As soon as they all sat down at the table and started on slices of pizza, bright-eyed Megan grinned at him. “We’re going skating tomorrow.”
With a string of cheese dripping down her chin, she looked so precious, Jed felt as if his heart were cracking. He could imagine Trisha with pizza sauce on her lips, sticky cheese on her fingers. “We’re supposed to get a dusting of snow tonight. You’ll have to wear your hat and mittens,” he answered.
Megan nodded solemnly. “And take hot chocolate.”
Jed had to laugh. “That’s definitely a necessity.”
“It’s not a skating outing without hot chocolate,” Lily added, trying to keep the conversation going, since Brianne was so quiet.
Finally, Brianne asked, “When are Chris and Ellie leaving?”
“Tomorrow morning. Dad’s going to miss them. The house will seem quiet again.”
“Maybe it won’t be so long until you all get together next time.”
That was a promise Chris and Ellie had made—that it wouldn’t be so long between visits. Jed had told them his plans to buy a house where their dad could get around more easily, and they had encouraged it. They’d decided they wouldn’t let life become so busy that they wouldn’t see each other for four years ever again. Jed hoped that was a promise they could all keep.
It seemed to take forever, but finally Megan finished her pizza. Lily cleaned off the table while Brianne loaded the dishwasher. Afterward, Megan ran to get her coat and returned with it and Penelope, too. As Lily zipped Megan’s parka for her, Megan tucked the doll protectively under her arm and grinned up at Brianne. “Penelope’s going to watch the big TV, too.”
“You tell her to remember everything she sees so she can tell me all about it.”
With a nod, Megan gave Brianne a huge hug. The picture made Jed’s gut twist. That doll meant everything to Megan because it had come from Brianne.
After Lily and Megan left through the kitchen door, Jed motioned to the living room. “Why don’t we sit in there?”
Once they were seated on the sofa, he began, “I’m honored that you considered me to be the director of this project. I know it’s important to you.”
“But?”
“But I don’t think it’s for me. In fact…I’m going to open a private practice.”
Brianne’s eyes were wide with astonishment. “You’re going to leave Beechwood?”
“Don’t you think that’s best? Although we work together well, it’s just too difficult to be around you, Brianne. I’m always thinking about kissing you instead of focusing my mind where it’s supposed to be. As a doctor, I can’t be distracted.”
“You don’t have to set up a private practice. I can—”
“It’s not just you. Dr. Olsen intends to bring in two more doctors. I want to work on my own for several reasons. The main one is that in a private practice, I can devote one day a week at least to patients who don’t have insurance coverage. I can make a difference in Sawyer Springs. Maybe that way I can get a free clinic started and have other doctors volunteer.”
“That’s a wonderful idea.” She was looking up at him with admiration and respect, something he’d never seen in Caroline’s eyes. But there was sadness there, too.
Brianne lowered her gaze to her lap. “Jed, I’m going to leave Beechwood, too.”
“What?”
“I’ve been offered a position on a team for Project Voyage. They’re sailing for South America in May and I’m going to be on the ship.”
His gut clenched. “What about the plastic surgery center?”
“I’ve already called a few people I’d like to see on the board and they’ve said yes. All that’s left is the paperwork. I can have the foundation set up before I leave. Maybe you can give me names of doctors in the plastic surgery field you feel would be good candidates for the directorship.”
Her news stunned him. Although he’d planned to turn down the directorship and leave Beechwood, he was staying in Sawyer Springs. The thought of Brianne not being here…
“Are you sure you want to leave Sawyer Springs?”
Her gaze held his. “Remember when you told me I wasn’t old enough to understand turning points? You were wrong about that. I’ve had a couple of them and this is just one more. My feelings for you…” She stopped.
He felt so many things for her, too. The idea that he wouldn’t see her again for months…
Reaching out, he slid his hand into her silky hair. Though he told himself he shouldn’t, he couldn’t keep from running his thumb along her delicate jawline. He couldn’t stop himself from leaning forward, wanting a last kiss.
