He knew that because of Sylvia. Had it been her, in the same scenario - he would have fought tooth and nail, no way in hell he would have let a divorce go through easily. He would have done whatever he had to do, to win her back; to show her that they belonged together. Real love - made all the difference in the world.
"Crystal - what if he doesn't want this divorce? What if all he needs is time to get his shit together? Is not, what you two share, the boys - worth it - you giving him that?"
"How am I supposed to know that? Not once has he come to me and said, just give me a little time, that's all I need. Not once since we separated has he made time to come and say, I need for us to talk. He found time to come and - go to bed with me!"
"When?!" Shawn asked stunned.
Crystal started laughing. "Huh?"
"You've gone to bed with him since you two separated?" He asked.
She nibbled into the corner of her lip, "Yes."
"Who came to who for it?"
"He - came to me." She admitted.
Shawn scratched his head, and asked, "How was it?"
"Great as always." She grinned.
"Don't get this divorce Crystal. A man who is done, does not come back for more. He just goes elsewhere."
"Well, he has - hasn't he." She had been feeling high, and now, low again.
Shawn blew out, driving, thinking about them. "He's young and obviously dumb, Crystal. Men must pass through the idiot stages of life first... it's a truth I'm sorry to inform you, it's a must."
"So you're saying I should forgive him for cheating on me? He went to bed with another woman! Jeanine! I have never cheated on him. I loved him!"
"You still love him! That's my point! Regardless of the fact that he's a goddamn idiot! He does love you; I just feel that he does, he doesn't act like someone that wishes to be elsewhere! That's what I'm saying."
"Marriage means you don't cheat!"
"Well of course it does sweety, I know that. Listen - I'm going to be crude here - but honest - young men are lead by their dicks!-..."
"Ach! Papah-Shawn, I can't believe you said that!"
"...-I'm not done yet! Hush and listen. Young men, don't need to feel anything in their hearts - to get a hard on, to get it on. No - its not right - but he is still a young man. He's only in his early twenties, probably just now realizing all the screwing up he's done. However, everyone - needs to feel good sometimes - especially when they feel like hell. Sometimes, we slip up and believe, anything that makes me feel good right now, will make me feel better. Problem is, doesn't work that way. You don't know that, until after, you've screwed up. Literally. I don't know what that was with this, Jeanine - it wasn't right that's for damn sure, but don't set your house on fire sweety when all it needs is a few repairs. He's not in love with her, I don't believe it for a moment." He stated trying to get her to think.
Crystal was listening, thinking about it, finally saying - "It still hurts."
"I know."
"I can't believe that he shared himself intimately with another woman. Maybe it was, just for the moment - but - the ache it gives me - won't go away."
Shawn reached over and grabbed her hand, squeezing it. "Yeah - that's the ugly part of it all. In the end, I want you to be happy. I want you to know, that I have come to love you, and your brother, like you're my own. I'd do anything for you. If I could take the pain away, I would sweetheart. I guess, you have to do what you have to do. Just as long as you can live with the decision you've made."
"Well, it'll turn out - with how he takes it from his mother. If she tells him not to protest, and he doesn't - that's that. I have no more to give; I'm not waiting anymore."
"So you do want him to protest."
"I want him to fight for us! Papah-Shawn, I know I did wrong. I know I shouldn't have been - hitting him. I didn't mean to, want to - I just - I can't explain right now."
He squeezed her hand again, "You don't have to. You and I, we're gonna do this - together - okay? This is the first step, okay?"
She nodded, squeezing his hand back. "We - love you too - by the way. In case you didn't know. Mundo and I both, wish - that you had been our father." She admitted tearfully.
"I am sweety - I am."
They made it to the Mauston Community center, on time. Heading up the steps, Crystal teased Shawn about the three flights of stairs, that she would help him up, if he needed her to. He showed her by flying up them and not to be outdone, she raced with him; both of them laughing and breathing hard by the time they made it to the top. Shawn deliberately lost, as a father would. "I WON!!!" She cheered making it to the door before him. He laughed, breathing hard, more put on than true.
