Rain finished the last of several screaming pitches to the girl’s cheers. Rain’s exuberance and enthusiasm almost convinced him she was happy with her life. Almost. He didn’t think someone like Rain—smart, driven, goal-oriented—could be completely satisfied not living up to her enormous potential.
Does she resent working at the garage when she’d had a real chance at something better? Not just a job; she’d had a career mapped out. She’d worked so hard through high school to play her best and earn a scholarship for college, not only for her playing ability, but her grades. Interested in helping people, she’d planned to study psychology, perhaps working with children.
He cursed himself for taking so much away from her.
As they left the ballpark, him in his truck following her to the pizza place, he wondered if there was something he could do to make some of Rain’s past dreams come true and still make her his wife.
Chapter Thirteen
* * *
THE PIZZERIA SMELLED like heaven. Rain didn’t take the girls out to eat often, but pizza was always one of their favorites. Brody could probably afford much better. More than likely, he was more used to trendy bistros and steak houses these days. Then again, he’d been eating military fare for the last six years.
The girls climbed into the booth. The place wasn’t very busy tonight, but they were already the main attraction.
“What’ll it be, girls?” Brody asked.
“I want pepperoni,” Dawn said over her sister’s, “I want sausage.”
Smiling, Brody asked Rain, “Still like the combination?”
“That’s fine. You can get the girls a personal pizza and we can share if you like.”
“Sounds good. Should I get a pitcher of soda, too?”
“Make it root beer. The sugar is bad enough, they don’t need the caffeine, too,” Rain said before the girls demanded something else.
“But Mom . . .” Dawn began.
Brody broke in. “Dawn, you heard your mom. Root beer and pizza coming up.”
A strange sensation settled over her. It did something odd to her to have Brody on her side and help her with the girls. Normally, they’d have argued with her over the soda, but with Brody cutting Dawn’s protest off and siding with Rain, the girls knew not to even try.
Brody stood in line at the counter behind another couple. He scanned all the faces in the restaurant, checked out all the corners and dark places someone could hide, and called himself a fool for not relaxing and enjoying dinner out with his family. Instead, he was looking for a threat that didn’t exist. Everyone staring at him didn’t help.
Rubbing his palms over his jeans to wipe away the sweat, he took out his wallet and approached the counter.
“Hey, I need two personal pizzas. One pepperoni, one sausage. Then I’ll need a large combination and a pitcher of root beer.”
“Sure thing, Mr. McBride,” the girl behind the counter said, typing his order into the cash register computer. She kept looking at him like she had something on her mind. She surprised him by asking, “Is it true you were in Iraq and Afghanistan?”
“Uh, yeah. I served in both places.”
“Wow.” The young girl’s eyes went wide with astonishment. “I bet it was really scary over there. Lots of soldiers died. They talk about it on the news sometimes.”
Brody didn’t answer. The sanitized version of the brutality of war didn’t tell the true story, or even come close to his memories. He handed over forty bucks to cover dinner, thinking again that he could do a lot better for his family. That’s how he thought about them now. They still had a ways to go to being the family unit he wanted, living under the same roof and sharing their daily lives.
“Here’s your change. The pizzas will be up in about fifteen minutes.”
Brody grabbed the money from the girl. He picked up the pitcher of root beer, uncomfortable he had to use two hands to hold on to it with his sweaty palms. He made his way back to the booth. Rain watched him, her expression worried. Her eyes searched his. How could he tell her this place made him jumpy? His heart raced as the video games in the corner made a loud racket with their sirens, beeps, and explosions. A couple of teenage boys played some shooting game, the rat-a-tat-tat unnerving him.
Rain took the pitcher from his hands and set it on the table. He didn’t realize he stopped several feet away, lost in his mind and the sounds of gunfire.
“Brody.” Rain rested her hand over his thudding heart. “Look at me,” she called in his foggy mind. The war tried to pull him back in time, but her voice drew him home.
“Huh,” he said, sounding dumb, even to his own ears.
“Hi.” She gave him a warm smile.
“Hi. Sorry . . .”
“Don’t be.” In pure Rain fashion, she made things easy for him again. “Come sit with us.”
After Rain slid into the booth, he sat next to her.
“You okay, Dad?” Dawn asked, and carefully poured a glass of root beer.
“I’m fine, honey.”
“Mom, can I have a quarter to play one of the games? Pleeease,” Autumn asked.
Brody dug out his wallet and handed each girl a dollar. “Go nuts.” This would give him a few minutes alone with Rain, and he desperately wanted to be alone with her.
Both girls scrambled out of the booth to race across the room to the bank of video games. Brody enjoyed their exuberance and youthful joy. They brought some of that easy lightness back into his life.
“They’re great, Rain.”
“They’re good girls. Things haven’t always been easy, but they’re resilient.”
“It’s because of you. You’ve always been strong. It shows in what a great mother you are. They’re happy.” He didn’t know how to give her the words to describe how it felt to see his children happy when his life as a child was rarely so carefree. Which explained why he’s spent so much time with her as a kid rather than going home.
