by Melody Anne
There was the secret of their baby between them, but this wasn’t news she could just blurt out. She had to figure out a way to tell him, and as she stood there with him, his face beaming, his family accepting her with no questions, she felt tremendous guilt for holding on to her secret.
“That was great shooting, Alyssa.” Now Martin was talking as he walked up with Bethel, Maggie, and Eileen. “Your parents are right over there.”
She turned to see another truck set up with a skeet shooter; her mom fired expertly at a small clay disk. “Excuse me,” she said, beaming at Jackson, which made his smile falter for a moment in surprise. She didn’t normally let her guard down enough to show him such pleasure. She knew he was wondering what was going on. Let him wonder.
Standing at a safe distance, she waited for her mother to finish with her disks.
“I was wondering when you were going to get here,” Teresa said when she turned around and saw her daughter. “Martin assured us you were coming.” She gave Alyssa a warm hug.
“Jackson didn’t give me any warning; he just said we were going out. And why didn’t you tell me when I spoke to you that you were going to be here?”
“Because I like to surprise you once in a while. Plus, Jackson was so sure he was about to teach you something new. I wanted to be here when he learned you’re much better than him. Have you gotten to shoot yet?”
“Yeah, I knocked them out of the sky.” Alyssa patted her stomach. “Even with the bump trying to throw me off.”
“That’s my girl,” Teresa said. “Don’t you ever let a man win just to feel like a man. Too many women do that. Drives me crazy.”
“Come on, Mom. You taught me far better than that,” Alyssa said.
“That I did, baby girl,” she said before giving her daughter a hug. “You are glowing today. You must not be sick.”
“No. The morning sickness has all but evaporated, and I feel better than I have in a long time.”
“Good. Now, let’s get away from all these trigger-happy people and take a walk,” Teresa said as she wound an arm through her daughter’s.
The two of them strolled along a path, and Alyssa said, “I haven’t been out this far before. It’s beautiful.”
When someone rushed by them, the two stepped aside.
“Get it!”
“What in the heck are they after?” Teresa said as they picked up their pace.
A few younger kids were carrying BB guns and chasing what appeared to be a giant rat. “Is that a muskrat?” Alyssa had no idea. The vermin here were different from those in Texas.
“Not sure what that is,” her mother said.
Before they could say anything more, Jackson dashed past them, making Alyssa really curious now. She and her mother quickly trailed behind him to where they found the group of kids and Jackson at the edge of a flowing stream.
“What are you chasing?” she asked as they stood back, a little worried, since they were getting farther from their group of people. Safety was always better when in numbers.
“The kids were hunting,” Jackson said with a laugh. “But we couldn’t let them get too far away.”
“What are they hunting?”
“Rabbits, squirrels, birds,” he answered casually.
“That’s terrible, Jackson. Those creatures aren’t doing anything to them,” Alyssa said.
“Hey! I’m just assigned as this hour’s babysitter.” He held up his hand in self-defense.
“Well, then, watch them and make them head back.” Alyssa stamped her foot now and glared at him.
“Yes, ma’am,” he said with a big grin before turning to find one of the boys balancing on some rocks at the edge of the creek.
“Jimmy, get down,” Jackson yelled, but it was too late. The boy fell forward, soaking his clothes. The stream wasn’t deep enough to be dangerous, but that water looked frigid.
Jackson ran down, and when he reached out a hand to help Jimmy back up, he slipped on a moss-covered rock and tumbled into the creek with him. With a pained and incredulous look on his face, Jackson tried to scramble to his feet, but he slipped again. This time, like a child throwing a tantrum, he slapped his hands down, spraying water everywhere around him. Which, of course, sparked a spontaneous water fight.
“It’s time to retreat,” Teresa said as a few droplets reached them.
“I couldn’t agree with you more,” Alyssa said, and they began backing away.
“Jackson is sure good with those kids,” Teresa remarked.
“You know he’s the father.” It wasn’t a question.
“Yes. When are you going to tell him?”
Alyssa let out a relieved breath. It felt so good to finally speak about it. Even if it wasn’t to Jackson. Her mother had always been there for her. Why she’d waited so long she would never know.
“I’m going to, Mom. I promise. It’s just that when I met him, he told me some things about his past, told me he would never be in a relationship again. And then Samantha spoke about the nasty custody battle he was in with his ex before she passed. It was just supposed to be one night. We were strangers passing. We weren’t supposed to see each other again.” Alyssa felt a smidgen of guilt when her mother flinched.
“I know you’re an adult, but it still pangs a mother’s heart to hear her daughter speak so casually about sex, darling.”
“I don’t take sex casually, Mom. Jackson was only the second man I’ve ever been with. I’ve told you about Carl and what a mistake that was. The thing is that this last month I’ve gotten to know Jackson a lot more. I did fear he would try to take my baby, try to replace the daughter he’d lost. I know now I was wrong to think that, but I didn’t know him, only what he’d said and what others had said. Now I just don’t know how to tell him.” Alyssa prayed that her mother could impart some words of wisdom.
