by Megg Jensen
She swept her skirt up as she maneuvered around the chair. Without another word, she left the room, slamming the door shut behind her.
“Wow, I can see why Chase has so many problems with her,” I said to Johna. Maybe it wasn’t the right thing to say. She and Reychel were obviously very good friends and I was a new part of Johna’s life. Still, I understood where Chase was coming from.
“I wish you would have known Reychel when she was your age.” Johna picked up the pestle, setting it gently in the mortar. She set about cleaning up the rest of her herbs, placing them in small bags. “She wasn’t ever a strong fighter, but her belief in doing the right thing ruled every action. She didn’t want the life she was given, but she walked through it better than most girls might have. I think, perhaps, her unwillingness to start a war was what helped her. Had she been hungry for destruction, things might not have turned out well for any of us.”
I fingered at my corset. It suddenly felt far too tight. “So what happened? Why is she so bitter?”
“Reychel’s gift also led to madness. She asked to be severed from her gift to stop the progression. We did as she asked, because we all knew she was quickly losing her grip on reality. Her visions were becoming more violent and disturbing by the day. She saw herself kill her husband, Mark, and unborn son, Chase, and she knew she couldn’t live that way. We agreed to sever her, knowing she’d forget her entire life up until that point.”
Johna paused. She set down her herbal bags and faced me. Her eyes darkened and her face turned grim.
“She remembered everything. Chase did something from the womb, protected her in some way. At first we all thought it was a blessing, but as time went on she fell into occasional bouts of depression. I think the weight of knowing she’d lost the gift she’d fought so hard to control and understand was harder on her than anyone realized. In a way, she blamed Chase. If his gift hadn’t intervened, she wouldn’t have known.”
“But she remembered her husband and her whole life! I can’t understand why she would be upset about that. She should be grateful to Chase.”
“Reychel didn’t know about her gift until she was a teenager and then she had to fight to learn how to use it, through trials you cannot even fathom. Within a moment, her gift was ripped from her. Yes, it was her choice, but none of us can truly know what it was like.”
I ran my hands through my hair. Part of me felt sorry for her, but another part wanted to punch her. Reychel had a husband and a son who loved her and needed her. The loss of her magic shouldn’t push her away from them.
“Her husband? Does she treat him well?”
Johna smiled. “Mark fell in love with Reychel the moment he met her. He worshipped the ground she walked on. Nothing she could do would ever turn him away from her. He cares for her unlike any other man I’ve ever seen.”
“But he and Chase have a good relationship, right?”
Johna nodded. “That they do, child. In the times Reychel couldn’t connect with her son, Mark did most of the raising. Most didn’t notice. A father has more of a hand in his son’s raising than a woman once the boy is older than four or so.”
“And how were they when Chase was held captive?”
Johna put a hand on my shoulder, steering me toward the door. “That’s another story for another day. I want you to go back to your chambers and lay down. You’ve had a big, confusing day. There’s much you need to process.”
“There’s more I need to understand. Can’t you tell me more about what I’m supposed to do? I need to know what Wren’s warning means.” I pleaded with Johna, taking her hands in mine and squeezing them.
“You know all I know. The rest is between you and Eloh.”
I held back the urge to roll my eyes again. How could I work with a goddess I didn’t fully believe in? It was possible all of my visions were just dreams brought on because everyone talked non-stop about Eloh.
“And next time, Lianne, walk to my room and knock on the door. I know you’re excited to use your gift, but it’s rude to open a portal into someone else’s room without letting them know you’re coming first.”
“Sorry, I wasn’t thinking.”
Johna laughed, her eyes twinkling. “You normally don’t, do you child? Maybe if you’re about to bring forth the end of times you should do a little more thinking before acting?”
I wasn’t sure whether to smile or frown.
Johna coughed lightly, covering her mouth with her hand. Then she looked me squarely in the eyes. “There’s something else you should know.”
“What now?”
“It’s about your mother.”
