by Andy Lewter
Now that I had a little control of my senses, I began to recognize the direction the sound was coming from. It was coming from the girl sitting in front of me — Tammy.
I readjusted myself in my seat and refocused. I watched her intently — waiting for something that would help me make sense of what was happening.
My vision shifted. It took me a few moments to understand what my eyes were telling me.
I realized I could see what looked like repetitive waves slowly coming from Tammy's body while she held her head down on her desk. The waves were transparent, yet I could see them.
As I began to process the sound and new sight, I found that I could also feel it, too. These 'ripples' were molding to my body — making the tiny hairs on my arms stand on end.
I ignored the impossibility of the situation and decided to make the best of the new circumstance. I then focused all three senses together. Feeling the ripples of the waves as they molded against my skin, listening to the humming sound and piecing together what I was seeing, all into one.
I narrowed my eyes from the outcome.
The ripples, the sound, the aura I could see radiating from Tammy, it had a feeling — an emotion! It felt nervous, scared — almost a panic. Can a person feel someone else's emotion?
I sat still, bewildered and confused, focusing intently on Tammy's back. Now that I had made sense of what I was experiencing, the low humming sound decreased dramatically. It seemed, as I began to process and understand what I was experiencing, it wasn't as overwhelming. But I didn't want to risk losing focus. I refused to allow the monotone of Mr. Varner's lecture to break my concentration.
One of Tammy's friends glanced over at her and must have noticed the expression on her face. "Don't worry — this lesson's confusing. You can copy my homework later," she whispered to Tammy under her breath.
Tammy glanced up at her friend with a smile on her face.
The sound, the vision and feeling of the ripples, it all dissipated as fast as it had come. The feeling in the room immediately shifted into an entirely new atmosphere. It felt like the shining sun feels on your skin following a long, dark storm. Like a brand new day feels where you wake up in the morning and know that anything can happen.
Tammy was relieved, and there was no denying that I was feeling her emotions. It had transformed the entire room into a whole other perspective.
It was quiet. Too quiet compared to the immense sound that had just made me feel like my life was in jeopardy. No more humming sound, no more visible radiating waves, no more pelting sensations on my skin.
It was calm and quiet. All I could hear was scribbling and erasing — people trying to keep up with Mr. Varner's lecture by taking notes.
Since I was apparently the only one going through this… experience, I wondered if anyone had noticed my strange reactions.
It was in that moment that I realized Miles would have been watching me. He might not have known exactly what I was going through, but he would have known something was off. I never neglected my schoolwork — especially in a class that I actually had to put forth effort to earn an 'A'.
But I couldn't tell him what happened. I couldn't even begin to put it into words without sounding like I lost my mind.
If I mentioned this to anyone, I'd get locked up in a padded room in no time. They might not even prescribe me medication first. They'd just call me a lost cause and ship me off.
I didn't want to risk a glance at Miles. He was the only one who could see through my lies. Instead, I checked the clock above the whiteboard, wondering to myself how much time had passed.
I sighed — so much for taking notes for Olivia. With only fifteen minutes left in class, there was no way I could catch up in the lesson. I figured that I might as well relax and hope that sound didn't come back and blind me again. Closing my eyes from exhaustion, I folded my arms and rested my head on the desk.
What exactly had just happened? There was no way I could have imagined that — it was too loud. And how could a sound that no one else could apparently hear be so loud that it took my sight away? The sound, the visual ripples and the feeling of them pounding against my skin — was there a logical explanation I was missing? The emotion I felt and saw radiating from Tammy was undeniable. And then it all disappeared immediately after her friend told her she could copy her paper. Maybe I was losing my mind. Maybe this place was getting to me after all.
"Psst." I felt a pencil tap my arm.
"What?" I snapped, not bothering to lift my head from my folded arms. Why can't he leave me alone till the bell rings? I'm thinking here.
"Did you plan on spending the night at school?" Miles asked, sarcastically.
I lifted my head and was surprised to see that it was just the two of us in the classroom. Mr. Varner was organizing papers on his desk, getting ready to go home.
"Oh, I didn't even hear the bell ring," I mumbled, shaking my head to wake up.
"Yeah, you were acting pretty weird all class period…" He raised an eyebrow and gave me an expectant look. "Here." He handed me a paper full of pencil marks on both front and back. It was his notes from the lesson I had obviously missed.
"Oh — thanks," I muttered, shoving the paper in my backpack to avoid his gaze.
I dashed out of the room, staring at the ground and hoping I could make it to the parking lot quickly. I needed to get home and seriously contemplate my sanity.
"Hey! You can't ignore me forever you know." Miles kept up with my fast pace easily. We were by the lockers now and I was relieved to see the exit I was looking for.
"I know — it's just, I don't feel very well." That was the best excuse I could come up with — and it wasn't a complete lie.
Out of nowhere, I felt a tug on my arm.
My backpack was off my shoulder and in Miles’ hands in an instant. He quickly flung it over his shoulder and before I knew what was happening, my back was pushed against the lockers. He slammed his hands next to each of my shoulders, blocking me in.