“The longer you wait, the harder it will be, Alyssa. It’s like ripping off a bandage. You just have to do it and face the consequences.”
“I was afraid that’s what you were going to say,” Alyssa said with a long sigh.
“This isn’t something that goes away, and I have grown to know the Whitman family. They are good people. I think you should trust Jackson.”
A silence fell as they continued walking back to the group, with Alyssa trying to process her thoughts. When they heard the kids’ war cry behind them, the two women picked up their pace, and Alyssa did some power walking up the path, back to where it was safe and dry.
The afternoon passed quickly, and Alyssa was surprised by the good mood Jackson was in despite his soaked clothes and his less-than-manly control of a shotgun. Those clay pigeons just flew off unscathed, and Jackson endured the good-natured ribbing of the entire Whitman clan.
When the sun began setting, several of the vehicles pulled away, but instead of making Alyssa jump straight back into his truck, Jackson grabbed her hand and led her to a bench with a spectacular view of the valley.
“This has always been one of my favorite places, Alyssa.”
“I can see why,” she said as she snuggled into his arms.
“I’ve never brought a woman up here before, though. Up until today, I’ve been here only with family.”
As he said those words, he pulled her more closely against his side. “I don’t know how, or when, but you’re becoming a part of that family.”
Closing her eyes, Alyssa melted against him. What was she supposed to say? Did she confess her growing feelings? Did she say that she wanted them all to be a family?
“There’s so much I need to tell you,” she finally said while his hand slowly drifted up and down her back.
“I hope you know that you can tell me anything, Alyssa.”
It was on the tip of her tongue. This moment seemed perfect; they seemed perfect. But what if it caused a fight? She couldn’t bear that right now.
“You were pretty adorable with those kids today” was all she could think of saying. Maybe it would help her figure out more of hi
s thinking about having another child of his own.
“I love kids. Always have. The older we get, the more we feel a need to protect ourselves, having to be careful about what we say and when. Kids are pure; they’re honest. If you just show them love, they will love you back. There are no games.”
Alyssa was surprised by his words. “You love to play games, Jackson.”
“I used to,” he said with a sigh. “I think it’s how I survived the last few years. Being with you has done something to me. I can’t figure it out . . .”
“I understand how you feel. You know, Jackson, I really like being with you.” It wasn’t exactly a confession of love, but she was giving him something.
“That’s a start,” he said as he turned her so he could look into her eyes.
“We seem to have had quite a few starts,” she said with a laugh, trying to lighten the intense moment.
“I’m not going to let you pull away, Alyssa,” he said as he cupped her face.
“I don’t want you to.”
He bent down and kissed her, and it felt right. There was no hesitation on her part as her arms circled his neck and she got lost in his embrace. The moment, however, was too short—they were interrupted when some of the older kids started whistling at the two of them.
Jackson gave her an apologetic look before he jumped up to chase down the culprits. Alyssa sat on the bench and watched him. He seemed happier than she’d ever seen him before. Yes, it was time to tell him the entire truth. She just needed to marshal enough courage to do it.
Jackson took his time in front of the fireplace, moving logs around and thinking about what he wanted to say. Yes, it was warm out, but the whole idea of having a fire in June made him smile, and he felt drawn to the warmth and to the mindless activity required to get a good blaze going.
Alyssa was curled up on the sofa, her legs tucked beneath a purple knitted blanket. She looked so calm and content. If only he could feel that way. Thankfully, the tenants in her apartment had yet to vacate, and the delay was working to his benefit. He’d thank them personally if he didn’t think it would get him into trouble. They’d had a good week since the skeet shooting, kissing often, holding each other, talking. But he wanted more. He needed more.
He wasn’t normally one of those touchy-feely, let-it-all-hang-out kind of guys. He usually just buried emotions deep inside, thought about work instead. But he needed Alyssa beyond anything that was rational. The more she was showing in her pregnancy, the more desire he felt to protect her and her unborn child.
Did it make sense? No. But even knowing that, he still couldn’t seem to stop himself. Everything in his life now seemed to point directly to Alyssa and her baby. How had one night shaped him so much? Why couldn’t he let Alyssa go? How was it possible that meeting in the airport had changed both of their lives so irrevocably?
Damned questions.
Jackson now asked one aloud. “Are you comfortable?”
“Yes, thank you,” Alyssa said as she sat on the couch. “I’m getting pretty tired, though. It’s been a long day.”
“Not yet,” he said, then added, “please.”
“Is something on your mind, Jackson?”
Yeah, making love to you, he wanted to say. Instead, he took a deep breath, then stood, moved over to his liquor cabinet, and poured himself a generous shot of scotch. After downing it in one gulp, he refilled his glass and moved over to the chair across from her. Alyssa waited, just sipping on her soda water.
“You trust me now, don’t you, Alyssa?”
She paused, but he was pleased when she didn’t look away. Instead she took another sip and used a little time to form her words.
“I believe I do,” she said finally.
That answer pained him. “I wouldn’t intentionally hurt you. I swear to that.”
“I believe you, Jackson. I think both of us have changed since we met on New Year’s Eve.”