My stomach flipped. Chase said they had her under control, but I wasn’t sure what that meant exactly. “I know she’s apprenticed to you. Chase said something about that.”
“That’s not quite the truth.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Really? Then what’s the truth?” My heart pounded as I contemplated it. Had she escaped? Hurt someone else?
“We severed her too. The council decided it was the best thing to do.”
“Council?”
“It’s the ruling body of gifted people in Serenia. We work independently of the monarchy. Well, sort of. We respect each other’s decisions,” she scratched her head, “more often than not. Anyway, due to the threat your mother posed, and her blatant lack of interest in reformation, we felt we had no other choice.”
I took in a deep breath, releasing it slowly. “So then she doesn’t remember what she did to me and to Bryden?”
Johna shook her head. “Do you want to know where she is?”
I put my hand on the doorknob. “No, I don’t.” I walked out into the hallway, gently closing the door behind me. I didn’t turn back to see Johna’s expression. Leaning up against the cool stone wall, I gave myself a moment to just breathe. So she was out there somewhere. In a way I wished Johna hadn’t told me. I didn’t want the responsibility of knowing I could find her, and maybe even have a relationship with her.
Visions of Bryden, dying on the floor of the cave where she tried to steal my magic, flowed through my mind. My heart ached for him every day. Time would never change that.
Placing one foot in front of the other, I traversed the castle slowly. If she didn’t remember, would I want her in my life? Or would it be just another well-intentioned mistake?
I opened the door to my chambers, expecting to be alone. Instead I saw Chase with a woman in his arms.
Chapter Nine
“Get in here and shut the door, now!” Chase dragged the woman’s limp body to our bed, laying her down carefully.
I slammed the door and rushed to his side. Elessia, his only friend from his time in captivity in the Malborn Empire, lay limp on our bed, her head lolled to the side, blood crusting through her blond hair.
“What happened?” I stroked her hair off of her still face, fearing the worst. “Is she dead?”
Chase held her arm in his hands, his fingertips on the underside of her wrist. “She’s alive, but her heartbeat is so erratic. She was out cold when I opened a portal into her room. I just grabbed her and brought her back here. I couldn’t trust anyone there to help her.”
“But they’re her people.” I ran to the table next to the window, snatched a cup, and filled it with water from the basin next to it. “Why wouldn’t they help her?”
Chase’s face screwed up tight, his eyelids squeezed shut. His lashes brushed against the top of his cheekbones. “She’s been helping me more than you know. We’ve been meeting in secret for months now. She passed me information on the Malborn’s plans. You’d be surprised how much the kitchen girls gossip. It helps that they have access to nearly every part of the castle.”
“You think she was hurt because of it?” I laid a tentative hand on Chase’s shoulder. It heaved under my touch. He was crying, his tears fell on Elessia’s chest.
“I know it.” His strained voice escaped through tight lips.
“How? If she was passed ou
t when you found her, then how could you possibly know?”
Chase reared back, knocking my hand off of his shoulder. “Because there was a message waiting for me, written in her blood on her white bed sheets.” He backed away from Elessia. I grabbed her hand, taking Chase’s place at her side. “It said: She died for you, Chase.”
I gasped. “What?” I squeezed Elessia’s hand tighter. She had to survive this or Chase might lose it. His greatest strength was his love for his friends. It was also his biggest weakness.
Elessia’s lips parted. “Chase.” It came out no louder than a whisper.
Chase ran to her side again. His face hovered only inches from hers. “You’re going to be okay, Elessia. I promise you.”
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.” A small smile sprouted at the corners of her lips, even though her breathing was labored. Then her eyes flitted to mine. “I loved him. Right or wrong, I did. Not when we were children, but in the last year. I would have done anything to have him for my own. Don’t let him slip through your fingers.”
I refused to look at Chase. “Elessia, shhhh. You need to rest and regain your strength. We’ll get Johna to heal you. You’ll be just fine.”
