'There's more to it than that,' Leslie intervened, and though reluctant to talk about her stepfather, felt Mrs Jordan had a right to hear part of the story at least.
In a voice as controlled as her expression, she recounted the bare facts about Robert and Charlene, and explained why she had deliberately set out to marry Dane; then briefly touched on why he had married her.
'I've never heard two more immature reasons for getting married' came the comment. 'Sex and vengeance—really! I'd like to bang both your silly heads together!'
Leslie lowered her eyes. 'We were both wrong, and we've both paid the price.'
'My son certainly has. I've never seen him so unhappy.'
'Only because he's lost face. I mean a divorce lawyer being divorced after a few months' marriage!'
'His pride has nothing to do with it. He cares for you, Leslie. I don't know if it's love—he refuses to discuss you—but I do know you mean more to him than any girl he's known.'
'No matter how many times you multiply nothing you still get nothing!' Leslie retorted. 'On his own admission, Dane's never loved any woman, apart from you, that is. He's had affairs, but he's always run a mile from a caring relationship.'
'In the past, maybe, but I'm sure that isn't the case today.'
'I'd find that easier to credit if he hadn't committed adultery,' Leslie said bitterly. 'In fact the only decent thing he did was not play me for a fool by denying it.'
'Then that's something in his favour,' Mrs Jordan rejoined. 'Which is more than you can say about yourself! You lied to him from the word go!'
Remembering the dishonest ploys she had used to get Dane to propose, Leslie could not defend herself. Yet that didn't make his adultery any the easier to forgive.
'My marrying Dane was wrong,' she admitted, 'but I'm right to end it. I can't be happy with a man who's incapable of being faithful to me for more than a few months!'
'Then you do care for him!'
'Yes, dammit, I do! But I'm still going ahead with the divorce. Now if you'll excuse me ..
Leslie went to rise, but was stayed by a surprisingly firm hand.
'Will you let me make one more comment, my dear?' Leslie nodded stonily, and Mrs Jordan went on, 'Have you considered the possibility that Dane guessed you didn't love him when you married him?'
'No. I put on a marvellous act.'
'He may still have been subconsciously aware of it.'
'What are you trying to prove?' asked Leslie.
'Whether that's the reason why he turned to someone else. Men often do when their pride is hurt. Not commendable, I know, but—well, look what pride has made you do. It stopped you telling him you had a change of heart regarding your stepfather, and made you walk out on a man you love, instead of overlooking an act of infidelity for which I think you were partly to blame!'
This was turning the tables with a vengeance, and much as Leslie longed to counter it, honesty wouldn't let her. Intuition could well have made Dane suspect her feelings, and his doubts would have grown when he had found himself relegated to the dressing-room, and shortly afterwards barred from her bed. But this didn't make his adultery less reprehensible.
'All this talk is getting us nowhere,' she said. 'I'll never forgive Dane.'
'I know that's how you feel at the moment, my dear. But what about next year, or the year after?'
'I'll still feel the same.'
'Then I pity you. Living with bitterness will sour your life.' The older woman's mouth moved tremulously. 7 had to live with bitterness for years because there was nothing I could do to eradicate it. But you can.'
'How?'
'By seeing Dane and admitting you were equally culpable for what's happened.'
'I can't say that.'
'Why not? It's the truth! My son at least started his marriage with honesty, which is more than you can say for yourself!'
Leslie flinched. 'You hit hard, don't you?'
'I'll hit harder if need be. I'm fighting for his happiness.'
'What makes you think he'll find it with me?'
'Because he married you! Regardless of the reason he gave for doing so, I think that deep down he felt quite differently about you from how he did about previous girl-friends, though he probably didn't realise it until he'd actually made you his wife.'
'You're a great publicist for him,' muttered Leslie.
'I'm simply stating the situation as I see it.' Mrs Jordan abruptly signalled for the bill. 'If you disagree with me, then the quicker you divorce him and get back to square one the better.'
Leslie sighed heavily. She didn't have a snowball's chance in hell of getting back to square one. What she felt for Dane would colour the rest of her life. That being the case, wasn't it better to swallow her pride and see if they could begin again?
'All right,' she said huskily. 'You win. I'll go and see him.'
'Thank goodness for that! Well, go on, girl! What are you waiting for?'
'I can't go tonight,' Leslie panicked. 'I need more time. Maybe tomorrow. Anyway, he mightn't be in.'
'He is. He's waiting to take me to dinner, in fact.'
Leslie drew a shaky breath. 'I bet you planned all this.'
'Let's say I had hopes. Now no more talking. Go and see him!'
Pausing only to give Mrs Jordan a tearful smile, Leslie ran from the restaurant.
