Hers for a While

by Danica Chandler

  ***

  Alice finally came to and realized she was alone in the house. She wasn’t sure how long ago her mother had told her they were going to the store, but it was quiet enough for her to know they definitely weren’t back yet. Approaching the stairs, she stopped at the landing and looked down into the living room below.

  Resting her hands on the banister, she closed her eyes again. What she would give to go back to the night her and Jack had first made love. Turning, she noticed the closet door was open. She flipped the light switch on and saw a couple of jackets on the floor. Bending over, she lifted one. It was one of Jack’s old fire jackets with his patch and name sewn into the fabric.

  It was as if someone had knocked the breath out of her chest. How had this ended up on the floor? She buried her face in it, remembering how he looked wearing it. He always hated it – he said it was too thin for the winter, but it made him even more attractive, if that were possible. If she reminisced hard enough, she swore she could still get a faint whiff of his cologne, or maybe it was just her imagination.

  Grabbing the hanger, she put it back on the rod and closed the door. She had to wonder if things like that were signs. After all, the jacket was heavy and the hanger probably just gave in to the weight of it, but she found comfort in at least pretending that it was a higher power.

  Leaning against the wall, she slid to the floor, burying her face in her hands. More tears fell, and this time, she was unable to control them. Her body shook and she wept, needing the release. There wasn’t a day that went by that she didn’t cry, and sometimes it made her feel better, other times she couldn’t find her way out of the darkness she was feeling.

  Black smudges stained her palms. Her mascara probably looked horrendous and she’d need to wash up before her family got back. She didn’t want to have to give an explanation.

  Pulling herself out of her fit, Alice stood up and went back to her room, taking another quick glance over her shoulder at the closet.

  “I hear you, Jack. I hear you.”

  Chapter Four

  “Your dad isn’t gonna like me. I’m not the kind of guy to take home to the folks.”

  Alice couldn’t help but laugh at Jack. She had never seen him so nervous. The mention of meeting her dad made him shake in his boots, and though she didn’t fully understand how he felt, she could relate to being nervous about meeting the parents. She had her doubts about his mother, but at the same time, couldn’t wait to be formally introduced.

  “What makes you think you’re that kind of guy?”

  “Look at me, Alice. Daddies want the best for their girls. He wants to know you’ll be taken care of. You know, banker types, lawyers, white collar dudes.”

  Alice ran her hand down the front of his shirt. “Who says you’re not the best for me? And what about your mother? Mother’s always have a hard time cutting the cord with their little boys. Am I good enough for her? You’re her only son. That makes it twice as hard for me to prove myself.”

  Jack shook his head and smiled. “I guess we both have a challenge ahead of us. But you know what? I guess it’s worth it.”

  “You guess?” Alice nudged him and pecked him on the lips. “Just be yourself. They’ll love you.”

  Jack pulled the truck up to the curb in front of her parent’s house and put it in park. He was quiet, and that was the best indicator in knowing that he had a lot on his mind. Alice reached out and held his hand.

  “Hey.”

  “Hey,” he replied. “You know I love you, right?”

  “I love you too, Jack. They’re gonna love you too.”

  He got out of the truck and opened her door, helping her down. His hand was clammy and she tried to flash him a comforting smile as she knocked on the door. Her parents were expecting them and she could smell the dinner her mother had prepared, making her stomach growl. Poor Jack. With his nerves, Alice assumed he wouldn’t be able to eat much, and that was too bad. Her mother was an excellent cook.

  The door opened and her father greeted him. “Alice my dear, you look lovely. And this is Jack?” He extended his hand for Jack to shake, and he returned the favor, his nervous smile fading into a more genuine expression. She wouldn’t have admitted it, but she was nervous too. Her father was easy going, but when it came to men, he could be pretty strict. There was no doubt he’d love Jack.

  “Yes sir, Jack Turner. Nice to meet you.”

  “Same to you. Y’all come on in. Supper is almost ready.”