Her eyes rolled back to Chase. “They found me spying. I heard things, Chase. I know what they’re planning. But they found me and did this to me.”
“I’m so sorry for putting you in that position.” Chase’s voiced cracked. He stroked her hair, running his fingers through the fine strands coated with blood. “I never should have.”
“I thought what they were doing was righteous. I spied on them to prove you wrong. To show you that we weren’t all bad and maybe you’d come to love me the way I loved you.”
“Elessia.” Chase’s tears flowed freely now.
I stepped back, feeling they needed privacy. Chase reached out with his free hand, threading his fingers with mine. I didn’t pull away.
“You must stop them. What they’re planning is beyond reproach. The two of you must come together and bring those bastards down.”
Her voice wavered. A small breath of air expelled from her stilled lips. Chase rested his palm over her eyes, swiping down and closing her lids. Our hands, still intertwined, hung limply to the side.
Another friend gone. Another casualty of a war no one wanted.
“I’m sorry, Chase. I am so, so sorry.” I let go of his hand. He fell into my outstretched arms, resting his head on my chest as he heaved. Tears fell down his face.
I stroked his hair, not caring that his blood-covered hand rested on my back. His muscular arms encircled me. He was no longer the strong man who’d fought against everyone to protect me. No, he was the child held captive, mourning for the loss of the only person who cared for him during those years.
Elessia’s silent body lay on the bed. We sank down to the floor, our bodies wrapped around each other. The weight of Bryden’s death hit me, allowing the grief I’d so briefly managed to banish from my heart to flood my soul again. A gush of tears burst forth and a small groan slipped from my throat.
Not another one. Not another innocent person, fighting to protect freedom, dying at the hands of those so cruel I couldn’t even begin to understand their motivations.
Chase and I grasped each other tightly, I couldn’t remember where one began and the other ended. Our sorrow enveloped us in a blanket, weighing us down like stones thrown in an ocean. Together we sank into despair.
His fingers climbed up my back. Chase pulled away from me, a steely look in his eyes. “I have to get Xaxier.”
I shuddered. Even though I knew now he was Chase’s friend and that he hadn’t been assisting my mother in trying to kill me, I still couldn’t shake the image of him holding me captive in the cave. “Why?”
“He takes care of the dead. He’ll care for Elessia’s body and prepare her for burial.”
“Makes sense,” I said, my tears drying tracks on my face. “He was creepy.”
“He’s a good man, Lianne. Don’t judge him by what happened in the cave. He was only playing a part to trap your mother.”
I placed my palm on Chase’s cheek, wiping away the remains of his tears with my thumb. “Then get him. I’ll say with Elessia until you get back.”
Chase nodded and stood up. He bent over Elessia, kissing her on the forehead. My heart lurched, remembering how it tore me apart inside when Bryden died for me. I ran my hand up and down Chase’s arm. “If you need to talk…”
“I know, thank you.”
After the door closed behind him, I turned back to Elessia.
“I’m so sorry you had to suffer for this. If I could stop things, I would.”
An image fuzzed in the room, fading in and out. I took a step back, unsure what was happening. It didn’t look quite like a portal and it was unlike anything I’d ever seen.
“Lianne.” A voice echoed out of the rip in the air. A woman shimmered to life, wearing peacock feathers in her hair. “There is a way to end it.”
“Who are you?” I cocked my head to one side, sure I’d seen her somewhere before. If she would come into focus only a little more.
“You know who I am. I spoke to you until you cut me out of your dreams. The time is here. The end is upon us. You are the only one who can bring it about.”
“Eloh,” I muttered under my breath. I didn’t want to believe in her. I wouldn’t. Obviously it was some kind of trick, but I couldn’t imagine who would do this to me. “What’s coming? Tell me more about this destruction.”
“Only you know, Lianne. You must do it soon or everyone you love will die. There are only two outcomes. It is your choice.”
