"Leaving already?" He surprised her, asking.
Crystal turned around to see him leaning out of the door towards her. "Yeah...not my kind of party." She was high and had been drinking, she was afraid to stay there.
"How are you getting back?"
"Walk."
"Can I take you?"
"No!"
"Afraid of me?"
"No…why would I be?"
"Then let me drive you back."
"Fine...we leave now, or I walk."
"We leave now."
He drove a Buick Regal, used, but clean, with everything working, no rust.
"Comfortable?" He asked after closing the door and starting the car.
"Yeah, this is nice."
"Buckle up."
She did and they were off, going back to the other end of town, passing Riverside Park, she was feeling a bit queasy, she hadn't eaten anything and the drugs and alcohol were making her feel sick to her stomach. He noticed.
"You okay?"
"I think I should have eaten earlier."
"I'm hungry too, let's pick something up."
She didn't argue. Contrary to what everyone thought, including herself about him, she felt at ease with him. She also felt wide-open, and had no wish to close herself off from him. She put all caution and thoughts of right and wrong away, at least, just for this night. He was kind to her, spoke considerately, made her feel good. For the moment, she needed to feel the way he was making her feel, she put all thoughts of mama and her words of warning from her mind. They picked up a pizza and soda to go. Headed for Riverside park, parked the car, and with the radio playing they sat and shared a pizza, both enjoying it. Feeling full, Crystal opened the door and got out of the car.
"Hey—where you going?"
"I think I ate too much." She admitted, needing to stand and get some fresh air.
He wiped his mouth using a napkin, chewed up the last of what he was eating, closed the pizza box and sat it on the back seat and got out as well. She was leaning against the front end of his car. "Nice night, isn't it?"
"It is, a bit nippy...but the sky is clear. I need it to clear my head." She confessed and pushed off from the car, started walking towards the river. He quietly followed. She was walking directly towards it and immediately he called out, "Hey, hey, hey, don't get too close to the edge, don't wanna have to jump in after you—you fall in."
"You wouldn't have to, I can swim." She informed him, continuing on.
"Maybe so, but you're high. You've been drinking. Do you know the accidental drowning rate of college students who've been drinking, but could swim?"
"Nope—do you?"
He grinned, "Nope! But I'm sure there is one!" He laughed, she joined him, walking slow, she stepped up on the narrow river wall.
"I really wish you wouldn't do that, you're starting to make me nervous, honestly, come down."
She smiled at him and then jumped down. "Happy?"
His audible sigh, answered for him. They continued on, slow when he finally said, "You have the most amazing smile."
"Oh, yeah?"
"Yeah... you do."
"What's so amazing about it?"
"It's filled with wonder…reaches your eyes and makes them sparkle. You go from being this incredibly hot babe, to looking like a sexy little pixie elf."
Crystal laughed, "A pixie elf? Me? I look like an elf?"
"A cute one. A really hot…cute one."
"I see, I didn't know there were black elves."
"Surely, there's bound to be one—at the very least."
"Surely." She agreed grinning, staying in the lead of him.
"I mean, there are black Russians, for goodness sake."
"I see your point."
They were quiet again as they strolled. He was watching her. He wanted her. Had wanted her from the first time he saw her. Watching as her mother said a tearful goodbye. When she'd turned around, he'd meant to look away, but the moment he saw those eyes, he'd locked his own onto her and couldn't break his gaze. She'd looked down to the ground and rushed into the dorm. Every moment following that had been spent waiting for her to arrive on the scene so he could get a glimpse of her. She was different from the other girls he'd been with. While he'd had sex with quite a few, he'd never been serious with any of them. It had just been a quick frivolous tryst. In his latter year of high school and then college, he had a constant source of sex offered to him, and with such a vigorous libido, there had need no reason not to explore all the possibilities if what was offered, came from someone he considered a go girl. That's how he and the guys rated them, either they were a "Go girl" - or - a "No girl". A "No" girl was comprised of either three things, Ugly academic, a White boy hater, or a Slutthey'd all done and found distasteful. Like the campus bike, everyone had had a ride.
She was different. And he more than desired her. He found that her presence immediately changed the rhythm and beat of his heart. Changed the way he felt just breathing.
"Crystal..." He called out to her.
"Yeah?"
"You, ah, ever been out with…someone like me?"
"Someone like you?"
"Yeah…you know…a white guy."
"Nope—never."
"You…ever been kissed by one?"
"How would that be, if I've never gone out with one?"
"Easy…just because two people kiss, doesn't mean they're going out."
"True…I see what you mean."
"So…ever been kissed by one?"
"Nope, not ever."
"Emmm…I see…so, I'll be the first then, huh?"
Crystal stopped in her tracks. Her heart immediately slammed into her chest over and over as if someone were punching her there. Her ears started popping, and she had to draw in deep from the nervous tension that suddenly washed over her. Nervously she laughed to play it off, "Oh, will you? Says who?"
"Me. I figure this way…someone has to be the first to kiss you…well, first white guy, anyway—why not me?"
"What if I don't want you to be the first to kiss me? White guy that is ...then what?"
"You do."
