“Are you sick?” Matty’s staring at me from across the breakfast table and I’m pretty sure the kid doesn’t mean heartsick.
“No, honey. Just a little tired today. I’ll be fine,” I assure with the smile I can always find for him.
“If you want, I can stay here and take care of you.”
That hyper-vigilant part of me that’s constantly on alert about this little boy’s happiness comes on line. “You don’t want to go to your dad’s?”
“No! I want to see Dad. But I like to be here too. Maybe this time he could come over here and hang out with us… All my toys are here, and I want to show him. Please, Mom?”
Seriously, the last thing I need right now is Jeremy underfoot. But when I look into my son’s pleading face, I can’t say no.
“How about we check with your dad and see if he has any plans.”
Matty shakes his head like I have no idea, like I’ve never met this guy before.
“No way. Dad loves to come over here. Says hanging out with you is almost as much fun as hanging out with me.”
Crossing my arms, I nod. “Still, let me call him and see.”
An hour and a half later, I’m on my fourth cup of coffee and Jeremy is unloading a new set of Play-Doh on the kitchen counter.
Matty isn’t usually into that stuff so much, but the way he’s acting now, you’d think it was the only thing he asked for for Christmas.
I’m about to head into the living room and check my email, when Jeremy asks if I want to get in on the build. Again, it’s those eyes from my boy that have me saying yes when I really want to say no. And I’ll admit, it turns out to be fun. Jeremy’s always been a creative guy, and when applied to Play-Doh and dinosaurs I can see why Matty has fun.
But I can’t help compare him to Rux and the way he interacts with Matty. Definitely a more physical play—even when they’re building Legos, Rux’s arms are always flying out from his sides, mimicking attacking forces, or maybe a tornado. His world-building is active with wild stories and crazy characters.
Jeremy’s is quiet, reserved. Concentrated on design and layout. There’s a backstory, but while Rux is building a battleground to play on, Jeremy is building one suitable for display.
I have a small ball of dough I gave up on forming about two minutes in. Fatigue is weighing on me, and when I can’t take it any longer, I give Jeremy a pleading look.
“Hey, I didn’t really sleep well last night.” Or the night before. “Any chance you guys would be good on your own while I lie down?”
“Absolutely,” he encourages. “Go get some shut-eye. Matty and I’ll finish our prehistoric lava monster.”
It’s an offer I can’t refuse. And after dropping a kiss on Matty’s cheek I head back into the seclusion of my room.
No text from Rux.
I set the alarm on my phone for forty-five minutes and crawl into bed. Just a quick nap and I’ll be good to go.
Rux
I made it as long as I could. But if I don’t talk to Cammy in the next five minutes I’m going to lose my shit.
“Space and time” sucks.
I hate it. And yeah, I get that with the kinds of changes we’re going through, it’s supposed to be a good thing. But I’ve been about ready to crawl out of my skin not texting just to see how she’s doing. How her morning is. What she had for lunch. How she slept.
Better than me, I hope.
I’m walking in through the hotel lobby after practice and meetings this afternoon. I’m anxious as fuck about the game tonight. The last few we’ve been playing better, but something’s still missing. Something more than the woman I keep telling myself not to want.
Pulling out my phone, I nod to a couple of guys wearing Slayers jerseys watching me from the coffee stand. One of our trainers is talking up some chick next to the restaurant. Perfect, I can call with a blow-by-blow account for an excuse. She’ll love it.
I wait for the line to connect, for that missing something in my chest to fill in at the sound of her voice, Matty in the background chirping out updates on drama at school or his Lego city.
“Rux!”
I pull the phone back, checking to make sure I dialed Cammy’s number and not Matty’s.
“Hey, little man, what are you doing with your mom’s phone?” I ask, imagining him at the kitchen table with an action figure and Cammy at the counter starting on dinner.
“My mom and dad are napping right now.”
I’m a guy known for my lightning-fast reflexes. For snap decisions that make or break a game. That means processing information at the speed of a flying puck.
But this?
The skin across my cheeks feels funny and my voice doesn’t sound like my own when I choke out the only word I can manage, “What?”
“Sleeping. I guess, maybe, they didn’t get enough sleep last night,” he tells me casually in that throaty little voice I love.
Trainer forgotten, I turn where I am and start walking back toward the street. Toward the airport or maybe the highway.
Everything inside me demands action. Retribution. An ass-kicking. Me on my knees in front of Cammy begging her to give me another chance. Telling her I fucked up. I didn’t mean it.
Good enough for her or not, I don’t want her to pick him.
If she deserves more security in her future than I can give her, then she sure as fuck deserves more than the guy who abandoned her seven years ago!
Matty’s still chatting. He sounds almost amused.
And why wouldn’t he be? He’s seven. And his mother and father are together in the way people who are part of a family are together.
He’s probably elated.
I should be. It’s why I ripped my heart out and let his mother go. So she would have the clarity to make this kind of choice.
He’s talking about dinosaurs and Play-Doh now, and how his dad is really good at building. How he showed him how to do some of it, but Matty didn’t think his was as good.
“No way, Matty. I bet yours is the best of them all.”