She must have wanted that, too, because as he bent his head, she leaned closer. Then she was in his arms and he was kissing her.
He didn’t want to think about endings. He didn’t want to think about why he couldn’t let go of the past and let Brianne into his life. All he knew was that she was soft and sweet and willing. She’d brought joy and life and sparkle back to him again, and he didn’t want to give that up.
With a groan, he pushed his tongue into her mouth and she responded with a fervor he knew was part of her, with a passion that went deep despite her innocence. A few moments later, he was caressing her breasts and she was making soft erotic sounds, asking for more. Mindlessly, Jed lifted Brianne’s sweater over her head and unhooked her bra. She unfastened the buttons on his shirt. When her hands pressed against his chest, he sucked in a very deep breath.
“Oh, Jed,” Brianne murmured. “I love you.”
Everything inside of him stilled. Nobility fought against basic need and he made himself stop touching her, stop kissing her, stop longing for the physical satisfaction she could give him. He shook his head. “I can’t do this. It’s wrong.”
“It’s wrong because I love you?”
“Yes, Brianne. I don’t want you to love me. I can’t return it. I won’t take advantage of you.”
“You’re not taking advantage of me. I know full well what I’m doing.”
“And if you get pregnant?”
“Then I’d have your child to love, too.”
Nothing she could have said would have affected him more. His throat tightened and his lungs didn’t seem to want to fill with air. The pain he felt was greater than anything he’d ever experienced.
“That just proves how young you are, Brianne. Children need two parents who want to be together.”
He didn’t think he’d ever seen Brianne really angry before. Now her cheeks flushed red as she righted her clothes. Her beautiful aquamarine eyes shot furious sparks at him. “Young? I’m not young because I have dreams. I know what it would be like to take care of a child alone. I’ve seen how Lily struggles. But it would be worth it to have your child. The problem is you can’t let yourself be a dad again. You can’t let yourself be happy.”
“Brianne—”
“Do you know what you’re doing? You’re taking the safe route again. I know I can’t begin to understand what it’s like to lose a child. I can only imagine it. I understand that after Trisha drowned, you needed safety. You escaped to Alaska, where basic needs were all that mattered. That was safe.”
“You’ve no right to judge my choices,” he growled, angry now, too, because she’d hit too many nails on the head.
“I know I have no rights where you’re concerned, because that’s the way you want it. You found your way back to your dad, but now you think that’s enough. It’s not enough, Jed. The human heart is made to love…to be filled with love. I know love hurts. Goodness knows, that’s why I’ve been fighting everything I feel for you. But unfortunately, love takes over sometimes and we don’t have any control over that.” She shook her head hopelessly. “You won’t let your heart control you. You won’t give love a chance.”
After Jed buttoned his shirt, he stood and tucked it into his jeans. “I don’t think we have any more to say. I’ll put out feelers to help Dr. Olsen find a replacement for me. The sooner I leave, the better. I
n the meantime, we’ll just have to keep our personal feelings away from our work.”
“That’s the difference between you and me, Jed. Apparently you can separate yourself from your feelings altogether. I can’t. Don’t worry about leaving quickly. I’ll hand in my resignation on Monday. It will be easier for Dr. Olsen to find a replacement for me rather than you. I’ll work on getting the plastic surgery foundation set up.”
He thought about not seeing Brianne again, not working with her, not feeling her warmth. But after what had just happened, he knew neither of them had a choice.
Silently he picked up his coat, put it on and walked away from the Victorian, leaving a piece of himself behind.
Chapter Ten
By the time Sunday afternoon rolled around, Jed needed some type of activity to distract his thoughts. After he’d left Brianne yesterday, he’d told himself over and over again that he’d done the right thing for both of them. Although he’d spent the evening with Ellie, Chris and his dad, Ellie had noted that he was quieter than usual. He’d explained his silence by chalking it up to a long week. That explanation had seemed to satisfy his brother and his father, but Ellie had given him one of her knowing looks.
