“What?” she asked.
He roughly pulled her against his body again, one of his hands dropping down to quickly pull her hips up against his.
She looked up at him as she recognized the obvious evidence of his arousal, her eyes locking with his.
“That will always get in the way of our being friends. You understand that, don’t you?” he growled as he released her and stalked off the porch, climbed in his truck and drove away.
Mesa stood on the porch watching his departure, wondering if he even realized her body suffered the same yearning that he’d revealed to her.
She took a deep breath. Maybe friendship was too much to hope for. Being a single parent was hard when she was the only parent and now she would need to make accommodations for him to have time with Raale. She glanced at the fading dust left in his wake. Just being acquaintances might be for the best.
She was almost as exhausted as Raale, and once the child was tucked in for the night, Mesa relaxed beneath a steaming shower. She slipped on a robe and eased downstairs to check on Jory. She found him at Rance’s desk, his nose buried in a seed catalog.
“I’m turning in. It’s been a very long day,” she said from the door of the den.
He nodded. “Yeah, me, too. I’ll see you in the morning. Hope you sleep well.”
She smiled. “I don’t think I’ll miss the sound of Branson traffic at all. In fact, if I’m not here when you get up, I just might start getting up early and joining Bob and the boys for a few hours. If coffee is made when you get up, that’s where I’ll be.”
He nodded again. “Me’n Pocahontas might drive in to town and check out the feed stores. I’d like to see what veggies grow best locally. And we’ll pick up enough groceries for a few days.”
“Night Jory,” she started for the stairs.
“Mesa,” he spoke softly but loud enough for her to hear him. “You were right to let Raale go with Rafe today.”
“Thanks. I should have listened to you when I found out I was pregnant. I hurt him really bad by keeping her from him all these years. I guess I’ve hurt them both.” She went up the stairs and to bed, her guilt a heavy burden to bear.
Chapter 6
The next morning, Mesa was surprised at how well she had slept. She dressed quickly, slipping into jeans and a pair of serviceable tennis shoes. Boots would be at the top of her need to purchase list when she went into town again.
Downstairs, she fixed coffee and ate a piece of toast before she took the shortcut to the barn. Some of the cowboys were saddling horses and appeared surprised to see her at the barn. Bob made her welcome, explaining that Rance had sent out a list of chores he knew needed to be done, even if he wasn’t at the ranch to supervise.
Some of the hands were heading out to move cattle from one pasture into another to prevent overgrazing, while others had accepted the thankless, never ending job of checking fences.
“I’d like to help move the cattle,” Mesa said. “What horse do you suggest for me?”
Bob grinned. “Everybody is riding young horses. Rance sold the last of the seasoned saddle horses before he got hurt. Do you think you’re up to a green colt?”
Mesa swallowed. “How green?” It’d been a few years since she’d ridden on a regular basis.
The wizened old cowboy glanced at Gibby who was standing nearby. “They’ve all been ridden a few times. Hey, Gibby. Go tack up that blue roan stud colt for Miss Mesa to try out. Put Rance’s old saddle on him.” He looked back at the young woman standing in front of him. “It’d be a good idea to put him in the round pen for a few minutes. He gets a little humpy when he’s first saddled, but he’s got a good mind once he’s topped off. Probably the best colt in the bunch. He’s out of that roan mare that Rance brought with him when he first came here and his sire is Smooth Move. It was his full brother that Rance was ridin’ when he…got hurt.”
Mesa shrugged. She did remember that Uncle Rance had brought along a young roan mare that he was very proud of, when he came to manage the ranch after her father died, but she’d been away from horses long enough that she didn’t recognize the name of the sire Bob had mentioned. She had no idea that Smooth Move was a world champion roping horse and an AQHA Heading Horse of the Year only a few years ago.
But it didn’t take many mornings for her to realize that the blue roan colt with the wide blaze down the middle of his face was something special. He was calm, willing and very athletic. Mesa enjoyed his easy gaits and his desire to please.
