Identify

by Lesley Choyce

  Chapter Seventeen

  The next day Officer Newton called me on my phone and told me the charges against me had been dropped. “I’m not supposed to say anything, but I’m really sorry about the way this played out. It’s not the first time I’ve seen things get switched around by someone who knows how to work the system.”

  “What if there’s another threat?” I asked.

  “Then call me. The door’s not closed on this. We just need evidence.”

  “Thanks,” I said and hung up.

  But I was worried about Gabe, really worried. Now she was more vulnerable than ever. It seemed like anyone could get away with being mean to her as long as they remained anonymous or they didn’t get caught in the act.

  She didn’t go to school for two more days. I called her a few times and we talked, but she said she didn’t want me to come over. She said she needed time to think.

  “To think about what?” I asked.

  “Everything.”

  “Are you going to be okay?”

  “I think so,” Gabe said. “It’s just that I don’t feel safe anywhere but here in my bedroom. And I’m not even 100 percent sure about that.”

  It was so weird to hear her say that. That was what I used to feel. Only I’d never really had a reason to feel that way. But I knew exactly what she meant.

  People noticed that Gabe wasn’t in school, I guess, because kids started asking me about her. Even one of Skylar’s friends, Jenna, asked about her. And then she asked, “What really happened?”

  “What do you mean?”

  Jenna actually seemed concerned. “What really happened with Tyler? He told his buddies some crazy story about you and Gabe. What was that all about?”

  So I told her everything. About the doll and the dead pigeon. About how Tyler had treated Gabe when she was younger. I was really shocked to see that Jenna seemed so interested. This was a girl who had never spoken to me in all the years we’d been in school together. Almost an entire school week had gone by, and Gabe had not left her house. But then, early Friday morning, my cell phone buzzed. I had a text message. Not from Gabe but from her mom.

  I’m driving Gabriella to school today. Can we pick you up too? 8:15

  I texted back right away. Absolutely

  When they arrived, I got in the car. Although Gabe’s mom tried to sound cheerful, it was clear Gabe was anything but.

  “Ethan, please watch out for her today, okay?” her mom said.

  “I will,” I promised.

  Gabe scowled at her mom and then turned around and gave me a look that said she didn’t want anything to do with me. I didn’t get it. What was going on? I was only trying to help someone I cared a lot about.

  At school Gabe told me to just leave her alone. “I can take care of myself,” she said. “I’ll work through this.”

  But I kept watch. I guess I sort of stalked her through the day, keeping my distance but making sure she was okay.

  Toward the end of the day, I went looking for her and froze in my tracks. I was totally shocked. She was standing outside the chemistry lab, talking with Skylar. They seemed to be having a very serious conversation. Skylar looked concerned and appeared to be asking Gabe all kinds of questions. I decided to hang back and wait to see what happened. Just in case things went bad.

  But nothing happened. They both just walked away—together. I tried to read the look on Gabe’s face, but I was too far away. I went to my last class of the day, feeling like something, I didn’t know what, had shifted.

  And something had.

  Gabe found me when the final bell rang. “C’mon,” she said. “My mom will be waiting to give me a ride home. You want to come over to do some homework?” She had a funny little smile on. At least, I thought it was a smile.

  I didn’t ask her anything on the drive home, and her mom rattled on as she drove. Something about shopping and traffic.

  When Gabe and I were alone in her living room, I asked her, “What was going on with you and Skylar? The last time I saw you two have a ‘conversation,’ she was screaming at you.”

  Now Gabe gave me the full 100-watt smile. “Oh, that,” she said.

  “Well?”

  “Well, she was telling me that a while back Tyler had come on to her. At first she kind of liked him. But then he turned really creepy. She brushed him off, and so he started spreading rumors about her. About what they’d done together. Except the stuff wasn’t true.”

  “Nice guy, ol’ Tyler Macey,” I said.

  “She said she’s been waiting for a good opportunity to get back at him. She asked me if I minded if she got word out about what Tyler’s been doing to me.”

