by Anita Notaro
‘No.’
‘Go on, sure what have you got to lose?’
Ten minutes later, with an ecstatic Bartholomew herding us out the gate like sheep, I took off up the M11 with an old man in a battered Volvo estate trailing behind. When I checked my rear mirror, all I could see was a scrawny, filthy mutt with his head out the window of the passenger seat, enjoying the rush of wind much more than I was.
This was either going to be an instant success or a complete disaster, I knew, and my instinct was telling me not to bank on the former.
20
ALL DENIS WAS SHORT OF DOING WAS OPENING THE WINDOW FULLY and drop-kicking the dog on to my deck as he drove past, so keen was he to get away.
‘Cup of tea, Dinny?’ I asked. I’d never known him refuse, so I was anxious to see exactly how keen he was to be rid of the mutt.
‘Sure if I drink one more drop my bladder will explode.’ He was all nervous cheer. ‘Will you ring me and let me know how you’re getting on?’ He revved up. ‘He’ll be no trouble, I promise.’ Vroom vroom was all I heard as he kicked the dust of Bray off his wheels.
Suddenly I looked at myself, dressed in a very fetching helmet, canary-yellow windcheater and muddy boots, living in a trailer in amusement-park heaven, with a scruffy dog of questionable parentage as my closest companion.
Right on cue, he came towards me with the most trusting eyes and sat on my shoe as if to say, ‘What now, partner?’ Those bloody eyes were almost human. Just seeing us as an outsider might, made me drop down on the steps of my deck and burst out laughing at what I’d become. My life was not for the faint-hearted.
‘OK, looks like we’re stuck with each other for the moment, but I’m the boss, got that?’ I flexed my foot, and he reluctantly moved but stayed glued to my side as I walked towards the door.
Inside, he tried to make himself as small as possible as he crouched in the corner between the couch and the fire, as if afraid I’d change my mind and kick him out or, worse still, tie him up on the deck.
I hadn’t a clue how I was going to manage him during the day. That was the first problem. I knew I needed advice, so I warned him to be good and headed off into town to the pet shop, having phoned the office to tell them I’d be back before too long.
The guy in the pet shop laughed his head off when I told him I needed to take my dog to work on my motorbike. One look at my ‘Don’t mess with me today’ face had him scrambling around in the storeroom.
‘Have you got the bike outside, love?’
‘No, I just wear this helmet and padded jacket as a fashion statement actually.’
‘Very funny. OK, gimme a look.’ He hemmed and hawed for a couple of minutes, asked a lot of questions about the size and weight of the dog then said, ‘Yep, I reckon I have something that might work. Go off and have a coffee and come back in twenty minutes or so.’
I did as I was told, and when I returned he had a sort of crate secured to the front of the bike on a platform. It was detachable and had a lid that folded completely back.
‘You’d only need the lid if the weather was atrocious say, or if you wanted to store food in there, maybe?’ he told me, and I didn’t tell him that, unless Pete got his mangled coat shaved, I’d have to sit on the lid to close it, I reckoned. The man had even fastened a sort of baby seatbelt inside and put a grey blanket in the bottom with dog paws all over it.
‘And look, here’s a little plastic wallet at the side that you can store treats in,’ he said. ‘Not bad, eh?’
‘Not bad? You’re a genius.’ My admiration knew no bounds.
‘And look, here’s another little pocket with a combination lock.’ He pointed to what looked like an old-fashioned pencil case. ‘So if you had to bring money or credit cards and didn’t want to bring a handbag, you’d have plenty of room in there, even for a lipstick.’ He winked at me. I was so impressed that I bought a dog bed, two bowls, shampoo, a collar and lead and a supply of food from him. I happily handed over most of what I’d earned that week and promised to put a notice up in my office recommending him for special doggie jobs.
‘And if it doesn’t work, bring the dog down and we’ll adapt something else, love.’ He was still waving as I disappeared round the corner with a backpack full of goodies and a sinking feeling that me and the scruffball were a family.