"You cheated!"
"How did I cheat?"
"You kicked me in the shin-..."
She gasped, laughing.
"Jabbed me in the side with those sharp elbows, and tried to trip me up on the last flight. You cheated."
Crystal was laughing so she had tears in her eyes, "How you get all of that out of me running by you? I may have nudged you a little bit."
"Tried to push me out the window! Cheated!"
Crystal was still laughing as he grinned. They went to the table and signed in, then made their way into the room where the other's were gathered. Taking their seats, they calmed down so, Chad Withering, could get the meeting started. He recapped key points from the first meeting, writing them on the chalk board; while filling in the few that missed the second meeting of what took place in it. Those attending the meeting amounted to seven. Five men, two women, one of them Crystal. The other woman was an Native American named Talulah Fox. There were three white men, Shawn one of them. A black man, and a Mexican.
Talulah, Shawn and Crystal had all three missed the last meeting, so he had them doing what the others had the previous week. Which was, to stand, introduce themselves fully again, give their birth-dates, where they were born, their marital status, if they had children, and share the first, or earliest memory of losing their tempers in a way that made them physical. To make it fair, Chad had them pull straws to see who would go first. Talulah first, Shawn second, Crystal third.
Talulah was stubborn, resented being there, and shook her head that she was unwilling to say anything yet. She crossed her arms over her breasts and sat there. Chad nodded, "Okay; Talulah, you're going to have to contribute at some point, you're only slowing your own progress."
She stared at him as if she were bored. Obviously there for reasons that had nothing to do with wanting, to be there. Leaving her alone, Chad turned to Shawn. "If you would please, your turn. Your full name, birth date, place of birth - and share with us, what you can remember as your first loss of temper, that you physically gave into."
Shawn looked at Crystal, he was feeling like Talulah, but if Crystal was going to be helped by this, he couldn't back out, he had to lead the way for her, or else, she could do the same. Taking a deep breath, he stood. "My name is Shawn Everett McPherson. I was born December 1st, 1962-..."
"A Sagittarius." Talulah informed everyone, even though no one asked.
Chad looked over at her, "Thank you Talulah, can he continue now?"
"Sure. You make note of that? His sign? That'll tell you everything you need to know. Didn't see you write it down. You sure you're a counselor?" She went on in a droll manner, even though she said that Shawn could go on, un-interrupted.
Chad smiled at her, "I'll be sure to make note of that Talulah. How about you do that. Find out everyone's zodiac sign, and then give them to me later." He was trying to work with her.
"That's not my job, I don't get paid to do that."
"I see." Chad replied patiently.
Shawn was grinning as he stood waiting. For all he cared, she could talk through the time of the whole meeting, if it kept him from having to talk.
"I'll do it anyway though, just to show that I can, be accommodating."
"Well I'm honored by it. Thank you, that would be appreciated."
Talulah nodded, then looked at Shawn, "You can go on now."
Shawn chuckled, winked at her, "Thank you, you sure there's nothing else you need to add, about me being a Sagittarius?"
"Your sign tells me everything I need to know."
Chad turned back to Shawn, "Go ahead Mr. McPherson."
"Shawn, please." He invited to be called.
"Okay, Shawn."
"Anyway, I was born in Greenville, South Carolina. I'm happily married, and we share three children together, one on the way." Shawn stopped, trying to think. "To be honest, I'm not so sure about the first time I lost my temper."
"The first incident you can remember from your younger years." Chad coaxed.
Shawn stood in thought, and reached up with both hands, clasping them behind his head, looking straight ahead as his memory brought forward many incidents. "I have to apologize - because ah, I'm getting quite a few instances all at once."
"Give me an age, the first one that pops into your head."
"12."
"What are you doing?"
Shawn stood a moment more, pausing, "Crying and punching."
"Punching what?"
