by Amy Brent
“I bucked up and took responsibility,” I said.
“After three weeks of wallowing in your own self-pity. I had to come bang down your bedroom door to drag you out as I recall. You were in shock and you felt betrayed. Think of this from Chris’s perspective. Not only did you know and not tell him, but his best friend knew and didn’t tell him.”
“He’s my brother. Of course he’s taking my side.”
“Yes, but that’s not the point. The point is people he cares about knew he had a son and didn’t tell him until the last possible second. That’s all he’s seeing right now. And as he digests all this, he’ll see everything else. But you needed three weeks to wrap your mind around it all. He’s going to need that same amount of time.”
“He needs to grow a pair,” I said.
“And he will. Like you did. After the news sinks in.”
“You know, when I first started seeing him I had this whole plan.”
“To make him fall for you so you could break his heart,” she said.
I panned my gaze over to Megan as my jaw unhinged with shock.
“You knew?” I asked.
“I’ve gotten good at reading between the lines with you. I’m pissed I have to do it as your best friend of however many years, but I’m getting good at it. It’s a shit plan, by the way. Revenge gets you nothing.”
“I think I’m falling for him,” I said.
“I know you are,” she said. “Only Chris could put that big of a smile on your face before plunging you into such a state where you don’t even bathe.”
“I’ll take a damn shower,” I said.
“You’ve always had feelings for him, Jessi. I know you better than that. You grieved over the loss of him, but you never got over him. Those are two different processes. I always sensed you were hanging onto him somehow. And now that you’re tangled up in this terrible plan of yours, you’re using your plan as an excuse to spend more time with him. So you don’t have to admit that you’re still in love.”
“I don’t love him.”
“Then you’re dang close to it. It’s time you put on your big girl panties, Jessi. You’ve got it bad for Chris. And if you care about him the way I know you do, then you’ll give him time with all of this. If he wants to be a part of you and Caleb’s life, then let him. If he doesn’t, then get Justin to beat his face in. You know he’ll do it.”
I giggled and shook my head as I took another sip of my coffee.
“How’s your dad doing?” Megan asked.
“Better,” I said. “He’s finally home from the hospital. He’s got a nurse checking in on him every day, changing the dressing on his surgical wounds and all, plus making sure he’s eating the way he should be.”
“How badly does his diet need to change?”
“Everything needs to change,” I said. “No more red meat, no more fast food, no more cooking with oil and butter. Limited sugar, no saturated fats, and definitely no more desserts.”
“The stress alone will do him in,” she said, with a grin.
“That’s the joke Mom keeps making to try and stay afloat during all of this. I’m heading over to their house after Caleb gets up. Wanna tag along?”
“Sure. I didn’t want to drop in until things had leveled out a bit anyway.”
I headed for the shower to get myself ready. Megan tended to Caleb, then the three of us headed to my parent’s house. There were cars in the driveway I recognized and I looked over at Megan. I gave her a look that told her she needed to keep her mouth shut and not pester the people who were here visiting my father.
No matter how many famous people she met because of him, she still acted like an idiot every single time.
“Is that my daughter I hear?”
“Hey, Daddy.”
“And she brought my grandson. Oh, my heart feels better already.”
Megan handed Caleb to my father as a couple of the rappers that were visiting him stepped off to the side. Megan was trying to contain herself, shuffling from foot to foot as she gazed upon one of the rappers she constantly kept on a loop in her car. I grinned and shook my head as my father doted on Caleb, but once he got too rowdy I took him into my arms.
“How are you feeling?” I asked.
“Like I want a cheeseburger,” my father said.
“Tough,” Megan said. “We gotta keep you alive a few more decades.”
“How are you, Megan?” he asked.
“Trying to keep your mess of a daughter afloat, but other than that I’m doing okay,” she said.
“I hate you,” I said.
“She needs the help,” my father said.
“Hey! I thought you were on my side,” I said.
“Okay, that’s enough ruckus for your father,” my mother said.
“Hey Mom.”
“Hey there Jessi. It’s good to see you again too, Megan.”
“Is there anything I can do for you guys while I’m here?” Megan asked.
“Can you get me a slushie?” my father asked.
“As long as it’s flavorless, sure,” my mother said.
“That’s just water and ice,” he said.
“Yep. And speaking of that, it’s time for another glass of water.”
I giggled as I watched my father roll his eyes. It was good to see him joking around and alert. He had given all of us a scare and there were moments where none of us thought he would make it. I handed Caleb to Megan and leaned down, pressing a kiss to my father’s cheek.
“I love you, Daddy.”
“I love you too, sweetheart.”
“Don’t scare us like that again, okay? I’m not sure we can handle it,” I said.
