by Opal Carew
“It doesn’t matter how much you say it wasn’t me, it was me you were rejecting.”
“Only because you were the one that brought out that side of me.”
“Do you think that made the rejection any easier?”
Her big blue eyes gleamed as she gazed at him. “Oh, Matt, but I didn’t leave you. I probably wouldn’t have.”
His hands balled into fists. “But in a way you did, every time you held a part of yourself back. And then you did for real.” He waved away her protest. “I know now that you left because of the lies you’d been told about me, but from my point of view at the time, you left me. Because you didn’t really love me. It was a rejection so complete, and so sudden, it tore my heart in two.”
He stared at her, the pain of that rejection searing through him. Her gaze darted away from him.
“Don’t get me wrong, Kate. I know it wasn’t your fault. Now. But back then, I thought you’d simply found someone else and walked out of my life. I didn’t understand how you could do it in such a callous way and, at first, I didn’t believe it. That’s why I kept calling you. But you wouldn’t answer me. Then you asked to be taken off the project for my company. I couldn’t argue with the facts.” He turned his palms to her imploringly. “What else was I supposed to believe?”
She stood up. “Matt, I’m sorry for what you went through.” She stepped toward him, but he shook his head and turned away.
“Don’t be. I have more to tell you.” He paced across the room, then turned to face her again, a comfortable distance between them.
“A few weeks after it all happened, I was at a fund-raiser and the president of the consulting firm you worked for approached me. We talked a bit about general matters, then the conversation turned to the usual business stuff. He wanted to ensure the transition to a new project leader had gone smoothly, after you’d left the project. He knew I didn’t deal with the project directly, but that I keep pretty close tabs on everything that goes on in my company. After that, he mentioned that he’d asked for a recommendation from my personnel manager to help place you on another project, and he hadn’t heard back. He asked if I could expedite the process because they needed the reference for a new client project. That this client was getting impatient and nothing could move forward until they had the reference. He assumed I’d give you a glowing review.”
He and Kate had been careful not to let anyone on the business side know about their romance, but everyone knew that Matt thought highly of Kate and her work. She did excel at what she did and he ensured his staff knew he recognized that.
“Of course, I couldn’t tell him I would give you a good reference. Even though that would be the professional thing to do, I really didn’t give a shit about professionalism at that point. I was hurting.”
“You gave me a negative review?”
“No, I gave you no recommendation at all. But it seems, at that same party, Ileana, who was my companion that night, made a point of giving your boss a friendly word of warning that you would never be welcome at Cutting Edge Industries again, or at any of my other companies.”
“He wouldn’t have liked that. You were our biggest client.”
“That’s right. I knew what Ileana had said to him, and I didn’t correct her. Of course, why would I? It was true.”
“Matt, I understand why you’d feel that way. I felt the same way about you. That’s why I left the project. But that doesn’t have to affect us now.”
“But that’s not all.” He paced. “I instructed personnel not to give a reference for you at all.” His mouth compressed into a thin line. “Ileana chided me to do it—to hold back a reference—but ultimately it was my decision. I should have been a bigger man, but…” He shrugged. At the time, it hadn’t seemed anywhere near enough to punish her for her rejection. He knew she was good at what she did, so she’d be okay. He just didn’t feel like helping her after the pain she’d caused him.
“But it seems the word got out that you weren’t welcome at Cutting Edge Industries, and it’s a small tech community, after all.”
Kate watched the pain etching Matt’s features. She could understand why he would refuse giving her a recommendation given the situation. But she remembered how hard it was when her boss told her they were having trouble finding a contract for her, then after a few weeks of her sitting on the bench, how they’d finally laid her off, telling her there wasn’t enough work.
“That’s why I was let go.”
He nodded. “That’s not all. When you went looking for work elsewhere, the other consulting companies refused to take you on because your reputation was rapidly crashing. Cutting Edge wouldn’t recommend you, your ex-employer had dropped you like a hot potato, and any firms that did come asking about you quickly got the idea they were taking a big chance with their own reputation.”
“Are you saying that they were afraid to be associated with me because your company wouldn’t have anything to do with me?”
He shrugged. “That’s the way it is in business. One black mark can destroy a career.”
Pain and anger blazed through Kate. She remembered the panic that had swept through her as weeks, then months passed, and she hadn’t been able to get work. At first, her boss had assured her they’d find something, then they had laid her off. She’d approached other consulting firms who had courted her in the past but who now flatly slammed the door in her face. Even the smaller firms. A couple had taken a chance and bid her on a couple of contracts, but those didn’t pan out and, finally, one helpful associate had given her the tip about a contract in Connecticut and suggested that starting over in a new location would be a good idea. Everyone had assured her it had been the state of business in New York at the time. She’d had no reason to question it.
But now, to find out that Matt had been the cause of her career plummeting…
“You destroyed my career? You ripped away all the good will I’d built up. Wiped out all the hard work I’d put in.” Having to pack up and leave everything behind her had been devastating. She’d loved living in New York. She had friends. She had a great place to live.
She’d had a life she loved. But she’d had to walk away from it all.
