid suits!"
Jake hurriedly slid the grumbling sword back into its holster. In a kind of involuntary crouch, he lead Alaric around the back of the train. The pair then advanced towards the dragon in a crab walk. They moved cautiously, taking cover behind a few remaining blackened trees and bushes. Finally they reached a rock about 100 meters from the dragons vast form.
"We have brought the suits so you can demonstrate your supposed ability to destroy them!" cried Jake. "We are going to lean them against this rock on two poles and then we will retire to a safe distance. Please do not fire until the suits are in position! After that count to ten and then go! Agreed?"
"Of course!" said the dragon. "A free demo. I love a good fire!"
Cautiously, Jake and Alaric reached around the rock and put the suits into position. Each suit hung on a stick precariously balanced against the rock. "Start counting, dragon!" shouted Jake as they ran back behind the carriage. He had been trying to think of some way to insult the dragon but all he managed was a weak: "I assume you are clever enough to count to ten even if you can't spell!"
The dragons reply came in the form of a white hot jet of flame. The flame played briefly on the first suit, which almost immediately caught fire and crumbled into ash. A shower of sparks fell to the ground. A few strands of grass immediately caught fire. The dragon then zeroed in on the second suit and produced the same result.
The flame stopped.
"What do you mean I can't spell?" said the dragon. "I can spell better than you can! Everyone knows you can't spell! Of course, if we have a spelling competition, you will probably cheat and ask know all computer CLEO! Or should I say you will ask Princess Cleopatra? Where is she, CLEO?”
As Jake climbed into the carriage, CLEO spoke. "That dragon must be severely punished!" said the computer. "The disgusting beast has insulted the Princess Cleopatra! He must be punished and interrogated! He must know where the Princess is imprisoned! The Princess may lack even basic cosmetics! No lipstick or face powder! No perfume or bathing facilities! And that dragon may well be one of those responsible! He even may have eaten her alive!"
The dragon appeared to hear CLEO's remarks. He chortled and recited:
"CLEO thought that Blowtorch did the deed,
Kidnapped the Princess for a tasty feed!
But during ther trip she’d caught a pox,
And locked herself in a metal box!"
Jake stuck his head through the carriage window and shouted up to the dragon: "How do you know that poem?"
"There's no need to shout!" said the dragon. "I have perfect hearing and I have been able to hear everything said in your railway carriage. I can even hear CLEO talking to you on your sub woofer, although she thinks her voice is inaudible! In any case, to answer your question, the whole story is in a saga. I listened to it i
n my compound while I was waiting, waiting. waiting for Gemini, my riders who…." his voice dropped to a sad whisper...." never turned up."
"Never turned up?" said Jake.
"No! Never turned up although they were definitely invited….. and offered a huge contract …..and they would have ridden the best fighting dragon ever built! Brand new!"
The dragons voice broke and he suddenly began sobbing.
Massive teardrops spattered around the valley.
Steam rose from several hot areas of soil.
Jake turned back into the carriage. “What can he mean? They never turned up?" Jake asked Alaric. "Surely a dragon would have only one rider? Do they have a reserve rider or do they change riders at some point during contests? "
"Each fighting dragon has two riders, Sire," said Alaric. "One looks after each side as they conduct aerial fights. The dragon means that its team of riders failed to report for duty. The dragon would have been put back into its den while arrangements were made to find two new riders."
"Yes!" sobbed the dragon. "I hear you, Alaric the Fighting Mad Elf!! Put back into a lair! Nothing to do but listen to watch tv and listen to sagas! But then hHe helped me! He has brought me here to find my riders!"
"He?" said Jake. "Who is He?"
Jake X (1) Multiverse Fugitive Page 15