Luckily the drive to the penthouse was a short one, or she might have lost her nerve and gone home. Indeed, as the block came in sight, she had to battle with the urge to leave things as they were, to accept the sleepless nights, the loneliness, the anguished 'might have beens'. A shudder ripped through her at the very idea of such a future, and she knew she would do anything rather than face that. If Dane cared for her, as his mother said, and if she could actually get him to admit it, they might stand a chance of being successful the second time around.
She kept this thought firmly in mind as she took the private elevator to the top floor, and a front door she had never expected to see again. Not giving herself pause for thought, she pressed the bell and kept her finger there.
'OK, OK,' a deep voice called, 'I'm coming!'
On the last word the door flew open and Leslie found herself staring at Dane. How thin he was, his eyes shadowed, deep hollows beneath the cheekbones! If the past few months had not dealt kindly with her, they had been even less kind to him, and she was overwhelmed by a longing to pull him close and smooth away the lines; to assure him that no matter what, she was here and would never leave him.
'I love you,' she said baldly, 'I think I always have.'
The words came from her of their own volition, and she could no more have held them back than Niagara could have stayed its waters.
Dane gave a slight shake of his head, as if testing his hearing. 'That's not what you led me to believe the night you walked out on me,' he said in the polite tone of a stranger.
'I was angry and jealous and wanted to hurt you.'
'And you're no longer angry and jealous?'
'I didn't say that! But I see now that hurting you hurt me even more!'
'Even more than what?'
'Don't p-play word games with me,' Leslie said jerkily. 'I-I know how I feel about you, but I've n-no idea what you feel for me.'
'Right now I feel I'd like to shut the door on you!'
Shocked, she stared at him, and was on the verge of turning away when she noticed the tremor in the hand still gripping the edge of the door.
'What's stopping you?' she asked.
'Good manners, curiosity—yes, predominantly curiosity.'
Abruptly he turned and went into the living-room, not asking her to follow, not even looking round to see if she did.
Trembling, she did so, emotion gripping her as she entered the white and beige interior, saw the delicate fruit-drop colours of the velvet settees, the shining radiance of the white and gold marble floor, the jewel tones of the silk rugs. Nothing had changed, She could almost believe she had been here yesterday.
<
br /> Only Dane looked different: a stranger almost, in a navy suit of finest mohair, its impeccable cut not quite managing to hide that he had lost a great deal of weight. Not that it detracted from his sensuality, her racing pulses signalled, for the haggard, brooding moodiness on his face awakened her desire.
'Well now,' he began, turning from the window to regard her. 'What caused your change of heart?'
'I met your mother,' Leslie said simply.
His muttered imprecation took her unawares, for he was not a man given to swearing.
'Don't blame her,' she said quickly. 'She wanted to see me, and came to my office as a client.'
'Good God!' There was enlightenment in the exclamation. 'What did she say to you to bring you here?'
'She—she convinced me I was as much to blame as you for what happened.'
'My infidelity, you mean?'
Leslie swallowed painfully. 'Yes.'
'I suppose she said I went roving because I sensed you didn't love me?'
His voice was as coolly uninterested as though they were discussing the weather, and Leslie flung him a startled glance.
'No, she didn't say the same to me,' he added. 'But only because I refused to discuss my marriage with her. However, she obviously said it to you.'
'Yes, she did.'
'And that makes you willing to forgive me?'
'I think we should forgive each other.'
Leslie moved a step closer, and felt rather than saw him draw back. Only then did it dawn on her he might not want her; that regardless of what Mrs Jordan had said, he wanted to rebuild his life without her. Despair rooted her to the spot. It wouldn't be the first time a mother had misunderstood her son's motives.
'I'm's—sorry if I've embarrassed you by coming here,' she stammered. 'It seemed like a g-good idea at the time.'
Blindly she turned, and was halfway across the room when his voice stopped her.
'The thing is, would you really be able to forget Gail?'
So that was her name! Leslie clenched her hands so tightly her nails dug into the soft skin of her palms. It wasn't only a matter of forgetting Gail, but of whether she could forgive Dane.
'Yes,' she said faintly, answering his spoken question and her own silent one. 'Yes, I can,' she repeated, keeping her back to him so that he wouldn't see the anguish in her face. 'But only if you help me, Dane. I don't want the sort of marriage we had before, where I feel you only want me sexually. If you still won't allow yourself to love me, then it's better we leave things as they are.'
There was a lengthy silence and Leslie turned slowly. Dane was watching her, his eyes brooding, his brows drawn together above them.
'There's no question of "allowing myself to love you",' he said flatly.
Leslie felt as though her life-force was draining away. The room blurred, and with an enormous effort she retained control of her senses.
'Thank you for being honest with me, Dane.'
Not trusting herself to continue, she made for the door, startled when he was suddenly in front of her, so close she could feel the warmth radiating from his body.
