by Clare Lydon
“Hello, Fabulous Flowers.”
It was her. Kate gulped. “Hi Meg — it’s Kate, we met earlier in the week. You’re doing the flowers for my uncle’s funeral.”
Meg cleared her throat before replying. “Of course — how are the arrangements going?”
The arrangements. Not asking how Kate was, but how the arrangements were going.
“It’s set for Monday, if that’s good for you?”
“Fine for us. Did you get a chance to look at the options I sent over?”
“I did — I like option two. The wreath for the coffin, some posies and other bits too.”
“Excellent choice.” Meg paused. “You can pay now if you like — or if you have time, you can come in and sort the tribute and the payment on Saturday?”
Kate stalled. Did she want to go in again? Of course she did, even though she knew it was probably pointless.
“Saturday’s fine. I’m over at my mum’s anyway, so I could pop in then.”
Meg cleared her throat again. “Best time would be around midday, when all the wedding flowers have gone out.”
“Right — busy day for you?”
“Yep, but at least it’s September, the wedding season’s nearly over.” Meg let out a low chuckle. “Come at midday and we can have a coffee and a chat.”
“Great — it’s a date,” Kate said. And then smacked her forehead with her free hand. A date? What a moron.
“A date.” Meg let out a nervous laugh. “And don’t forget to think about what you might want to write on the tribute.”
“Tribute, got it.”
“I’ll look forward to it — see you Saturday.” And with that, Meg hung up, leaving Kate staring at her phone.
Kate’s face was glowing red — she couldn’t believe what had just come out of her mouth. On the plus side, though, Meg was looking forward to it, so it wasn’t the worst idea in the world for her.
For Kate, this funeral-flower appointment sounded just about perfect.
***
A few hours later, Kate was laying out the readers’ letters page and staring at a stock photo of a runner. Was the runner attractive? Kate couldn’t quite decide. Her phone ringing interrupted her thoughts. It was Jess.
“Hello, dearest.” Kate settled the phone to rest at an awkward angle between her neck and ear — the sort of position that keeps physios in business.
“Hello yourself,” Jess said. “I’m calling with a question.”
Kate smiled. “Shoot.”
“On a scale of one to ten, how lovely am I?”
Kate’s smile got wider. “Depends on the day.”
“Let me tell you, today I’m a ten.”
“Really?” Kate moved an image box on screen while she spoke.
“Really,” Jess replied. “Because today, as well as being your lovely flatmate, I also come bearing a hot lady for you.”
Kate sighed. This was a road they’d been down a few times since Kate’s last relationship, which ended badly. Since then, Kate had been wary about dipping her toe back in the dating pool. Actually, scrap wary, she’d been actively avoiding it, declaring women toxic. In fact, the only woman Kate had laid eyes on and immediately felt something for was Meg. Her straight florist.
So on second thoughts, perhaps Kate should listen to Jess.
“How hot?” Kate asked.
“Sizzling. George Foreman-grill hot. Smokin’.”
“That is a weird way to describe a woman,” Kate said. “George Foreman-grill hot? My George Foreman grill had faulty wiring and I had to send it back. Not a good analogy.”
Jess laughed. “You get the idea.”
“So where did you pick up said smokin’, presumably char-grilled lady?”
“Friend of Lucy. Well, not strictly a friend of Lucy…”
Kate sighed. “I’m going to stop you there. Does this have anything to do with Julia?” Julia was Jess’s oldest friend from school who delighted in matchmaking all around her — and now that Jess was happily coupled, she’d turned her attention to Kate.
“Negative — nothing to do with Julia.”
“Okay, continue.”
“She’s a friend of a friend of Lucy’s.”
Kate surveyed her nails. “The link sounds tenuous. I think I preferred her as a George Foreman grill.”
“Anyway, I’ve got to get back to work.” Jess cleared her throat. “We’re going out on Friday, you’re coming and so is she. I’m staying at Lucy’s tonight so I won’t see you till tomorrow, so this is your early warning.”
“I can’t do tomorrow.”
Kate was lying and Jess knew it.