Back at the van I dumped the stuff and tried out the carrier for size. The dog was deliriously happy to see me, and when I called him towards the bike and patted the box, he stood stock still for a second as if to make sure, then shot into reverse and made a leap that wouldn’t have been out of place in a cartoon strip, landing with a plop on his bum in the box, tail sticking out and wagging for Ireland. I strapped him in, locked up and started off down the lane at a snail’s pace. He kept looking back at me, wet, pink tongue hanging out, eyes laughing as if to say, ‘Come on, don’t be a wuss, put the pedal to the metal.’
In the town, people pointed and laughed, and I tried to ignore them but all Pete was short of doing was waving. He woof woofed at everyone who smiled at him, hair plastered to his face. I’m certain he was thinking, ‘I’ve finally gotten lucky.’ Within minutes, I too was waving and tooting my horn, and it had to be right up there as one of the nicest journeys I’d ever made into work. Even a couple of curmudgeonly truck drivers honked and laughed.
At the office he turned into a Crufts obedience champion again, never running ahead or stopping to sniff, as if he was afraid I’d leave him behind.
‘Oh my God, he’s so cute.’ Our normally reserved receptionist came out from behind her desk, which was amazing. She hadn’t interacted at all so far with my clients. ‘He smells though. Yuk.’ She stepped back immediately. ‘Who does he belong to?’
‘Me, for a week at least,’ I told her. ‘Don’t ask, I was taken in by a con artist posing as a helpless old man.’
‘The worst kind.’ She smiled. ‘Here are your messages. Shall I get him some water? What’s his name, by the way?’
‘Pete. And yes please,’ I replied.
‘Come on then, Pete, you are so gorgeous that we might even have a treat in the kitchen,’ Mary said, but he refused to budge from my side, just sat looking at me until I gave permission.
‘It’s OK, good boy, go on.’ I indicated that he should follow Mary and he toddled behind her but kept looking back to make sure I was still there.
‘Oh, by the way, Mike called, wondering if you’d have time to see him this afternoon at about four thirty? I said yes after I’d checked your diary but told him I’d confirm it as soon as you got back to the office. I didn’t want to disturb you with Mr Cassidy. Is that OK?’
‘Actually, I’m due to see Louis, his flatmate. It’s complicated, so if you wouldn’t mind being aware of not saying anything to one about the other, just for the moment,’ I asked. ‘Meanwhile, I’ll ring Mike now and explain.’ Louis had cancelled my proposed visit to his home – twice – so I knew Mike was getting anxious. I dialled his mobile and he answered promptly.
‘That dog should have been named Charles, because he thinks he’s heir to the throne,’ he told me, without wasting time on pleasantries. ‘He was asleep on my bed last night when I got home, and even though I did everything you told me to he refused to budge, and when I eventually lifted him, duvet and all, on to the floor, he snored in my ear while I froze all night with only that old rasher of a duvet that Louis made me give up.’
‘You love that duvet,’ I laughed. ‘You told me you hated Louis for insisting it wasn’t up to scratch.’
‘See, he’s finally gotten to me. I now can only sleep with goose feathers next to my bum. Next thing you know I’ll be label-spotting myself.’
‘I doubt that,’ I told him. ‘By the way, I got a dog – on loan, mind you.’ I filled him in, then I told him I was definitely going to see Louis and Pedro that afternoon, so that calmed him down a bit. ‘So how quickly can we meet after and you can fill me in? Sorry, I know I’m piling on the pressure but I’m already on th
e Net looking for a new place to live.’
‘OK, I get it. How about tomorrow?’ I suggested. ‘I have Pete in the office today, you see – in fact I’m going to have to take him with me to your house – so I really need to get home and walk him.’
‘What time are you meeting Louis? It’s just that I have my last appointment to see a band in the pub in Shankhill where we played that night, so I could swing by your place later? I’d love to see this famous dog anyway. After Pedro I’d say he’ll be a treat.’
His request took me by surprise. He was a client, after all, and I didn’t want to cross any lines, but I supposed that with him the boundaries were already well blurred. ‘O . . . K,’ I said hesitantly.
‘Or we could meet in the town and I’ll go for a walk with you along the seafront and you can fill me in?’ He seemed to sense my concern. ‘That way he gets his constitutional.’
‘Great.’ I was happy with that. ‘I’m meeting Louis at six so, allowing for everything, I’d probably be walking him about eight thirty. Does that work for you?’
