"So, it means that much to you to know?"
"Don't you wanna know?!"
"To be honest, I don't give a shit! I love you no matter what. Whether Shawn is your father, or I am—"
Vivian's eyes got big, she was trying to search her memory bank for this one! She didn't remember anything shared with her about this, what she was hearing. Shawn or Jake being Benjamin's father? Another surprise. Once again, she was going to have to get with Sylvia and get the 411 on all of this, this one was a new one on her. Second thought, she knew it was best to hear it from Jake.
"Well, thanks! But I wanna know!"
"Why?"
"Why?!"
"Yeah, why? Was I that bad?" Jake asked.
Sitting on the sofa, Benjamin's head lay against his palm, leaning forward. "It's not that!"
"Then what is it? If you were happy with me being your father, you wouldn't be searching to find if it's so. Obviously, Shawn is the better prospect."
"That is not fair! It's got nothing to do with that!"
"Yeah, well—I'll tell you this, since you need to know so bad. He could be. In fact, I saw you, and was convinced that he was. Either way, you're a McPherson, that much you know for certain. As for exactly which McPherson sired you—who knows. To be honest, I doubt it if your mother even knows for certain." Jake stated, looked up at Vivian and through signing and gestures, asked her to get him some clothing to put on. She nodded and went through his things, listening to him. She found his underwear, socks, a pair of khaki pants, and a cool top to wear with them.
She watched him, listening to his son, and wondered what he said on the other end as Jake nodded to her that what she chose for him was fine. He pointed to his Chester drawer, she walked to it and grabbed his men's, brown leather, toiletry case and placed it next to him on the bed as he held the phone between his shoulder and ear, unzipping it to find his deodorant.
"She swears that she never dated him."
"She's a goddamn liar, she was his before she was mine, and I—well—I moved in on her. She went to bed with him first, then me. Anything else you wanna know?"
Vivian stood at the end of the bed with her mouth gaping in disbelief.
"Just like that?" Benjamin asked, stunned.
"Well, no, nothing is just like that! But the fact remains, she slept with us both. Doesn't matter how much she denies it, it happened. Your father is either, your uncle, or me! Simple as that. Obviously, you need a better alternative than the one you were given. Sorry I sucked at it."
"Ah, come on, dad! Why you gotta make it out like this!? I love you! You're my father."
"If that's the way you felt, you wouldn't be digging to find out if, in fact, Shawn is. So, I'm telling you, he is! Now be happy and get your ass here." Jake clicked the phone off and tossed it to the center of the bed. Pissed off. He hated feeling not good enough for anyone or anything. He'd worked his ass off to support his son, and still—even that was not good enough. He'd given money and provided well, and yet—Shawn, once again, comes out on top.
He grabbed his deodorant and rolled it on. Vivian stood quiet, waiting for him to speak first. He tossed the deodorant back in the bag and took out his aftershave and realized he hadn't shaved, he had over a days worth of stubble on his face, and slapped the aftershave on anyway. Standing from the bed, not at all bothered by Vivian's presence, he grabbed his briefs and stepped into them.
Vivian tried not to look at him there, but even flaccid, the size of him could not be mistaken. He adjusted himself, pulling everything to the front from between his legs. Sitting back down, he grabbed his socks. Still neither said a word. He put them on.
"You want me to leave, so you can finish dressing?" She finally asked, noting his sober mood.
He looked up at her, then down at what she was wearing. She had on a pair of tangerine color shorts, that fit her well, mid thigh. Cut low on the waist, showing midriff, accentuating her very tiny waist. She wore a lime green, tangerine, lemon swirl matching halter top, leaving her back and shoulders bare. Without a word, he reached over, grasped the band of her shorts and turned her to look at her back. Shocking Vivian.
"Excuse me!" She exclaimed, as he looked at her back being out.
He turned her loose, having seen enough, as he looked back at her face. She was wearing lipstick, a bit of eye make-up and her hair was combed loose, looking full and incredible. His bad mood increased.
"What's with the get up and the make-up?" He asked, grabbing his pants, standing and stepping into them.
"Excuse me? Get up? It's a beautiful day. Nice and warm. This is an appropriate outfit to celebrate the season. We're amidst company, friends, here to have a nice time, I usually wear make-up." Vivian explained.