When she visited Uncle Rance at the hospital, she made sure she told him how much she liked his colt. His proud grin was a testament of how much he thought of the animal.
“Yeah, I call him To, (doh). That’s the Lakota word for blue. He should make you a really good ranch horse.” Rance squeezed the small hand he was holding. “And for a young stallion, his disposition is unbelievable. He’ll make a great stud for our breeding program in a few years.”
Mesa shook her head negatively. “He’s your horse, out of your mare.”
Rance shrugged his shoulders. “Doc doesn’t think I have much chance of ridin’ again and if I ever do, it won’t be on a green colt.”
“Doc doesn’t know you. It might take a while, but I have faith in you and I’ve seen that streak of stubbornness that runs down your middle.” Mesa lifted the aged hand she held clasped between hers and brushed the back of his knuckles with her lips affectionately. “I’ll keep riding him for you and when you’re ready to ride again, he’ll be ready for you.”
“Well, you just keep riding him and we’ll see. I’ll enjoy seeing him work almost as much as I’d have enjoyed trainin’ him. He’s got a good way of movin’ and if he makes half the horse his sire is, he’ll be one hell of a horse.” Rance chuckled, affectionately remembering the colt he’d raised.
Mesa nodded. “I like him. Hey, when does the doctor think you’ll be able to come home?”
He grinned again. “Next week. Doc said he’ll have a therapist come out to the house every day for a while. Just to make sure I’m doin’ the exercises they’ve been teachin’ me.”
“I talked to your therapist on the phone last night and Jory is making space in your office to set up the equipment he recommended. Raale is so excited that she’ll finally get to meet you.” She rubbed the back of his calloused hand with her thumb absently as they talked.
Rance nodded. “I’ll be glad to see her, too. I’ll bet she looks like you.”
Mesa shook her head from side to side. “She looks just like her father. So much so, that he knew as soon as he saw her that she was his.”
One of his grey brows arched in speculation. “And that would be?”
“Rafe Storm Horse. He wandered into the club in Branson a few years ago.” She shrugged. “I can’t explain it, but it was an intense time.”
Her uncle chuckled. “Rafe? And you didn’t tell him?”
“I should have, but I didn’t. He’s crazy about her, but we barely speak. He probably won’t ever forgive me for not telling him, and it’s something I’ll just have to live with.” She lifted her shoulders in resignation.
“How’re things with your mother?”
She lifted her shoulders again. “I don’t know. She called Rafe out to the house and tried to have me thrown off the place before we’d been there more than an hour. I showed them the papers my lawyer gave me. We both threw the past at each other. I haven’t seen her since.”
Rance shifted in the wheelchair that was as close as he’d come to riding anything that allowed him any kind of mobility in the foreseeable future. “She’s your mother, Mesa. Losing your daddy like she did really knocked her for a loop. It took a few years for her to completely stop drinkin’. She’s been tryin’ to make some changes in her life, and it’s not easy when you’re older.”
“She needed to make changes.” Her voice sounded harsher than she intended.
Rance’s wary brown eyes looked deep into hers and he lifted one hand to stroke gently
across her cheek. “That’s how we grow, Songbird. It’s a part of life.”
Mesa cut her eyes away from his and looked down at their linked hands. She was quiet for a minute before she met his steady eyes again. “I guess I could make some changes, too. Right?”
He grinned but shrugged. “You gotta do what you think is right. But then you have to live with the choices you make. Just like Shirley, just like me, just like everybody else.”
His words gave her a lot to think about and over the next few days, she did.
She rode To each morning. Sometime in the round pen, sometime in the training pen, and sometimes out among the cattle. She could feel the young horse become a better mount every day. He learned to understand her cues and became more confident in his responses to them.
Mesa was excited that Uncle Rance would be able to come home the next day. She looked forward to him settling into the family and knew that in his own home, his recovery would go faster and hoped it would exceed what the doctors expected. Uncle Rance was tough.
