by T. J. Kline
It wasn’t a question, and she could tell from his overconfident smile, he didn’t need for her to confirm he was right. She wasn’t about to give him the satisfaction of admitting it, even if she could feel the cold creeping down her back where his body had just been.
“If I say yes, will you clean both litter boxes?”
Gage arched a brow and tipped his chin down. “If you say yes, I can promise a lot more than clean litter boxes.”
Damn, if that didn’t send more than a few butterflies into flight in her belly. Every nerve ending sparked to life and pulsed with anticipation. Just before he laughed quietly and walked away from her.
“GAGE, WOULD YOU come help me saddle the horses?”
The serious note of Jessie’s voice didn’t bode well for him. She’d warned him before this little field trip to stay away from Leah, and he hadn’t missed the way she stopped whatever she might be doing to watch them every time Gage came within ten feet of Leah.
“Sure.” He finished shoving the sleeping bag he was packing into the storage bag before slipping into the corral and locking the gate behind him. He crossed his arms as he turned toward her. “What now, Jess? Because we are both well aware of the fact that I barely know the difference between a stirrup and a saddle horn.”
She glanced his way as she tugged at the cinch. “You know enough.”
It was clear they weren’t talking about saddles or horses. As much as he liked Jessie, he wasn’t about to bow down and be bullied by her demands. “Is it really any of your business?”
She slapped the stirrup into place and turned toward him, laying one hand on the horse’s neck. “It is when she works for me, and I’m the one who’ll have to pick up the pieces when you decide to head back to your regularly scheduled life.”
“What makes you think I’m going to leave her in pieces, Jessie? Leah is a big girl and I’m pretty sure she’s been making grown-up decisions for a long time. Probably longer than either of us. I don’t think she needs your permission, or your judgment, when it comes to who she dates.”
Jessie’s mouth pinched to a thin line, and he knew she was trying to control the fiery temper he’d heard rumors about, but he wasn’t about to let this go.
“What’s the real issue here? You didn’t say a word when I dated Bailey.”
“Leah isn’t Bailey.”
“No,” he agreed, “she’s not.”
“Bailey recognized you for a player. She knew exactly where she stood, and if anything, I was worried about you getting hurt in that relationship.” Jessie poked a finger against his chest. “Bailey wasn’t starting a new job in a new city completely out of her element. She wasn’t lonely, hurting, or fragile.”
Gage wanted to laugh at the idea that Leah might be fragile. She was tough. Tough enough to stand up to a stranger on the side of the road, and tough enough to fight through the abuse she’d suffered. The image of her trembling in her kitchen, in the middle of a panic attack, flashed in his mind.
He couldn’t deny she’d been fragile in that moment. The pain and the fear he’d seen in her eyes, the vulnerability she’d confessed. Leah wasn’t weak, but she was breakable, and he knew that was what Jessie worried he might do.
“Jessie, I’m not going to hurt her.”
“You can’t know that.” She pushed past him and lifted the saddle blanket to Grady’s back where he waited, tied and already groomed. “You’re leaving.”
“About that. I don’t think I am.”
LEAH SAT AT the island in the kitchen while the kittens jumped and tumbled at her feet. After they’d arrived back at the ranch yesterday, Gage had disappeared, leaving her to clean the litter boxes and wonder what she’d said, or done, to make him want to avoid her like the plague so suddenly. One minute he was making promises that made her bones melt where she stood, and the next, he was riding at the front of the group with Nathan, acting like she didn’t exist.
The kittens yowled from where they pounced on her feet, demanding breakfast. “Fine, you two,” she answered with a sigh, scooping them into her arms. Both rewarded her with purrs of appreciation as Puma touched the tip of his nose to hers. “You two are spoiled brats.”
Great! I’ve become that crazy lady who talks to cats.
“At least you monsters let me sleep last night.”
“Knock, knock.” Gage’s voice sounded just before he entered the house.