"I do what?"
"Want me to kiss you."
Nervous laughter escaped her again, "You white boys are ar-ro-gant! I don't know what gives you that idea."
"When there's a get together, I'm always looking around for you. When I spot you, you're looking around for me…to see if I'm there."
"WHAT?" She laughed, butterflies in her stomach going crazy.
"That's right. As soon as you spot me…you blush."
Hearing that prolonged her laughter, she bent over with it. She had to react that way, had to move around some, because her body was not her own. "You are crazy as hell! I don't blush—first of all!"
"Sure you do. You're blushing now."
"How would you know that? You can't even see me—it's nighttime! Even if you could see me, you can't tell if I'm blushing." She argued smiling, the hilarity slowly leaving her.
"I can always tell when you blush. It happens every time you see me. Even when you try playin' it off, I can still tell. It's all in your body language. You move in a kind of nervous jerk that never happens until I'm around. You don't know you do it, because you can't see yourself; but I can see you. The moment you spot me, you stiffen up. You fight to keep from looking at me again, that's what causes you to jerk a bit, and you're blushing when you do it." He smiled at her.
Crystal was looking at him with wide eyes again, stunned because he knew that. Stunned because he was right. Seeing him did things to her, made her feel different, so yes, she could imagine that she just might…move as he stated. There was no way to deny it.
"That's how I know..." He continued on to say, letting that sink in, "... that I'll be that first—white boy, that is—to kiss you."
She was scared, had been drinking and was high. Her mother's face came before her, warning her. Omiyah in their room, her words about him, came to mind. Kayla, at the party, her
words, came to mind. He was coming towards her, closing the distance between them. Crystal rushed around him, marching back to his car. "Take me back to the dorm, please! Or do I walk from here?"
He sighed, and trotted to catch up to her.
"I'll take you back." He made it to his car ahead of her, and opened the door for her. She sat in and buckled up. He went around to his side, got in, closed the door and started his car. "I got a feeling you've never been kissed at all before."
"Shows what you know, I've been kissed plenty of times!"
"Oh yeah, what's his name?"
"That's none of your business. I'll see him when I go home from school. We've been dating since I was in the eighth grade."
"Black guy, huh?"
"No—a Puerto Rican."
"Oh...Puerto Rican, huh?"
"Yep. I'm part Puerto Rican, my grandmother's Puerto Rican."
"I see." He answered as he drove. "So, he'll probably be mad about us being together, huh?"
"No! Why would he be mad about you? You're just a white boy, you got nothing on him."
He stopped right there, not out of the park yet, shocked the heck out of her, with his foot on the break, he turned loose the wheel, grabbed her head and kissed her hard and fast. Took her so by surprise that she couldn't catch her breath, because she'd stopped breathing. He stuck his tongue in her mouth, which shocked her even more. She couldn't breathe; he realized it, backed off, stared at her. She looked like she was about to pass out from holding her breath.
"Breathe!" He commanded, stunned.
She sucked in a mighty gulp of air, and embarrassed, started panting.
He let her go and just stared at her, "You okay?" He asked while she rolled down her window feeling suddenly hot. Her shaking hand went to her mouth, wiping his moisture away. He stared, and then smiled…and then laughed. Her head snapped around. "What are you laughing at?" She bit out.
"Nothing...I'll take you back now." But he continued to let out little chuckles. She sat mortified. Wishing she could do that kiss over again. How was she to know he would try that? Back at the dorm, he parked, turned the engine off, and turned to her; before he could make any move, or say another word, she threw the door open and made a dash for the building going straight to her room.
Crystal got down to business with her lessons. She was in school for nursing and had signed up for beauty college as well. The season was changing rapidly, it was getting cold. A few times while waiting at the bus stop for a bus to take her to the beauty college, he'd pulled over to give her a ride. She'd stuck her nose in the air and ignored him, holding her books close to her chest. "Come on…let me take you…it's cold out—you know you wanna ride."
She wouldn't give him the time of day.
"YOU—ARE—STUBBORN!" He shouted out at her.
He tried over and over, and every time—she looked the other way.
"Okay, what if you got into the car, just to keep warm until the bus gets here?" He even tried that.
She looked at him, rolled her eyes and looked back the other direction.
"Fine! You wanna freeze out there? That's up to you, I can't make you get in the car! But before I drive off, can you tell me what I did?" He pleaded, leaning across the seat trying to persuade her.
She turned and looked at him, he saw that she was beginning to soften up—just a bit, and then he heard the bus blow its horn behind him. She stood and walked to it, getting on, leaving him unanswered. It was mid-November, they would be getting out for Thanksgiving and then Christmas. Another reason for a party.
She went. He was there waiting for her.
He didn't go near her, just watched her. Crystal knew that he watched her, she could feel his eyes on her. The party was loud, music blasting so that no one could hear a person speak without being right in their ear hole. It was filled with college students, some were dancing, others drinking, and upstairs in the house, what Crystal had grown accustomed to, were those that snuck up there for sex. Suddenly the song was changed to a slow song, Savage Garden's Truly, Madly, Deeply—Crystal loved that song. Someone grabbed her arm. She turned and looked up, it was Victor.
