"Did you give it to him?" Kathy Ann asked.
"Yeah! I wrote it down for him."
Kathy Ann stood digesting that bit of information, as well as understanding why their father had sent him the box. She looked down at her little sister saying, "You do what he says, Shanna, whatever he tells you—you do."
"I know, Kathy Ann."
Kathy Ann looked up at Vivian, "You gonna stay here with Jake now, with Shanna?"
"Not now, I can't. I have a job to get back to."
"Well, Jake needs to be here with her, he can't be running up and down the highway after you. Can't you just quit that job and come here?"
Vivian looked at her surprised, and then incredulous. "No, I can-not. I don't do things that way. I don't just—quit. If I were going to discontinue working there, I would have to give ample notice, as well be set up in a new job."
"Well, Jake needs to be staying here, looking after Shanna." She announced in no uncertain terms.
"Kathy Ann—don't come in here telling her what to do! She's not responsible for me, neither is Jake! Don't start, Kathy Ann!"
"I'm not starting anything! And Vivian, believe me—all you have to do, is tell my mother what you want and she'll give it to you. You are, after all—her dream come true! All you have to do is say it and momma will set you and Jake up sweet and dandy."
"Excuse me, I don't do charity. The welfare program does not, nor ever will—fit into my agenda! I don't do—sit up and wait very well—for anything. My preference is to get what I need for myself. As I've always done."
"Well, good for you, but this is about family. Shanna needs all of her…"
"Kathy Ann—shut up!" Shanna snapped at her.
"…brothers around her for protection." She went on, ignoring Shanna.
"By no means am I trying to put her in danger by Jake taking me home. I'll talk to him, I took the train here and I can take it home."
"Oh, no you're not! Jake should take you home! I am not his responsibility, you are!" Shanna fired off at Vivian, and then to Kathy Ann, "Mind your own business, Kathy Ann!"
Kathy Ann shook her head and turned from them, "Whatever! We're all used to Jake running off from his responsibilities, despite what you say, and leaving it all for Shawn to see to." She stated, heading for the door and out of it.
Shanna and Vivian stood staring at the vacated door, and then looked at each other. "Vivian, in the case of Kathy Ann, you must do what we all do—just ignore her."
"Well, I don't want you to think that I don't care about what's going on with you, I do. But I have a job in Chicago—"
"Vivian! You don't have to explain anything! That is all—Kathy Ann! She has always done that! One moment, she's all on Jake's side; they were the closest partner's-in-crime ever. But the moment it looks like Shawn is going to get too much heat over something, she drops Jake like a rock, and defends Shawn. To the point of cursing Jake out and even jumping on him."
"WHAT?" Vivian couldn't believe what she was hearing.
"Yeah…it's true. She would. Then she'd make up to Jake, because he was always left on his own, with only my mom and me on his side, feeling sorry for him. Then after Shawn left, they were fighting back and forth, and then—after Shawn didn't come back—they were close again—and stayed that way. Now that Shawn is back, she's chaotic again. I told you, crazy! Ignore her."
"Girlfriend has issues, then, that calls for a doctor. I'm not gonna have her all up in Jake's face, talkin' mess. He don't need that."
"Vivian, don't get in the middle of it. Just leave them. Jake knows how to deal with her, he just walks away and ignores her when she gets like this."
Vivian shook her head and rapidly fired out, "Drama-drama-drama. Lord, why must there always be drama!"
When Kathy Ann walked outside, they were just finishing loading the fridge. She walked up to Shawn, "Can I talk to you for a minute?"
"I don't have time, Kathy Ann." He stated simply, still not willing to face her. He just couldn't look at her, knowing what he did.
"It's about Shanna!" She announced as if that would make a difference.
"Don't worry about, Shanna, everything is under control." He pointed out as they shifted it on the tarp towards the front of her truck bed.
"I wanna know what you have planned, Shawn. Please don't do anything to get yourself hurt, let me help."
Shawn jumped off the side of her truck bed to avoid getting down near her, as she stood at the end.