Raale was taking a short nap and Mesa had claimed her favorite chair on the porch with a novel she’d been reading. While she rocked, she spotted Jory working in the garden area he’d claimed and was surprised to see Shirley working at his side. The two seemed to be enjoying each other’s company, an occasional laugh drifting from them as a testimony to their camaraderie and they appeared to work well together. Mesa knew it was just a matter of time before Raale made her presence known and decided she’d have to have a talk with her mother.
After supper, she left Raale with Jory and walked up to the big house on the hill. It was strange knocking on the door of the house she’d lived in for so many years, but she did and waited patiently until her mother opened the door.
They eyed each other awkwardly for an uncomfortable few seconds and then Shirley stepped back.
“Come on in.” She led Mesa through the huge living room into the kitchen. “I was just about to have a glass of tea. Would you like some?”
Mesa nodded. “Yes, that would be nice.”
When the glasses were filled with ice and tea, Shirley nodded toward the table. “Have a seat.”
Turning toward the table for the first time, the younger woman was surprised to see the Bible lying open in front of the chair that Shirley pulled out to sit in. It was impossible to hide her surprise.
“Well,” her mother started sarcastically, “I do know how to read.”
Mesa’s dark brows arched. “I’ve never doubted that, it’s your choice of reading material that surprised me.”
Shirley shrugged. “I’ve even been seen in church occasionally in the last few years and in spite of my previous declarations, the roof did not cave in.” She struggled with the age old inclination to maintain defensive sarcasm during any conversation with her daughter. She looked up directly at the daughter who had grown taller than her, meeting Mesa’s eyes. “Look, I can admit that my parenting skills were practically nonexistent, when you were growing up and those that did exist were usually blurry from the alcohol in my system, but I’ve managed to quit drinking and I’m seeing a shrink. I’m trying real hard to turn my life into something I don’t have to be ashamed of, and that’s not easy. It’s a daily struggle, but I’m not asking for forgiveness or special favors. I can’t change the past no matter how much I might want to.”
Mesa pulled out her chair and sat down. She lifted the glass to her lips and took a long sip. “I guess it’s just going to take some time to get used to this, but… you aren’t the only one who’s made mistakes in life. We all do. Jory sometimes has to remind me of that.”
Shirley smiled as she took her seat across the table from her child. “He’s a good man, Mesa, and I’m glad you’ve had him to depend on these last years.”
“We’ve learned to lean on each other, and he’s not afraid to jog my memory when I need it. We’ve been through some hard times together, but Jory keeps me grounded.” Mesa focused her attention on the tree outside the window.
Shirley rolled her glass around, the ice clinking against the sides. “I’m relieved to hear you say that. I know I was a complete ass the day you arrived. It was a bad day for me emotionally. I was shocked and…angry, but having had some time to think about it, I want us to be able to get along.” She couldn’t remember ever putting her arms around her daughter’s shoulders in a parental hug and was shamed to face that fact. She didn’t want to just get along. She wanted to become the mother she’d denied her child in the past. She looked down at her hand on the glass. She couldn’t remake their history. She’d been awful and Mesa had never had the love that every child needs. It was a miracle that she’d turned out as well as she had.
“Well,” Mesa spoke hesitantly. “I’ve made mistakes, too, Mom. I can’t go back and change things any more than anyone else can.”
Shirley smiled. “Jory told me how you brought him out of the gutter. I’m glad you’ve had him in your life.”
The younger woman returned the smile. “Me, too.” She looked into her mother’s eyes. “You do understand that we aren’t lovers, don’t you?”
Shirley nodded. “Yeah. It didn’t take him but a minute to straighten that out.”
“Our friendship confuses people, but it’s their problem, not ours.” Mesa frowned. “I do have to tell you something that might upset you, but all I ask is that you listen. When I’m finished, I’ll go back to Uncle Rance’s cabin and let you decide how you want to deal with it. Can we agree to that?” She recognized dread in her mother’s pale eyes, but after an initial hesitation, the older woman nodded.
