by A. D. Roland
“Wow, that is good.”
“Told you. So why don’t you drink?”
“I don’t hold my liquor real well. I get sort of goofy. I only drink when I’m with people I trust not to let me do something stupid.”
“You trust me?”
“I don’t know yet.” He rolled his eyes and grinned. “I won’t let you do anything too stupid. I promise.”
“What’s your idea of ‘too stupid’?”
“Dancing topless on stage? Hey, Joe!” A man materialized out of the crowd and plopped down across from the table. West rose and the men leaned over the table to share an awkward one-armed half-hug.
“Haven’t seen you here in a while, West!”
“Yeah, been busy. Joe, this is Mattie.”
Joe extended his hand. “Good to meet you. It’s good to see him out of that other chick’s clutches.”
Mattie snorted. “Oh, we’re just friends. Emeline’s my sister.”
“Damn. That means you’re available?”
West smacked his hand down on the table, grinning. “Not for you, Joe.”
“Damn. Hey, McGarthy’s band’s up next. You heard them since they got a new bass player?” West shook his head and nudged Mattie. “The next guys are really good. Come on, let’s go up front.” Mattie gulped the last of her margarita, nearly choking on the punch of tequila in the last inch of liquid, as West grabbed her hand and pulled her to her feet. The underground club’s patrons crowded into the empty space in front of the stage. With a crash of guitars and drums that rattled her bones, the new band launched into song. Mattie lost herself in the music, relishing the thunder of bass and drums deep in her chest. The grind of the music heightened her euphoria, livened her senses.
She didn’t dance as much as she just moved to the music, one with the crowd. People at the front of the crowd started a weak mosh pit, slamming into one another and ricocheting off. The band went into a hard, fast riff. Heads starting banging. Hair went everywhere.
Laughing, Mattie let West pull her toward the back of the crowd. Sweating and panting, she smiled at him. He grinned back, one eyebrow raised. “Not bad, huh?” he hollered.
Just as she answered, the music cut off like someone had flipped a switch, leaving her, “No, it’s great!” hanging in midair.
She clapped her hands over her mouth. West laughed along with most of the people surrounding them.
“Hey, West!” Hearing his name roared through the mic startled Mattie. “Get up here, man!” The crowd parted like the Red Sea. The lead singer pointed at him. “Get up here!” West shot Mattie a happy look, then half-dragged her to the stage. He left her on the main floor and hopped up next to the lead singer. The lead singer said something into West’s ear. He nodded and grabbed the mic stand.
After shooting a wink at Mattie, he leaned into the mic. “One, two—” He had a voice like tattered velvet. Mattie held perfectly still, letting it soak into her flesh. He sounded like a mix of Trent Reznor and Maynard James Keenan, with a little bit of a gruff edge to his voice. Instantly entranced by the quiet opening into Staind “It’s Been a While,” she found herself staring at him. He put his everything into the song and made it look effortless. His song came to an end much too soon. Mattie took a breath. It felt like the first one she’d taken all night.
He bounced off the stage and escorted her away from the throng. Up the stairs and out the steel door. “What’dya think?”
Mattie crowed, “Oh my God! You sounded awesome.”
“Em thinks I sound like I swallowed razors.”
“She’s an idiot. Why’re we leaving?”
Chapter Five
“So? Why’d we leave?” Mattie hurried to catch up to West.
“I need to go check on Em. I don’t like leaving her by herself too long.”
“She’s not a child, and she’s not alone. She’s got an entire club of people around her.” He cocked an eyebrow at her as he opened the Navigator door for her. “That’s why I need to go find her.”
“So you don’t trust her.” He slammed the door and went around to the driver’s side. He got in and gunned the engine. The radio blared suddenly, startling Mattie. She reached out and flicked the knob, killing the sound. “Well?”
“I trust her.”
“Uh huh.”
“I trust her, but not the people around her.”
“Em doesn’t seem the type to just let somebody take advantage of her, or to let someone talk her into something.”
“I know her, Mattie. I’m not worried about anything.”
“You sound pretty defensive there, West.”
“No, I’m not! She’s perfectly trustworthy.”
“So’s my cat. I can trust her not to poop or pee on the carpet, but when it comes to the toms wandering around the alley...that’s a cat of a different color.”
“What are you saying?” Mattie sighed and wished she’d thought before she started yakking. Now she had to explain, and the explanation wasn’t one West would want to hear. Or possibly even believe. “It’s nothing, West. It’s not a big deal.”
“It’s a big enough deal that you had to bring it up.”
“No, you started it with your checking-up thing.”
“Just tell me what you meant!” Mattie was aware that their voices were rising and tempers flaring. It felt...exhilarating. The way West’s eyes flashed in the dim console light fascinated her. His anger sent a little thrill through her.
Oh, now ain’t I twisted?
“Emeline has a whole ‘nother life you don’t know about, West.”
“You’re just saying that because you don’t like her.”
“Believe that if you want to, West. I’m not a vindictive person. Yet another McKendrick gene that I missed out on.”