“I hope so. From the day I found out I was pregnant, and when I brought them home, it was my biggest worry. How am I going to make sure they have a happy and healthy life? As you sink into parenthood along with me, I’m sure you’ll find it’s the one thing you want for them and the hardest to ensure.”
“Harder when you’re doing it alone without the education you thought you’d have. You were so young when you had them. I should have been here,” he said, taking her hand. “Maybe you could have still gone to college,” he added.
“Brody, stop wishing for a past we can’t get back. The girls are seven. Enjoy them now, because they’re growing up so fast.”
“What about the dreams you worked so hard for and had to leave behind?”
“Things change, Brody. I learned that really fast when you left. When one dream fades, you dream a new one.”
“You can’t tell me you’re happy being a mother and working as a mechanic when you had almost a full ride to college.”
“Why not? I almost had that life. Now, I have this one. You almost had a different life here. Instead, you went away, joined the military, went to college, started your own business, gained some knowledge and wisdom, grew up and became the man you are now. This is your life now. Don’t tell me you’d give it all up, them, to have that life back. Think of all you wouldn’t have, your military career, the education and life experiences you’ve had, your business and the secure future it provides you.”
“Much of which you gave up yourself.”
“Look what I gained. You said it yourself, they’re amazing. I love being a mother. I always knew I wanted to have children. Not as early as it happened, but sometimes when something is taken away, you get something so much better. I haven’t exactly given up on school. I’ve taken courses here and there. Over the last seven years, I’ve completed two years of college.”
“That’s a long time to cover such little ground, Rain,” he said to illustrate how hard he’d made her life.
“Well, college is expensive and I don’t have a lot of tim
e. I can’t take more than one class at a time when I’ve managed to save up enough to pay for the course and my books. I did it because it’s important to me, but not more important than taking care of them and being a good mother.”
“It really doesn’t bother you to sacrifice everything you worked your ass off to achieve.” He read it in her eyes, heard it in her voice, and knew it was there in her heart. She loved her daughters more than anything, including the future she might have had. “You don’t resent them for what you lost. You don’t even seem to resent me for getting you pregnant and leaving you.”
With a nervous laugh, she answered him honestly. “Don’t get me wrong. I’ve got a lot of pent-up anger for you and what happened. I’ve also had a long time to look at the situation for what it is . . . in my more rational moments,” she added with a smile. “Plenty of times I wanted to rage at you, call you every dirty name in the book, and I resented the hell out of you for going off and living your life without a care for me, or what you’d left behind.”
“That’s not exactly true, Rain. I thought about you all the time.”
“Let’s not have a fight right now.”
“What’s that supposed to mean,” he said defensively.
“You say you thought about me, would have come back here if you knew about the girls. I tried to find you. You left as fast as you could and never looked back. Every report I got back from the investigator always told me the same thing. You held some random job to get cash and there was always some woman you left behind. You were living with someone before you shipped out overseas,” she accused. “So don’t give me the ‘It was always you, Rain’ crap. For all I know, she’s back there waiting for you to come home.”
Brody took in everything Rain said, felt her anger and the bitterness she dished out with her words and the accusation behind them. Everything she’d said was true. Well, almost.
“You’re right. I ran away from you and what I’d done. I tried to erase your memory and what we’d shared by sleeping with other women and hoping they’d make me feel . . . something. Anything that wasn’t the hatred I felt for myself and what I’d done to you. If I could just find that feeling you gave to me when I was with you, I could let you go for good. You were better off without me. Nothing left here for me but a whole lot of bad memories. All the good ones, I’d already tarnished and destroyed.
“As for the woman living at my place . . . Well, I don’t really know what to say about her. She wanted things I couldn’t give her.”
“Not at the time maybe,” Rain said. “Now, you’ve got money coming out your ears and you’re out of the military. You two could have the big house . . .”
“Damnit, Rain. She was nothing more than a distraction and a convenience. Callous, I know. I’m a sonofabitch. Always have been. Except with you, up until my monumental fuck-up. It would have never worked out with her . . . or anyone . . . because I couldn’t give her my heart. You already have it. I gave it to you when I was thirteen and we kissed for the first time at the lake.”
“You kissed me.” She remembered the occasion fondly because that had been a simpler time.
“Hell yes, I did. Ever since then, it’s always been you.”
“Not always,” she said sarcastically. “I may have been your first kiss, but I wasn’t the last.”
“I’m a guy. I sowed some wild oats after that.”
“We could plant a whole field with the number of oats you sowed.”
“Doesn’t matter. When you turned eighteen and I kissed you again, I wasn’t experimenting with my best friend, but kissing the woman I wanted.”
“Until you didn’t.”
“It’s always been you.”
“It hasn’t been me for a long time. Face it, Brody, you moved on with your life. It’s a good life you’ve made for yourself. Which makes me wonder why you’re back now.”
“And you accused me of making things hard.”
“I believe you accused me of the same already,” she said with a smile. “Come on, Brody, you show up out of the blue, announce to your brother you’re moving back home, and you want me back. Is that about right?”
“Sure. That’s the watered-down version. Interested in the muddy version?”