"Miles! What are you do—" His hand covered my mouth abruptly, not letting me finish.
"You promised, remember?" He whispered in my ear in a deep, menacing voice.
I shoved his hand away from my mouth. He then placed it back against the locker, keeping me blocked in. If he thought I was telling him anything right here in the middle of school, he had another think coming.
"I don't feel well and I need to get home, Miles."
He studied my features — looking for something.
What is his problem?
I'm not sure what he was looking for or if he even found it — but after several long moments, he gave in and handed my bag back.
I threw it over my shoulder and stomped off towards the parking lot without looking back.
Chapter 4
"Abby dear, are you sure you're not hungry?" my mom asked again through my door.
She's always a worrier.
"Yes mom. I don't feel good and I want to sleep." I was curled up in my bed with the covers heaped over my face. If she had walked in and saw me like that, she would have called a doctor or something.
"Alright, well there's some leftovers in the fridge. Feel better sweetie…" she said again through my door. I listened as her footsteps padded down the hallway, then down the stairs and back into the kitchen.
It was after eight thirty at night and I still didn't have a logical explanation for what had happened in my trigonometry class. I had been in my room since I got home from school and hadn't planned on coming out until I got some kind of answer — no matter how small.
I needed an answer.
My question right now is: what's the conclusion?
I had taken control of the overwhelming sound by taking deep breaths, concentrating very hard and forcing my mind to bring my vision back.
Okay. I have that figured out.
Then once my sight was back, I could see waves coming from Tammy's body and literally felt them hit me. I couldn't explain the why or
how to any of this, so I decided to skip over that for the moment.
Once I put them all together I could feel an emotion. A very strong emotion — something that couldn't be mistaken. Tammy had been nervous and scared — almost panicked. She was feeling this because she was confused about the lesson, and if it wasn't for Tammy's friend offering to let her copy her homework, this might not have made sense to me.
Immediately after that offer, Tammy was relieved, and I felt that too.
How else could I explain it? The feeling in the room changed dramatically after Tammy's friend offered her homework. Is this the conclusion I was looking for? That I can feel other people's emotions?
The knock on the door made me jump so high I nearly fell out of my bed.
"Hey, Abbs — you have a visitor," Olivia said in nonchalant tone.
Usually she just barges in, so I knew that my visitor must have been standing right next to her.
"Ugh — go away Miles!" I hollered at the door, frustrated by the interruption.
I knew it was him — no one else visits me.
"Are you decent?" she asked, ignoring me.
I released an exaggerated groan. "Yeah… I'm decent."
I pulled the blanket heap off my face and sat up against my headboard. I knew I had to look terrible from all the brain wracking and hiding under my blankets — but I honestly couldn't care less. The second I walked into my bedroom after school I had changed into comfy clothes. Flannel pajama pants and a tank top. He was going to have to accept me dressed like a slob.
The door creaked open — but I refused to look toward the entrance.
"Hey. I called a few times," he said calmly.
I gave in and turned toward him — I was never good at giving the silent treatment. "Yeah, I know. I was… trying to think through a couple things. Sorry I didn't take your calls. What brings you here?" I knew why he called every hour since school was out. And I knew why he was here — but I was trying to drag the conversation out as much as I could.
He nodded slightly when he saw I wasn't upset and carefully took a seat at the foot of my bed. "Well, first things first — I'm sorry I was such a jerk to you after school. I haven't lost my temper like that in a long—"
"It's ok, I'm over it now," I interrupted him. Now that he was here and I had heard his apology, I didn't care anymore. I had bigger things to worry about — like being able to feel other people's emotions.
He smiled genuinely at my interruption and chuckled. "And I was seeing how you're feeling?"
"Is that the real reason you came over tonight?" I crossed my arms. I wasn't an idiot.
"Partly…" he answered slyly.
"Actually, I feel a little better compared to earlier. Now that I think I got it figured" —I gulped. I couldn't believe I almost slipped— "I mean… now that I've been home awhile I figured," stressing the last word, "I was just tired and needed some rest." I bit my lip from my horrible lie, hoping he would believe it.
Please, please believe it.
He sat very still for a long moment, staring at me with an expression I couldn't read.
"You're a horrible liar you know," he stated matter a fact.
I scowled.
"Huh. Usually I'm a good liar — even though I hate doing it. People always seem to believe me for some reason…"
He pulled his mouth down in a frown and nodded like something had just occurred to him. "Well, that's something to think about. But why did you do it?"
I exhaled pathetically, covered my face with my hands and collapsed, defeated.
"I can't tell you! I can't tell anyone — I've been here since school was out contemplating whether or not I need to go see a psychotherapist or not!"
"I think I understand more than you realize," he commented a moment later, clearly not affected by my whining.
"What?" I whispered — dumfounded. I pulled my hands away from my face and met his eyes — more confused now than ever before. What does he mean, "he understands more than I realize"?