I stomped my foot on the floor. “If it’s so important, then why not tell me exactly what I need to do? If you’re a goddess, then exercise some power and spill!”
“Seek out the one whose mind is clear. Find her and you will find the way.”
With a burst of light, the image disappeared. Before I could process what I’d just seen, the door burst open. Xaxier and another man came in with a stretcher. They carefully laid Elessia’s body on it.
“I’m sorry, Lianne.” Xaxier looked me in the eyes. He seemed kinder than when I’d first met him. Soft, even. But I wasn’t ready yet. Seeing him brought back too many frightful memories. All I could do was nod in his direction.
Chase stepped into the room. I noticed the blood had crusted on his hand.
“You two should get cleaned up.” Xaxier looked us both over. “We’ll be ready for burial in a couple of days. I’ll be sure to let you know when.”
The other man with Xaxier grabbed the two handles on the front of the stretcher. Xaxier held on to the other end. I set a hand on his shoulder. “Can she be buried next to Bryden?”
I looked at Chase, unsure if it was okay with him. He nodded.
“Of course, Lianne,” Xaxier said. “That will be just fine.”
Relief coursed through my veins. Bryden wouldn’t be alone now. Chase’s eyes caught mine after the two men left.
“I’ll let you get cleaned up first. Let me know when I can come back in.”
I nodded, my eyes downcast, but the door didn’t close. Chase’s boots hesitated next to the door.
“I don’t blame you, Lianne. Elessia knew what she was doing was dangerous. She really was trying to prove me wrong. She never believed her people could be as evil as I told her. I made the risks very clear, but I don’t think she took them seriously.” He paused and ran his clean hand through his hair. “Her death is marked on my soul like Bryden’s is marked on yours.”
I wanted to tell him that it wasn’t the same. Bryden and I had loved each other. He and Elessia had been only friends, even though she loved him. But his eyes told me a different story. He had loved her. Only one thing had kept them apart.
He loved me more.
Chapter Ten
In the dark, I heard him weep into the sheets. My hands sought him out before I even thought better of what I was doing. At the lightest touch
, he rolled over into my arms. I held him against my chest, allowing him to drain himself of every last bit of heart-wrenching emotion. His tears soaked my shirt as his body quaked against mine.
My chin perched atop his head. My body enveloped his from his head to his feet. Chase towered over me, but here in our makeshift bed on the floor, he folded himself into a fetal position. I knew his grief well. It was the same way I felt after Bryden’s death. Yet I couldn’t reach out for help. I wallowed in my own despair for months, surfacing only when I thought I was about to drown.
The darkness had become my closest friend. Silence my companion. The night Bryden died, Chase had attempted to comfort me like this. In the past any time he tried to do something I didn’t want, I fought back with words and fists. But that night, I reacted differently.
He had taken me in his arms. I stood there, unmoving, unwilling to relax into his embrace. Instead, I turned into an unfeeling block of stone, refusing to take any of the comfort he offered. He stroked my hair. He whispered in my ear that it was okay to cry. I couldn’t hear him. I was too lost in the deep well of grief.
At some point, I don’t remember how long it was, Chase’s arms fell from me. He walked away. I assumed he got ready for bed and retired. I stood in the same place the whole night, as dead to the world as Bryden. When sunlight took tentative steps through the window the next morning, I curled up in the bed and fell fast asleep.
This night, the night he lost someone, couldn’t have been more different. Instead of seeking solace inside himself, Chase welcomed my comfort. Embraced it. I knew his reaction was normal. Mine was the path of solitude. He’d never hesitated to reach out to me when I was in need and I’d rejected him at every turn. I couldn’t help but be there for him, though.
I could give much and take nothing. It was easier for me to reach out than to allow anyone past the walls I’d erected.
Until now.
The tears formed in my eyes before I could even take the next breath. The grief I’d harbored since Bryden’s death turned into a waterfall. Soon, Chase’s hair was as wet as my shirt. He stirred and pulled back from my embrace.