I should get off the phone. Let Matty get back to his family. But even knowing that Cammy and Jeremy—
Fuck!
I can’t make myself hang up.
More than ever, I feel the need to hold on. To listen to every word that Matty is telling me about how the orange and the green got too mixed up and couldn’t be separated. And how his dad was really good at making stuff but didn’t know how to wreck it the way I did.
This kid has no idea how right he is. I know how to wreck things, whether I mean to or not.
“Okay, Rux, my dad’s getting up now. I have to go.”
Jesus, the visual running through my head right now makes me sick. Jeremy, with his perfect pretty-boy hair sticking up like mine does after Cammy’s had her fingers in it for an hour. Some smug, satisfied look on his face as he staggers out of her bedroom… Maybe giving her a few minutes to get herself put back together before she rejoins her son.
“I’ll talk to you later, Matty.”
“Oh, Rux?”
I come to a stop halfway down the block and sit on the curb. “Yeah?”
“Have a good game tonight,” he says, and that awesome smile coming through the line breaks my heart.
“Thanks, buddy. I will.”
But the team we’re up against? Something tells me, they’re not gonna have a good game.
Chapter 24
Cammy
I wake, disoriented, coming out of a sleep so deep and hard I’m shaky as I push-up to sit. The light coming in from behind the blinds seems wrong.
It takes me a minute to remember it’s not morning and I haven’t just slept the night through. I only closed my eyes for a nap, I set my alarm, but— Where’s my phone?
Matty’s little laugh drifts in from beyond my door, and I smile. I can practically see him out there, playing with Rux, and—
I stumble as my brain catches up.
Not Rux, I’m reminded as my hand reaches the co
ld metal of the knob.
Jeremy.
That’s right.
My heart deflates a little, and again I glance around for my phone. Has Rux called, texted?
But another sweeping glance of the room doesn’t reveal anything, and I figure I’ll come back for it later. First, I want to check on Matty.
Stepping out into the hallway, I’m greeted by my little boy rocketing toward me for hug. Beyond, Jeremy’s sitting on the couch, looking a bit rumpled himself.
“Mom, you slept forever! Your alarm was going off, and Dad said maybe we should let you rest, so I went in and took your phone.”
Is that so? My eyes shift between my son and his father who’s rubbing the back of his neck, giving me an uneasy smile.
“I hope it’s okay. You looked exhausted and, since I was here, I figured why not let you sleep.”
I don’t want to make a big deal of it now, but I’ll talk to Matty about taking my phone in future.
“We played Play-Doh forever! Dad didn’t want dinosaurs to destroy their new house, so we put Sarah’s Wrap over it and then played a board game. And then we put on a show, but he was tired too and fell asleep while we were watching. And I made this picture for Rux, so he can take it with him when he goes on road trips. I think he misses us when he’s gone.”
The flood of information coming at me at lightning speed starts to process and I rub my hand over Matty’s hair.
“I bet Rux would love that picture.” I lean down and give him a hug. “Show it to me?”
Proudly, he leads me over to the coffee table, and the single sheet of paper that has my heart aching and emotion crawling up my throat.
“Oh, he’s going to love this,” I say, hoping Matty can’t hear the tremor in my voice. No tears, damn it.
The picture is clearly of Rux in his Slayers gear, little lines beneath his feet indicating skates. Close beside him is a figure with blond hair and blue eyes, a slight variation on the picture he draws of me every time. And at his other side is Matty’s small form smiling wide, holding his hand.
Matty turns back to his dad. “You and Rux aren’t that good of friends yet, so this picture is just us. But the next one I make, you can be in.”
Jeremy’s smile doesn’t falter, but I’ve known this man since he was a boy. And though he’s doing a pretty good job of covering it up, I catch the smallest flinch of hurt.
“Can’t wait, kiddo.”
Matty lets me take a picture of his drawing, and then dashes back to his room to put it in a safe place for the next time he sees Rux.
I turn to Jeremy, wanting to say something reassuring. But he holds his hand up, shaking his head.
“I get it. Rux has been a part of his life for years longer than I’ve been back. But I’m hoping in time Matty will see me as much a part of his family as him.”
Something about the way he says it triggers another emotional response. Turning toward the windows, I try to keep the heartbreak and hurt from my face.
But just like my history with Jeremy lets me see things others might not, his with me does the same.
Coming up behind me, he rests his hand on my shoulder.
“Hey, that’s the second time in five minutes you looked like you might cry. And I’m thinking about the fact that you weren’t sleeping. Everything okay? With you and Rux, I mean?”
I nod tightly, not trusting my voice. And honestly Jeremy is the last person I want to talk about Rux to. But he’s not ready to leave it alone.
“Something happen with you guys?”
Before I have to answer, Matty is skidding back into the room, handful of action figures gripped tight in his fist. “For with the Play-Doh!”
I can’t help but smile, all that threatening emotion evaporating beneath my son’s excitement. At least enough to keep it from spilling over in front of these two. “You know the best part of building an awesome model is tearing it down.”
Jeremy lets out a sigh. “Yeah, I’m getting that sense. Come and see it before the troops take over.”