Jake stared at her, fastening his pants and putting his belt on. Completing that, he reached for his cigarettes and lit one up. Taking a draw, he asked. "You got no sundresses? You know, the big wide numbers with flowers, that tie above the shoulders."
"A few." She answered, incredulous.
"Might I suggest you put one on?"
"I didn't bring one. And If I did, I wouldn't put it on. I wanna wear this." She informed him.
He pulled the cigarette from his mouth and placed it in the ashtray so he could put his shirt on, buttoning it up the front and staring at her.
"What is wrong with you? Are you in a bad mood?" She could no longer keep from asking.
"What's up with you, wearing shit like that! I don't fuckin' like it, I can tell you that now."
"Do you know what I paid for this outfit!?" She asked the wrong question, with a bit too much attitude.
"I DON'T GIVE A SHIT—WHAT YOU PAID FOR IT!!" He shouted at her.
Shaking her head, not about to get into an argument with him, she went to walk past him out the door. His hand shot out to grasp her waist, "Where you goin'?"
"Back outside, you obviously woke up on the wrong side of the bed, and I'm not gonna spend the day fighting with you."
"You gonna put something else on?"
"No!"
"Well, I guess I'm gonna be in a fucked up mood for the rest of the day, aren't I?"
"Have I done something to you? What have I done?" Vivian needed to ask, unable to understand where his mood was coming from, after being so loving and protective of her through the night and this morning, she didn't get it.
"I'm not gonna have you, dressed like this—parading around, in front of other men. Them fucking looking at you, and I know what they'll be thinking! Fucking bastards! So, if you keep it on, fine...I can't make you take it off. But don't ask me what the fuck's wrong with me later!" He let her go.
Vivian shook her head, and walked out of the room, she went into the kitchen, trying to think of what to do, when Shanna came into the house. "Shanna, I hate to ask you this, but—you wouldn't happen to have something I could wear of yours, would you? A sundress or something?"
"Why, what's wrong with what you're wearing, I love that outfit!" Shanna exclaimed, "It's beautiful with your skin tone."
"GET HER A SUNDRESS!!!"
Shanna looked at Vivian, and then down the hall where the bellow came from and covered her mouth, shocked, and trying not to laugh. Whispering, she pointed down the hall, "He told you to change?"
Vivian nodded, "I'm not gone be fighting with him today." She explained quietly. Obviously he had been listening and heard from the room. He came down the hall carrying his shoes to put on. He stopped at the kitchen table, dropped his shoes to the floor, a cigarette in his mouth and looked at Shanna and then at Vivian. Taking the cigarette from his mouth, using his thumb, he gestured down the hall to Shanna's room, "Find her something else to wear, please?" Then sat down to put his shoes on. He hadn't combed his hair yet. It was still wet and laying forward. It was growing, and he looked incredible.
Standing there a bit perturbed at him, Vivian still felt a tremor to her heart at the sight of him. His aftershave was heavenly, masculine, making her dizzy with longing. She just wanted to go
to bed with him, now. They were in the midst of a dispute, and she was turned on. It had to be his absolute rugged manner, the stubble on his face, and his growling mood. She was engulfed by her love for him. She reasoned in her mind, that she should be pissed. She should be telling him where to go. Telling him that she was a woman in her own right, and she'd wear what the hell she wanted. That's what she figured she should be saying right now. But instead, she stood breathless, shaken and wanting him.
Keeping her mouth shut, Shanna walked past her brother and bid Vivian, "Follow me, let's see what we can find you."
Jake stood from putting his shoes on and said before he walked out to join the others, "I want her showing as little skin as possible! Come out any other way, there's gonna be some shit!"
Chapter 175
And he was gone, leaving the two in Shanna's room. Shanna was trying not to laugh, but she had never seen Jake like this before. "I don't know what you've done to my brother, but whatever it is, you've done it well."
"So, he never treated the other women he dated like this?"
"No! But they were always older than him. And none, not any of them, looked like you! I know I shouldn't be laughing, I really do feel bad for you, but it's so incredible to see him acting like this. Especially considering the way he's always been. Which is probably why—he's acting this way with you - you have him so flummoxed, he doesn't know what to do about you. I'm surprised you didn't tell him off."