“I have a five year old daughter. Her name is Raale and Rafe Storm Horse is her father. She’s a great kid. She’s smart, beautiful, funny and so ready to love the world that it scares me half to death that I won’t be the parent she deserves.” She lifted her hand when she sensed her mother was about to interrupt her. “Raale knows you’re her grandmother and is curious, but she knows you and I have had problems and unless you want a relationship with her, she’s not expecting one. But you need to know that she will be helping Jory in the garden, visiting the horses and cats at the barn. I guess I’m telling you that you’ll be seeing her around, but she knows not to push herself into your life.”
The two women sat quietly for a few moments. Then thankful that her mother had listened calmly, Mesa rose from the table. “Thanks for the tea, Mom, and for making me feel welcome in your home today.”
Shirley rose also and followed her daughter out the back door and onto the porch. “It’s a start. Mesa, when I get to where I can handle it, can I come meet my granddaughter?”
Mesa nodded. “Sure, and I guess you need to know that I’m bringing Uncle Rance home tomorrow. You can stop in and visit him, too, if you want to.”
^^^
Rance came home and was soon settled. Raale loved him with all the intensity of a five year old, and Jory found himself admiring the old cowboy for his kind disposition and his quiet inner strength. The four of them spent hours together.
Mesa came back from the barn one morning and found Rance in his wheelchair sitting on the back porch reading to Raale. She was amazed. She’d never known her only uncle to pick up a book and here he was reading to her child with such comfort and expression in his voice. Raale was enthralled in the story he was reading, and Mesa quickly recognized it as one in a series of books by C. W. Anderson who had been her favorite writer/illustrator when she was a child. The pony, Blaze and his boy, Billy, shared such great adventures.
Barely three weeks had passed and she couldn’t believe the changes in her life already. The modestly gowned singer who had charmed customers at Howell’s Hideaway with her friendly smile and soft, sultry voice had been replaced by a jeans and boots clad cowgirl. A cowgirl who worked alongside the cowboys during the day and cherished the role of mother in the afternoon and evening.
Chapter 7
The role of fatherhood brought joy to Rafe’s life. Raale became the center of his uni
verse and he spent every minute he could with her. Luckily, Mesa didn’t stand in his way and even though he wouldn’t admit it, he was grateful to her for that.
He was slightly surprised that Mesa’s mother seemed to welcome the role of grandmother and when he did complain to Uci that he feared Shirley was taking too much of the child’s time, she scolded him.
Raale seemed to accept Shirley’s role easily enough along with Rance, whom she had loved without hesitation. Her love for Rance, Rafe could understand. Rance had always loved children but had never had any of his own. He’d loved and looked after Mesa as she grew up, until she ran away, and having Raale in his life and Mesa back in his life now, it seemed that the old cowboy was growing younger.
It was having the constant connection with Mesa that drove Rafe to distraction. He’d always made a point of avoiding physical relationships with any of the single women around Oak Ridge, but he’d dated a divorcee over in Lancaster off and on for a few months. Lynn didn’t expect more from him than a few hours of companionship and an occasional evening of mutually shared pleasure, but since Raale had come into his life, he spent every spare minute he could with his child. Still, he was only a little shocked when Lynn called him at the office one afternoon.
Beth had hesitated to transfer the call to start with because she didn’t recognize the caller’s name, but Rafe assured her that it was fine.
When he heard her make the transfer, he eased a smile onto his face. He was a little amazed to realize that it had been three weeks since he’d learned he was a father, three weeks since Mesa had come home and he hadn’t even thought of Lynn the first time. He hadn’t been much of a friend, he decided, listening to the distant rumble of thunder.
“Hey, Lynn.” He hadn’t thought he’d feel so uncomfortable talking to her.
“I’ve been worrying about you. Are you alright?” She was trying not to let it sound like a censure.
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