“There’s a difference between can’t and won’t. I’ll see you at home after work tomorrow,” Jess said. “It’s going to be great.”
The line went dead as Jess hung up and Kate was left staring at her phone. She wasn’t sure ‘great’ covered it, but she had little choice. When you arrived in your mid-30s, it seemed the whole world was coupled up and you’re the odd one out.
Plus, her uncle’s death had made Kate think. If she died at his age, she might only have another 30 years on the clock. If she died at her dad’s age, she only had another 21 years left. Now that was a sobering thought. Preferably, she would like some of those years to be with someone she loved, in a meaningful relationship. Not too much to ask, was it?
So perhaps Friday should be the date Kate concentrated on. Not Saturday, with the hot-but-straight florist. Yes, the hot-George-Foreman-like lesbian should be her focus. Which didn’t really conjure up a great image, if Kate was honest.
10
Friday duly followed Thursday, and after work, Kate found herself being nudged by Jess in their kitchen, a grin playing on her features.
“It’s like the tables have turned, isn’t it?” Jess looked terribly pleased with herself.
“How so?”
“Not so long ago, you were in a relationship, I was single and you were pushing me into the dating game. Now I’m doing the same for you.”
“You are so giving,” Kate said.
“I know.”
Kate took two beers from the fridge and Jess walked ahead of her through to the lounge. Kate moved a couple of cushions from the sofa onto the floor. She knew she had too many, but cushions were her weakness. Particularly fluffy ones. The brown leather couch creaked as Kate sat down, and she breathed in the smell of freshly polished leather.
“You excited about later?” Jess asked.
The plan was to meet Lucy and three of her friends in the Data Club, a new bar in Dalston. Kate’s mood could best be described as nonplussed, which even she knew was not what Jess wanted to hear. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she was willing this new, apparently perfect, woman to be a florist called Meg.
“Beside myself. Cannot wait. Literally chomping at the bit to meet the woman who resembles a boxing legend.” Kate took a swig of her beer and stared evenly at Jess.
“George Foreman was a very handsome boxer,” Jess replied.
“Is there such a thing? Don’t all boxers look a bit, well, battered?”
“She’s not battered — she’s grilled.” Jess sat back, her features creased with the enormity of her joke.
Kate gave her a minute to recover. “What’s she called anyway?” Kate paused. “And don’t say Georgina.”
“Wouldn’t that be great?” Jess’s sides were, literally, shaking. “But she’s actually called Tanya — I think. Check with Lucy on the details. Kate and Tanya. Tanya and Kate. ‘Where’s Kate? Oh, she’s out with Tanya’.” Jess’s voice was sing-song.
Kate couldn’t help but smile at her friend. “She sounds like a school prefect. Or somebody who owns a horse.”
“Let’s not start Tanya-bashing before you’ve met her. And Clare Balding owns a horse — you like her.”
“I’m not sure I’d want to date her, though. Clare’s not really my type.”
“Do you have a type?” Jess asked.
An image of Meg popp
ed into Kate’s mind. “I do when I see it.” Kate shifted on the sofa, grabbed another cushion and leaned back. “And will she be wearing a badge too? What if I hit on the wrong friend and accidentally split up a couple? That would be a bad night.”
Jess smiled. “Lucy told me about this custom — it’s called introductions. Never heard of it myself, but apparently it sorts out any potential problems like that.” Jess took a glug of her beer before continuing. “Look, I know this is another set-up, but if this doesn’t work, I promise I’ll leave you alone. It’s just that Lucy thinks this has potential and I trust her judgment. My girlfriend is a trustworthy woman. Are we agreed?”
Kate grudgingly nodded. “We’re agreed, she is.”
Jess leaned forward and held up her beer bottle for Kate to clink. “So here’s to a Friday of adventure. And if nothing else, we get to have another night in Dalston where we can laugh at all the hipsters and their funny hair.”