  Jack followed Alice inside, and she introduced him to her mom. She was pulling the roast out of the oven, and her smile lit up at the sight of Jack.

  “It’s so nice to finally put a face with a name. Alice has told me so much about you.”

  “She’s done the same about you.”

  “Jack, join me out here on the patio. I’ve got some beer if you’d like a bottle.”

  He didn’t hesitate and left Alice in the kitchen with her mom. Butterflies flitted in her stomach and she couldn’t help but giggle when she saw the excited look on her mother’s face.

  “He’s cute, Alice! You didn’t tell me he was that handsome!”

  “He is, isn’t he?” Alice basked in her mother’s approval, watching him interact with her dad through the patio door. “And by the looks of it, he’s hitting it off with Dad too.”

  “That’s good. So, should we get our hope’s up about this one?” Her mom’s eyes lit up as she prepared the gravy. “You seem happy, Hon.”

  “I do love him, yes. He’s been really good to me. At first I was scared to think I loved him so fast. I was scared that maybe it was lust, but it’s just different.”

  Nodding, her mom placed some rolls on a cookie sheet and popped them in the oven. “When you know, you know. I went through the same thing with your father.”

  “Yeah, and used to, I’d get annoyed when people would say that. Now I know exactly what they mean. When you know, you know,” Alice repeated, taking another glance toward the backyard. Jack was hanging out with her father. Her mother liked him too. Again, she wondered what she did to deserve this.

  “Darlin’ the food smells delicious. When is it ready?” Her dad walked into the kitchen, picking at the roast. Jack flashed Alice a quick glance, a small smile creeping on his lips. That could be them. She’d always wanted a love like her parents had.

  “Jack here is a firefighter. Did you know that?” Her father asked, dodging her mom’s spatula as she waved him away from the food.

  “Yes, dear, Alice has told us before. Very admirable of you, Jack.”

  His cheeks reddened and he ducked his head. “Thank you, ma’am.”

  As her parents joked around and playfully bickered, Alice whispered, “I told you so. They love you, Jack. How could they not?”

  “I’m glad you were right. They’re great people. Thanks for introducing me.”’

  “It only took you four months to work up the courage. Guess I can’t talk. I still have to meet your mother.”

  Glancing at her from the corner of his eye, he didn’t respond. Alice wasn’t sure if that was a good sign or not, but if it meant having a future with him, she’d be willing to do anything. As long as her parents approved, she could get through anything else that might cause a bump in the road.

  “Supper is ready. Y’all join us at the table.”

  Jack’s nerves must have worn off, because he devoured her mother’s roast like he hadn’t eaten in days. He scarfed down the meat and potatoes all while chatting with his parents about the job, about his family, and about how he and Alice had met. She sat back and watched, enjoying the interaction. It was important that whoever she fell in love with have chemistry with her family, and Jack had no problem fitting right in.

  “Alice, Hon, you’re so quiet. Something wrong?” Her mother sipped on her tea and Alice felt her cheeks heat up with the sudden attention on her.

  “Everything’s good. I’m enjoying this dinner.” She didn’t want to say that she was falling deeper
in love with Jack, if that were even possible. Her quick answer seemed to pacify her mom’s curiosity, and they went back to talking like they had known each other for years.

  In the midst of Jack meeting her parents, Alice hadn’t had time to really think about his mother, other than the quick banter about how Jack was probably a mama’s boy. When the day came to meet her, she felt even more unsettled than he had, and she was failing miserably at hiding it.

  “Dang, you’re as pale a sheet, Alice. I survived your parents. You’ve only gotta deal with my mom.” Jack smirked at her.

  “You are getting a kick out of this, aren’t you? I was supportive when you were about to puke. The least you can do is tell me it’s all gonna be okay, even if it’s not gonna be.” Alice walked to his truck, keeping in mind that she’d do anything for Jack.