“It’s customary to wait until you’re invited in. What if I wasn’t dressed?” Leah asked with a scowl. It annoyed her that he was acting like he hadn’t forgotten her existence last night.
“Then I’d have been a lucky man.” He winked at her playfully, his gaze warm and languid as it slid over her.
She tried to ignore the fact that the tight yoga pants and the T-shirt didn’t leave much to the imagination. At least she was wearing a bra. She turned her back on him and, standing on her toes, reached into the cupboard for another coffee mug, trying to still the butterflies that had taken flight the moment she heard his voice.
She should have felt outraged at his audacity. Instead, she just felt ridiculous, like a girl with a silly crush, not that it did anything to still the fluttering in her belly.
“Maybe I’d have skipped the coffee and headed straight for dessert.”
His voice was low, reaching into her and heating her blood, as he stepped behind her, surprising her and causing her to bobble the cup in her hands.
“Here, I’ll get it.”
Gage slipped the mug from her fingers and moved away, leaving her feeling shaken and bereft, while he appeared completely relaxed. He poured himself a cup, spooning in the sugar, before taking a sip, peering at her over the rim.
“What?”
“You’ve got a lot of nerve.”
She didn’t like feeling defensive. It took her back to the time when she was a victim, helpless and waiting for the next attack. She’d spent too many years on the offensive, too many years planning ahead so that she didn’t end up in this position. She’d spent too long making other people feel the way she did right now.
The kittens meowed a greeting and left their food bowls to wind themselves around his ankles. “I thought you were coming to clean the litter boxes last night when we got back. Instead, you just disappeared.”
He arched a brow in question, and she realized how petty and needy she sounded. She hadn’t felt this pathetic in years, since she’d first been escorted to Nicole’s office and Nicole had pointed out that being helpless was a choice. She took a deep breath, vowing to be the strong woman she’d spent the past ten years becoming. She didn’t need help from anyone.
“But whatever.” She finished off the last of her coffee and put the cup into the sink. “I need to take a shower and get a few things together before I meet with the boys today. You’re going to have to leave.” She planted her fists on her hips, waiting for him to go. Instead, a slow smile spread over his face.
Damn him and that sexy mouth of his. She wasn’t going to stand here and let him mock her. Leah brushed past him, but he reached out with his free hand and grasped her elbow, pulling her to his side.
“Why the rush to get rid of me? Are you trying to tell me that you missed me last night?”
Narrowing her gaze, she channeled all of the irritation she could muster, while his thumb was making circles on the inside of her forearm, sending a sizzle of heat up the limb and making it hard to catch her breath.
“I mean, did the kittens miss me?” He gave her a cocky grin. “Sorry, slip of the tongue.”
He didn’t look apologetic at all. For all she knew, he could have found some other stupid woman to watch movies with last night.
“Yes, well, you and that slippery tongue of yours can take your coffee to go.” She tugged her elbow from his hand. “You know how to find the door.”
“Come on, Leah. You can’t be mad.”
She spun to face him. “Who said anything about being mad? I just have a few things to get in order for my jo
b. You know, that thing I do here to ensure I get a paycheck, so I can give you back the money for my car repairs.”
She started down the hall, leaving him to watch her go. She might have thrown a little extra sway in her hips, but she’d never admit it to him.
“Which is exactly what I was doing last night.” Leah stopped just outside of her office as he went on. “I had to take care of some . . . issues with work. There were phone calls and arrangements to make. I need to go to San Francisco tomorrow.”
She turned slowly, facing him, trying to read him. He could be lying, but she didn’t think he was. He’d already mentioned trouble at work, but what if this was just an excuse?
“Leah, I wanted to come over, but by the time I finished, it was really late.” He ran a hand over his eyes. “Honestly, I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to come over, and I wasn’t in any frame of mind to be able to do . . . well, this.” He let his hand fall to his side. “I was mentally exhausted and more than a little sore from the ride. I didn’t want to take that out on you.”