“I promise I’ll do my best,” he said.
Chapter 34
Christopher
I was staring out into the ocean, my mind completely blank. It had been days since I’d even thought about talking with Jessi. And part of me still didn’t want to. I didn’t want to talk to her or Justin or anyone else in her family. How many of them knew? How many of them had kept that secret from me? We weren’t talking about Jessi stealing a pair of my shoes as a teenager or something. We were talking about hiding the fact that I had a son for the past month and a half.
Six fucking weeks!
I needed to talk with her, though. I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to even look at her. But I needed to. I had a son, and no matter how upset I was with his mother, that didn’t excuse the fact that I was still absent. That I had known he was mine for an entire week and still hadn’t come back around.
I couldn’t change the past, but I could control the present.
Pulling out my phone, I dialed Jessi’s number. The sun was hot on my body as I sighed and closed my eyes. Every time the phone rang, I grew more and more upset. Was she going to start ignoring me again like she had all that week? Was this how she was going to react with things now? Just not pick up my calls when the life of my son hung in the balance?
“Hello?”
I furrowed my brow at the sound of her voice. There was a breathiness to it and I could hear her panting a little. Was she okay? Had something happened? She sounded like she was tired.
Was something with Caleb keeping her up.
“Hey, Jessi. It’s me,” I said.
“Chris. Hey. Um—I’ve been trying to call you.”
“I know. Listen, we need to talk. Could we meet somewhere and talk?” I asked.
“Of course. Anywhere you want. Do you want to come here?”
“That’s fine with me. Could I head over there now?” I asked.
“Sure. Yeah. Come on over. It’ll just be—um—I mean, Caleb and I are just—”
“I’ll see you in a few.”
“Okay. Yeah. See you in a few.”
Jessi was flustered, and I’d never heard her flustered before. I cut the call and went inside, deciding a change of clothes was necessary. I didn’t feel the need to put in the effort to see Jessi like I had been doing, but I wanted to pre
sent myself well for my son. I wanted to be a part of his life no matter what that looked like, and I wanted to start setting an example for him. I wanted him to know what a real man looked like. What a real man stepping up to the plate looked like. I didn’t want him to feel as if he had been abandoned by some deadbeat dad.
I was going to do everything in my power to be the dad I wished I would have had in my own life.
I hopped into my car and drove across town. I wasn’t sure how things would go between Jessi and I, but I was glad we were both going to sit down and talk. Now that my anger was out of the way and I could think about them without losing my mind, I knew I was ready to address all of this. The bomb Jessi had dropped into my lap after the night we had spent together.
All of those nights, not once did she tell me.
Fuck. My anger was bubbling again.
I pulled into her apartment complex and parked my car. I had to take a few deep breaths before the shaking in my hands stopped. I couldn’t approach this situation upset. I couldn’t go in there and be angry. Caleb didn’t need to see that. He didn’t need to be a part of anymore drama surrounding this situation. I needed to be able to control myself.
I needed to set an example.
Quickly, I got out of the car and walked up the steps. I knocked on the door and waited. I knew it was probably unlocked so I could stroll on in, but I didn’t want to do that. I wasn’t here for an informal visit.
The door opened and Jessi was standing there in nothing but her robe. I tried to keep my eyes locked onto her face instead of allowing my dick to think for me. Her curves were draped in the silken fabric and they called to my fingertips. I could feel the tension growing between us as our chemistry flourished.
I guess that would never really go away.
“Come on in. Caleb’s just eating a snack,” she said.
Stepping into the kitchen, I saw Caleb in his high chair. He was covered in what looked like avocado and bananas. He looked up at me with his bright blue eyes and smiled from ear to ear. He started slapping the tabletop of his highchair, splattering food all over the place.
My son.
My son was happy to see me.
“Would you like some coffee?” Jessi asked.
“Yeah. Sure. That sounds good,” I said.
“You can sit anywhere you want,” she said. “Just—make yourself comfortable.”
I sat down in the kitchen chair beside Caleb. I looked into his giggling face as he held out his hand for me. I made it look like I was taking a bite of food from his fingers and he laughed at me, then opened his mouth wide and shoved his fingers in. He was trying to blow spit bubbles and eat at the same time and it drew a smile across my face.
What a shame that I’d missed so much of his first year of life.
“I’m not sorry for being upset with you,” I said.
Jessi set a mug of coffee down in front of me before she sat on the other side of the table.
“You had every right to be upset.”
“I had a feeling he was mine, you know. He looks just like me.”
“Roxy’s comment didn’t help matters, either,” she said.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked.
“If we’re being totally honest, I was hoping to hide him a bit longer.”
“Hide him? Why?”