"You're loaded up now, Kathy Ann, go home."
"What's wrong with you? Why won't you look at me?" She asked, sensing that there was definitely something different about him.
"Kathy Ann, leave'em alone. Go home, like he said." Jake intervened.
"I'm not talkin' to you, I'm talkin' to him. And Vivian? Are you taking her back to Chicago? Because if so, you need to put her back on the train, and stay here for Shanna. Stop leaving everything for Shawn to take care of!"
Hearing her, Shawn stopped in the middle of the road and turned back, but Jake's fuse was instantly lit before he could get anything in.
"FUCK YOU—KATHY ANN! OKAY—I'm sick of you throwing that shit in my face! I know what my fuckin' responsibilities are—"
"YOU WOULDN'T KNOW THE MEANING OF THE WORD! YOU'VE GOT NO RESPONSIBILITIES! BECAUSE YOU'VE NEVER BEEN RESPONSIBLE FOR ANYTHING IN YOUR WHOLE—GODDAMN—WORTHLESS LIFE!" She screamed into his face.
Jake wanted to slap her, but he wouldn't. It just wasn't done, even so, he couldn't stop himself from saying, "One of these days—"
"WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? SHIT! THAT'S WHAT!"
"KATHY ANN! CUT THIS SHIT OUT, OKAY? Get in your truck and go! JAKE! Walk away from her." Shawn shouted from the middle of the road.
Jake stared her down, shook his head and walked off, Shawn turned and led the way, wanting to put as much distance between her and himself as he could. "SHAWN! What's going on? Are you mad at me?! What did I do?" Her stomach hurt. This was not like Shawn, he was avoiding her and she didn't understand why. In the past when they fought, he would always try and make amends. He always talked to her the next day, no matter how they argued. Something was not right with him. She knew when she was being avoided. She walked not far behind Jake, trying to approach Shawn. Jake passed him by and into the garage, she had him worked up once again. Shawn stopped, still avoiding looking at her he said, "I think, under the circumstances, maybe…uh…it would be best if you not come here anymore."
"What? Why? Under what circumstances? Because I told him the truth? Shawn, look at me! You mad at me about yesterday? That it, Shawn?" She felt panicky. She'd never pursued him this way, because he had always come to her. Had always done something to try and mend over her aggressive or passive behavior towards him. For some reason, something had changed, he had changed. How could he have changed so quickly from yesterday? She didn't understand it. Yesterday, he'd been trying to talk to her. Giving her the attention she so loved, even though there was no way she could respond other than how she always did. Not because she didn't like him, but because—she couldn't bear to be around him for long before her stomach ached from hidden feelings. She drank to drown it. She argued with him to fight it off, to keep her mother off of her back about it. To show it wasn't so. But this. Having him treat her this way, ignore her, and tell her not to come back there…she didn't understand where this was coming from.
"Shawn? What have I done?"
"Look—Kathy Ann—"
"Shawn—talk to me here, why won't you look at me?" She asked with a pounding heart. For some reason, his behavior was reminiscent of a man breaking it off with someone he wanted no more involvement with.
Shawn felt himself burn all over with embarrassment. His skin felt on fire from shame. He couldn't look at her. She was his sister. His little sister, and he hadn't a clue of how to deal with her; a clue of how to deal with the problem she had. He started to say something and then stopped, and then started again, "Kathy Ann…go get help. Okay…go—get you
rself some help."
She stood staring at his back, her ears started ringing, her heart began slamming in her chest as a horrible thought came to her, "Help…for what—Shawn?"
He stood braced in the doorway, holding onto it as if to keep him standing, he turned and looked at her, and then had to look away. "Just do it…okay—go talk to someone."
Kathy Ann stood a moment more, than scared, dared to ask, "Did…has…momma—said something to you, Shawn?"
He glanced back at her again, and then turned away saying instead, "I have things to do, Kathy Ann. I gotta go." And walked away from her. Leaving her standing there. "Oh, no, momma, please…please don't tell me…" She stood, feeling horror wash over her. "Oh, God, please don't tell me she told him. Oh, no, please don't." She broke out in a cold sweat as that thought came to her. She turned, rushing back to her vehicle and headed back to her parent's house.
