Thaddeus smiled. “You’re right, Clare. We’ll see you in the morning.”
Clare watched as Garner and his men rode away.
She turned to Ino and said, “Keep someone on the fence line all night, two if you think we need them. I don’t trust that son-of-a-bitch as far as I can throw him.”
IT WAS AFTER midnight when Clare unsaddled her horse and led him into a stall in the stable. She hadn’t been back to the main house in over a week.
She trusted Ino to take care of everything, but it felt good to touch the familiar walls of the stable. She walked into the main house and looked around. She’d missed her books and the comfortable chair she sat in to read in the evening. She wasn’t sure how long she would have stayed away to avoid Loretta. She lowered her body into her chair and tapped tobacco into her father’s old pipe. She loved the smell of the tobacco blend. She had helped her father mix it hundreds of times and although this blend wasn’t exactly the same, it was close enough considering what she had to work with. She leaned her head back and watched the smoke from the pipe curl toward the ceiling and disappear. She reached onto the table next to her and picked up the book she had been reading when she began her self-imposed exile. She read until the tobacco in the pipe went out. Then she tapped the burned tobacco into the fireplace and got up. She made her way into the kitchen and stared out the back window. She could see the dark outline of the little cabin behind the main house from the light of a nearly full moon. She was tired. Tired of denying her feelings, tired of fighting herself, and tired of being alone.
Clare closed the back door of the main house quietly and walked toward the cabin. This was wrong.
So wrong. She pulled the lever to the front door of the cabin up and opened the door far enough to step inside. She had lived in the cabin for ten years until the new main house was completed and knew it like the back of her hand. The small bedroom was in the right rear of the cabin and the door was open. When she looked into the room, her breath caught in her throat. Loretta’s hair was splayed out over the pillow.
In the dim moonlight filtering into the room Loretta looked like a peaceful child. An angel. A very young angel. Clare wanted to go to her and feel the softness of her skin once more before she fell asleep, but her feet remained rooted to the floor and finally she turned away to leave.
“Please don’t go,” a voice behind her said.
“You’ve come home.”
There was something in the way Loretta said the word “home” that drew Clare into the room. A vision of home filled her and she crossed the small room in three steps. She marveled at how beautiful Loretta was, even half hidden in shadow. Clare’s breath caught in her throat as Loretta propped herself up on her elbows and looked at her. She reached out and took Clare’s hand in hers. “Is everything all right?”
“No,” Clare said as she squeezed Loretta’s hand.
Loretta’s hair hung down behind her and the look in her eyes was seductive. Clare sat on the edge of the bed, still holding Loretta’s hand. “This is so wrong,”
she said as if to convince herself.
“Holding my hand?”
Clare shook her head slowly and leaned forward until her lips met Loretta’s. Would she be as welcome this time as she had been the last? she wondered. The answer came as Loretta deepened the kiss and brought her body closer to Clare’s. When the kiss ended Clare’s lips moved lower to Loretta’s jaw line and neck. She had never tasted anything so wonderful. She felt her body react, a familiar desire rising within her. But she felt frozen in place, afraid to act on what she was feeling. This wasn’t Peg. Peg satisfied a physical need, but had never touched her soul. Clare was afraid she might not be able to control herself. She might hurt Loretta if she acted on her every desire.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” Clare mumbled against Loretta’s neck.
“What do you want to do that could harm me?”
“Consume you. Take your body and make it mine.
It frightens me,” Clare confessed. “I’m not an animal.
Yet what’s inside of me feels like a captive animal looking at freedom lurking just beyond its cage. So close yet so far away.”
“Touch me, Clare. Let me feel your hands on me.
Let me set you free.”
“What…what if I can’t stop. Even if you want me to.”“I know you won’t hurt me, but you’re driving me crazy right now.” Loretta wiggled around on the bed until she could pull her nightgown over her head. She ran her fingers through her hair and away from her face.Clare’s breathing came in gasps as her eyes took in Loretta’s supple white breasts. They were there for the taking, the nipples puckering into hard dark knots in the cool air of the small room. “I want you,” she rasped. “You’re so beautiful.”