“Well, wasn’t that thoughtful of you?” The ice in her tone even caught her by surprise. She turned her back on him and reached for the doorknob.
She felt him behind her even before his hand slid up the wooden frame of the door. He didn’t touch her but he surrounded her—with his presence, his scent, the desire that rolled off of him in titillating waves. He brushed her hair away from her shoulder, his fingers moving over the curve of her neck exposed by her shirt, and she felt the longing coil tightly within her as his arm slipped around her waist, his palm lying against her stomach.
“You think I didn’t want to come? It was killing me all day remembering how it felt to kiss you.” His lips brushed over the sensitive spot behind her ear as he spoke. “I haven’t been able to get the taste of you off my lips. You were part of the reason I couldn’t come over last night. I couldn’t stop thinking about you long enough to focus on the work I needed to be doing.”
Leah let her head fall to one side with a sigh, giving him full access to the column of her neck. His lips found the pulse racing at her throat as he moved to one side of her, blocking her into the corner formed between the wall and the doorjamb. His hand slid around her back and curved around her waist. His thumb slid up over her ribs, teasing the underside of her breast; and his lips trailed hot kisses to her jaw. Leah’s hands found his waist, clutching at the T-shirt he wore, wishing she was bold enough to slide her hands beneath and feel the flesh that was scalding her through the material.
“You’re not ready for this. Any more than I am.”
His words fell around her, each one stabbing her heart. He was saying exactly what she’d already thought, but hearing it come from his lips hurt more than she’d ever imagined.
Chapter Seventeen
“I SHOULD GO.” Gage sucked in a shaky breath. He didn’t try to move away from her, and she didn’t release her grip on his shirt. He could feel her palms heating his skin through the material.
Looking up at him through feathered lashes, her eyes sparked with desire. “No,” she whispered. “You shouldn’t.”
He lifted his hand and brushed away the thick wave of hair that had fallen into her face, tucking it behind her ear. He pressed his forehead against hers and felt her tense. Gage took a deep breath and pressed a kiss to her cheek before reaching for her hands. “Yes, I should.”
“Gage?”
He knew he should walk out of the house and head back to his cabin. He should be thinking about the meeting he’d set up with George, Cooper, and their fourth partner and CFO, Griffin Masters. He should be studying the spreadsheets to see if there was a way they could still pay out the court settlements without laying off loyal employees. Being at Heart Fire, watching Jessie adamantly champion Leah, made him remember that, not too long ago, before he’d fallen victim to the whims of corporate greed, he’d done the same for his employees. He wanted to be that man again. Leah made him want to stand up and be that man again, the one who defended those who couldn’t fight for themselves, the one who would be an advocate for those who couldn’t speak. He shook his head and walked back toward the front door.
She stopped at the edge of the hall, forcing him to pause and turn back to her. “Why?” Her voice was quiet but demanding.
He pulled her toward him, and she came into his arms willingly but kept her palms against his chest, as if she was ready to flee if she felt threatened. He put his finger under her chin and lifted her face to meet his gaze.
“Leah, you flinch whenever I touch you. I can feel you tense up. I don’t want you to feel like I’m forcing this on you.” Gage ran his thumb gently over her cheek. “I’m going to go for now. I’ll come back later after you’re finished with the boys today, and we can have dinner or something, okay?” He pressed a kiss to her forehead and started for the door.
“Every man who has ever touched me has hurt me, except you.”
Her words stopped him mid-stride. Gage hung his head, praying she wouldn’t go on, hoping that what he was sure she was about to tell him hadn’t happened to her.
“The first time was when I was ten. He made me strip down, and she told him he could touch me. I can’t even count how many times it happened after that. But when I was twelve . . . ” Gage turned to see Leah shake her head, saw the ashen pallor of her skin, the coldness in her eyes. “She needed more money, so when he told her what he’d pay to have sex with me . . . she was too strung out to even know what was happening to me.”