* * *
Phew! Jeanine blew, "That was a close call. I was holding my breath, dreading she would look in here and see us." She stated, gazing across the table at Victor, who was looking out the window, now gone quiet. They'd gotten together after she, her family and his, returned from their cabin to find him home and in bed. She sat through a tense discussion between him and his mother. Following that, he needed to get out of the house and she had suggested the Dells, maybe walk around, get something to eat. He'd gone along with the suggestion.
"Hey? Is it too much to ask that you focus on me, sitting here, across from you?" He turned and looked at her. "You know, I've been really patient with you. You left, saying you would be right back, you were just going to take the boys to calm Darren down, and you didn't come back."
"I've already gone through this with my mother, Jeanine. My son hadn't eaten, he was crying for his mother, I decided to take him home. I was too tired to drive back."
"Well, I'm not trying to bring it back up, but the fact is, if you had explained it to me, that that was what you were going to do, I could have gone with you and driven back."
"Has it completely escaped your notice—that I'm still married to her? Under those circumstances, I don't think it's wise to drive up at her mother's house, with you in the car, trying to quiet our son."
"True." Jeanine stated, looking down at her steak and then back up at him, "When are you going to…well…make it official?" She asked hesitantly.
"Make what official?"
"Us?"
"Us? I'm still married." He pointed out.
"Exactly. When are you're going to move towards dissolving it? I mean, come on—you're not meant for each other. Just get it over with—that way—we can start making plans. Don't you want to move on? Put all of this behind you?"
"I told you from the start, Jeanine, that I didn't know what I wanted. Where I was going. Remember that?"
"By now, you must know. You can't expect for me to be waiting around until you make up your mind. I mean, come on, Victor, what kind of man would want to be with someone like her anyway? She's so…ghetto. With that weave in her hair, she looks like a gang-banger."
"Weave in her hair? Ghetto? Gang-banger? Where'd you get that?"
"Well' it's obvious, isn't it? I mean, all you have to do is look at her, and you can pretty much read her type."
"For your information, Jeanine, she is highly intelligent. Has always gotten good grades and excelled in everything she's done. As for weave, that happens to be all of her hair, nothing fake in it, including the color." He corrected, glancing at her blonde highlights and color streaks. "And even if it were weave, what has that to do with her? The person she is? And ghetto, gang-banger? There is nothing ghetto about Crystal. She's tough as hell and doesn't take any shit, from anyone—that makes her a gang-banger? How so?"
"Oh! Well, excuse me for speaking against her, you're obviously still into denial over the choice you made. Your own mother says everything I have, so I couldn't be too far off."
"That figures, I thought as much. Do me a favor, you wanna spend time with me—don't bring Crystal up. You don't know her, you know nothing about her. My mother—knows nothing about her. She's the mother of my two boys, and I'm not going to have you putting her down."
"Well, that's not fair. After all, if she was so right, so good—why was she always attacking you? Hitting you? How can you defend someone like that? And further more, has it escaped your notice, that every time we try and have a nice time together, she comes into it somehow? Like now, for instance, her walking by with her family."
"Hang on here! You wanted to come to the Dells! We're here because of you. How is it her fault that they happen to be here too?"
Grinding her teeth, with a slight quaking Jeanine hissed, "It just seems that everywhere we go, there she is! We could have had a really nice weekend this weekend, but you had to bring the boys along. I mean, Isaac is okay, but Darren is obviously a baby, you could have left him with her and we would have been fine with just Isaac."
"I have two sons, Jeanine—two. I'm not splitting them up, just to make things easier on you." Victor sat uncomfortable with all that she said, too much of it - too close to things he knew that he was guilty of feeling, believing - once more - his thoughts made him blush.
"You know what, we might as well just leave. Once again, she wins!" She threw her napkin down and stood from the table. "Take me home."