"I started to. I wanted to. But, Shanna, oh Shanna... that man, that man, I don't know what it is—he is just—he's got that something, that just makes me crazy!"
"I can tell you now, you're not the only one. Here, you like this one? It's really long on me, but you're taller so it will reach right below your knees."
It was a dark color sundress, tropical flowers, on a dark teal background. Enhancing it, were rich colors of gold, olive, beige, green, orange and maroon. The waist of it was gathered, with ties across the shoulders.
"Yeah, I like that. That's fine, anything to keep this man from trippin'."
Vivian stripped down to her bra and panties, Shanna couldn't help herself, "Holy cow! You should be a model, Vivian! You have to have the most perfect figure I've ever seen, and your waist...it's so tiny!"
Vivian smiled, and stepped into the sundress, pulling it up and then tying it at the shoulders. "How do I look?" She asked.
"Fabulous! Perfect for you, in fact. If you ask me, it shows off your tiny waist even more than what you were wearing, because of the way it puffs above and below with the bottom flaring out. But he said, 'sundress'!" Shanna laughed.
"Well, I'm not changing again! If he say something this time, he gone get told off!" Vivian threatened, turning this way and that, looking at herself in the mirror. She wouldn't admit it, but she actually preferred the sundress. She looked more feminine, and the colors added that extra something with her dark coloring. It lent a softness to her. She looked more exotic, tropical, desirable.
"That looks so good on you, I'm gonna let you have it." Shanna declared.
"Girl! This looks so good on me, I think you should!" They both laughed.
Folding up her shorts and top, Vivian took a deep breath and got serious, "Can I ask you something, Shanna?"
"Sure." She returned.
"Did you know that Benjamin might be Shawn's, and not Jake's?"
"Who told you about that?" Shanna asked.
"I overheard Jake on the phone with him, Benjamin—he's in Chicago. By the sounds of it, he's trying to find out who his real father is. I think it hurt Jake a bit."
Shanna walked to her picture window, looking out of it down the road. The vantage point of her room offered her the view of just about everything. The empty lot between her home and Shawn's, she could see Sylvia's front yard and a front portion of her garage and the road that ran between the two properties. She exhaled, shaking her head, "This family is such a mess, Vivian. Honestly, it is."
"Why do you say that? No more so than any other." Vivian replied, sitting on Shanna's bed.
"Yeah, I guess that's true. But, there's always been something going on in this one. An' my poor Shawn. I just—I just don't want anything to happen, to make him leave again. When he left before, as soon as I was old enough to go off to school, I left too. I didn't wanna stay around without him here."
"So, why'd he leave?"
"No doubt, for lots of reasons. Reasons I didn't understand when I was younger. When I was away, looking back, thinking back—I figured some things out, but others were a mystery."
"Such as, Jake messing with his girlfriends?"
"It wasn't just that. Kathy Ann was such a bitch to him too! You know, she used to worship the ground he walked on when we were younger. In fact, all of us really loved him, we looked up to him. He was truly, a fantastic older brother. We would all, do anything for him. Especially Derrick and I. But those middle two, they changed, slowly, they turned on him. First Jake, and then—Kathy Ann."
"Why?"
"Jealousy. Jake wanted him to be closer to him than he was to Derrick." Shanna laughed, "He used to do some things to Shawn that would just piss him off! Oh, my goodness! I always tried to run and fix it before Shawn found out, to keep him from getting mad and jumping on Jake. Most of the time, I ended up hurting myself trying to fix it, and that made Shawn even more mad at Jake because I'd gotten hurt."
"And Kathy Ann?"
"She's weird." Shanna smiled and nodded, "She's my sister. I love her with all my heart, but she's different. I watched her go from following him around, as I did, looking up to him, willing to do anything to please him, to—to gradually, resenting him. It's like, she went through puberty, and when she came out on the other side, she suddenly couldn't stand him." Shanna stopped thinking back to then, and laughing said, "She was beating up his girlfriends!"
"What?!"
"Yes! She beat up a couple of them, or she would talk to them mean when they called for him. She just hated them. The only ones she left alone, were the ones that Jake went to bed with. In fact, that's how those two got so close, they were in cahoots with doing everything they could to pick on Shawn and make his life hell! It used to make me so mad! I always told on them. Always! I told my mom about Kathy Ann, what she was doing, and I told on Jake too! 'Cause I just wanted them to leave him alone!"