***
A little over two hours later, Kate and Jess arrived at the Data Club, a cool Dalston hangout with the requisite low lighting, scuffed chairs and dusty flooring. Outside, the main road was just warming up for the Friday night ahead, with neon lighting coming to life and traffic fumes choking the air. Inside, a tall, skinny man with a concentrated expression was filling tall glasses with ice, ready to shake up the bar’s signature cocktail, the DillyDally.
“Didn’t this used to be an estate agents?” Kate and Jess edged their way through the crowds of people, shoulders bumping.
“Yeah — they’ve still got the sales board up at the back of the bar — Lucy and I were here last week,” Jess replied. “Achingly hip.”
Kate grinned — she had a soft spot for uber-cool bars. She knew they overcharged for sub-standard drinks and yes, she knew the furnishings were sometimes not so comfortable, but look at the ladder on the wall, hung sideways and adorned with plants! Look at the array of bicycle parts hanging from the ceiling! Listen to the DJ pumping out pulsing beats that would never be played if these bars didn’t exist!
Jess made it to the bar and ordered them both beers. She gestured with her hand for Kate to follow her, and they made it through the crowd to the back of the bar. Kate took in Jess’s new grey shirt that she’d been inordinately proud of before coming out, sashaying up and down the hallway of their flat like a catwalk model.
“Told you it was less crowded at the back,” Jess said.
“You did, oh wise one.” Kate was just about to start talking about the weekend’s football matches when she saw the smile on Jess’s face increase, which meant Lucy had to be near — accompanied by her date. Kate straightened up, loosened her hips and turned her head.
She saw Lucy first, her dark hair artfully styled, her leathers exchanged for heels. Lucy was the only person Kate knew who flew around the city on a bike during the week, then traded them in for lady attire at the weekend.
“Hello, gorgeous,” Lucy said, breaking Kate’s thoughts. She brushed Kate’s cheek with her lips, but Kate’s gaze was already dancing over Lucy’s shoulder, looking at the women she had in tow. Lucy spotted her stare and was quick to act.
“So this is Belinda.” Lucy indicated the woman beside her, who Kate would guess to be Chinese.
Kate shook her hand enthusiastically, eyes darting left.
“And this is Belinda’s friend, Tanya. Tanya, Belinda, this is Kate.”
“Hi Kate, nice to meet you,” Tanya said, offering her hand.
The bar noise dimmed as Kate assessed her catch for the evening. Slim and poised, Tanya had an unusually long neck, chiseled cheekbones and an easy confidence that radiated from her smile. It didn’t hurt that she was attractive, too. Kate’s shoulders relaxed. Maybe this date wouldn’t be quite so bad as Kate had imagined — heck, they might even get on. Kate also noted a home counties accent — she’d lay bets Tanya was from Surrey. Perhaps she did own a horse.
“So have you been here before?” Tanya asked, getting right into Kate’s personal space.
Kate shook her head, holding her ground even if she was slightly unnerved. “First time, but Jess and Lucy have.”
Tanya nodded her head slowly. “Right. I haven’t, but it seems cool.” She paused. “Lucy tells me you work in magazines?”
Was it Kate’s imagination, or did Tanya have her hand on Kate’s hip? Kate tried to move backwards, but was hemmed in by the crowd.
“Yeah, I’m the art editor. Pays the bills.” Kate smiled with her mouth, even though her mind was frowning. “How about you, what do you do?”
Tanya rubbed Kate’s hip, her fingers firm on Kate’s body.
Kate held her breath. She’d known the woman five minutes and she was already touching her. Tanya was either highly confident, used to getting her own way or a complete loon. Or possibly, a mix of all three.
“I’m a barrister.” Tanya looked terribly pleased about that. She dropped her contact with Kate and winked. “So if you ever get into any trouble, you know who to call.”
Kate was pretty sure Tanya would be the last person she’d call in a bind. She willed Jess to come to her rescue, but Jess was in animated conversation with Belinda. She glanced over to the bar, but Lucy was still waving a £20 note in the air.
“Barrister — quite impressive,” Kate said. She was going to be open-minded about this and give Tanya another chance.