“Then take what you want,” Loretta whispered as she reclined against her pillow.
CLARE STOOD AT the window gazing out into the darkness. She rubbed a hand over her face as the memory of Loretta’s hands on her body ran through her mind. It had been everything she’d dreamed it could be and more. It had been tender, yet raw. The sound of her name on Loretta’s lips as she gasped with pleasure, the hunger in her eyes as she pulled Clare to her, the gentle fingers buried in her tangled, sweaty hair, the intoxicating scent of Loretta’s body as she gave herself to Clare. How would she stand not knowing those feelings again? Buried in her thoughts, she was surprised to feel arms wrapping around her body.
“Go back to sleep,” Clare whispered.
“Come back to bed with me. It’s cold without you,” Loretta said between kisses along Clare’s back.
Clare closed her eyes and turned around. She took Loretta in her arms and kissed her roughly. “The sun will be up soon,” she said when she released her. “I can’t be here.”
Loretta stepped back, the look in her eyes asking a question Clare couldn’t answer.
“I’ll get dressed and start breakfast,” Loretta said.
Clare nodded and reached for her clothes. “You should go back to town,” she said.
“I had planned to go into Trinidad for a visit next week.”
“No. I want you to pack and stay in town.”
“You can’t be serious,” Loretta said with a short laugh. “After last night I–“
“I want you to leave.”
“Why? Did I displease you?”
“No. Of course not. What we had last night was beyond anything I have ever dreamed of. But it was all we could ever have. Don’t you understand that?”
Loretta adjusted the blouse she’d slipped on and moved closer to Clare. “Look at me, Clare,” she said.
The look in Clare’s eyes was anguished, begging Loretta to understand. “If what we had last night is all there ever is between us, it was still the best experience of my life. Don’t you understand that?”
“I can’t ask you to wait out here for me every night like some guttersnipe. That’s all I can ever offer you and you deserve more.”
“You don’t have to ask. I know we can’t be together any other way. It’s what I want. To be here for you. Please don’t send me away now.”
Clare pulled her into her arms and held her.
“When you decide it’s not enough and leave, I’ll understand. I’m sorry I can’t give you everything you want or need.”
“You’ve given me a home and yourself. I don’t need more than that to be happy.”
“I wish I could touch you outside of this cabin,”
Clare whispered into Loretta’s ear, sending a shiver through her.
“I know you’ll be touching me in your mind.”
“Every minute of every day,” Clare said with a smile. “Better get breakfast going. I seem to have worked up quite an appetite.”
“Oh. And Clare?”
“Yeah,” Clare said as she pulled on her boots.
“Next time you go into town, don’t stay with Peg.”
Clare’s head jerked up, staring at Loretta with a shocked expression.
The corners of Loretta’s mouth turned up in a seductive smile. “Did I forget to tell you I don’t share well with others?”
Chapter Fourteen
EXCITEMENT AND A sense of celebration rippled through the growing town of Trinidad as the first of August, 1876 approached. Banners proclaiming it the
“Centennial State” were beginning to appear along Main Street. On that date Colorado would cease to be a territory and would be welcomed as the thirty-eighth state in the Union. The fortunes of Trinidad were looking up. The railroad was inching closer every day and, when it was completed, cattle ranchers would be able to load their cattle and ship them to points north and east without the need for long and dangerous cattle drives. New businesses would come to town and, with them, new citizens.
Cyrus and Hettie had urged Loretta to make her monthly pilgrimage into town in time to join in the celebration. Reluctantly, Clare had given her hands a weekend off to join in the festivities, but remained behind alone on the ranch. Even though Loretta enjoyed the time she spent with her “family” in town, she hated being away from Clare. It had been a month since Clare came to her cabin the first time. Clare didn’t come to her bed every night and still lived in fear one of her men would notice the time she spent with Loretta. But the times they spent together were indescribable.