"My - father."
"Your father?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because I was tired."
"Tired of what?"
"Of learning how to fight."
"Your father was teaching you how to fight?"
"Yeah."
"Were you being bullied at school?"
"No."
"No?"
"No."
"Were you taking up boxing?"
"No."
"Did your father drink?"
"No - he didn't."
"So - tell us - why was he teaching you to fight?"
"Because I was the oldest - of - five and he said, that it was my job, to protect them. To protect my brothers and sisters, my mother."
"He wanted you - a twelve year old, to protect them?"
"He said that it was time that I learned how."
"To protect them?"
"Yes."
"From what?"
Shawn became motionless, he stared into Chad's eyes without seeing them. Thinking about the question. It was such an easy, simple question; one that he was struggling to answer. How could he? Answering that question, seemed like a betrayal to his father.
"Shawn." Chad called out to him.
Shawn focused on his eyes, he gulped. His stomach hurt. Loyalty to his father was a must. "Shawn?"
"Yeah?" He finally answered the calling of his name.
"What was he training you to protect them from?"
He was stuck with what to say. Yet, he couldn't just stand there, he could feel Crystal's eyes on him. If he expected her to use the program to the full, how could he not? He couldn't just stand there, and so - said what his father had said to him.
"Our enemies." Tears rushed to his eyes. He ground his back teeth down hard, turning red.
Chad stared at Shawn a moment and then asked, "Shawn..."
"Yes."
"Your father serve in Vietnam?"
Tears pooled up on him and he felt humiliation wash over him. Right then, standing as he was, a riot of memories, incidents, his father's face not an inch from his own, shouting at him, grilling him, drilling him. No one knew the extent to which his father had trained him. The things he taught him to do.
"Your father serve in Vietnam Shawn?"
"Yes." He sniffed and ran his hand over his eyes.
"Okay, that's enough for now. Thank you Shawn."
Shawn nodded, cleared his throat and sat down.
Crystal reached over and stroked his back, his shoulder, "You okay?" She asked.
"Yeah, I'm okay." He sniffed again and couldn't bring himself to look at her right at that moment. Or anyone else for that matter. Suddenly a dark hand reached out and touched his opposite shoulder. He looked up to see Chad Withering standing over him. He bent low and whispered. "Don't leave right after the meeting, okay? I need to talk to you."
Shawn nodded.
"Mrs. Prescott, your turn."
Crystal thought, if Shawn could do it, then she wouldn't hold back either. They weren't even there for him, but for her. However, after hearing what she just did, she wondered about that. She stood, "I'm Crystal Bella Prescott. Born, December 19th, 1984-..."
"She's a Sagittarius too. Daughter like father. Sorry - go on." Talulah inserted, then excused herself.
"...-I was born in Chicago, Illinois. I'm-..." She stopped, "...- uh, married - for the time being, getting a divorce." She swallowed. Shawn looked up at her. She wouldn't look at him. "I have two - beautiful - really really -..." She couldn't do it. She was going to start crying. She could feel so much pain welling up. She had to stop a moment and get a grip. "I'm sorry."
"That's okay, Mrs. Prescott."
"Not for long. Call me Crystal." She wiped at her running tears. Chad went to his desk, took the Kleenex box from it and passed it to her. She took two, nodding to him. She dried her eyes, took a few deep breaths and tried to start again. "What else did you wanna know?"
"I think you were getting ready to tell us about your children." He reminded her.
She nodded. "I have two sons. They're little, and uh..." She looked up at him. "I'm sorry, what am I supposed to say?"
"Your earliest, memory of losing your temper, getting so angry - it made you act on it - lash out in fury."
Crystal stood - no problem with remembering - but she didn't want to say it.
"Can I please - decline. Please?"
"Can you not remember one?"
"Yes."
"Okay, let's go slow. How old were you, can you tell us that?"
She nodded slowly, "I was 11." She offered softly.
"Okay, now, can I ask, who was it directed towards?"