"Suit yourself." He mumbled and stood to pay for their meal, and in the car on the way back things were quiet until she turned to him saying, "I'm trying to do the best that I can, and be understanding with you, Victor. I mean, you slept with me. What was that?"
"That was what you wanted. You came to my house. You came into my room, climbed into my bed when I was sleeping. Started touching me, what the hell—I responded. I didn't seduce you, so don't make it out like I did."
"You're making it out like you didn't enjoy it or something."
"I'm still curious as to how you got in? My parent's were at work, my brother and sisters gone to school. How did you get in?"
"We already discussed this, Victor, that morning."
"Oh, yeah, you found the key, right?"
"Yes."
Victor looked away from her. He knew how she found it, all right. His mother, no doubt, provided information to its location. This was madness. He didn't want this. He didn't want her. He needed to just end this. "Look, ah, I think I need some time—alone—Jeanine. This is wrong. I shouldn't be doing this."
"What are you saying?" She turned towards him to ask.
"Look…it's simple, really. I'm married. I have two children. And—I need to take stock of my life and where it's going right now. I don't need interference—or—distractions. I don't think we should be seeing each other anymore."
"Just like that?" She asked, aghast.
"It should have never started."
"Well, it has started, you slept with me!"
"You climbed into my bed."
"I didn't rape you —did I?"
"I didn't invite you though!"
"Doesn't matter, you could have said "No"! You didn't, you made love to me."
"Correction, we had sex. I did not make love to you."
"You—ass—hole!"
"Yeah, well, what else is new?"
"I can't believe you could choose her, over me!"
"She's my WIFE! What the hell does that mean to you?"
"I don't wish to discuss it anymore. Take me home."
"Well, believe me, I want to get you there quick as possible, but there is a speed limit, lights, stop signs, other traffic." He tapered off, mumbling.
"You're a fool if you go back to her. She'll never be as good to you as I was. Doesn't that count for anything? At least with me, you're left with some kind of dignity, some self-respect. Doesn't that mean anything to you?"
"I didn't set out to hurt you, Jeanine…but—you knew that I was married. You knew."
"You also knew, but that didn't stop you from being with me, did it?"
"No. Guilty as charged. Reas
on I think it's best I put a stop to this now, before it goes too far."
"Oh, we're already beyond that point. Just so you know it, I went to bed with you, at the right time. If you know what I mean." She braved.
Victor drove on, stunned, quiet, scared. He hadn't used any protection, because she'd taken him by surprise. He had to slam on the breaks from almost running a stop sign. He couldn't breath. He pulled over. Gripping the stirring wheel tight with both hands. He couldn't look at her. Just stared out his windshield.
"That's right. Now what? I could be pregnant, right now. I'll know for sure in a couple of weeks. Then what? What's your—wife—gonna say then? Think she'll take you back once she knows that? Hm?"
Victor thought he would pass out from the impact of her words. All he could see was the look on Crystal's face if it were true. If she was. He wanted to cry out in agony. God, no—please—please, God! Not that…I'm begging you, please don't let her be! Tears came to his eyes. His forehead fell to the steering wheel.
Jeanine sat stunned, watching him.
"You can't really be in love with her? You can't be!"
Victor lay breathing hard, trying to get his chest to un-tighten, his stomach to settle down. He sat back and breathing hard, wiped his hand over his face, clearing away tracks of his tears. He checked his mirrors and pulled away from the curb. He couldn't look at her. Wouldn't answer her. Had nothing more to say. He drove on, quiet.
Jeanine looked away from him, out of her window. She'd lied. She wasn't foolish enough to end up pregnant by a married man. She'd thrown that at him to rip that idea out of his mind, that he could just dismiss her like nothing. She would keep the truth to herself for a spell. Let him stew in his mess a while. If nothing more, it would teach him a lesson. Maybe the lesson would not benefit her, but she didn't care about that. All she cared about was that he suffer for the humiliation he was causing her. The rest of the ride was quiet, well almost, all for his occasional sighs, and other noises as if he were fighting back some type of soul rendering torture.
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