‘That’s spot on, my appointment is for half seven and the punters will start drifting in after eight so, allowing for a quick chat, I could meet you at, say, Goggins pub at about a quarter to nine?’
That suited me too, so I spent an hour at my desk, with Pete again trying to make himself invisible in a ball in the corner. He could have been a cushion he was so tightly curled up, and I swear he was afraid even to snore in case it annoyed me. As soon as I began to get ready to leave, two eyes watched me like a hawk until I said, ‘OK, come on,’ then he was like a mass of jelly and nearly strangled himself getting to my side in case I’d leave without him.
Louis’s place was an ordinary, end-of-terrace two-up two-down from the front, but once inside you came face to face with a huge glass double-storey cube on the back that looked on to still water and rustling bamboo. It was an area that had always been known as the fashionable end of the canal, but in recent years – mainly thanks to a few super-cool architects winning awards for their designs – it had become really trendy and sought after.
‘Wow,’ I said as I walked in. ‘You get no idea of what’s in store for you from outside.’
‘That was the idea,’ Louis said, clearly delighted. ‘Isn’t it fantastic?’ Suddenly Pedro spotted Pete and went berserk, even though Pete ignored him and cowered in a corner right beside the front door, thinking it was his fault. It took all of my experience to get Pedro to back down. Eventually, I physically blocked him by advancing towards him, and in doing so forced him backwards into the kitchen and on to his favourite seat, but he was not happy. Unfortunately, Louis kept saying ‘Bold boy’ while tickling his ears and smiling indulgently at him until I had to ask him to leave it to me.
‘Louis, we need to talk about this kind of behaviour,’ I told him.
‘Come on, I’ll give you the guided tour first.’ He was not keen to tackle the problem, I knew. ‘Wait until you see the deck that looks as if it’s suspended over the water.’
It was to die for. I could see why Mike didn’t want to leave. Louis had broken all the rules and yet it worked superbly.
We chatted over china cups of delicious coffee that came from a machine hidden within the wall of a kitchen that I knew must have cost at least €50, 000. It was a cook’s dream, even I, queen of instant everything could see that.
‘So, we’d better talk about Pedro, otherwise I might be tempted to kick out your flatmate and insist on sharing with you myself.’ I wasn’t lying; he had impeccable taste and the attention to detail was something else.
‘Well, darling, don’t tempt me, because it’s Mike who’s the real problem.’ Louis gave a sigh that wouldn’t have been out of place on the stage of the Abbey Theatre. ‘Truly, he is. Pedro’s far worse when he’s around,’ he said as he saw my raised eyebrows. ‘In fact, that’s one of the reasons I wanted to see you without him. I don’t know what to do, frankly. He’s a great guy and all that – and he does walk Pedro, which I hate doing – but he just cannot accept that the dog is my soulmate, in a way I can’t explain.’
‘Louis, I know how you feel, especially with losing Emerson, but unless you give your dog exercise, discipline and love, you’re really not doing him any favours in the long run. And you’re shoring up trouble for the future, in my opinion.’
‘Mike’s been complaining again, hasn’t he?’
I decided to avoid the question. ‘Louis, I can see it for myself. The dog is at least your equal, in some ways I’d say he even thinks he’s superior. Everything you do, he seems to have the same rights, except maybe for using the toilet.’ I tried to joke to take the sting out of my words. ‘Someone has to be the pack leader, or else he will take over and, even if Mike does move out, anyone else you bring in will have the same problems. And what if you meet a new partner? Don’t you want to be able to share your life with whoever you please without having to worry about Pedro?’
‘Whoever shares my life will have to share Pedro’s too,’ Louis said in a petulant voice. I knew I had to be careful here.
‘I understand that, but for everyone’s quality of life it has to be you at the top of the pyramid, Mike – or whoever – number two and Pedro number three. Trust me, Louis, it doesn’t mean less affection between you at all. It just means you have to set boundaries for him. I’m sorry, I know it’s not what you want to hear, but you’re paying me for a service and I owe it to you to tell it as I see it.’
‘OK, I’m willing to give your way a chance,’ Louis said after a bit. ‘I guess I do see him becoming more demanding each time I give in to him.’