Gage didn’t need to ask who. She’d already mentioned her mother. He felt repulsion at the nightmare Leah lived as a child, hating the one person who should have protected her. His fists clenched at his sides, and he could feel the bile rising in his throat at the perversion she’d been forced to endure.
“I couldn’t do anything to stop it. Every time I ran away, they brought me back. If I told someone what happened, she told them I was lying.”
Gage wondered if she even realized she was crying. The tears slid down her cheeks, unchecked, but Leah seemed distant, completely detached from the girl who suffered so deeply. Her arms hung limply at her sides, and although she looked at him, Leah’s blank stare didn’t see him. She was completely focused on the nightmare she was reliving.
“So, I finally decided that if I couldn’t make it stop, I would at least control it. I started making them pay me directly, instead of her. At least that way, I could manage the situation and keep myself from catching something the way she did. I could hide some of the money for food and bills.”
Gage felt like he’d been kicked in the gut by her revelation. She couldn’t possibly be saying that she’d prostituted herself. But Gage couldn’t work up the self-righteousness to judge her. As bad as things had been when his father was alive, he’d had his brother and his mother. He’d still had a family he could count on. Leah had no one. Everyone had failed her. The hardened exterior he believed she revealed to the world was formed for sheer survival.
He reached out to her, unable to control the instinct to want to comfort her.
Her eyes suddenly cleared, and she took a step backward in the hall, distancing herself from him. He could see her trying to build the wall between them, higher and stronger. She’d let him see her deepest vulnerabilities, and now she wanted to hide.
“How can you touch me? Don’t I disgust you? I’m dirty. Contaminated by everything I did, and I’ll never be clean again, if I ever was.”
Her voice broke, and her strength seemed to disappear as she leaned back against the wall, sliding down it to curl into a ball on the floor. Her entire body trembled as tears poured from her. Gage fell to his knees in front of her, reaching out to pull her into his lap, wrapping himself around her, whispering words he wouldn’t even remember saying, sharing the pain he could feel flowing from her like an infected wound finally cleansed.
He felt his own heart breaking for her, for the child she’d been, for the young woman who hadn’t been able to figure out a
better way, for the innocence she’d lost. She’d opened up to him and revealed more than he’d ever expected. She’d entrusted him with a gift. And a curse.
They couldn’t go back. Gage couldn’t unhear any of this. It had changed things between them, but he wasn’t sure to what extent. Contrary to what she’d expected, he wasn’t turning away from her. He wasn’t repelled by her past, just by what had been done to her. He found himself wanting to help her more than ever before.
Leah was a fighter, a warrior who battled odds that would have made most people drown in fear and self-destruction. She had continued to fight her way to the surface, and he respected her. He wanted to lift some of the burden from her shoulders, to give her a safe place to be weak, knowing someone else would be strong for her.
“Leah,” he whispered against her hair, wishing again he could shoulder the pain for her, to change her past. “Baby, look at me. You’re not dirty.” His hands cupped her face, forcing her to look into his eyes, to see the truth in them instead of in the tainted words she’d been told by others. “You’re beautiful and strong and . . . God, Leah, you’re incredible.”
Gage pressed kisses to her forehead, her cheeks, her eyelids, tasting the salty tears that continued to slip down her cheeks, as she shook her head in denial.
“Listen to me.” Her eyes opened, and he could see she was. “What happened to you wasn’t your fault. You did what you had to do to survive. You got out.”
“But what I did . . . ” She buried her face into his chest.
He could remind her that she would never judge one of her patients the way she was judging herself. Or point out that she hadn’t had other options. Or point out to her how far she had come from the girl she’d once been. But none of those things would offer what she needed most—someone to hold her until the terror of the past faded, like a child waking from a bad dream. Leah needed him to be a rock for her to cling to while the waves of self-recrimination crashed around her. He would help her hold on as long as she needed him to.
LEAH WOKE AS the light streamed in through the window, while the dark brown curtain blew slightly as a light breeze fell into the room. She stretched out on top of the large bed, feeling spent and wondering how she ended up in her room.
