by Pamela Ann
“What’s your role?” My dad inquired with a frown. I felt sorry already for him before I blurted out my answer.
“I’m to be Angela, the wife.”
My dad got up and started to pace. “You mean you’ll be naked? In a movie, where all of our friends and family can see you? The rest of the world will see my baby naked?”
My dad was starting to turn red. Thank God my mom stepped in. “Sit your ass down, Seth. We have to discuss this as a family,” Mom composed herself before she spoke again, after my dad went back to his seat and simmered like a little kid, “Emma, we understand that you want to become an actress, ever since you were little, you always loved to act and would make little plays for us with your Barbie’s. Don’t get me wrong, I think this is a great opportunity for you, but at the same time, do you want to risk your self-preservation and morality for a film that will possibly pay you a hundred grand or so? Think long and hard, once this is filmed, it will be out there forever. Your kids will see it. Your children’s children will see it. It’s forever. Do you want to be haunted by that? ”
She has a point, but I am holding my ground. And besides, I already signed on the dotted line.
“I do get your point, Mom, trust me, I do. But this is what I want. For the past couple of years, I have been drifting along not knowing what I wanted to do in life. I didn’t think acting was possible for me–I hadn’t even thought about it since I graduated high school, but now since this had practically landed in my lap, I will not deter from it. I want to do it. I already signed the contract last week and they’re not paying me a hundred grand Mom, they’re paying me five million dollars.”
“God help me! My daughter becomes a movie star and I can’t even brag it to my friends, let alone watch it,” My dad muttered under his breath. I really felt bad for dad.
I got up and hugged him from behind the chair. “I’m sorry Dad, but you have to understand. I want this. I’m a big girl, I can handle it.”
My mom leaned back and slightly shook her head like she was trying to digest everything I just spouted out at them. “Well, on the upside, at least we don’t have to worry about paying off her education or worrying if she could survive on her own if we die one day. Our daughter’s a millionaire and she’s not even twenty-one.”
My Aunt Gem got up and congratulated me, “You’re going to be a beautiful actress, Emma. You have a beautiful heart and a beautiful face. The world is going to love you! I just know so.”
Although, I doubted that the whole world would like my acting or that they would all love me, but I thanked her all the same. What mattered was that she meant the words. Knowing that she just filed divorce from Uncle Brad, my aunt looked well and healthy. I guess it was for the best then.
“When do you start filming?” Dad inquired while he started to eat.
“May and it’s going to be filmed in Greece.”
“Good, then you still have time to prepare then,” Mom murmured.
“Yeah, enough time for my kiddo to think it through and back out of the movie,” My father added and he meant it too. Not happening, Dad.
Aunt Gem stepped in, “oh, stop it. This is a great thing for our little, Emma. Stop ruining her mood.”
When I glanced at the time and saw that it was about to hit ten, I decided to get moving.
“I have to go. I have class later this afternoon. I will call you guys soon, okay? I want to see little Joey, soon.” I grabbed my coffee and finished it in one gulp.
Mom and dad stood up and hugged me. “We’ll see you soon. Congratulations, baby!” Mom kissed me on the cheek while dad kissed my forehead.
“Drive carefully, will you? I think I’ve had enough shock to last me a lifetime.” Dad tended to overreact when it comes to me–all the time.
“Always Dad.” I gave a quick goodbye to my aunt and waved at them, “Love you lots,” I yelled before leaving the kitchen and out the front door.
Turning on the engine, my mood started to sink thinking about seeing Carter, “One down, one to go.”
“If you fell down yesterday, stand up today.”
― H.G. Wells
26
The moment I parked my car, I fished out my phone and texted Carter.
Me: Hey. I just got back in town. Can you come over?
It beeped after a minute.
Carter: Be there soon, babe.
Fuck! I didn’t even know how to break it to him. We just got back together too.
I cared for Bass and the thought of the intimate moments that I shared with him saddens me. I suppose we really needed last night to get closure, somehow.
Since Carter would be here any second, I got out of my car and went inside the dorm. Lindsey wasn’t home and I felt relieved. I didn’t need a witness when Carter had a meltdown and lost his shit.
In my room, I fought the urge to shower. I didn’t want to prolong any of this and have Carter waiting on me. This confrontation needed to be dealt with as soon as possible. I couldn’t tiptoe around the subject. I made a choice and I had to stand by it. Shit, happens…on a daily basis. I just have to brave it out, I suppose.
Changing my clothes, I put on my jean short-shorts and a loose baby blue cotton shirt. I looked up when I heard the door open; Carter has a key to the apartment.
“Em?”
“I’m in here,” I called out. I was on edge and a little jittery to boot.
I carefully positioned myself on the bed, crisscrossed. Here goes the other…
Carter came through the door and immediately gave me a huge smile when he saw me. ”I missed you!”
“We have to talk about something important,” I started as I eyed him. Carter instantly tensed and his handsome face contorted.
“What’s it about?” Carter whispered as he stared back at me, apprehensive.
I guess there’s no other way to go down but go down with a large bang, right? Shit. “Something happened with Bass last night.” I didn’t even get the chance to finish before Carter sprung off the bed and started pacing.