With periodic help from the ranch hands, Ino, and occasionally even Clare, Loretta’s chickens were laying. She brought fresh eggs into town for Cyrus and Hettie and even a few for Rosario. Her vegetable garden was producing and needed constant tending to keep out varmints and the ever-present unwanted weeds. It had been a dry summer and water had to be carried from the stream to keep her plants alive. It wouldn’t be long before she would begin the process of storing food to get them through the winter.
While this trip should have been a happy one, Loretta couldn’t get Clare and their new relationship out of her mind. As soon as Ino brought the buckboard to a halt in front of Cyrus’ house, Amelia flew outside to greet her. The teenager danced around on the porch while Ino helped Loretta down and carried her valise and eggs up the walkway.
“Thank you, Ino,” Loretta said. “I will see you after church on Sunday. Please give my regards to Mavis.” She watched Ino blush as he nodded and hurried back down the porch steps.
“Oh, Loretta, it’s going to be such an exciting weekend,” Amelia exclaimed as she hugged Loretta tightly. “Hettie and I have been cooking for days.
There’s going to be a huge church social this evening.
You’ve never seen so much food. There’s even going to be a carnival. I’ve never been to one. Have you?”
Loretta could barely get a word in through the girl’s prattering and she desperately needed a drink of water. Hettie swept out of the kitchen, drying her hands on her apron. She smiled when she saw Loretta and greeted her with a light hug and a kiss on the cheek.
“Living out there must agree with you. You look like you’re simply glowing,” she said.
“Actually, I’m quite tired even though all I’ve done all day is sit on my ass in that damned buckboard.”
Hettie looked momentarily startled at Loretta’s language. Loretta apologized and untied her bonnet when she saw the look on her friend’s face. “It’s awfully warm and I’ve had the sun beating down on my head for hours. I’m a little irritable.”
“Amelia, dear, please bring Loretta a glass of that fresh lemonade we made.” She placed a hand in the small of Loretta’s back and guided her into the living room. “You’ll feel much better once you rest a little and cool off.”
“I’m sure I will. Is Cyrus home?”
“No. He and the elders of his church are setting up tables for the party this evening. All the churches in town have gotten together for the biggest party this town has ever seen.”
“Amelia said you’d been cooking for days.”
“It only seems that way to her. We only baked yesterday and today. Your friend, Mrs. Manning, and her husband are graciously providing most of the meat and preparing it.”
“I’m glad the churches let them help.”
“It was the Christian thing to do.”
“I’m sure that’s how they see it as well. When do you expect Cyrus home?”
“Not for a few more hours. If you need to speak to him about something urgent you can find him at the church.”
“No. It can wait. I should help you prepare whatever you have left to do.”
“You seem a little listless. Perhaps it was the sun.
Why don’t you go up to your room and take a nap. I’ll wake you up in a couple of hours.”
“Thanks, Hettie. I appreciate that.”
Loretta drew the curtains closed and lay down on the bed. She rested her arm across her eyes. She didn’t know what to do. How would she ever be able to explain? She was finally settling into the little cabin and thinking of it as her home. She loved where and how she was living. Clare was not the hostile, unsmiling woman everyone thought. Far from it, in fact, she thought with a smile. Rather, she had surprised Loretta with her tenderness and passion.
When she and Loretta talked about books and the complexities of the stories, Loretta had been intellectually stimulated for the first time in years.
Clare was a natural teacher, patient and open to Loretta’s ideas and opinions. Loretta smiled to herself. She had even seen Clare McIlhenney smile once or twice. In fact, Loretta was the one who made her smile. How would she be able to explain her feelings for the taciturn rancher to Cyrus? He already disliked Clare based on the rumors he’d heard about her. What would Clare think of her if she knew of Loretta’s past? She was still deep in thought when she drifted off into a nap.