Since he’d given Chris his bed and was sleeping on the sofa downstairs, Jed remembered every detail of the night he and Brianne had spent during the snowstorm in front of the fire. This morning, before Ellie had left with Chris for the airport, she’d taken Jed aside and told him that the next time she talked to him, she might be engaged. She’d been dating a real estate broker for the past few months, and she thought this time she might have found the right man.
With his goodbye hug, Jed wished her much happiness. She’d looked deep into his eyes and wished him the same.
He’d felt happiness again with Brianne in his life. He’d been shocked by her news that she was going to leave Sawyer Springs. Yet she was young and adventurous and had her whole life ahead of her. Why shouldn’t she go wherever she wanted to go…do whatever she wanted to do?
Still, when he thought about her leaving, he was filled with an aching longing that wouldn’t go away. After she resigned on Monday, he might never see her again.
With Chris and Ellie gone now, Al was dozing in his favorite chair. Jed told his dad he was going out for a while, and grabbed his coat. He had to see Brianne again. She was going skating this afternoon with Megan and Lily. She didn’t even have to know he was there. He could just get a last glimpse of her.
There had been a dusting of snow last night, but the sun was shining brightly and had already melted the spots that weren’t shaded. As he parked in the lot near the lake, he saw part of the surface sparkling like diamonds. The area where many skaters were gathered was still coated with white powder. Already there were the makings of a bonfire. On the table set up along the edge of the lake were big thermoses of hot chocolate.
Stopping by the table, he looked over the crowd until he spied Lily and Megan skating. As he canvassed the area, he finally saw Brianne seated on the bench away from everyone else. He knew that yellow cap of hers just as he knew Megan’s pink one. The band of yellow on her ski jacket seemed golden in the sunlight. It wasn’t like her to sit on the sidelines, but he knew she had a lot on her mind, just as he had a lot on his.
Even though it was early March, there wasn’t any wind. The branches on the pines and cedars surrounding the lake were still. Beech and aspen reached up into the blue sky, and Jed thought about spring coming and the promise of new life.
New life in Sawyer Springs without Brianne Barrington.
Children called to each other and to their parents. Two boys raced across the ice in an imitation of a speed skating event. Out of the corner of his eye, Jed saw it all, although he still focused on Brianne.
Catching sight of Megan and Lily again, he didn’t know why he felt uneasy when Megan glided toward a copse of cedars. Then he remembered playing football with Rob, and the ice fisherman who had used an ax. What if the fisherman had returned to the same spot recently? With the warmer weather, the dusting of snow last night…
Although he’d intended to stay on the edge of the crowd, Jed found himself running toward Megan, shouting to warn her away from that spot. But Megan didn’t seem to hear him. He shouted again and had almost reached Lily when the unthinkable happened. He heard a crack and then a splash. Megan disappeared.
Lily gave an anguished cry.
A woman who had been skating close to Megan gasped in horror and backed away from the cracking ice.
His heart thudding, his blood racing, Jed plucked his cell phone from his belt, tossed it to the woman and yelled, “Call 911. Now!”
He could feel Lily at his side and hear her sob of terror. He commanded, “Stay back or you’ll fall in, too. I’ll get her.”
Seconds were ticking by. The lake was shallow where Megan had fallen in, and he could see her pink jacket. Jed dropped down onto his stomach, slowly slid forward to the edge of the hole and reached for her sleeve. But the cold, wet material slipped through his fingers.
Fear clutched him as he stretched his arm toward her again, determined to save her without losing more precious moments. This time his fingers clenched the fabric and he tugged her to him, carefully drawing her onto solid ice.
In an instant, Lily and Brianne were by his side. Lily was sobbing and seemed to be in shock as she stared at her still daughter.
As Jed checked Megan’s pulse and breathing, Brianne said in a tense murmur, “Her chest isn’t rising and falling.”
There was an irregular pulse but no respiration. She could have struck her head…she could have…
Jed tilted Megan’s head back to open the airway. Brianne was already taking off her jacket to cover the little girl. “Do you have a pulse?” she asked.