“Hit me.” Her chin propped on her hand, elbow on the table. Her attention focused on him, his on her and the creepy-crawly nerves dancing up his spine with every loud noise coming from the people and video games. In the last ten minutes, three more families and a bunch of guys getting off work arrived. His mind tracked them and everything else in the place, making him lose focus on Rain while sharping in on the noise and nuance in the room.
“Have you ever felt like you were out of place?” he asked, hoping she would understand. “I don’t mean just feeling uncomfortable until you had a minute to settle in, but really out of place and needing to go somewhere familiar again.”
“Sure. I guess so. Being in the war, a foreign country, the sounds and sights so completely different, I guess you’d want to be back here around the things you know.”
The tightness in his chest eased a bit with her understanding a small part of what he was trying to tell her. “That’s part of it, but I’m talking about even before I joined the military and went overseas. I’m talking about feeling that way in my own skin.”
“Brody, I have a hard time believing you ever felt out of place. You’ve always been so confident.”
“I made people believe I am, and for the most part it’s true. It’s those times when it’s just me, alone with my thoughts. When I was a kid, well, the things that happened with my old man . . . I always felt like I wasn’t good enough. We’ve been friends since we were little kids. When I was with you, something inside me shifted and changed and I could leave all the bad behind, block out all the suffocating thoughts in my head, and I could breathe. I never felt out of place, or like I had to be something I wasn’t . . . or couldn’t live up to. Not with you.”
“Brody, are you okay? You’re sweating.” Rain placed her hand over his. He slapped it away and pulled back from her, a learned response he wished he could forget he ever needed to be that protective of his personal space. Lately, he needed the space and distance, like he needed air to breathe. He didn’t want to be this way with Rain. He wanted to pull her close and keep her there.
“Brody, what’s wrong?”
The room and noise closed in on him. He wanted to hang on to Rain before he lost her and himself.
Rain gasped when Brody’s hand clamped on to her arm just above her wrist. She tried to pull free of his punishing grip, but he only held tighter and his eyes went blank. Her only thought was she’d lost him and she needed to bring him back. She couldn’t leave him lost in his own mind. Struggling against the pain, trying to look calm as Dawn and Autumn made their way through the tables toward the booth, Rain thought fast.
Wrapping her arm around Brody’s shoulders, she leaned in close to his ear and whispered, “Brody, come back to me. Come on, honey. It’s Rain. Come back to me. Let me go,” she added, hoping he’d understand he was hurting her. Instead, he must have thought she wanted him to let her go for good, because he only held on tighter. Tears stung the back of her eyes and she had to swallow the yelp she wanted to let loose from the back of her throat.
“Brody, baby, please listen to me. Hear me. It’s Rain. You are safe and home and with me and Dawn and Autumn. You’re safe, Brody. You’re home.”
“Mom?” Dawn’s voice was tentative, her eyes scared as Rain leaned against the side of Brody. He stared off into space, seeing something she could only imagine. His whole body vibrated against hers. Sweat beaded his brow; his skin went pale beneath the sheen.
“Autumn, go up to the counter and ask the girl to box up our pizzas. Ask her for a few paper cups for our drinks. We’ll have a picnic,” Rain said, trying desperately to sound normal and not frighten the girls any more than they already appeared.
Dawn moved closer after Autumn left to do as she was told. S
he approached her father, hesitating more than once before she reached his other side. “Dad, let go of Mom. Please, Daddy. You’re hurting her.”
Rain’s heart broke. “I’m okay, sweetheart.”
Dawn grabbed Brody’s hand where it clamped over her arm. She tried to pry his fingers away, but Brody held firm. Rain was desperate to get them out of this situation before the others in the restaurant took notice.
“Brody, honey, come back to me. You’re home, safe and sound with us.” She let her voice sound slow and soothing. Rubbing his back softly in small circles up to his neck where she squeezed the rock-hard muscles. She kissed his cheek and along his jaw to his ear and whispered, “I love you. Come back to me. Please come back.”
Just like that, Brody snapped out of whatever trance he’d been in, shaking his head and looking around like he couldn’t remember where he was or what he’d been doing. Dawn struggled with his hand, still gripping her arm.
“Let her go, Daddy,” Dawn pleaded.
“Rain,” Brody spoke for the first time, his eyes shifting to focus on them.
“I’m right here.” She hugged him to her and he turned his face and pressed his cheek to hers. “Let go of my arm now, Brody.” Just like that, he let go and wrapped his arms around her.
“I’m sorry. The noise . . .”
“It’s okay. You don’t need to explain. We’ll walk out of here as a family. The park is only a block up.”
Autumn slid the pizzas onto the table and Rain backed away from Brody. Still pale, he took a deep breath and pressed the heels of his shaking hands into his eyes. She slipped her sweatshirt on, covering her arm, and zipped it up. Dawn, ever the observant one, watched her with eagle eyes. Rain gave her a smile to reassure her everything was okay.
“Slide out, Brody. Let’s go, girls.”
Brody stood just outside the booth. When she stood up in front of him, she went up on tiptoe, wrapped her arms around his neck, and held him close. With her cheek pressed to his and his arms wrapped around her, she whispered, “I’m here. You feel me with you.”
The Return of Brody McBride Page 14