  “It’ll be fine, Babe. She’s rough around the edges but her intentions are good. Just like you told me a few days ago – be yourself. That’s all you can do.” Leaning in, he pecked her on the cheek. “You’re so cute when you’re nervous.” He shut the door before she could respond to his comment, and she left it alone the drive over.

  “You ever take any other girls home to her?” Where the heck did that question come from? He didn’t ask her about other guys.

  “Just one other one, why?”

  “I was just wondering how she handled that one.” She wasn’t the jealous type. Jack was almost thirty. He was bound to have other women in his past.

  “Not good, Alice.” He pulled the truck into the driveway of a small row house. The lawn was well manicured and each flowerbed had a colorful spray of flowers and arrangements that looked like something out of a magazine. Alice loved it, and for a second, the beautiful display distracted her.

  “Not good, huh?”

  “Yep, but you know why, right? I didn’t love that girl. I love you. It won’t be the same, so don’t compare yourself to it.” His expression was genuine and the fact that he wasn’t nervous calmed Alice’s nerves. Staring at her long and hard, a small smile curled at the corners of his mouth and he played with a loose strand of her hair near her ear. “This will go well and then, you know, we can go back to my place and…” His eyebrows danced and his tone was playful.

  “We can what?”

  “I’ll let your imagination think about that for a bit. Ma’s out on the porch. We better get out.”

  Jack held her hand as they approached, and for a moment, his mother didn’t even break a smile. Alice tried not to read too much into it. She looked to be a little older than her mother, and there was a slight family resemblance with her and Jack.

  “Hey Ma, this is Alice Mills, my girlfriend. Alice, this is my Ma.”

  “It’s nice to finally meet you, Ms. Turner,” Alice replied, extending her hand for her to shake. Letting out breath, she was relieved when she finally broke a smile.

  “Call me Janet. It’s nice to meet you too.” She opened the screen door and led them inside. The place was just as tidy as the outside appeared, and Alice noticed lots of family pictures, many of Jack as a kid and young adult, but one picture stood out. It was next to the fireplace in the living room, and she stopped to get a better look at it.

  “That was my dad in his dress uniform, taken a few months before he passed. It’s the last photo we have of him.” Jack traced the frame and with the way he stood tall as he looked at picture, Alice could tell he felt a sense of pride.

  The man staring back shocked Alice. It was almost as if it was Jack. The man was older than Jack was now, but if there was family resemblance with his mom, there was ten times more with his dad. They both had the same dark hair, green eyes, and rugged features. It was like looking at Jack a few years down the road.

  “You look just like him, Jack.”

  “Let’s hope he doesn’t end up like him.” Janet handed them both a glass of tea. “Gone young. Left me alone with a child to raise.”

  “C’mon Ma, not today.”

  Jack walked into the kitchen and both Alice and Janet followed, each of them sitting at the table, neither saying much right off. It was an awkward silence, and Alice wasn’t sure how to break it. His father’s death still appeared to haunt both of them.

  “You okay being with a firefighter?” Janet asked.

  “Yes ma’am, I am. I’m proud of the job he does.”

  Jack looked down at the table, the conversation taking a turn that neither of them had anticipated.

  “Pride.” Janet laughed. “I’m proud of my son too, but I don’t understand why he chose a job that took his dad. He saw what it did to the family.”

  “It’s a tradition, Ma. Grandpa was one, Dad was one.”

  “Tradition, huh?” She scoffed and finished her glass of tea. “Traditions of dying young.”

  The words hovered over them like thick smoke. Alice scooted her chair closer to Jack. What did you say in a situation like this? He had said she was rough around the edges, but Alice didn’t expect anything like this. Most of all, it was the first time it hit her that she was in love with a firefighter, a man with a dangerous job. Could she handle it? She loved him. That conquered everything.

  “I think it’s a brave choice, a calling that he felt he needed to do.” She had to stand up for him. It was sad that his own mother was doing this in front of her.

  Janet stared at her for a second. “I think you’re right. It is his calling. I just want you to be aware of what you might be getting into with him. He’s more than jut a handsome face. Jack Turner comes with baggage.”