There was a moan from Lily, and Jed knew she had stopped being a nurse and was suffering as a mother.
“It’s irregular. She’s not breathing.” Pinching Megan’s nose, he dipped his head and began mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
Responding, Megan coughed, regurgitated and began breathing on her own. But her eyes didn’t flutter open, and Jed didn’t like her still-weak pulse and her blue-tinged skin.
Tears ran down Lily’s cheeks as she held her daughter’s arm.
Jed knew they shouldn’t move Megan. Because of hypothermia, they had to get the wet clothes off of her, but they needed a sheltered place to do it. As Jed monitored the five-year-old, someone brought blankets. By the time Brianne covered Megan with those, too, the paramedics had arrived. They started an IV, then rushed her to the ambulance, where they removed her wet clothes and wrapped her in blankets while the ambulance heater ran full throttle.
Jed barely noticed his wet jeans, the snow falling from his jacket as he climbed into the ambulance with Megan.
His gaze locked with Brianne’s before the attendant closed the door. He saw the anguish there and felt her plea for him to do everything he could to help this little girl she dearly loved.
At Sawyer Springs General, Megan was rushed into the emergency room. Jed made sure the pulmonary specialist was called in, as well as a neurologist. He wanted the best team gathered for Megan’s care. She still wasn’t awake and that troubled him. He was determined to stay with her, to do absolutely everything he could to make sure she lived.
He would not lose Megan as he’d lost Trisha.
Three hours later, Brianne waited outside Megan’s ICU room. The five-year-old had been placed on a cardiac monitor and an electronic blood pressure machine. An IV was running with warm saline, and a warming blanket covered her. Although she was breathing on her own, she was still unconscious, and Brianne could see the worry on everyone’s faces—the doctors who went in and out, Lily’s, Jed’s. Jed hadn’t spoken to her since she’d worked with him at the lake, but the lines on his face were deep and the worry in his eyes obvious. She knew this was taking him back somewhere he didn’t want to be.
He’d changed into a pair of scrubs and now ca
me out of Megan’s room. Lily was sitting by her daughter’s bed holding her hand. Brianne knew there wasn’t anything she could say or do to make this easier for Lily…or for Jed. He had risked his life to save Megan. He could have fallen through that ice as easily as she had! Only his quick thinking and decisive actions had saved her.
“What can we do?” Brianne asked him now, hoping he had something in mind.
He shook his head and there was raw pain in his eyes. “Her CT scans look okay, as does everything else. If she doesn’t come around soon…”
He turned away from Brianne and glanced through the glass window.
“What are you afraid of?”
“I’m afraid I didn’t pull her out in time, and oxygen deprivation is the problem.”
“You did everything you could.”
He gave a humorless laugh. “Yeah. Well, it might not have been enough.”
As they both stared through the window, Brianne said, “I understand how hard this must be for you. But you did save her.”
“Not if she doesn’t wake up. I’ll have failed again.”
If Megan died, Brianne knew this loss would devastate Jed as much as the first. He might never return to the land of loving and happiness. There had to be something she could do…something they could all do.
In spite of the circumstances, there seemed to be a wall between her and Jed. Her declaration of love had pushed them even further apart, and she knew he was thinking what good was love when this little girl was lying here unconscious. But because Brianne’s parents had taught her well, because they’d loved each other above their careers during the ups and downs of married life, as well as throughout her insecurities about her feelings concerning them, she knew there was healing power in hope and love and everything they’d taught her to believe in. Megan needed love around her now.
As Doug, Bea and her husband, Charlie, came into the ICU waiting area, looking to Jed for answers, Brianne slipped away and went to the parking garage to her car. She had driven Lily and Megan to the lake, and then here after Jed had climbed into the ambulance. There was something in the car that belonged to Megan, and Brianne didn’t know if it would do any good or not, but she was going to fetch Penelope and snuggle her into Megan’s arms.
The Most Eligible Doctor Page 14