‘Of course he is. I see a huge difference – even since the last time we met.’ I decided to get to work. ‘But remember, dogs live in the moment, so they don’t hold on to things the way humans do, and that’s good, because it means you can start from now and you’ll very quickly see results, I promise. OK?’
‘OK.’ I sensed he wanted it; it was just easier to blame Mike.
‘So, here are a few simple steps to start with. Firstly, I want you not to greet him when you come home until he’s calm. Ignore him until he settles down and then give him loads of attention.’ I could see he was scared of losing the dog’s devotion, but I ignored the look on his face and persisted. ‘Next thing you can do is let Mike feed him each day—’
‘He’ll forget, or feed him junk.’ Louis was agitated already.
‘Give it a try. I can explain to Mike how important this is if you like. And I think I can get him on board.’
‘Would you? That would be fab.’ He relaxed again. After a few more tips, I left and arranged to meet them both in the house together over the following weeks.
Now, could I get Mike to behave?
21
I WAS SORRY I HADN’T YET HAD A CHANCE TO SCRUB PETE AS WE sat on a wall and waited for Mike. He looked utterly neglected; the phrase ‘dragged through a hedge backwards’ was made for him and the smell was definitely getting worse, for some reason, despite me wasting some of my precious Jo Malone spray on him. But if being a model pet was going to win the day for him, then he’d scored 100 per cent so far. I found it quite remarkable that a dog who’d been ignored for most of his life and chained up for long periods seemed to know exactly how to behave around people. My guess was he’d learned that being as little trouble as possible meant he got into none, so he now sat, perfectly still by my leg, watching but making no noise and not moving, even when someone passed. It was only his slight change of posture, ears cocked, body a touch straighter, that alerted me to an approach, so that I sensed Mike before I saw him walking down the prom, hands in pockets, collar up.
‘Hi there.’ He smiled. ‘Is it me or is this brass-monkey weather?’
‘I walked down from home so I’m warm.’ I stood up. ‘Meet Pete, and excuse the smell,’ I warned.
Mike hunkered down so he was almost level with the dog, who looked very nervous. I’d noticed he was much more wary of men, and Dinny had
told me that the neighbour who’d owned him was a widower, and I imagined most, if not all, the farm labourers would have been male.
‘Hello, fella, gimme a look at you.’ He tickled Pete under his chin so that the dog stretched his neck with pleasure and therefore looked into Mike’s eyes. ‘You are one gorgeous dog.’ He whistled. ‘Most girls would kill for those eyes, I reckon. Although you smell so bad, I think maybe your mother threw up on you like she did on me. Shame you can’t talk, we could have a man-to-man about this in an effort to avoid it happening to some other poor bugger.’
‘You promised, remember?’ I slapped him on the head, while Pete seemed to have decided Mike was a pal and was now revelling in the affection. I don’t think the animal had ever had as much attention as he’d received since coming to me. Everyone in our office building had petted him, and Mary was besotted.
‘He’s a special dog, you got lucky there,’ Mike told me. ‘Look how calm he is, happy to just be around us.’
‘Well, I’m afraid he spent most of his life tied up in a yard,’ I told Mike, and he grimaced. ‘So I suppose anything has to be better than a chain around your neck.’
‘Well, Pete, your day has come. If she doesn’t keep you, I’ll take you myself.’ He gave the dog one last tickle and we headed off, Pete walking perfectly in step between us with a tail so high it almost pulled down a few stars.
I filled Mike in as we walked, and he seemed relieved that Louis was prepared to try. ‘You were right in what you said – people are beginning to avoid us. Even my mates are nervous about calling to the door, and they’re usually big rugby types. Also, I happen to know that the local residents’ association has spoken to Louis because the neighbours on either side are up in arms. Apparently he barks for hours sometimes during the day.’
‘It’s a difficult one,’ I told Mike. ‘In a way Louis has transferred most of the affection he shared with Emerson on to the dog.’
‘Who are you telling? I can see it clearly. Louis is lonely, and he’s scared of putting himself out there again really – despite his initial madness – that’s why the dog is now a substitute for all he’s lost.’