“I didn’t think I wanted to change, but being around you has altered me, made me think in a whole new way.”
“I’m not special, Jackson. And you should never change for another person. You should change because you want to be a better man.”
“That’s one of the reasons I care about you, Alyssa. You don’t expect people to be who they aren’t. You have so much love for your family, for your friends. Is there room in your life for me?”
Jackson was almost shocked when he said those words. By the look in her eyes, Alyssa was pretty shocked, too.
“I . . . uh . . . I do care about you, Jackson.”
“That’s not what I asked. I asked if there’s room in your life for me.” He didn’t want to push this, but he needed to.
“I don’t know how to answer that.” She was clearly still guarding herself.
“It’s really hard for me to trust people, Alyssa. I think it’s because of the way I grew up. You know I was in foster care, that my dad adopted Spence, Camden, and me when we were teenagers. But you don’t know the hell we went through before coming to live with our dad, Martin. There are a lot of cruel people in the world and it makes your skin grow a bit thicker when you live like that.”
“I’m not trying to be cruel,” she said quickly. “I’m sorry you went through so much.”
“I wasn’t implying that you were being cruel. And I certainly don’t want your sympathy.” He was growing frustrated—this wasn’t where he wanted this conversation to go. His last few words had come out a little bit harsher than they should have and she’d flinched, making him feel like a heel. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. It’s how you feel,” she said, but there was hurt in her tone.
“It’s just that lots of people have sympathy—they’re just full of it, you know? To me, that’s meaningless. I don’t like it when people say they are sorry but their actions don’t prove it. I don’t like it when someone puts on one face to the world and then becomes a monster behind closed doors. I don’t like it when people lie to get their way.”
She flinched again, and Jackson ran a hand through his hair, knowing he was messing this all up. He tried to calm himself so he could get back on track. He couldn’t tell her he loved her, as he wasn’t even sure he knew what romantic love was. But he could tell her that he cared—he knew that beyond any doubt—and that he didn’t want to lose her.
“Sometimes not everything is black-and-white, Jackson. Sometimes people have a reason for keeping secrets.”
“What does that mean? If someone has something to hide, then that’s never good.”
“Like I said, not everything is black-and-white.” She was frowning at him.
“We are getting off track here, Alyssa. I don’t even know what we’re talking about anymore.”
“What is it that you’re trying to say, Jackson?”
“If you could go back and change certain aspects of your life, knowing what you know now, would you?”
Alyssa sat there for a moment, clearly giving the question serious thought.
“I might change some things, but I might not. I believe that every experience in our lives shapes us, teaches us where we went wrong, and there’s some sort of lesson to be learned at the end.”
“What about your being pregnant without the kid’s father anywhere to be found? Would you do that all over again?” He watched as she flinched again and her eyes darted away. “What? Too close to home?”
“I just don’t want to talk about that right now,” she finally said, still refusing to look into his eyes.
“You are more than willing to listen to other people, but you don’t like speaking about yourself, do you?”
“No. I don’t.”
“You’ve shared with me, though, Alyssa. I think we’re good together.” This was where he wanted the conversation to go.
“I think we’re not bad together,” she said with a hint of a smile.
“Then let me be there for you. Open up to me. Share with me.”
“You’re asking for a lot,”
she said, but she wasn’t looking away.
“With you, I find that I want it all.”
“What does that mean to you, Jackson?”
He stopped, not knowing the answer to that. But he wouldn’t lie to her anymore. Enough secrets had been kept between them in their attempts to guard themselves. Honesty would probably get him a lot further than deception.
“I want to be with you, take care of you. I don’t want to let you go.”
He saw the internal battle raging within her and he waited. He’d opened up to her, told her he cared, showed her how much he cared this past month and a half, and confessed more than he had to any other person since his ex-wife’s betrayal. The ball was now in her court.
When Alyssa didn’t say anything, just shifted the blanket off her lap and stood up, Jackson’s heart stopped. He didn’t know if she was going to walk to him or away from him. He felt that if she walked away this time, it would be the end for them. He’d given her all he could at this point.
When she came toward him slowly, and then climbed into his lap, pure joy filled him. She reached up and cupped his face, looking directly into his eyes. “I need you, too, Jackson.”
When she kissed him, there was no more question of what would happen . . .
Jackson took the sweet kiss that Alyssa offered and transformed it. He held her as if he would never let go, and the two of them sank to the floor, onto the soft rug that was spread out in front of the blazing fire.
As his mouth trailed down her neck, Alyssa felt excitement take the place of pain and sorrow, felt passion rise in place of fear. For tonight, she was in Jackson’s hands, and skilled hands they were. He was a masterful lover, confident and sure of himself, able to take her so high that she feared she’d never touch back down again. This had been too long in coming. She needed him. And he needed her.
As he tugged her shirt from her body, she feared this would end too quickly, that being held in his arms for hours was a mere wish that couldn’t come true. Once her shirt and bra fell away, his mouth moved downward, brushing across her breasts and then going lower. She shook as his hands roamed. So fast! Much too fast!