“Think about it, Chris. So many people have been forcing me to look at this from your point of view—”
“So other people know?” he asked.
“Only Justin and Megan. No one else knows. I haven’t told my parents.”
“Doesn’t shock me,” I said.
“My father almost died of a heart attack. I’m not ready to swing him into another one.”
“Do you really think he wouldn’t like this?”
“After you took off the way you did? No. Not one bit,” I said.
“I’m sorry for taking off. But I had my reasons. Really good ones, actually. And I never stopped thinking about you. Not once. I was never with another woman after I left. I couldn’t stand it. None of them amounted to half of the woman you were to me. The woman you are to me.”
Jessi’s eyes danced as I leaned back into her kitchen chair.
“Not even a one-night stand,” I said. “I always wanted you. Only you.”
“Why did you leave, Chris?” Jessi asked. “Why did you leave us? I wasn’t the only one you hurt, you know. Justin was—inconsolable some days.”
“I had my reasons.”
“Tell me those reasons.”
“I’m not ready to do that.”
“Like I wasn’t ready to tell you about Caleb?” she asked.
“That’s different,” I said.
“How is that different?”
“Because Caleb is my son.”
“And I was supposedly the love of your life,” she said. “Don’t you get it? Everyone wants me to see this from your point of view, but no one wants to look at mine. I’m a strong woman. I can take a lot. But this? Chris, you were in town for two weeks before we accidentally ran into one another at a job. Had that not happened, would you have actually tried to find me? Because I’m not sure you would have. Even though you said you would have reached out—eventually.”
“Jessi, this is—”
“The only past I have of you is you making me fall in love with you before you left,” she said. “And I have a son now. A beautiful son who I need to protect.”
“You don’t need to protect him from me. I’m here, and I want to be a part of his life,” I said.
“But can’t you see I don’t know that? The only version of you I know is the version of you that leaves. In the night. Without a trace. And if this was just me, I’d risk it. I’d try it again knowing full good and well you’re capable of disappearing. But like you said, Caleb is different.”
I wanted to fight her on this, but I knew I couldn’t. We both had reasons to be upset at the situation and hers were no less valid than mine.
“I’m not sure where to go from here, Jessi. With us,” I said.
“Then don’t think about us. Think about Caleb,” she said.
“I want to be in Caleb’s life. I want to be a part of it.”
“That’s good. Then we’ll work it out.”
“But I’m not done being angry at you.”
“Don’t worry. I’m not done, either,” she said.
Caleb yawning caught my attention as his head began to bob at his high chair. Jessi stood up from her untouched coffee and reached for a package of baby wipes. She scrubbed him down and wiped up his high chair tray, then picked him up in her arms.
I was watching the mother of my child hold my son in her arms.
“I need to put him down for a nap,” she said.
“Can I come with you?” I asked.
She nodded and I shot up from my chair. I followed them back into Caleb’s nursery and I reached my arms out for him. Jessi looked at me warily before she handed my sleeping son to me, and I cradled him in my arms as I stood by his crib.
He was sleeping soundly, his body curling into my chest as I held him close.
I was a father.
I couldn’t believe I was a father.
“We should figure out a schedule for when I can come over,” I said.
“That’s fine. We can sit at the kitchen table and pound one out,” Jessi said.
“Do I just—lay him down?” I asked.
“On his back. He’ll move to however he’s comfortable.”
I lowered him slowly into his crib and watched him rustle around. I was entranced by the small boy. He flailed around and rolled over onto his stomach, his hand reaching for his blanket. He clutched it tightly and pulled it up to his cheek, rubbing his skin with it over and over. His eyes opened momentarily and found mine again, and a lazy smile crossed his cheeks.
“I love you,” I said with a whisper.
Then he closed his eyes and I watched his breathing even out.
I looked around the
nursery and didn’t see Jessi anywhere. I walked out of the room and closed his door, then went in search of her. She was sitting at the kitchen table drinking her coffee and I could see her eyes glistening.
She was crying. Silently.
It looked like she had perfected the art.
I cleared my throat and she quickly wiped at her face. She coughed as I entered the kitchen and shot me the fakest smile I’d ever seen. Her cheeks were stained red, her eyes were puffy, and she looked like she hadn’t slept in days.
Sitting back down at my coffee, I drew a deep breath in through my nose.
“How does a schedule like this work?”
“I’m not sure,” Jessi said.
“When do you usually need help the most?” I asked.
“At night.”
“Then we’ll start there. What if I come over after work every day and help around here? I could feed Caleb, help with bath time. Help put him down for bed.”
“That sounds nice. Yeah,” she said.
“What about weekends?”
“You can come over whenever you want, Chris.”