  “And you said?”

  “I said hell no.”

  I’ve never been a fan of gossip, or of social media in general, for that matter. But when a girl like Skylar decides to use all the technology at her disposal to get back at a guy, it’s hard not to stand back and admire the chaos that unfolds.

  Skylar told Gabe’s story in every way she could. And no matter how much Tyler tried to deny it, the story stuck to him like glue. The note in the locker, the doll, the dead pigeon. And more.

  Let’s just say Gabe didn’t need a court order to stop further harassment. And she soon went back to being her old self. She didn’t change her look. In fact, I started seeing more girls cutting their hair real short like hers and wearing flannel shirts. The truth was, she now had a certain amount of status at school.

  And maybe I did too. Because everyone knew now that I was Gabe’s good…friend…or whatever. And that I had stuck with her through her ordeal.

  My dad kept asking me about Gabe and insisted she come over for dinner more often. And she did. One night he even challenged her to a game of pool, and she accepted. I got stuck helping Mom with the dishes.

  It was really weird to hear them laughing down there. But a good weird. While I was drying, my mom said, “Your father decided that he doesn’t want to have us move away for work after all. He took a job as a janitor at the elementary school.”

  “Are you kidding?” I asked. This was a real step down from his previous job in construction. I just couldn’t picture him mopping floors.

  “It was his decision. He says he’ll work his way up. Probably get a better job down the line but that it’s what he wants to do for now. I’m going to take on some part-time work as well. At least we won’t have to move.”

  For a while Tyler turned his attention to me. He’d stop me outside school or in the hall and tell me he was going to beat the living crap out of me. Once, he said, I’ll get you when you least expect it, and no one is going to know. He had other well-rehearsed lines too. And he liked to intimidate me by knocking hard into me in the hall or punching me in the shoulder, punching hard and pretending he was just goofing around.

  But then his buddies turfed him out of whatever little club they had. So he was forced to hang out with younger guys—Josh and Derek in particular. By then most kids in school saw Tyler for what he really was. Not long afterward he got caught vandalizing a teacher’s car. The police were called, and he was forced to pay for the damages. I think the cops had his number from then on.

  Gabe made several more visits to the counselor. She came out of there with all kinds of information about gender identity and sexuality, stuff that made my head spin. But one day Gabe announced that she was done with counseling.

  “Why?” I asked. “Seems like it’s been pretty helpful.”

  “It has, but things have changed for me. I think I’ve finally figured something out.”

  “Really?” I asked.

  “Yeah, really,” Gabe said. “I may be different, but I feel stronger now. I know that you care about me and like me as I am. That’s a part of what makes me stronger. But the most important thing is that I like me as I am. And even when things get messy, that’s enough.”

  Her words made a lot of sense. I knew deep down that I wanted to find that inner peace too. I had tried a couple
of times to stop taking the pills cold turkey, but the anxiety had kept creeping back.

  “Maybe you should try going to a counselor,” Gabe suggested.

  “Maybe,” I answered. “I’ll think about it.” And I meant it. I knew that some things had changed in a big way for me. I was getting stronger too. But the time had come. I had no choice now but to confront my own demons. As someone once said, there’s nothing to fear but fear itself. And thanks to Gabe, I was learning to stop being afraid of fear. I had already stopped caring if anybody laughed at me or tried to hurt my feelings or play on my weaknesses. My dumpster hiding days were over.

  Lesley Choyce, who has been teaching English and Creative Writing for over thirty years, is the author of dozens of books of literary fiction, short stories, poetry, creative nonfiction and young adult novels. He has won the Dartmouth Book Award, Atlantic Poetry Prize and Ann Connor Brimer Award. He has also been shortlisted for a Stephen Leacock Medal, White Pine Award, Hackmatack Award, Canadian Science Fiction and Fantasy Award and, most recently, a Governor General’s Award. For more information, visit www.lesleychoyce.com.