“I’m sorry, Kate.”
“You’re sorry?” She glared at him in amazement. Did he think that could fix everything? “Did you know the effect this was having on me?”
He sighed and stared past her. “I wish I could say I didn’t.” His gaze caught hers, but at the blaring anger emanating from her, it flicked away. “But I did. I hadn’t realized how broad the effect was, but I did know it was causing you problems.”
“So you and Ileana must have enjoyed that. The two of you”—she cast a look of disgust at the big bed they’d just shared for their poignant lovemaking—“lying in that bed having a good laugh.”
His lips compressed. “I never laughed about it, Kate. I never even discussed it with Ileana. I’d been bitter and angry, and I admit, I wanted to hurt you, but I hated myself for it. Even then. And now. Oh, fuck, what I wouldn’t give to take it all back. To make it different.”
“But you can’t. And you can’t change who you are.” Her hands clenched into fists and she paced the room. “Why do you think I never wanted to submit to a man? Because you don’t care who you hurt. It’s all about being in control. Making the world the way you want it to be. And if you can’t have that, then you strike out to hurt others.”
Just like her father had. He’d controlled Kate and he’d controlled her mother. And Matt had done the exact same thing. But she saw it now and she’d never, ever let it happen again.
“Kate—”
His tone, the look in his eyes, told her that he was going to make a plea. To proclaim his love again and tell her he was sorry and wanted to make it up to her. But she couldn’t take it. She wanted nothing to do with him.
She slashed her hand through the air. “No!” She shoved the sheets away from her, mindless of the fact she stood before him naked, then she strode to
the closet, grabbed a pair of jeans and a shirt, and pulled them on, heedless of her lack of underwear. “I’m out of here.”
She strode to the door, then retrieved her purse from her room. Moments later, she hurried down the street. She tugged her cell phone from her purse and called for a taxi.
Kate opened the dryer door and pulled out her warm clothes, then placed them in a heap in her blue plastic laundry basket. It had been almost a week since she’d run out on Matt and her heart still clenched at the thought of his betrayal. She dumped the basket of clothes on the sorting table, picked up a light gray shirt, and folded it.
She’d ached knowing how he’d suffered after she’d walked out on him two years ago with no understanding of why it had happened, but then finding out how he’d taken his revenge on her cut her to the core.
“Hey, Kate. There you are.”
Kate swung her head around to see Ellen standing in the laundry-room doorway.
“Oh, hi, Ellen.”
Kate dropped the folded blouse into the basket, then picked up a striped shirt. She felt a little guilty because she’d been avoiding Ellen, but she knew her friend would pick up on her mood and try to get her to talk about what was wrong. Kate had been nowhere near ready for that.
Ellen grabbed a shirt from Kate’s pile and began folding. “So I thought maybe we’d share a bottle of wine. I have the feeling you could use someone to talk to.”
“I don’t know. I’ve got to finish this laundry, then I was going to catch up on some paperwork.”
Ellen dropped the folded T-shirt into the basket. “Your laundry’s almost done and that paperwork is for the business, right?”
Kate shrugged.
“Business can wait until Monday. Especially since you had booked last week off, yet you came back from your trip early and went into the office anyway.” Ellen dropped another T-shirt into the basket. “So? What do you say?”
Kate sighed. Ellen was being a good friend. And Kate could use someone to talk to.
“Okay, but let’s make it my place.”
Ellen had pictures of her and her boyfriend around her place and the last thing Kate needed was images of a happy couple glowing at her all evening.
Kate sipped her glass of wine as she sat on the couch facing Ellen.
“So, he was the reason you had to move to Connecticut?” Ellen said. “Well, I guess I’ll have to thank him.”
“Ellen, he ruined my life.”
“Really? But you have a business you love, you’re your own boss”—she grinned—“and you’ve got me as a best friend. Is life really so bad?”
Kate’s heart ached. “It’s true that I’ve rebuilt my life in spite of what he did. But it doesn’t change the fact that he betrayed me. For revenge.”
“But think about it, Kate. Would you have been willing to give him a recommendation after what you thought he’d done to you? You said you left the project with his company.”
Kate nodded.
“The guy’s only human. And I bet he didn’t realize what it was doing to your life.”
Kate sighed. “I know. I’ve told myself the same thing. But it was so hard to have to leave everything behind. And it was his fault.”
Ellen leaned forward and placed her hand on Kate’s. “You know, I don’t think this has anything to do with what happened to your job. I think it has to do with the fact that he had control over your life and you think he abused it. I think this has to do with the fact your father was abusive and you’re now running scared that Matt will be the same kind of man as your father. But do you think he is?”
“Ellen, when I was a kid, my mom was totally under my dad’s control. He controlled what she wore, what money she had to spend, where she went, who she saw. And she let him. I hated that. When my aunt took sick and Mom’s family called her to come and see Aunt Lily before she died, Dad wouldn’t let her go. And the worst was, Mom didn’t fight back. Aunt Lily died and Mom was devastated. She didn’t get a chance to say good-bye, but she could have, if she hadn’t let Dad control her.”