"Dance with me?" He lipped, smiled, didn't wait for her to answer, just took her hand and lead her to where he wanted to go. With a pounding heart, Crystal followed. They stopped in a dark room where others were dancing. He took her wrists, pulled them around his waist, and then wrapped his own arms around her, and took the lead in a slow dance. "Relax..." He whispered in her ear, and they began to move. Crystal thought she'd died and gone to heaven in his arms. She tightened her arms around him and took tiny steps between his feet, afraid of committing the sin of stepping on his toes; she could dance, but she'd never danced with a guy before; only with her mother.
The music, the song, the lyrics, 'I want to stand with you on a mountain. I want to bathe with you in the sea. I want to lay like this forever. Until the sky falls down on me...' made her own up to what had happened to her. She was in love. Just as the words to the song stated, truly, madly deeply, she was in love - and he was the Victor... because she wanted him. She was ready to give him whatever he asked. She laid her head on his shoulder, closed her eyes, and felt every verse and knew that if his intent was to use her…then so be it. If she was going to be used, she wanted it to be—by him.
They danced two more times, and after that, he held her hand for the duration of the time at the party, leading her from room to room as they drank, but he never let her go. In one instance, Omiyah looked at them both, rolled her eyes at Victor, and avoided looking at Crystal. Crystal didn't care about the fact that they'd slept together; for that night…for that moment, he was all hers. Victor held her hand and kept her right next to him, so that everyone knew it. Was he displaying to one and all that he was the victor? She considered it, but again—it just didn't matter. She wanted this—she wanted him.
It was close to midnight, he turned and asked her, "Wanna go somewhere…where we can be alone?" He asked the question as if he'd been thinking about it, how to ask her. She knew what that meant. Her body must have known, because between her thighs, an instant throb awakened. Unable to speak, she nodded yes. Still holding her hand, he led her through the house, left her at the door and promised to be right back. She watched him cross the room, speak to one of his friends. The friend passed him a key. Crystal felt her face flame red. She felt as if everyone knew what they were leaving to do. In her mind, she saw them whispering about her, that he'd got her right where he wanted her. In truth, no one paid her or him any attention, at least not the masses anyway...they were too busy partying and after their own "victories".
She took a deep nervous breath as he made his way back to her. He smiled, "Let's go." He said.
"Where we going?" She asked.
"Somewhere we can be alone." He answered.
Yep, she knew this was it.
She'd been right. He took her to his friends place. A house that he and three other's were renting while in school. Two were at the party they'd just left and the other two had already gone home early for the holidays; they went into one of their rooms. Victor locked the door. Crystal was so nervous she thought she might faint. Her temples were pounding, her heart was beating erratically and she kept thinking about her mother.
"Here, let me take your jacket." He assisted her, she let him.
"Nervous?" He asked.
"No." She answered too quickly.
"Good, I don't want you to be."
"No reason to be."
He smiled, "I'll turn on some music, help you to relax."
"I am relaxed!" She answered again quickly, gulping.
He knelt on the floor, grinning and started taking off his shoes.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Take off your shoes." He instructed instead of answering her, "Or you want me to take them off for you?"
Crystal felt itchy all over. She scratched her head, shook it, "No, I can take them off." And sat on the bed doing it, trying t
o give the appearance as one fully experienced in what they were about to do. He set his shoes aside, and turned on the radio to a station that played nice slow music. He turned back to her and pulled his shirt off over his head. Crystal thought her head would explode, "You're gonna just take your shirt off, just like that? Right in front of me?"
"Yeah...your turn."
"My turn?" She parroted.
"Want my help?" He asked walking up to her; that is when she noticed the bulge in his pants. She was sitting on the bed after all, so his crotch was almost directly in line with her vision. He went to his knees right there before her. She was wearing a button-front cardigan, and a button-up shirt beneath it. He started on the buttons of her cardigan. "I can do it." She felt panicky. "I know you can, but I like helping." He informed her, "I'll do your sweater, you do your shirt."
"No...let me." She sounded almost child-like.
"Okay, I'll take off my pants." He informed her.
Crystal looked down at the floor, her head started spinning. She could see his feet, he still had his socks on and then his pants pooled at his ankles; she was going to faint. He stepped out of them, her ears starting ringing. She couldn't look up, was still unbuttoning her clothes. Suddenly the lights went off in the room.
"Wait!" She cried out.
"What's wrong?" He asked.
"I gotta use the bathroom, I do—I gotta go, I know I gotta pee—where's the bathroom, so I can go use it?" She fired out rapidly, while still looking at the floor.
"Here, out the door, at the end of the hall. Hurry back."
She rushed to her feet and went where he directed her.
She closed and locked the door, leaning back against it. She was trying to bring her breathing under control, finally standing away from the door; she stood looking in the mirror at herself. "Mama, mama, mama, what'll I do? What'll I do?" She was so nervous, she did have to pee, and snatched her pants and panties down and sat on the toilet, using it. After wiping, she stood and washed her hands, looking at the door. He called out to her from the end of the hall, "Crystal? You okay?"
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