THE FESTIVITIES ON the grounds of the new city park in Trinidad were worthy of the event being celebrated. Loretta sat on a bench set beneath a wide tent and watched young children scamper over the grounds, trailing ribbons tied to sticks behind them.
Women wearing colorful bonnets and long aprons stood behind makeshift tables which bowed in the middle slightly from the weight of the food they held.
She couldn’t help laughing at the antics of Willis and Rosario’s three children. Each carried small bowls while their parents made repeated trips between the café and the park, their arms loaded down with platters of meat. Despite the alluring scent of Rosario’s cooking Loretta had eaten very little.
Hettie’s fresh lemonade kept her body reasonably cool.
Loretta watched several men load bales of hay onto a wagon and hitch up a team of horses. Children began gathering nearby, but were sent away until the sun set. Then they could have a moonlight hay ride and watch the fireworks the city had brought in from Denver just for this special occasion.
“Are you enjoying the party?” Cyrus asked as he sat down next to Loretta and took a deep breath.
“It’s wonderful, Cyrus. You’ve all done so much hard work,” she answered with a smile.
“You haven’t eaten much.” He glanced at her plate.
“It must be the heat, added to the excitement. I’ll eat more once the sun begins to go down.”
Cyrus reached up and ran his fingers down Loretta’s cheek. “Are you all right? You seem rather quiet.”
Loretta looked down at her hands. “Actually, there is something I need to discuss with you. Perhaps tomorrow when everything has calmed down.”
“Is something wrong at the McIhenney ranch?
Have they done something to harm you?”
“No, no. Everyone has been wonderful to me, especially Clare and Mr. Valdez.”
“I noticed that Clare McIlhenney is the only person who didn’t see fit to attend our celebration.”
“She was opposed to statehood so I can hardly imagine her celebrating it,’ Loretta said.
“But the benefits cannot be…”
“Can we not discuss politics? It’s such a wearisome topic for conversation,” Loretta sighed.
“Of course, my dear, and certainly not a suita
ble topic for young women such as yourself.”
“I have an opinion, Cyrus, but what’s done is done. It’s time to move on. People change, life changes, situations change. Often when least expected.”
Cyrus took Loretta’s hands in his and squeezed them. “So far everything has changed for each of us and all for the best it seems.”
“Has it?”
“Of course! Coming to Trinidad has been the answer to all our prayers,” he smiled benignly. “Let me find Hettie. We have something to tell you.”
“As long as you promise not to pray for me any more.”
“I cannot promise that.”
“Then at least promise to pray silently.”
LORETTA STOOD GAZING into the unused fireplace in the pastor’s study on the second floor of the Trinidad Presbyterian Church. Dark walls shone from polishing. A small banker’s lamp on the desk was turned on to provide some illumination. Loretta found the room oppressive and it matched her mood.
While she waited for Cyrus and Hettie to join her, she moved to the window overlooking the park and opened the drapes a slit. What made her foolishly think she could leave her past behind? What was that old phrase her mother told her when she was younger? “Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive.” Until she left home, Loretta had never lied to her mother. There must surely be another proverb to explain what to do when your mother thought the truth was a lie. By not believing the truth, Mildred Digby had set her daughter on her future course.
When Hettie entered the study she smiled at Cyrus and moved to stand behind him at his desk.
“What was it you wished to tell me?” Loretta asked.
Cyrus gently slipped his arm around Hettie’s waist and gazed up at her. “Hettie has honored me by agreeing to become my wife.” Cyrus looked as giddy as a school boy.
“I wondered how long it would take you to work up the courage to ask her,” Loretta said as she embraced each of them warmly. “I’m very happy for you both. Have you set a date yet?”
“The bishop has agreed to perform our ceremony, but he won’t be able to make the journey from Denver to Trinidad until November,” Cyrus beamed. “I hope you will join us on such a joyous occasion.”
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