“Define ‘happened’ Emma? You had sex with him, is that it?”
“No. I stayed with him last night, nothing really happened except his hand lingering a bit longer on certain areas.” And how I really wanted to succumb to him and try to get him out of my system.
Carter stopped pacing and sat back down again. His hurt face tugged something inside me. “Bass didn’t fuck you?”
Isn’t that what I just said? This is what I get for being such a whorebag-ish.
“No, it wasn’t like that,” I murmured not meeting his eye.
Yep, Bass and I didn’t have sex. But I was tempted.
Carter ran both of his hands through his hair. “You lying about going to sleep at your parent’s house is stabbing me hard right now, Em. How could you do this? We barely just got back together.”
I don’t know. I honestly didn’t know why I do the things I do with Bass. Another Emma emerges—frivolous, spontaneous, alive and inhibited.
With all my heart, I wanted so badly to say that I was sorry for doing it, but I would be lying to Carter if I did apologize for something I didn’t regret doing.
“Maybe it’s because we got back together too quickly? Maybe I didn’t see it coming and I’m still trying to place my feelings in order? I met Bass right after you. I got to spend time with him, Carter. Somehow, someway, he got through to me.”
Carter groaned. “So, you’re back with him? You wanted me to drop by today because you’re breaking it off? I can’t believe this!”
“I’m not with Bass. Last night was a one-time thing. I don’t think I will be hearing from him again.” Not for a while, I think. He will be busy filming a movie during the day and having a beautiful stunning angel in his arms at night.
Carter lied across horizontally on my bed, both hands on his face. “Carter, I didn’t mean to lead you on or anything. I meant it when I said I loved you. It’s just that I’m as confused as ever. I didn’t mean for us to end this way. I honestly did
n’t.”
I did love Carter, I still do. But was it as consuming as before? No, Bass chipped a bit of that off.
Carter huffed out a lungful of air and sat up looking at me directly in the eye. “I don’t want to break up with you, Em. I hate what you did but I don’t think I can survive without you again. I had a taste of that and I sure as hell don’t want to go back to that man. Take as much time as you need to figure things out in your head, I will still be here as your boyfriend. I love you and as badly as I want to think that you’re perfect, you’re human and by nature you’re make mistakes.”
What? “You still want me after what I did?” I stared at him flabbergasted. Who the hell is this man? The old Carter would have stomped around and threw a massive tantrum the entire campus would witness. The Carter before me is someone I have yet to know.
“I love you, Em,” He croaked as he softly touched the side of my face. “We’ll be okay. We’re just hitting some rough patches because I totally messed up before. But now that we’ve cleared that up, we can start anew.”
Could we?
Could Carter and I move past this hurdle? I suppose I wouldn’t know if I didn’t give it a try.
“Maybe you’re right. We can start fresh from here on,” I agreed.
A tad doubtful, but much more hopeful.
A few weeks later…
Carter was throwing a Halloween party tonight at his house. We ended up being Jack Sparrow and Elizabeth Swan from Pirates of the Caribbean.
I smiled like an idiot when we both checked each other out. Of course, my costume was on the sexy side, showing my belly button. Carter even had the whole dark eye-liner thing going. He took being Jack Sparrow quite seriously.
“My, can I be your captive Captain Jack?”
Carter Jack Sparrow gave me a chaste kiss and smiled, showing his toothy pirate smile. “Anything for my Miss Swan.”
The party was wild and crazy. Nothing really unusual for a Carter Mason party, but what really got me was how Carter and I were stuck like glue together the whole time.
We danced, we laughed and we made out like no one’s business. It didn’t take long for me to get sucked in back into Carter’s world. Every time my thoughts drifted back to Bass, I immediately shut them down and shove it somewhere in the back of my mind. I didn’t want to jeopardize anything with Carter. I really wanted us to work out.
And for the first time, I really felt happy. Carter made me very happy.
When Thanksgiving rolled in, we spent it with my family. He was the second guy I brought home to meet my parents. Though mom was very sweet and accommodating, my father on the other hand, was a total pain.
“Tell me, Carter, how many women have you had sex with?” My father, Seth, asked in such a serious manner during dinner before he popped a carrot in his mouth and chewed it leisurely.
Of course, the entire table including my aunt and baby nephew got quiet. Baby Joey, though oblivious as to what the question meant, knew it was serious. Dad didn’t act like this when he met Lewis. I didn’t understand the third-degree with Carter.
Mom warned dad but it was to no avail. Dad stood his ground while he waited for Carter to respond. He eyed Carter with heavy scrutiny.
“Dad, can you at least act civilized. You’re being to invasive,” I hissed at my dad.
Carter turned red.
I somehow knew though that Carter might have a guesstimate, but not the exact digits.
I tensed when I heard Carter clear his throat. WTF, was he really planning to answer that? How could he even manage to without getting his head chopped off?
“I can honestly tell you, sir, that I do not know precisely the answer to that question. But what I can tell you, with great frankness and confidence, is that since Emma came into my life, I didn’t want anyone else. If you had asked me how many women I have loved in my life, it wouldn’t have taken me long to answer. I only have ever loved once. And that woman is your daughter.”