By the time he leaves, I’ve missed my window for Rux to call, or for me to call him.
He’ll be getting ready for the game, and considering what he said about distractions, I’ve been working very hard not to be one. So instead, I fire off a quick text, wishing him a good game.
I want to tell him I’ll be up later, that he could call when the game is over… if he wants to talk.
I wouldn’t have thought twice about it a month ago or even six. But now it seems needy. Pushy. Desperate.
And maybe that’s because I know the truth. I’m all of those things.
I’m aching to talk to him, to hear his voice. His laugh.
To know how he felt about his game and if he’s heard anything more about a trade.
But Rux ended what was happening between us because it was too much. He needed some breathing room. And I’m going to give it to him.
Rux
I get her text and…damn.
She’s wishing me luck in the game.
Not casually mentioning that in less than a week, things are going so well with Jeremy, that in addition to letting him keep her up all night, they’re napping together while Matty’s there.
The air in my lungs turns to glass.
“Whoa, man.” O’Brian’s in front of me, a look of concern in his eyes as he looks from my phone back to my face. “That thing sounds like it’s about to bust.”
My knuckles are white wrapped around the device, but the screen is still lit up with Cammy’s text.
“Everything okay there?” he asks quietly, not trying to draw attention. He’s a good kid, and after the way I’ve been playing, he’s probably wondering what my impending meltdown means for the game tonight.
“It’s all good. The way it’s supposed to be.” I think. I hope.
Fine, maybe I don’t hope. Because I’m a jealous, selfish dick.
He nods. Shakes his head. Shrugs. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but doesn’t really look that way.”
“I’ll have my shit together for the game. I’m fine.” I rake a hand through my hair. “Just getting used to things being different with Cammy, that’s all.”
“She’s texting you. That’s good. Or—” He takes an uneasy step back, wincing as he asks, “Is that not good?”
I can see the discomfort on his face. “What, you think I’m trying to shake her? Cammy Wesley. Baxter’s little-sister-in-law.”
“Hell, I don’t know what to think with the way you’re glaring at that thing. And seriously, at this point, I’m not sure anyone around here is thinking of her as Baxter’s anything.” His hands come up before I have a chance to react. “Not because of his status on the team either. Just pretty sure if anyone thinks of her as anyone’s… it’s yours.”
Mine.
I drop back against the wall and shake my head. “I don’t think that’s going to stick.”
“You guys break up?”
Yes? No? Is it really breaking up when you go back to being friends after being friends with benefits? “She’s getting back with Matty’s dad. We’re still friends.”
He blinks at me a minute. Then looks around before stepping in closer. “Rux, I’m sorry, man. And it doesn’t take any more than looking at you to know you need to vent off some… feelings. But this is serious. People are watching. What you do tonight matters. You hear what I’m saying?”
I nod. That talk of trades isn’t going away. I need to play with my head in the game, not like some jealous torqued-off boyfriend. Because even if I’m not the guy who gets Cammy forever, I don’t want to leave her and Matty. “I’ve got this.”
“I know you do. We’re going to be unstoppable out there. And this shit you’ve got in your head right now?”
Feels more like my heart than my head, but I’m not going to argue with him.
“Use it. But be smart about how you do, right?” He claps a hand on my shoulder and heads for the ice.
Closing my eyes, I bre
athe through my nose. Think about the plays. The game. The opposing players and everything I know about them.
I think about those soft blue eyes looking up at me the last time I was inside— No.
Refocusing, I think about what the assistant coach talked about after morning skate. About Matty waking up with his dad and mom coming out of Cammy’s room— My fist bangs back into the wall.
My time is up. I need to get my head in the game. I need to play like I’m part of this winning team and not some wash-up waiting on getting traded.
I hit the ice hard. Doesn’t bother me that I’m not starting. If I were the one making the decisions, after the last couple of games, I’m not sure I’d play me at all.
But tonight’s different. It’s not like the last few games.
Tonight, my focus is laser sharp. There’s nothing but the puck and a bunch of assholes who want to keep it from me… And every single one of them looks like Jeremy Levenson.
Cammy
Rux is on fire. The commentators can’t stop talking about him, speculating over what it is that changed between the last game and this one.
It’s like he took charge of the ice and everyone fell into line. Everyone from our team, that is.
The opponents? They can’t catch their breath. They can’t keep up. And God forbid anyone get in his way… They feel it.
He’s playing hard. And he’s playing smart. And while each hit he delivers has my knees tucking tighter into my chest and the breath punching from my lungs—they’re good hits. Solid plays. And he’s putting the Slayers solidly in the lead.
This is how Rux plays when he isn’t distracted, when he’s able to clear his head and bring his focus back to the game.
I’ve seen Rux play hard before. But this is something different. This is intense, and amazing. And a little bit terrifying. This is the man I love, fighting to stay on the team he loves.
Matty looked like he might never forgive me when I told him he needed to go to bed after the second period, but five minutes into the third, and I know I made the right choice. The other team has had it with Rux and is starting to come back, retaliating with cheap shots and hits that fall further over the line each time.
DIRTY REBOUND: A Slayers Hockey Novel Page 16