With an exasperated sigh, West ruffled his hair and headed for the club. “Emeline wouldn’t do anything to hurt me, Mattie.”
“Honestly, West, I don’t think she even knows what would hurt you or not. She’s extremely self-involved.”
“You don’t know her!”
“I do! I know a hundred other girls just like her. She’s shallow and selfish and can’t see beyond the tip of her perfect little nose.”
“That is so wrong.”
“Fine. Tell me what wonderful, charitable things she’s done.”
West shook his head, slouching down further in the driver’s seat and focusing on the road. “I’m not even going to answer that.”
“Cuz you can’t.”
“Shit, zip it, Mattie.”
Mattie smirked but obeyed, turning so she faced forward. West navigated the big, sprawling city until he was back in the club’s parking garage.
“Text her and let her know we’re here.”
“Why? Why not just go in and see how trustworthy she is?” West shoved the door open and slammed it hard. Mattie had to jog to catch up to him as he stalked toward the elevators to take them to the street level. The doorman let them in without charging them another cover. The music and lights and crush of people assaulted Mattie once more. West kept a firm grip on her arm, grounding her, as he zigzagged through the crowd, looking for Emeline. He pulled Mattie upstairs to the open mezzanine.
Couches and chairs formed cozy little private areas, all populated by couples making out or groups of friends having a good time. Waitresses circulated with trays full of drink orders.
West surveyed the wide open space, eyes narrowed as he looked into dark corners from a distance.
“There,” Mattie said, pointing. “By the wall.”
West took the lead, slowing down as he realized Emeline wasn’t alone. Mattie’s heart thumped in her chest. To the right, there was a guy next to Emeline, kissing her so deeply that he seemed to be vacuuming out her esophagus.
His hand was up her dress. Way up her dress. The guy on her left was making out with her neck, one hand busy on her teeny-tiny breasts. “God, West.” Mattie put her hand on his arm. He glared at her with enough fire in his e
yes to scorch her skin. He jerked away from her and marched toward the trio. “Might not be her,” he grunted.
“Yeah. Maybe not. Those fluorescent green dresses are pretty popular right now.” The look he shot back at her killed all her fun. He really was hurting! “West!” She caught his arm and stopped his onward march. “Listen, she’s not worth it. I told you. She’s only interested in whatever she can do to pleasure herself. West, come on, let’s get out of here.”
West turned broken-hearted eyes on her and nodded. All the anger was gone, leaving him deflated. Mattie took his hand and led him back down the stairs and through the crush of people, out into the night air. He walked a few feet before sitting down on a bench. He rubbed his face with his hands. For a second he looked so much older than his twenty-five years. “West?”
“Just leave me alone for a minute, Mattie, okay?”
“Okay. I’m here if you need me.”
“I’m good.”
“Yeah, I’m not sure if I believe that. Let’s at least go back to the Navigator. You don’t want her to see you out here like this.” To her surprise he got up and followed her up to the Navigator. He climbed into the backseat and stretched out, arms over his eyes. Mattie stuck the keys in the ignition and turned the radio on, figuring music would help soothe him.
“I don’t know anymore,” he grumbled.
“’bout what?”
“Emeline. Me. Us. To be totally honest, I see everything about her that you keep bringing up.”
“Why do you put up with it? If she loves you, then she’ll change. Screw that crap about not changing for a man.”
“Would you change for a man?”
“What’s to change?” Mattie laughed. “I’m the girl any guy would love to have.” “Really.”
“Really.”
“Give her the choice, West. You or...them. Although if you don’t respond to that little show in there, something’s wrong with you.”
“I don’t know what to do about it.”
“Um, idiot. You tell her you saw her, you saw exactly what was going on, and you’re done with her. She’ll either change or...not.”
“I hate ultimatums.”
Mattie had been sitting sideways in the passenger seat, looking back at him. She whipped all the way around, barely clinging to the seat with her buttocks. “You’re stupid, West! She’s in there letting guys crawl all over her. She’s going to expect you to go home with her and finish up where they left off. That is, if there’s something they didn’t do to her tonight! Come on, man, you’re better than that.”
“Don’t lecture me.”
“You are so freakin’ frustrating. You are worse than some abused woman crawling back to her husband. She’s using you, West.”
“I don’t wanna hear it, Mattie.”
“Fine. Just for the love of all that’s holy don’t sleep with her tonight. I will lose all my respect for you.”
West sat halfway up. “I don’t care if you respect me or not. You’re just some interloper in our lives.”
“Fuck you then. Screw your life up. She’s doesn’t care one bit about you. You don’t have anything to offer her.”
“Fuck you.”
“You’re the one that’s getting fucked, and not in the good way. You’ll see.” Mattie shoved herself back into the seat and turned the radio up even louder. After a second of trying to figure out the lyrics to the Red Hot Chili Pepper’s “Snow,” a thought struck her. She twisted around in the seat again. “Hey, West?”
“Fuck you,” he replied in a bored, singsong. “Don’t you know what that means?”
“Why don’t you tell me, West?”
He sat up on his elbows. “Someone needs to bend you over something and fuck you until you cry.”