"What did your mom do?"
"She started keeping Kathy Ann busy. Before then, she would just let her run off like a tomboy, do whatever. She soon put a stop to that. I don't know, something else happened. I'm not sure what, but whatever it was, my mother started being harder on Kathy Ann. And—as the years went by, her animosity towards Shawn grew."
"Had he done something to her?"
"No, it's nothing he did. It was her. And then he finished school first. He grew restless, and our parents were on him about school. Choosing a college, and at the time, he wasn't interested in going. He'd gone somewhere with Christine one day. Came back, sought Jake out and they had a fight. A few days later, he had one with mom and dad. We all woke the next morning, and—he was gone. I couldn't believe it. I waited and waited and waited for him to come back. And I wondered, how could he leave and not take me with him." She gave Vivian a sad smile, "I was the first person who got a letter from him. He told me he was in California. But he wouldn't give me his address, just told me, that he loved me, and that he missed me."
"Wow...so, the fight he had with Jake, was over Christine?"
"Yeah. And, funny enough, after Shawn left, Jake lost interest in her. A month later, she and her mother comes to the house, and—she was pregnant."
"With Benjamin?"
"You got it."
"Who do you think is his father?"
"Shawn."
"You do?"
"Yep...I do. He's so much like Shawn. So much. He's a fighter. But compassionate and giving. He's protective as can be, like Shawn. But then, come to think of it, so is Jake. And Derrick. It's something that exists in all three, I guess it's fai
r to say. But there are other things about Benjamin —without Shawn even being around, I saw in him. But—Christine has always said that Jake was his father. With them being brothers, it was possible. As you've seen, there's Shawn2, another one who looks like Shawn. But—thing is, he acts more like Jake did." Shanna laughed, then shrugged. "Oh, well."
Vivian smiled, thinking about the young man, she might have to agree about that. Enjoying Shanna's company she asked, "So, where did you go when you left?"
"I went to college, or rather, school for Interior Design, met my husband there in Ohio, where I went to school. I was swept off my feet by him, and let him talk me into marrying him. I did it. Told my parents that I was married, they rushed there, and my dad was furious! Oh, my goodness, he was fit to be tied. And he did not like him one bit! In fact, he demanded that I divorce him and come back home. Trust me, Vivian, you don't know my father—he is something when it comes to Kathy Ann and I. Like a spoiled little princess, I refused. In fact, when he gave me an ultimatum to choose John or them—I, dummy that I am, chose my husband."
"Well, what woman wouldn't?"
"True...however, my father must have known. Anyway, I broke his heart. I could see it in his eyes. But he had his pride, and so, they left. And uh, for the next too many years, I suffered, two miscarriages, broken ribs, broken arm, fractured skull, and threats against my life."
"WHAT?!"
"Yep...the last straw was when he almost killed me."
"Did your father know this was going on?"
"No...Kathy Ann and Jake had driven down every so often to check on me. But life took over and time went by. Derrick came down as well, he and Meribel. That one time they came, I was recovering from one of his madness episodes."
"Well, what did they say?! Derrick!?"
Shanna smiled, sighed and confessed, "I, ah—said I'd been in a car accident."
"No way!"
"I did."
"Shanna! That surprises me, I wouldn't think you would do something like that. How—why?! He could have killed you! Oh, my god! Why?"
"Because—I'd stood up for him so aggressively against my parents. The things I said to them—I don't know! I just—couldn't face—admitting that I was wrong. And—I tried to leave him, twice. But he found me, hung on tight, begged and begged and begged—and swore that he never would again. I don't wanna go through it all; but, finally, I caved in, and went back. Things were okay for a while. I got pregnant for the last time with him—and his family came to meet me. His mom and dad. I said something that embarrassed him in front of them, I don't know what it was right now. Anyway, he went nuts after they left. I ended up in the hospital. I miscarried and while laying there—I knew—pride be damned, it was time to get out. I called Kathy Ann, and said to her—please come get me; I'm in the hospital. She was there like a shot. I told her the truth, everything. She tried to find him, wanted to kill him - believe me - Kathy Ann, she's capable that way. Anyway—here I am—home for good. Soon, I'll be divorced."
BOMAW 7-9 Page 43