Oh, shit. I loved him more in that moment.
After a minute of silence, my father beamed. “The irony, I gave Emma’s grandfather a similar answer when he asked me the same question. You are welcome in our home as long as you treat my only daughter well. Don’t make me regret this, Carter.”
“Thank you, sir, I promise that I won’t.” With that, Carter was welcomed. He was in my father’s good graces. Carter even accepted his invitation to spend Christmas Eve with us. I felt even more confident then, with our steady and getting stronger by the day relationship.
When we drove back to his house, I decided that tonight I was going to tell him about the Lombardo film. I just hoped that he would take it lightly and be happy for me.
Changed and ready for bed, Carter gathered me in his arms and started kissing me.
“Carter?” I asked, breaking off our kiss.
I looked at him while he waited for me to speak. “I have to tell you something important…something that I really love and am really excited about. I want you to have an open mind and let me finish talking before you say anything, okay?”
I waited for him to nod before I continued. “I got chosen to be the lead actress of a movie alongside Bass. It won’t start filming until May in Greece. I’m not sure if you’re aware, but I have always loved acting even if my experience is only from my high school drama class. But I love it and I believe that this opportunity could start my career if everything turns out well.”
Carter let go of me and stared at the ceiling. His usual demeanor when he’s deep in thought. After a few seconds of him not muttering anything, I touched his arm.
“Carter, say something?”
“I’m happy for you, Em. I really am. But concerning you working with Bass? Not so much. He wants you. I don’t know if he’ll stop the next time. Right now, I’m thinking that he’s probably waiting for the right opportunity to draw you in. I know men like him quite well because I was one. And I have a feeling that this movie will be the best excuse and the best advantage for him to do it.”
No, Bass and I were through. I hadn’t even heard from him. From what I could gather from the media that followed him day and night, he was busy living his life partying and playing hard on the field…of vaginas.
“That phase with Bass is done, Carter. You have nothing to worry about. I’m with you now and we’re doing so great, you’re being so great and you make me very happy. I can’t help but love you a little more each day.”
He turned on his side and cupped my cheek. His eyes spoke volumes and it didn’t take a second for me to succumb to his will. His love rolled over me with his kisses, his touch and his mastery.
Carter showed me his universe that night as he slowly made love to me.
“Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes…just be an illusion.”
- Javan
27
I got to spend Christmas day with Lindsey and Carter at their aunt and uncle’s house in Montecito. This would be the first time that I met them and I had all these bad scenarios already in my head about them. I thought Carter didn’t speak about them much because, you know, they were awful or something.
I was wrong. They were a lovely couple and it was obvious how much they loved Lindsey and Carter. So, I didn’t get why Carter was being so indifferent about his Aunt Alice and his Uncle Gary’s affection.
After lunch, Carter immediately excused us when Alice suggested going out to see a movie. I wanted to go, but Carter didn’t even give me the option. So, when Lindsey, Alice and Gary left for the movie theatre, I was determined to get answers.
He dragged me up to his bedroom. His home was enormous. Duh, Em? It’s Montecito? He’s probably neighbors with Oprah.
“Why did your Aunt and Uncle buy such a large house when there’s only the two of them?” I wondered out loud.
“They already bought the house before we moved in here. They hoped to have their own children but after a few years of trying and artificial insemination didn’t work, they gave up
trying, but loved this house too much to let it go. They were happy to raise Lindsey and me after our parents died. I guess in the end, they somehow got what they wanted.”
That’s a little twisted to even consider. Gary seemed like a well-rounded guy and I didn’t even doubt for a second that he didn’t mourn the loss of his departed brother.
“That’s a little weird to say, Carter. You make it sound like they’re happy that your parents are dead because through that, they got instant kids handed to them.”
“Whatever.”
Right whatever, Carter. You spout words that have a lot of hidden meaning and I should just shove it aside and ignore it.
“Here’s my bedroom,” Carter murmured as he opened the dark oak door.
The ‘bedroom’ was twice the size of our dorm room. It was themed in dark nautical colors against white walls. Carter’s trophies and achievements lined up on top of a mirrored panel. I walked towards it and scrutinized each trophy. I knew Carter was great, but I didn’t really know to what extent. His trophies started during little leagues and it hasn’t stopped since. I smiled thinking about a little Carter in the field with smeared mud all over his uniform and face.
“What are you smiling about?” Carter asked against my ear as he pulled me against his chest.
“A little league Carter Mason.”
Carter sucked on my earlobe and I moaned against him. He hastily pulled my dress up and pulled my stockings down and reached inside my thong, rubbing my core. “How about you think about the big league Carter Mason, hmm?” He whispered erotically in my ear.
With my head on the right side of his chest, I reach around and pulled his lips towards me. I shivered when he kissed me like he was kissing me for the very first time while his fingers did their job, killing me softly.
Carter started pulling us towards his bed as we fervently kissed and at the same time, hastily taking our clothes off. He broke our kiss and pushed me down the bed, naked. My hair was all over the place but I didn’t care because Carter was eyeing me with such a terrifying hunger in from their dark depths. He stood tall and naked before me and I indulged my over eager eyes.