“But you’re not like that, Kate. You’re stronger. You will never let a man control you like that.”
Kate shook her head. “How do you know that? I don’t know that. When I’m with Matt, I don’t know myself. This past week, I had started to believe…” A well of emotion flooded her and she sucked in a breath. “I thought that maybe we could make it work. But that was because I trusted him. I knew he would never abuse his control over me. But…I mean, now I’ve seen that, in the right circumstances, he can be selfish and would strike out.”
“Oh, Kate, who isn’t like that? When we’re pushed to the wall, we’re all capable of acting out. But think about it. If he’d really been trying to hurt you, he could have done better than that.”
“You mean he could have gotten me fired from my job? Oh, wait. He did.”
“Okay, I get it. But it wasn’t on purpose. He told you he didn’t realized the effect his actions were having on you. He simply held back giving you a glowing recommendation. As I said, he’s human. I’m sure you wouldn’t have been up to telling people what a wonderful human being he was right then, either. On the other hand, if he’d really wanted to hurt you, he could have given you a bad review. He could have said you’re unreliable and that your work sucked. That you couldn’t be depended on to see a project through, et cetera. If he’d done that, would you even have gotten the job here?”
“I suppose you’re right.”
“Of course I’m right. Kate, I’ve seen how you look at that man, and it’s clear as day you’re in love with him. Right?”
Kate pursed her lips and nodded. “But sometimes love’s not enough.” Tears welled in her eyes as she remembered how her mother had always said how much she loved her father, yet she’d always seemed so miserable with her life.
“You’re only saying that because of your mom and dad, but Kate, Matt isn’t the same as your dad. And you’re not the same as your mom. You know that deep inside, don’t you?”
“Maybe. But that doesn’t mean it’ll work.”
Ellen’s eyebrow arched. “Have you thought about the fact that no matter what you decide about being with Matt, you still have to see him on a regular basis because of your business arrangement?”
Had she thought about it? In fact, she’d thought of almost nothing else over the past several days. The big question in her mind was, how could she possibly continue the business arrangement with Matt now?
Matt finished the e-mail to his marketing director and hit SEND, then leaned back in his chair and rubbed the back of his neck. He hadn’t slept well over the past week, tossing and turning at night with thoughts of Kate. A part of him wanted to go after her and beg her to take him back, while another insisted he seduce her with his authoritative manner and demand she be his.
But, damn it, neither of those approaches would work.
As much as he’d known it had to end between them, that Kate would never love him after finding out what he’d done, it didn’t make it any easier.
He glared at his screen, his teeth clenching. He was a man of action. A man who fought for what he wanted.
But he couldn’t fight for Kate. He couldn’t make Kate love him.
The phone rang and his gaze darted to it. His secretary knew this was the time he blocked off every day to be undisturbed. He snatched up the handset.
“What is it?” he snapped.
“Oh, uh…Sorry to disturb you, Mr. Pearce, but…I mean, I explained that you don’t take visitors right now, but she said it’s important. I…uh…Should I send her away?”
Damn. His secretary was out sick today and now he’d intimidated the hell out of the poor temp.
Why would a woman appear at his door without an appointment? His business associates and senior staff knew he didn’t take visitors in the morning. His heart lurched, wondering if it might actually be Kate, but he knew better and stamped down that hope before it could unbalance him. Why would she come al
l the way here from Connecticut, especially without letting him know? He was sure she wouldn’t want to see him, and if she wanted to talk business, she’d probably have her lawyer or one of her staff contact him.
“The woman is quite insistent,” the temp said quietly into the phone.
Quite insistent? That sounded more like Ileana.
“Fine, send her in.”
He clicked on his browser and opened the calendar window. The door opened and from the corner of his eye as he reviewed his schedule, he caught a quick impression of a woman in a tailored black suit with a pencil-thin skirt, red pumps with stiletto heels, and carrying a red handbag. Definitely Ileana’s style.
He had a half hour free before his meeting with the board.
He might as well get this over with because, knowing Ileana, whatever it was she wanted, she wouldn’t let it slide. He leaned back in his chair.
“So, Ileana, what is it you want?”
But the woman standing before him was not Ileana. He sucked in a breath and stared at her, ensuring that he wasn’t seeing things.
“Kate?”
“You were expecting Ileana?” She closed the door behind her and glanced around his office.
“No, of course not. It’s just that when my secretary…the temp…said a woman was insisting to see me…” He stood up. “I don’t take visitors this time of day.”
“Yes, she made that clear. So, I’m disturbing you.”
“No, Kate. Not at all. Please come in and sit down.” He gestured to the chair facing his desk.
She stepped farther into his big office, but paused yards from his desk. She stood tall and confident, commanding the room. Her presence surrounded him, mesmerizing him.
Silence hung between them as he waited for her to say something, but finally he needed to break the silence. “Why are you here, Kate?”
“You and I have unfinished business to discuss.”
“I have a meeting in a half hour,” he stated distractedly, concerned it didn’t give them much time, but he instantly regretted saying it aloud.