He took in a deep breath and leaned back, chewing on his lip as he stared off into space, contemplating something.
I couldn't take the anticipation.
"What do you mean?" I finally asked — a million things running through my mind.
What was taking so long?
After a few moments, he met my confused gaze. And then he smiled arrogantly. I didn't like this smile — it meant that he had something up his sleeve.
"Nope. You have to tell me first. You promised."
"What? No, absolutely—"
"And I promised not to laugh at you, remember?" he interrupted.
I started shaking my head absentmindedly — thinking over what I should do at this point in the conversation. I bit my lip and truly thought about telling him my insane conclusion that I had reached right before he waltzed into my bedroom. Would he laugh? How could he understand something as impossible as feeling someone's emotions? No, he couldn't understand. No one could understand.
"Wow. I don't think I've seen you so speechless in all my life," he said sarcastically, chuckling to himself.
"I don't think I can tell you, Miles. I can barely admit to myself that what happened today is even possible." I was looking down at my hands, avoiding his gaze. How could I fathom explaining out loud what had happened today, when I could barely accept it was possible in my mind?
And then it came to me. I met his eyes, confident and relieved.
He had to at least give me this much.
"What if I promised to tell you the moment I'm ready? I mean — once I'm able to admit to myself what happened without feeling crazy. Without feeling like I need to be locked up in a padded cell or something."
At first he looked disappointed. Then he smirked, rolled his eyes and chuckled darkly.
"If that's what you think is best, then be my guest," he finished his statement with a half smile. "But I'll have you know it's better to talk about it than to keep it to yourself." He quirked a brow watching my expression.
"Umm, I'll take my chances — thanks."
What was he getting at? How could he possibly understand what I was going through?
"Alright, but it's your sanity I guess," he shook his head in disapproval.
I couldn't help but smile. This conversation was put on hold until I was ready — meaning I had control over when it was going to be brought back up.
My mood was instantly lifted. I realized having him here was more a relief than I thought it would be. At least I could get away from brain wracking for a bit.
"So, what are you going to do for spring break?" he asked lightly as he got up from the foot of my bed, then took a seat at my computer desk.
That question caught me by surprise. I hadn't been thinking about the weeklong break coming up. Was it already here?
"Is that next week?" I asked, scratching my head — and then felt the massive hair knot on the side of my head. Sheesh — you'd think he'd say something.
I got up out of my bed, my joints and muscles stiff from lying for so long. I stretched my way over to the long mirror that hung on my wall.
First I saw the big mess my hair was. I groaned thinking about how long it was going to take to brush through all the snarls. Then my eyes followed through and took in my entire reflection. And I gasped.
Who was this person staring back at me? It couldn't be me. This person had radiant skin and amazing muscle tone. I had always been average looking for a girl, somewhat petite — but had never had the desire to hit the gym to work on muscle definition. But this new person staring back at me looked as if she had worked out daily — religiously.
And her skin! Her skin had a glow that you'd see in magazines for lotion advertisements. The kind of advertisements that you knew took specific computer programs and special lighting to reach perfection.
I tore my eyes away from the mirror, all thoughts about my hair gone.
I couldn't look at that person again — I couldn't. Not tonight, anyway. My mind c
ould only handle so much before it cracked.
Miles was sitting quietly at my desk, surfing the Internet on my computer. I knew he had heard my gasp — but thankfully he didn't acknowledge it. I wasn't ready to be hounded again.
I quickly grabbed a dirty sweatshirt from my hamper and threw it on. If my mom or sister saw me like this it would catch their attention and the questions would be endless.
"Are you cold?" Miles asked nonchalantly, without a glance in my direction.
"Yeah — aren't you?" It didn't come out right. My voice was too shaky.
"Nope," he answered, exaggerating the 'p' with a pop.
"Uh — what are you doing for spring break?" I asked warily, doing all I could to get the conversation off me.
"Well, I guess you can say I'm going to a… family reunion," he answered darkly. I recognized a double meaning in his statement but I wasn't in the mood to prod.
"That should be fun! Where are you going?" I asked, putting forth as much enthusiasm as I could manage. Great. If Olivia has plans too, this next week is going to be the longest week of my life. Maybe now is the time to make more friends…
"We're uh — going to California," he answered awkwardly.
In that same moment his cell phone rang. He swiveled in the chair away from the desk so he had enough room to reach in his coat pocket. My desk was rather small for his size and stature — it was almost humorous to see him sitting at it.
"Hi, mom. Yeah, I'm here. Yeah, she's doing okay. Really? Why so soon? Alright — I'll be home in a bit, bye." He ended his call and cleared his throat. I hadn't realized I started pacing while he was on the phone. When I felt him watching me, I took an awkward seat on the edge of my bed.
"Are you sure you're alright?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.
"I'm fine. I was just thinking about what I'm going to do this next week. If Olivia's busy too then I won't have anything else to do but wait for you both to come home."
"Hmm. You really need to make more friends…" He chuckled with a taunting smile.
I laughed. I knew he was right.