Mattie raised her eyebrows. “Wow. That actually sounds pretty good, West. You volunteering?”
He groaned and flopped back down on the seat, his arm over his eyes. System Of A Down came on the radio. Mattie scanned through until she found Josh Groban singing something she couldn’t quite identify.
“Please, for the love of all that’s holy, turn it.”
“Nope. Josh is one yummy piece of man-meat.”
“Come on.”
“Bet he’d bend me over something and...” Mattie laughed at the half-disgusted sneer on his face.
“Turn it, now.”
“Nope.”
West moved forward, but Mattie wiggled in front of the radio and grabbed the dash. West tried to pull her away, but she hung on, laughing and shrieking when he resorted to tickling her. When she couldn’t take anymore, she let go and fell against him. He whooped in triumph, pulled her into the backseat, and hit the first preset on the radio, returning the radio to the rock station.
Mattie crawled up into the seat. It was still warm from his body. “Ouch. You scratched me,” she complained, rubbing her side. “Good thing I like it rough.”
West settled back into the bench seat close to her. “What were you going to say while ago?”
She turned sideways in the seat. “I was just thinking. She’s so much younger than you. There’s no way you are both on the same wavelength. Do you really love her, or have you sort of talked yourself into it?”
“What do you mean?”
“Like, when I was a kid, somebody told me I needed to have a favorite Looney Tunes character. I didn’t really like any of them, but I felt pressured and picked Tweety Bird. He’s an annoying little crap. But I kept telling myself that I liked him. Part of me played that part, but another part of me wanted to puke every time I wore a Tweety Bird shirt or something.”
“Em’s been part of my life since I was six. She’s your little sister. When Elaine disappeared, I swore I wasn’t going to ever let anything happen to her.”
“So you sort of made it your job to watch out for her?”
“Yeah.”
“I bet,” Mattie said thoughtfully, knowing she’d figured him out. “When she started dating and all, you couldn’t really watch out for her like you felt like you had to, you started to tell yourself you were in love with her. You know all the stuff she does. You see it, and you still can’t bring yourself to let her go, because you’re scared you’re going to fail.”
He frowned at her, but she saw the uncertainty in his eyes. “You know, maybe, but—that just sounds crazy.”
“True though. It makes sense.”
“Honey, nothing you say makes sense.”
“Bite me.” She paused dramatically. “Really. I like that.” She winked at him, laughing at the flush of his cheeks.
“Seriously, though, you can start to let go of her. I’m back. I’m not leaving. You can replace your damaged emotions and regain your identity as Brant West, rather than Emeline’s boy-toy.”
“Shut up with the psychobabble. You’re making my head hurt.”
“Anger is an entirely acceptable way to deal with this issue.”
“You don’t make any sense.”
“Sure I do. Getting mad will give you courage to do the things you know you should do but can’t do unless you’re so totally pissed you can’t see straight.” She paused. “Or drunk. Getting drunk will help, too.”
“Yeah, then I won’t feel it when she jams her five-inch-stiletto up my ass. I got your point, Mattie. Can we talk about something else, please?”
Mattie leaned her head on the back of the seat, gazing at West. “I don’t see how she can do it, West.”
“What?”
“Hurt you like she does. Why doesn’t she see the things that I see in you? I mean, me and you are just friends and you seem like a really great guy.”
West blushed again and shrugged self-consciously. “She’s used to me, I guess. Nothing’s new anymore.”
“How is she in bed?” Mattie asked. West barked a hard, sharp laugh.
“Well, she’s...”
“A tiger? Some sort of cat?”
“No...”
“An antelope?”
“Wha
t?” West laughed. “An antelope?”
“I was going to say anteater, but they got that tongue thing going on.”
“You really have issues.”
“So I’ve been told.” Mattie propped her arm up on the back of the seat and stared out the tinted window at the rows and rows of cars. “West?”
“Yeah?”
“What happened, the night Elaine disappeared?” West raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Why do you want to know about that?”
“Because I don’t know anything about it. I don’t remember a thing.”
He slouched down in the seat a little, using the lever on the side to tilt it back a few degrees. “My mother and Karen used to be friends. Sort of, anyway. My mom worked for her. Me and Elaine were best friends. The McKendricks lived pretty close to my family, and your dad owned the land. We played together all day, every day. One day Elaine came over and said her parents and Justine were fighting about stuff, but I had no clue what that was, then. I finally figured out it meant money.”
“What else?” He spoke about Elaine as if Mattie weren’t pretending to be the long-lost child. That’s a good thing. He can’t ever say you said you were Elaine. It’ll be one thing you didn’t lie about, at least!
“She was really upset about it. I remember it broke my heart, and all I wanted to do was make her feel better. I felt so helpless. There wasn’t anything I could do to make her feel better. I finally just hugged her until she stopped crying. I promised her I would take care of her forever. Even if they stopped loving her, I never would.”
Mattie squashed down a little bubble of nausea. This guy was bearing his heart to her, and her entire existence was a lie. West was too good of a guy to hurt like this. Mattie cast about frantically for a way out of this lie that wouldn’t break his heart.