'You misunderstand me, Leslie. How can I allow myself to fall in love when I'm already in love?'
She stared at him, afraid to believe what he was saying.
'I saw what love did to my mother when my father walked out on her,' he went on huskily, 'and I vowed I'd never let it happen to me. That's why I always had to be in control of my emotions. And then I met you and you turned my world upside down! But I wouldn't admit it. I kidded myself that my need for you was only physical; that I wanted you with my body, not my heart.' He gave a harsh laugh. 'Shows what a fool I was! On the first night of our honeymoon I'd have lain on the floor and let you walk over me. In fact I damn well did! I suppose keeping me out of your bed was the first step on the road you'd planned for me?'
Shamefacedly she nodded. 'I wish I could turn back the clock.'
'I don't,' he said unexpectedly. 'It took your walking out on me to make me admit how I felt about you.'
Though overjoyed to hear this, Leslie found the words bitter-sweet, for turning back the clock would have meant no Gail, no images of Dane with another woman, his passion assuaged by someone other than herself.
'I know what's going through your mind, sweetheart,' he murmured, 'but you can forget it. Gail never was—and there never has been!'
Leslie stared into his eyes. 'Never has been?'
'Another woman. Not since the day you agreed to marry me.'
'But Gail——— '
'Was my secretary until two years ago, when she went to live in Carmel with her boy-friend.'
'Your secretary!'
'Only,' he emphasised. 'Six months ago she discovered Johnny was into drugs, and moved back to L. A. But he kept pestering her to return to him, and when she wouldn't, he started beating her up. The night you came back from La Costa—when I was meant to be (seeing a client—Gail called and said she and Johnny had had another fight and she'd knocked him out with a lampstand. She was petrified she'd killed him and I went straight over to see her. Luckily he was only concussed, and we got him to hospital and then went on to the police to make a statement. After that, I brought her here to calm her down. When you saw us, I was taking her home.'
'Why didn't you tell me all this before?' Leslie whispered. 'Why did you let me think the worst of you?'
'Because I was furious at your stupidity. I thought I'd made it so clear I was crazy about you, I couldn't believe you'd think I'd look at another woman, let alone go to bed with one! Oh, sweetheart,' he murmured unsteadily, 'don't you know you're the only one for me? That I love you to distraction and want to spend the rest of my life showing you how much?'
'If only you'd said it!' cried Leslie, touching her hands to his cheek, his mouth, the pulse beating erratically in his throat.
'I couldn't bring myself to,' he confessed, drawing her close to his body, his hands moving down her spine to cup her buttocks gently and press them closer to his thighs. 4I thought I'd shown you in so many other ways.'
Even as he spoke, she knew there was something else he hadn't been able to bring himself to say, and she put her hands on his shoulders and pulled slightly away from him, so that she could look into his face.
'If you let me believe the worst with Gail, would I be right in assuming you did the same over Charlene's shares?'
He did not answer, but the burning glow in his eyes gave him away.
'You didn't make her sell to Imtex, did you?' Leslie stated.
'No. She did the deal without even telling me. I know I stung your stepfather over alimony, but I'd never have destroyed his business.'
'You should have told me!' Leslie cried.
'I wanted you to show some faith in me. And it hurt like hell when you didn't.'
'We both have such a lot to learn,' she sighed.
'So it seems. I'm going to make a tape recording of my feelings and play it in every room on the hour!'
'There are other ways you can show me,' Leslie teased.
'At the moment I can think of only one!'
'Me too!'
She unbuttoned his jacket and placed her hands on his chest, feeling the warmth of his body through his silk shirt. As her hand slipped lower, he trembled, then brought his mouth down on hers, his tongue hot and demanding, thrusting forward aggressively as passion rose high.
Sensuously Leslie rubbed her body against his, her breasts hardening as she felt his swelling arousal. Her hand moved to touch it, but as she did, Dane caught her wrist and drew it to his lips.
'Not so fast,' he said thickly. 'I've just remembered Mother's due here any minute. I'm supposed to be taking her to dinner.'
'Not tonight, my darling. When I saw her last she was about to take a cab back to her hotel.'
'Thank God for that! Now I'm free to tell you about the case I'm working on.'
'Great! And I'll show you my plan for the shopping mall I'm designing.'
'I knew we were t
hinking along the same lines,' he said solemnly, putting his hands beneath her thighs and swooping her up into his arms. 'But there are one or two things I'd like to do first,' he said, striding with her to the bedroom.
'Such as?' Leslie nuzzled her face into his neck.
'Such as loving you and loving you and loving you. And then after a little rest, loving you again.'
'I'll second that,' Leslie said promptly. 'In fact, I'll third it and fourth it!'
Roberta Leigh - Too Bad to be True Page 15