“Yeah, it tends to be. Opens up doors and women seem to like it.” Tanya smiled broadly, before moving back into Kate’s personal space. And there was the wink again. Did she practise that in the mirror before she left the house? Kate would not be surprised.
Kate assessed the facts. One socially inept barrister, one bottle of beer she was gulping at a rate of knots. This was going nowhere, but even Kate wasn’t impolite enough to bolt after barely five minutes. She just had to hold on until Lucy or Jess saved her, which would be any minute now. Surely.
“What kind of magazine do you work for?”
Tanya’s voice jolted Kate, and she let the words soak into her brain before answering. “Female Health & Fitness — health, wellbeing, that sort of thing.”
“Lucky you.” Tanya nudged Kate with her elbow.
“Lucky me?”
“You know.” Another wink. “Looking at all those semi-naked women all day long. That’s every lesbian’s dream job, surely?”
Kate snorted. “I thought every lesbian’s dream job was to be Angelina Jolie’s PA.”
“Good one,” Tanya said, touching Kate’s arm. She was clearly a lover of physical contact.
“Do you work out? You look like you do,” Tanya asked. But before Kate could respond, Tanya was off again. “I do, but I try not to be a gym bore. You know what those people are like. But I do like to keep in shape.” Tanya felt her own biceps and nodded. “A firm body is a firm mind.”
“Right,” Kate said. “I’m not really the gym sort, but I do like riding my bike — beats taking the tube hands-down. Keeps me fit and gives me a real feeling of freedom.”
Tanya screwed up her face. “I think bike-riders have a death-wish. You wouldn’t catch me cycling round this city with its clogged up roads, just waiting to be killed. It’s hardly Amsterdam, is it?”
Kate knew this argument well, she’d heard it many times. “You’ve just got to be determined — give the drivers back the attitude they give you.” She ran a hand over her leg. “Plus, it gives you thighs of steel.”
“Really?” Tanya said, a sly smile taking over her face.
As soon as the words flew out of Kate’s mouth, she knew they were a mistake. She stepped sideways, just too late as Tanya’s hand snaked onto her thigh. Kate jumped as if she’d just sat on a lightning bolt.
“Excuse me a minute, I’m just nipping to the bar.” On the way past Jess, Kate snagged her arm, apologising to Belinda.
Kate didn’t stop till she made it to the bar, then turned to face Jess. “So do tell me,” Kate said. “Where exactly did Lucy find Tanya?”
Jess smiled. “Pretty
hot, isn’t she? And that hair — I really want to touch her hair.”
Kate narrowed her eyes.
Jess raised an eyebrow. “Not that hot?”
“Try a bit full of herself. She was stroking my hip within five minutes like we were bosom buddies. And she clearly has her own stash of cheesy one-liners. Can I go home now?”
Jess turned and sneaked a glance back to their group. “Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure! The woman thinks she’s God’s gift.”
The bartender arrived and Kate ordered two beers, with a spiced rum chaser.
“Shots already?” Jess said.
“Yes. I’m not going back over there without more alcohol in my system.”
Kate grimaced as the bartender set their drinks down in front of them. She handed Jess her shot and held up her own. “And by the way, you owe me big time — and remind me never to come on another set-up with you again, okay?”
The pair downed their shots, then strode back to the group. Kate made Jess stand next to Tanya while she stood in between Lucy and Belinda, which certainly kept any wandering hands at bay. Kate learned that Belinda was in online marketing and had met Lucy at a networking evening.
“And how do you know Tanya?” Kate was intrigued.
“I worked on some stuff for her law courts. She’s an absolute scream!” Belinda said. “I mean, a bit out there and socially free, but she totally blew my concept of what a barrister was out of the water. I mean, she seriously is not the norm.” Belinda broke into a wide grin as they both looked over at Tanya.
“Nope, definitely not your average barrister,” Kate agreed, before excusing herself to go to the loo.
A quick wee, finish her beer and she was out of here. Perhaps she could make it home in time for some trashy reality show on Channel 4? That sounded like her kind of Friday night. Besides, she didn’t want to be too late tonight, as tomorrow she had the lure of a flower date with her newly installed favourite florist.