  “Like everyone else on the planet,” Alice replied, suddenly feeling confident in taking her on.

  “You don’t have to stand up for me, Alice. She’s always been this way. She gets over it.”

  Janet shook her head and leaned back in her chair. “I’m proud of you, Jack. I really am. But since we’re doing a little meet and greet here, I figured why put on the rose-colored glasses? Alice, you’ve got moxie for coming in here and standing up for my boy. I respect that. I wish you two the very best in whatever your future holds. I’m just a bitter old widow. I’m usually not entirely like this.”

  Again, Alice was speechless. It was definitely a situation she had never experienced. Janet did love her son, Alice could see it in her eyes, but she was a woman who had been through a lot. She couldn’t blame her – the mere thought of losing Jack made her panic. This woman had actually lived through losing the love of her life.

  ***

  “You gonna be quiet all night?” Jack asked, pulling her in beside him on the couch. Alice figured he’d be in a bad mood after everything with his mother, but it didn’t seem to mess with him.

  “Just thinking about some stuff.”

  “Like?”

  Alice took a deep breath. Did she want to let him in on everything she was feeling? Would it frustrate him to tell him she was having an inner freak out moment about his chosen career? She couldn’t worry about that. People died everyday. There were firefighters who lived to be old men. Why not him?

  “Would you say that was a success with your mom today?”

  Jack pursed his lips. “Yeah, I think so. She said she respected you. That’s more than she’s ever said about anyone else. You really put the brass knuckles on when she was laying into us. That’s pretty incredible.”

  “You think so?” Alice was shocked at his response.

  “Hard to believe?”

  “Just usually, guys get pissy when women stand up to their mothers. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. She really is still angry at the fact that you’re a firefighter?”

  Jack smiled and hugged her tighter. “You should’ve seen her the day I told her I was going to the fire academy. You’d think I had just told her I had killed someone. But just like with everything else, she got over it. She’s just a worrier. I’d love for my kid to go on and do what I do, but I’d worry too. It’s because she cares.”

  “How did… you know…” Alice cut herself off. They had never talk
ed about how his dad had died, she just always assumed during a fire. Now she wasn’t sure if it was appropriate to bring up, but it fell out of her mouth without even trying.

  “How did he die?”

  “Yeah, I mean, if you want to say. I know it can be tough to talk about.”

  Jack crinkled his brow and shook his head. “Nah, it’s fine, Alice. I can’t believe I’ve never told you. There was a chemical fire at a factory. He went in to save a victim. He was on search and rescue at the time. Got them out, but just as he was about to step out onto the ladder, the floor collapsed. I was at school. I remember them pulling me out early and telling me. I’ll never forget that day. Still feels like it just happened.”

  “I’m so sorry, Jack.”

  “Don’t be. He died saving a life and doing what he loved. I use that as inspiration every time I get on the rig. What a role model to have.”

  Alice looked into his eyes, loving how passionate he was about it. “That’s good. You’ve got your own personal guardian angel.”

  “Something else bugging you?”

  How did he know? He was so good at reading her. “It’s stupid. Nothing really to get worked up over.”

  “Tell me. What gives?” He nudged her. “It’s not stupid if you’re thinking about it.”

  Straightening her posture, Alice took his hand and held it, keeping her gaze on him. “What your mom said today really did get me thinking. And believe me, I meant what I said about being proud of you, but until today, it never crossed my mind about everything. Your job is your job. I love that you’re doing what you feel you’re called to do. It was just an eye opener today.”

  Jack didn’t say anything at first. The room fell silent, and Alice wondered if she should’ve just played it off as not a big deal. “I’m sorry you’re worrying about that. You shouldn’t have to.”

  “It’s not a deal breaker for me, Jack. I love you. I can’t imagine not being with you. Like I said, your mom just sort of pushed me into reality for a bit. We can’t live life off of what if’s.”