"My - the man - my mother was married to first. Shawn is my step-father."
"So - it was directed at your father?"
"Shawn is my father." She corrected him.
"Shawn is your step-father Crystal, you just said so."
She went quiet on him. Shawn took her hand, squeezing it. Until she said that it was directed at Armundo Payne sr. he'd been staring ahead listening, but to hear that it was him whom she'd lashed out at, stunned him. He was beginning to see, that she and he, were probably more alike than anyone.
"Crystal?" Chad called her name.
She looked up at him, "Okay, Shawn is your father. But you lashed out at this other man, whom - biologically speaking, is your father - can I say that?"
She nodded.
"Okay - let's compromise, meet in the middle. You don't have to say, what it is that he did to provoke your anger, but I would like to know, what you did. How did you react to what he did that made you angry?"
"I threw a butcher knife at him. The really sharp ones. This long..." She smiled as she showed its length between her two index fingers. "I saw - in my minds eye, it flying through the air, so perfectly - twirling, the way they do, when you throw them right - and I saw it sparkle, catching the light - right before - the point straightened, to - to sink in deep - right in the center - of his back - right between his shoulder blades. And I saw him, where he jerked, looked back at me surprised and then, falling down - he was dead. I saw it so clearly. Of course, when I threw it at him, it didn't happen that way. He turned, must have heard me pull it out of the rack. He just, knocked it away." It was clear that she was disappointed by the outcome.
"Where was your mother?" Shawn couldn't help himself, he had to ask.
"She was in the backyard at the time."
Shawn sighed and looked at the floor. 'Why didn't you leave him?' He asked her in his mind, the more he heard about Armundo Payne, the more he resented him ever having his wife, daring to be left over Mundo and Crystal.
Chad had heard enough. Anger management worked to first route out what each individuals root causes were. Some people were angry due to surface selfishness, and a low opinion
of everyone else. Others were angry for stronger, deeper reasons. Once that was determined, he could then direct them to the correct resources, specially tailored to their problems.
"Have a seat Crystal, thank you for sharing that with us. Now, I have some leaflets here that I want to-..."
"Well wait a minute, don't I get my turn?" Talulah asked, cutting Chad off.
Chad turned to her, "I'm sorry, sure you get your turn and by the way, what's your sign?"
"Counselor! Are you flirting with me?" She joked, and everyone laughed, including Chad.
"Please excuse me, no I'm not." He smiled.
"Why not? What's wrong with me?" Again they all laughed.
Chapter 197
If it weren't for his mind going nuts, Shawn might have gleaned more information from the meeting. However, he couldn't get the picture of her, at 11 years old, throwing a knife at her own father. Someone, she now referred to as that first man her mother married. Life was so strange, he wondered about the various elements that made him feel so fiercely for Sylvia's children. He was in love with them. His mind forever fantasizing and making them his. His son, his daughter. Without hesitation, he had stepped into their lives. Guilty of taking over them. His son, Mundo, handsome, funny as hell, guaranteed to make him laugh, smile and anticipate each moment they could buddy up. Crystal, fiery tempered, driven, ambitious, saucy and as lovely a daughter as any man could wish for. What kind of man, with kids like them, took no pride in them? His only regret, that he had come so late. Oh what he would give to have come into her life, 10 years earlier. But then, there would not be his Angela. It was confusing. He knew however for a certainty, had he met Sylvia 10 years ago, he would have done all in his power to take her from Armundo. Every moment, of everyday, he would have used it to somehow - convince Sylvia to leave him, to grab hold of her two and walk away from Armundo. He would have taken them on gladly, and then welcomed him to dare face him for the deed.
Shawn hated him. The man was dead, and all he could do, was thank God for that. Yet, there were questions plaguing his mind. One being, 'Why?!' What had he done to her, to make her throw a knife at him? To make an 11 year old little girl, who should be playing with dolls, fantasize so vividly, about sinking a knife into her father's back?
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